#WhyHesAmazingPhil
PHAN. It's not a secret in their flat that Dan suffers from existential crisis's frequently, as well as depression and panic attacks. One day, Dan finds Phil on the living room floor having a crisis of his own; something Dan isn't used to. Not knowing how to help Phil, Dan ends up freaking out and reaches out to his fans for help.
Today was a good day so far. Dan Howell walked through the front door to his shared flat with Phil Lester; Muse blasting through his earphones as he carried bags of random things (from essentials like Lucky Charms to even more essential items, such as speakers shaped like the Pac-Man ghosts for him and Phil). Maybe it had been raining, but his hood had (slightly) protected him from the rain. Maybe he should have taken the pikachu umbrella like Phil suggested after all.
Setting down the bags and stopping the music, Dan took out his earphones and yelled. "PHIL? PHIL YOU IN?" When there was no response, Dan just shrugged and pulled off his coat and hoodie. Phil always, always, answered him if he was in. He must have gone to Co-Op or something (Dan hoped he wasn't buying more Lucky Charms. Then again, you can never have too much Lucky Charms).
Taking the bags upstairs, he began to hum the Pac-Man theme tune to himself, slightly ashamed at how excited he was to show Phil the new speakers. Dan hoped he'd be back soon.
That was when he heard a groan, as well as a thump of a large object falling onto the floor.
Freezing, Dan listened out. Maybe it was his imagination? Nevertheless, his heart was beating that little bit faster. There was another groan. "Phil?" He called. Were they being robbed or something?
Looking around, he saw the stray umbrella he'd neglected to take - bright yellow with Pikachu's face on it - on the landing and grabbed it, raising it like a bat. "Phil?" He repeated.
He looked around, but nothing, till eventually he reached their living room. On the floor was Phil - face down and motionless.
"PHIL!" Dan yelled, dropping the umbrella and turning over his flat mate.
"I'm alive." Groaned Phil. "Physically."
"Is someone here? Was someone here? Shit I've got to call 9-1-1. No wait, that's America. Fuck. I-"
"No one is, or was, here Dan. Maybe they should be. Fuck me up a little. It's what I deserve." Phil deadpanned, looking glassy eyed. He backed away from Dan till he was slumping against the sofa.
There was something seriously wrong here. Phil never swore. Nor did he talk like...well, like Dan did when he was having some sort of crisis. "...Phil...what's-"
"-wrong? What isn't, Dan? I try and try and try, and I've still got 2 million less subs than you. Like, we do loads of videos together. Why aren't we near equal? I'm not jealous, I'm happy for you, but look at other YouTubers. Look at Smosh. Jacksgap. PewDiePie. They're so much better. So much higher. I'm not doing my job properly. The easiest, funnest job ever and I'm shit." Dan wasn't sure where he got it from, but Phil snaked his arm across and came back with a bottle of vodka. He took a long swig, re screwed the cap on then let it roll away. "I mean, when I met you I was bigger than you. Now look. You're probably ashamed to be in the same flat as me."
"Phil, no! Stop! Stop this!" Dan insisted. "This isn't you,"
"Who am I really? A guy three years off thirty with random gamers and cartoon shit all over his flat, sharing said flat with a guy who I can thrash at the seven second challenge but can't fucking stop being jealous of." He nodded to the vodka. "Hand it to me, would you?"
Phil was in his glasses; clearly he hadn't bothered with contacts that day. What happened? When Dan left that morning, Phil was fine, playing Bishi Bashi Special in his pyjamas eating shreddies drowned in milk.
"No Phil, wha-"
"Fine," snapped Phil bitterly, shuffling to get the bottle before returning to his original position. He was still in his pyjamas, and his glasses were falling off his face. "Always bloody help you when you're flailing around. Can't trust a fucking friend for nothing," he was mumbling. Realistically, Dan knew that Phil didn't mean that. Still, his heart sunk and his brain tried to process what was going on.
"Phil if this is just about subscr-"
"-this isn't about Goddamn subscribers Dan! I'm doing nothing and going nowhere in life. I'm just 'that guy that hangs out with Danisnotonfire'. A stupid guy who wears stupid wigs and fucking pizza t-shirts. That's it. That's what's gonna go on my tombstone when I die. 'Philip Michael Lester. That one dude who was with Danisnotonfire a lot and wore stupid outfits and liked anime a bit too much.'"
"Stop this Phil!" Dan didn't know what to do. He was freaking out. "Stop this! You're Amazing freaking Phil!"
Phil scoffed. "A twelve year old could have picked that name."
Dan felt helpless. "You're really freaking me out Phil!"
Phil laughed mid-sip of Vodka. "You're freaking out? Oh, well that's new isn't it? Dan Howell is freaking out. Don't we all know it."
Dan looked down at Phil's bottle of Vodka. It was almost empty.
