A/N: dedicated to cajunmafiachick. cause fernando and the chick are our homeslices.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
If you call Fullmetal short, the vein in his head will begin to throb. He will begin to pump his fists and yell, "Who are you calling small?!" He will go on for a bit then decide he will want to kick your ass for calling him short.
He'll ask you to name the time and the place and you'll come up with a smart assed answer. Fullmetal will get steamed again and begin calling you 'A hoity-toity colonel with a god complex'. Calling you every curse he ever learned will remind him of will remind him that you still owe him information on the Philosopher's Stone.
He will ask you for it and some magazines for visual aid. You'll give him copies of your subscription to Colonel Weekly, the magazine you get to keep you being your Coloneliest. He'll immediately ask for a better magazine. So you'll give him a copy of Fury's armor magazine "Protection Weekly." Fullmetal will glare at you as Lt. Havoc mentions how it sounds like a condom catalogue.
Never the less Fullmetal will take the magazine and begin looking through it. Seeing the armor will remind him of Al. He'll then remember that he was supposed to meet up with Al for lunch. He'll ask for the phone.
When you give him the phone, he'll spend hours on it with Al, reminiscing on their life with their original bodies. This will bring up memories of their extended family. When Ed hangs up with Al, he'll be sad. He'll then produce a random photo album and tell you about his crazy Uncle Hummus. Remembering the time Uncle Hummus got bitch slapped by his mother will make him sadder. He will give you the annoying puppy dog face.
Eventually you'll get sick of that face and caving in and ask if there is anything you can do to make him stop. He'll tell you he wants a family reunion and asks if you will organize it. Before you can answer, he'll launch into the guest list, expecting you to write it on your personalized stationary. He'll ask you to reread the list: Alphonse Elric, Juliet Douglas, Granny Pinako, Winry Pinako, Cousin It, Lurch, Morticia, Wednesday, Pugsley and Uncle Knicknack. Lt. Hawkeye will explain to him he is not related to the Addamses, but he won't listen. He'll ask how soon can you get it out and you'll try to put the task on Lt. Hawkeye, but she'll threaten your life. So you'll have to get Fury to collect the guest list.
When everyone gets there, they'll expect fireworks. When you refuse to give them fireworks, they'll try to steal their gloves. They'll corner you despite the fact you're in a round office (their that good) until Breda enters with kick ass brownies and a carton of milk.
Fullmetal will naturally want a kick ass brownie and ask you to get it for him. When he gets the brownie, Al will offer him milk. When he sees the milk, he will refuse to drink it. Al will tell him milk is good for his bones and say that his hatred for milk stunted his growth. You'll not be able to resist this opportunity and call Fullmetal "short".
…And chances are, if you call Fullmetal short, the vein in his head will begin to throb.
End
A/N: Armstrong is next. all suggestions are welcome. yay! Panda