Disclaimer: All characters and plotlines of The L Word belong to Ilene Chaiken and Showtime. Unfortunately, I can only take them out for a ride.
A glimpse into Bette's feelings towards Tina, even in separation.
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Her eyes scanned the room, seeking Tina. As the group parted, she caught a glimpse of her blond hair, luminescent in the candlelight. Her back may have been turned but Bette knew by the manner in which she was hunching her shoulders, hands on hips, that she was uncomfortable; whether with the conversation or the people with whom she was talking, Bette was unsure.
She longed to go to her side, to take her away from anything that Tina didn't feel comfortable with. She had always wanted to protect her, shield her from all the negative things that Bette knew resided in the world.
She knew she wouldn't go to her; it was no longer her place or her privilege to be by Tina's side. Not since she had thrown away...her life; since she had lost the only woman she ever really loved.
But she could watch.
Watch the way that the muscles in Tina's back bunched near her shoulders when she was concentrating on what someone was saying; how she cocked her head to the side when she grinned, turning slightly towards the left; how she threw her head back, her hair falling halfway down her slender back, when she laughed aloud; how she used her hands when she really wanted the other person to understand her point of view.
And Bette remembered what it felt like to be the person that Tina was talking to, how it felt to be held in such scrutiny by those eyes of chocolate brilliance and depth; what it was like to feel like she was the only one in the room because this magnificent and intelligent woman was looking at her, no-one else.
What it felt like to be loved by her and be the only one that was allowed to love her in return.
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