Disclaimer: Chuck and its characters belongs to its owners. No infrigment intended. No profit made.

Timeline: Set between 3X15 and 3X16.

Author's note: Yes, I know I should be writing other thing, and I am, I promise, but this was a temporary inspiration and since it's a one-shot I thought of writing it down.

I tried to avoid any OOC-ness, but I'm afraid that I took some licenses because it's supposed to be a humorous fic.

Feedback is appreciated, but if you're going to criticize the fic, please, try not to use the ad hominem way. By the way, if you think this story should have been rated as "M," please, tell me, I didn't think so, but I'm not sure.

Half lied down on the couch, Sarah cuddled a little more against Chuck. He kissed the top of her head as a response. They heard Morgan sigh.

Both of them looked at him. Morgan was on his armchair, watching them instead of the television.

"What's up, buddie?" Chuck asked.

"Nothing." He sighed with what seemed like longing. "It's just that you're so cute together. I miss having someone too."

And I miss privacy. Do you see me crying? Sarah thought for herself.

Chuck was way more sympathetic than her. "Oh, don't worry. I'm sure you'll get a girl in… no time."

He made an effort not to look at her, Sarah was sure.

"I don't know… My last conquest was Carina. And I'm not so sure I really conquered her, being a DEA agent and all. Maybe she faked the full time."

Morgan's words sank into her mind while she rubbed her cheek against Chuck's chest, inhaling his soothing scent, until at one point, their real meaning hit her like the recoil of a rocket launcher.

She sat up all of a sudden. "Wait, wait, wait… What?"

Morgan blinked at her, dumbfounded.

"What did you say about Carina?" Sarah elaborated.

Morgan's mouth formed a perfect "O" and his eyes shone with understanding. Or something similar. "Well, I'm sorry, I'm supposed to be a gentleman, above all in front of a lady." He cleared his throat. "I wanted to say that I had an affaire with Carina."

Sarah almost snorted. "You slept with Carina? Carina? You?" She realized how it sounded. "No offense."

"None taken."

"But that's not possible. Carina would never… I mean, if you imagined it, it's all right. Chuck has very vivid dreams sometimes." She glared at her boyfriend. "Every night, lately."

Chuck shrunk. Sarah took his hand and stroked it. She didn't want to take on him, it was just that she was worried. Sarah didn't manage concern very well.

"I didn't dream it," Morgan cut her musings short. "I admit I did embellish the event in the course of time, but it happened."

"No way."

"He isn't making it up." Chuck said. His neck and cheek took a bright burgundy color. "I caught a glimpse of them…" He shuddered. "I'll never recover from the trauma."

Sarah felt a rush of unadulterated anger. "And then she goes and lectures me," she said, almost to herself.

"Didn't she tell you?" Morgan asked.

"I'm going to kill her!"

"Obviously not," Chuck murmured, as she rose and strode toward Chuck's bedroom.

Their bedroom, she corrected.

"Where are you going?" Chuck shouted at her back

"I need to make a call."

She paced a little around the room. Found Carina's number in the phone's list. Paced a little more. Pressed the "call" button. Took several steps forward and then decided to sit down on the bed.

At the 15th ring, Carina condescended to pick up the phone.

"Hey, Walker, what's up?" Her voice sounded slower than usual, and a little faint.

"You slept with Morgan?" she asked point-black.

"Hello to you too."

Sarah inhaled and exhaled a couple of times. She needed to calm down. It didn't work. "Hello. Did you really sleep with Morgan. Guillermo. Grimes?"

"Who? I don't know what you're talking about."

"Sma—Not very tall, with beard…" Sarah realized her friend was just pulling her leg this time. "You know perfectly well who Morgan is."

"Oh, yes, yes, him."

Sarah waited for Carina to speak. She didn't.

"Well? Did you?"

"Did I what?"

"Sleep with him!"

Carina heaved a sigh. "Okay, I did. What's wrong with that?"

"Carina Miller, I've seen you do all kind of stupid, reckless, foolish and potentially dangerous things, but this takes the cake."

Sarah heard a hissing sound, like silk fabric sliding down. Probably Carina was at bed and she sat up.

"What? Are you mad at me or something? Because he's your boy toy's best friend?"