Phil was starting to get mean. Really bitter. Dan tried to tell himself it was just the vodka and one too many rounds of Bishi Bashi Special, but he couldn't quite convince himself that this was Real Phil's thoughts that were working its way out from Polite Phil's disguise.
Standing up, Dan left, walking out of the room into his bedroom. He could hear Phil yelling something like, "oh yeah! Leave me! Knew you wanted to! Fucking YouTube comments were right. Everyone wants to fucking leave waste of space Phil Lester."
It was like a light went off in his head. YouTube hate often got to Adan, but Phil never let it get to him. Like water of a ducks back.
Sobs emerged from the living room, quickly followed by snores. Taking a moment to breathe, Dan thought to himself - if this was me, what would Phil do?
Starting up his laptop, Dan clicked onto his webcam.
Pressing start, Dan tried to steady his breathing. It didn't really work. "H-hello internet," he said shakily. "Sorry this is crappy camera quality and I look like a drowned rat. This is urgent. Phil is having a major crisis right now, like - major. He's swearing and everything - but I don't know what to do. He's drunk himself to sleep at the moment, but basically, I think the origin is a few spiteful YouTube comments.
"It's me that is usually affected by this, not Phil, but I'm not sure what happened or what it said. All I need from you, internet, is to change that. Comment nice things about Phil, please. Send him messages on Tumblr. Hell, let's start a hashtag. Um...Hashtag-Why-Hes-Amazing-Phil. Please, make it quick, because Philip Michael Lester is the best thing in my life aside from Adventure Time and Malteasers, but I'm really, really bad at this kind of stuff, so I need your guys' help to do it for me.
"Sorry this hasn't been a funny video, and I'm not editing it at all, but if you do this, you...I don't know. You win at life. Win at the world. Win a free Llama bat shark lion. No, screw that. Real talk here. You do this and we get that hashtag one of the top 3 trending hashtags on Twitter, and I'll do the biggest giveaway the world has ever fucking seen. Just help me. Please."
Taking a deep breath, Dan stopped the video and began to upload it - titling it: URGENT HELP: #WhyHesAmazingPhil - before the tears begin to spill.
Half an hour later, Dan hears Phil stirring. "Fuck, it's empty." He hears, the hears Phil get a bottle of the last of the alcohol - Dan's Malibu - from the kitchen. Looking at Twitter he typed in #WhyHesAmazingPhil and hoped he'd had enough time for people to see and comment.
"Oh. You're back." Dan hears.
"Yeah Phil, I..."
Phil scoffed. "Back to watch Death Note and go on Tumblr I see. Not me. Who wants to come back for Philip Michael Lester?" He nodded to Dan's laptop.
"No actually, I..." Dan sighed, wondering where to start. "I really care about you Phil. You're the best thing since Netflix was invented, and I know some stupid YouTube hate doesn't mean your entire fanbase doesn't support you too. So I did something..." He sat down next to Phil and showed him Twitter.
"Hashtag-Why-Hes-Amazing-Phil?" Phil questioned. "What are you doing Dan?" There were tear stains dried on Phil's cheeks; his eyes red and puffy.
"Showing you that you're amazing, Phil. No pun intended." He began to scroll through, reading them out every now and then.
' Danisnotonfire AmazingPhil he makes me laugh when I'm sad, lonely, depressed, suicidal or all four. That's #WhyHesAmazingPhil
#WhyHesAmazingPhil Danisnotonfire it gives me hope, knowing there are sweet, funny and AMAZING GUYS out there like AmazingPhil
The reason #WhyHesAmazingPhil is simple. He makes me smile when I've had a shitty day. That's talent. Danisnotonfire AmazingPhil
He's AmazingPhil because he's 27 but still loves video games and anime and collectables. And he rocks a pizza top. Danisnotonfire #WhyHesAmazingPhil
bc if the world didn't love AmazingPhil #WhyHesAmazingPhil wouldn't be trending'
After a while, Phil pushes Dan's laptop away. "Holy shit," he whispered.
"Phil, I...I've been so freaked out by you this afternoon, and I'm sorry you feel that way. Fuck, I'm sorry I put you through this exact same shit often enough. You always know what to say, but I didn't, so I turned to the Phans. If you check your Tumblr, you've probably been swarmed with loaded of similar messages. Same goes with the YouTube video I put up." He took the bottle of Malibu out of Phil's hand and took a long swig. "So if you're a fuck up, I am too."
Quickly Dan began to type in his notes - knowing what he had to say was too long for Twitter - took a screen shot and posted it.
'I started this so... #WhyHesAmazingPhil he takes the last of my Malteasers and Lucky Charms and uses my coconut shampoo that's specifically for my hair, Philip and beats me at video games and sucks at drawing challenges and is my best friend and helps me when I'm in crisis and knows what to do without relying on his fans and I'm using WAY too many and's and wears stupid outfits and usually does the 8am shopping collect and who helped me get where I am today. That's #WhyHesAmazingPhil, and If you expect me to limit this to 140 characters then you're dumber than 12 year old Dan's website.'