"Boyfriend," Sarah corrected automatically. "And of course I'm not mad. I'm appalled. Morgan, seriously? Were you stoned? That would explain it. Because, Morgan… That is… that's reaching into the bottom of the barrel. OK, he has improved a little these months and it would have been even worse if you had chosen Jeff or Lester, but still… Low. Do you need help? Therapy, perhaps?"

"Says the girl who is screwing the King of Nerds."

"Oh, ho, ho… That's not even remotely alike. Chuck is tall, charming and very attractive, in a boy next door if he were a Hollywood actor kind of way." Sarah smiled wickedly. "And he's… proficient in the bed department."

"The bearded dwarf was good too. Very imaginative using toy sabers."

Sarah needed a moment to recover her speech.

"Oh my God… Oh… God… You just… You just said that. Out loud."

"You started it." Carina's voice was rather defensive.

"I wasn't the one stamping horrific images into your brain for the rest of your life."

"No, you were the one calling from a secure line in Paris, at 3:00 a.m. in my time zone, yelling that the best thing happened and that life was wonderful."

Oh, so that was it.

"You'll never let it go, will you?"

"You woke me up. And shrieked. In my ear, Walker. I have little patience for hysterical women that ramble metaphors about fountains and tunnels and dawns and dangling on bridges."

"That one wasn't a metaphor."

"I don't care. It was three in the morning, you bitch. And now you call again for some stupid rant."

Sarah suppressed a little surge of guilt. "Were you asleep?"

"No, but I could have been." Sarah heard more hissing sounds and soft grunts, as if Carina was stretching out. "You have no compassion."

"Excuse me while I laugh my head off. I find your remark ironic coming from a woman that left me alone in a fistfight with twenty men because, and I quote, 'I've just done my manicure.'"

"I was letting you have fun. I know how much you enjoy a fight. And if I had joined we'd have finished it in less than a minute."

"Oh, your cheek is—" Sarah shook her head, irritated. "Don't change of subject."

"We have a subject?"

"You slept with Morgan Grimes."

"Ugh, that again. I don't know why it bothers you so much."

"Because I had faith in your taste. And because if your little affaire comes back to bite in my ass and jeopardize my relationship with Chuck, I'll make you pay."

Sarah heard Carina actually gulp. "When we're talking about paying, you're talking about what you did to me for Afghanistan?"

"More like what I did for Colombia."

A beat.

"It still hurts when it rains," Carina said, deadpan.

"Good." Sarah rejoiced in the shaking breathing she could hear coming from the line. "Now that we make that clear… Can I ask you why did you do it? I'm curious to know how Carina 'I use men as paper tissues' Miller ended up sleeping with Morgan 'Little Bearded Man' Grimes."

"He rejected me."

She didn't elaborate.

"And?"

"Nobody had said no to me before. Ever."

"I think that's a bit of a stretch."

"Please, you know as well as me that I can get laid with anybody. Even homosexual men and straight women."

"Whoa, that's—"

"Must I remind you Tijuana?"

Sarah held her breath. "You swore we will never talk about Tijuana again. You promised."

"Oh, c'mon, don't be a prude. You were drunk and—"

"Shut up."

"I don't know why you kick up such a fuss for something insigni—"

"Carina!" Sarah inhaled sharply and focused to keep her temper under control. Then she rubbed her face to clear her mind and focus. "So Morgan said no to you. And what more?"

"Excuse me?"

"What's the whatever other reason to have sex with him?"

"There's no other reason. I was intrigued that's all."

"You were— Carina, that's the stupidest reason I've ever heard for hooking up with a man."

"More than because he said 'real ballerinas are tall'?

Touché.

"Okay… The second stupidest reason to sleep with a man." Talking about stupidity led her to make a new question. "Did you use protection?"

"Do you think I'm an idiot?"

"I don't know, you slept with Morgan."

"With your record I don't think you can criticize me."

Sarah dropped her head. The truth was the truth. She had made some more than questionable choices in her love life. The good —and the bad— side of her friendship with Carina was that they knew those pesky secrets and weaknesses about each other. Carina used to tell her every sexual conquer of hers and Sarah, as far as she was concerned, communicated with nods and half smiles. Sarah was more the asking type. And there was something in the open nature of Carina that awakened her morbid curiosity.

So even if she couldn't believe she was going to ask this, she did, anyway. "How was sex with Morgan? Was it… good?"

"Shockingly enough, yes. Not the best that I've had, mind you. But what he lacked in expertise he made it up for in enthusiasm. And attention to detail."

"Ah, yes, I know what you mean. Maybe it's a nerd thing?"

"Who knows, I'll have to pay you a midnight visit to your room and exchange notes."

Blood froze in Sarah's veins. There had been changes in her life that Carina knew nothing about. Sarah wasn't sure if she would like them.

"Well… you won't find me there," she said tentatively.

"No? Have you changed of hotel? Good for you. All that green made me edgy."

"What do you have against green?"

"Absolutely nothing, if there is in reasonable proportions. Good taste in decor, as everything else, my dear, lies in restraint."

"Except sex."

"Of course. Although getting laid with a repressed man may have its own reward if you can make him let it all hang out. Right, Walker?"

"Are you implying something about Chuck?"

"I don't know, you tell me."

"I can assure you that Chuck isn't repressed at all."

"Really? Because I thought he was a little stiff the first time I tried to seduce him."

"Carina, as difficult as it is for you to understand, not all men welcome the fact of an almost stranger woman putting her boobs under their nose. Chuck is shy and considerate. And a real gentleman. But not repressed." Sarah nodded once, emphatically, even if she knew Carina couldn't see her. Suddenly her friend's last words came back to her mind. "Wait, the first time you tried to seduce him?"

"What?" she tried to play dumb.

"Carina…"

A huff. "It's nothing."

"If it's nothing why don't you tell me?"

"Ugh, okay, whatever. But promise you won't suffer a fit of anger."

"I can't promise anything," Sarah replied in a sing-song.

"I don't know if you are the worst or the best negotiator I've ever seen… Anyway, it happened the last time I visited you."

"When you slept with Morgan?"

"Seriously, can you stop?" A fast string of words in Swedish. Something about Sarah's genealogy. "As I was saying, it happened in our girls' night out. After Chuck came and I introduced Smoo— Karl to you. Do you remember that Chuck left to go to the, as he called it, 'little boys' room'? I can't believe you're dating him."

Sarah ignored the jibe. "I remember. Go on."

"Then you must remember that I went away not much longer."

"You wanted to hunt him down. I should have suspected something of the like. It's typical of you."

"Yeah, like you never used it. You, Bryce, Athens? Does it ring any bell?"

"You may continue."

"Yes, of course… Anyway, I intercepted him at the door to the toilet…"

"Very classy."

"… and told him that, if he wanted, I was available."

"Since you were wearing an engagement ring, I see a contradiction in your words."

Carina didn't talk. She was expecting the next logical question from Sarah, like a panther lying in wait for the prey. Sarah felt her stomach tightening due to her anxiety. She wanted to know, but, at the same time, she dreaded it.

"And what did he say?" Sarah gave in.

"Oh, he looked at me with big puppy eyes and told me that he thought I was extraordinarily pretty, but that he was in love with you and it wouldn't be right and yadda, yadda, yadda." She grunted. "Pathetic. I decided not to pressure him more because you two were idiots that deserved each other."

Sarah felt a sweet warmness spreading through her chest. Even if it was in the past and after everything they went through, it pleased her to remind that Chuck loved her at the time. And she loved him. So much time wasted…

"Are you smiling?" Carina asked.

Sarah changed her previous expression for a frown. "No."

"Of course you are. I bet you're smiling as you think," she changed her voice to falsetto, "he's soooo cute."

Sarah couldn't help grinning again. "He's not only cute."

"Oh, yes, I remember your words from that deplorable phone call from Paris. You called him a 'Sex God.'"

Sarah felt her cheeks burn. "I was… obviously overexcited."

"You think?"

"I may have overstated it a little." She coughed. "But not that much. I mean, he's the best lover I've ever had."

"You are kidding me."

"No."

"Better than Bryce?"

With any other, she would have dodged the issue and gave a simple answer. But Carina was her best friend. Probably. "Well… It's different, but yes. Technically, Bryce was better, but I enjoy Chuck more. Much, much more." She sighed (it sounded dreamy, she imagined.) "He's so caring."

"Is he?" By that stage Carina wasn't even hiding the sarcasm in her voice.

"And imaginative. And he has tons of stamina."

"Really?"

"I had to stop him once and take a break."

A short inarticulate strangled sound. "You had to stop him? You?" Carina let out a whistle. "Who'd have thought? The donkey is actually a Thoroughbred. I would make jokes about mounts and riding, but I'll save you the pain."

"You are so kind."

"I want a video in exchange."

"What?"