Phil slowly read it over Dan's shoulder. Dan even saw, when Phil's eyes trailed to the bottom, him look up to read it again. Then again. One last time before he shut the laptop and pushed it away.
His glasses were askew, so Dan fixed them. Phil shied away as they became straight again.
"You started a Hashtag that's the second highest on Twitter for me?" Phil breathed. He almost sounded like the Phil Dan knew again.
"Well, I wouldn't have if I was actually good at comforting people. Plus I now owe all the Phans a huge ass giveaway."
"This...this is the best comfort anyone could have...fu...fudge." That made Dan smile. Phil was back to not wanting to swear again.
"Dan, and maybe-" he hiccuped "-maybe it's all the alcohol talking but, I...Do you really wanna know why I was down?"
"Well, I've got to admit, I do want to know what the comment said." Dan murmured sheepishly.
"It wasn't a comment. I mean it was but that was kind of just the tip of the ice berg. Okay I...I guess I'd finally realised, or rather finally come to terms with, the fact I was in love with you."
"What?" Deadpanned Dan, not sure what to think. He loved Phil, he always had, but he didn't know if he loved Phil to the point past the ultimate best friendship.
"I- I'm bi. Pretty sure you know that. And I've loved you for a while. Since, since Philisnotonfire four I think. Around about the time we did Dan and Phil react to teens react to Dan and Phil I began to realise it. Then this month when we started the gaming channel...then I saw this comment on Portal 2 Co-Op blindfolded...
"Something like...'Fuckin' idiot Phil couldn't even walk straight. He's just a lowlife asshole who acts and dresses like he's seven, living loveless in the shadow of Danisnotonfire, soaking up his glory.' I read it when I accidentally quit Bishi Bashi Special and was waiting for it to restart."
"Phil I-"
"-I'm sorry Dan." Phil whispered. He leaned forward, as if to kiss him.
"Woah, Phil. Before you start...that...think you should probably sober up." He helped Phil up and hobbled him to his room.
"Dan, thank you. Dan I...I..." But before Phil could finish, he was snoring away. Dan felt awkward stood there, so he threw Phil's duvet over him, took off his glasses and put them on the side then walked out.
Slouching on the sofa, Dan thought about finishing off the Malibu, but he needed a clear head, so against his desire he shoved the bottle back into the kitchen.
It wasn't like in the Phanfiction people so often linked him. He didn't just think 'I have suddenly discovered my latent love for Phil, let's make out and live happily ever after'.
Dan thought for hours, till eventually he made peace with his mind. Phil would surely wake up soon. Taking out the Pac-Man speakers, he put them on Phil's desk - as well as a glass of water and a couple of paracetamol for his impending hangover.
Around two in the morning Phil stirred, groaning. Dan walked in as he saw Phil swallow the pills, and turned on the light.
"Turn it off!" Insisted Phil. Dan did, reaching over to put Phil's dim lamp on instead.
"How's the hangover?" Dan asked. Phil groaned in response.
Dan sighed. The time for joking was over. "Did you-" he stammered, looking at his feet. "Did you mean what you said?"
"Huh?" Phil asked. "Gotta be honest, the last thing I remember you showing me your hashtag."
"Oh," Dan murmured. "Right. Get better Phil." He turned to walk out.
"Wait," called Phil. Dan turned back around. "What did I say?"
"That- uh...kind of that you were depressed because you were in love with me?" Dan said.
"Shiiiii...shoot." Phil muttered. "I hoped I'd dreamt that."
"So you meant it?" Dan asked.
Phil nodded. "Uh uh. Yeah I know, I'm a freak. A freak in love with his best friend."
"Phil, I've been thinking, like. Hard. And I..."
"...Have I always had these speakers?" Phil interrupted.
"No, no. I brought them for you. Been wanting new ones, right?" Phil nodded, looking down at them. Slowly, he picked one up and observed it, before placing it bag next to the others.
"I think I love you too." Dan blurted.
"What?" Phil breathed.
"I've been thinking. Am I really? Like, it's stupid. He's just my best friend. Then it clicked. I was desperately terrified to see you in the state you were in. The shit I was willing to do to make you feel less worthless...friends aren't that desperate. Friends don't make excuses to themselves every night that they don't love their friend. I think I love you too, Phil."
"Dan..." But Dan was done talking. He quickly walked to Phil's bed, kissing him deeply. Passion and desperation were poured into that one kiss, and - as Dan swiped his tongue over Phil's lower lip - Dan wondered if it should feel weird that he was kissing a dude. A dude that was his roommate. But it wasn't. It was amazing.
Dan laughed as they pulled away. "That's why you're Amazing Phil."
Sorry for the rubbish ending. Please don't hate!