"A little revenge for the Istanbul fiasco."

"For the last time, Carina, it was a stake-out operation and footage from a surveillance camera. How was I supposed to know that it showed you making out with that hunk of a waiter in the corridor? Above all when you should have been keeping an eye on the mark at that moment."

"Minor details. I still seek retribution."

"Carina, with all the things you've done to me, I think we're level."

"I'm not so sure…"

Sarah knew that arguing with Carina would be useless. Carina Miller had a particular vision of how things worked. More precisely, she believed everything worked around her, as if she was the sun. And the most interesting thing was that every time she intended to, she could make you think that it was true.

Bryce used to call it "The Carina Cosmology Axiom."

"Look, if you want, I'll invite you to dinner the next time you visit the city," Sarah said as a peace offering.

"In some Mexican takeout recommended by your boy toy?"

"Boyfriend. And no, I was thinking more of…" Sarah took a breath to gather all her energy. "How about dinner in my new place?"

"Oh. Your hotel has a restaurant? Is it any good?"

"No, my—my new place is a house. I was talking about dinner in my house. My new house."

That's it. She had dropped it.

"Your… New… House."

"Yes."

"You have a… house. Of your own."

"Well, not of my own. I share it. In fact… You know? I live here, but it's not my home." She hesitated a bit before saying the next part. "It's—it's Chuck's"

"Chuck's."

Sarah knew she had surprised Carina because her replies were spacing out more and more. And they were deprived of her usual playful tone.

"Yes, Chuck's house. I'm… I'm there now."

Silence on the phone line. In the room, Sarah could hear the soft tick of one of the clock's over the chimney.

"You're living in Chuck's house?" Carina asked at last.

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"Because… Uh… Because I kind of moved in with him?"

"You are living with your boyfriend. As in living together." Carina seemed really thick in that moment.

"Yes."

"Did the CIA order you to do so?"

"No. This was… uh… I did it of my own free will. He asked and I accepted."

"Hmmm…"

"Hmmm? What the heck does that mean?"

"Nothing. It's just that… it seems rather sudden. For you."

"And what that means?"

Carina took her time to answer. Sarah could almost see the little wheels in her mind moving.

"Do you remember our interdepartmental field training?" Carina asked in a perfect non sequitur.

"Camp Hellmouth." Sarah's right shoulder suffered a spasm, as every time she remembered those days.

"Two months of sheer pain and suffering. After an entire day of continuous torture by our instructors, we used to drag our sorry asses to the sleeping barracks. Do you remember them?"

"Yes, they were like a building taken from a Gulag."

"And still, the closest thing to a private corner we had in that place. Everybody ended up putting something of themselves in those barracks. Everybody, except you. You didn't even put your clothes in your locker."

"And I proved that it was better in case of emergency, didn't I?"

"That isn't the point."

"For the instructors it was."

"You're such a smartass sometimes…"

Sarah giggled like a schoolgirl.

"The point is," Carina kept going, "that you don't have a home and you don't consider anything as one. Don't get me wrong, I think that's an advantage for a spy and one of your best qualities. I admire you for that and when I grow up I want to be just like you."

That was just insulting. "You are older than me."

"Not spiritually, honey."

"Especially spiritually."

Sarah could hear her friend's chortle coming from the other side of the line.

"The point is," Carina tried once more, "that I feel moving in with your boyfriend —such a mundane occurrence, I thought best of you, Walker— it's unnatural for you."

"People change."

"Really?"

Sarah didn't like how her words stung. "They do."

Carina chuckled. "Did you unpack?"

"Well, no…"

"Hah! I knew it."

Sarah felt the urge to fight back. "And what? What if I didn't?"

"Nothing. Fortunately you didn't lose your mind completely. You are still you."

"I'll take it as a compliment."

"You should. As you know I don't praise so easily—" Several beeps were heard on the phone. "Well, well… I have a call in the other line. Wait while I deal with who I presume is this one nice and friendly bastard. It'll be a moment."

Sarah didn't have time to say "All right" before Carina left the line free.

She took the opportunity to take the phone away from her ear, to cool it down a little. And since she didn't have anything better to do, her gaze wandered through the room.

The bedspread caught her attention. In the three years that she had known Chuck, it hadn't changed. She didn't dislike it, of course, it wasn't blatantly offensive or lacking in taste, but something tickled inside her, making her feel impatient. Perhaps she could talk to Chuck about buying a new one. She reconsidered it seconds later: it wasn't even two weeks since she moved in; there would be plenty of time to talk about the décor.

She heard a muffled "click."

"Here I am again," Carina announced. "Did you miss me?"

"Immensely."

"Did I tell you that you suck at sarcasm? I'm afraid you're going to miss me even more. I have to go."

"Work?"

"Yeah, a date with a drug dealer. A brute that is trying to make a name in the streets of Tokyo."

"Sounds dangerous."

"Nah, he's a sheep in wolf's clothing. Nothing to worry about. It'll end like always: dead bodyguards, whimpering mark and I with a new success on my record. Boring." A sharp ringing, like glasses hitting together, and the gurgle of water slopping over. "You can come, if you want. I can postpone the date and if you take a flight now, you can be here in less than 20 hours. It's always more fun kicking asses with you."

Sarah smiled. "No, thank you. I'm good here."

"Are you sure?"

Sarah watched the Dune poster in front of her, the books about computer science and programming under it, Chuck's old leather lounge chair next to her and the half open door of the closet that exposed Chuck's sparing Nerd Herder uniform. "Yes, I'm sure. This is my place."

"As you wish. Don't tell me later that I didn't give you a chance to run away."

"I don't want to run away. I'm tired of running away." And suddenly, saying it out loud made her feel lighter, as if she had lifted off two inches from the ground.

"I see…" Carina exhaled long and deep. "Be happy in your boring, boring life, Walker, with your average boyfriend and your average home. But you know that every time you want some fun I'll be here."

Sarah had a flash of a night in Washington, just after an especially dreadful mission, when they had drunk themselves to oblivion.

"I know. Take care, Pippi Longstocking."

"Pfffft… Caution is for dummies."

"Anyway, watch your back. I don't want to go to your funeral. I hate faking tears."

Even if Sarah had tried a joke, the atmosphere was getting heavy and a little depressing. Too much for her liking. She could imagine Carina being even more bothered than her. None of them were good with the "emotional stuff." That's why they used to end their conversations abruptly.

"Walker?" Carina called out of the blue.

"Yes?"

"Give Chuck head on my behalf."

Sarah stifled a guffaw. "All right."

"Good. Then… Wait, serious—?"

Sarah hung up. Satisfaction spread through her limbs like a flood. She didn't have many opportunities to cut her friend off in mid-sentence.

Several seconds later she received a text message. It was from Carina. It read: "slut."

Sarah burst out laughing.

Soft knocks at the door distracted her from her amusement. Chuck was at the threshold, with his arms stretched at the sides of his body, like a nervous child.

"Did you finish? Can I come in?" he asked.

Sarah smiled and took delight in the positive effect it had on him. "Can you come in? I don't know… what do you think?"

Chuck raised his eyebrows, as if he were stunned to see her in a good mood. He entered into the room without uttering a simple word. Sarah rose from the bed and met him half way. As an automatic reflex, he put his arms around her waist.

He seemed lost in her eyes for a moment before talking. "Did you—did you call Carina?"

"Yes, we had an interesting conversation."

"Oh. What did she say?"

Sarah cocked her head and studied him: his honest face, his kind brown eyes, those soft lips prone to smile, his warm neck and the shoulders. Those shoulders that made her daydream in the Castle and had to be blamed for more than one of her domestic accidents.

Chuck. Her Chuck.

Drawn by an irresistible force (her libido) she pounced upon him to kiss him passionately, as if it were the last day of her life. After a moment of indecision, she could feel Chuck respond with enthusiasm. Their moans intensified.

Before she couldn't control herself anymore, Sarah moved away from Chuck

"Where are you—?" he complained.

Sarah put a finger on her lips and walked toward the entrance.

"Morgan, we're going to bed now," she broadcasted to the rest of the house.

"'Kay," sounded his voice from the distance.

"Good night."

"'Night."

Sarah closed the door and approached Chuck again. He hadn't moved from his standing up position. Her cheeks were red, her eyes burned.

She put a hand on his chest and pushed him to the bed. He fell on his butt. Sarah knelt in front of him.

"Wait, what are you doing?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Sarah asked as she reached for his sweatpants.

Chuck flashed a nervous smile, but didn't reply. The bulge she could notice in his crotch area told her everything she wanted to know. Before going any further she looked straight in his eyes, smirked and whispered: "Carina says hi."