Disclaimer: Characters aren't mine.
Summary: Buffy makes a visit to Angel post NFA.
A/N: I'm not really sure where this came from but when do I ever? Once again, you don't get background. It speaks for itself. Enjoy.
"You're sure you want to do this alone?" Xander looks worried but he knew the answer to the question before he even asked it.
"Yeah…I think I need to."
I step out of the car and close the door as soft as possible, not wanting to disturb the stillness of the air around me. It's beautiful here. He always told me it was green here but I don't think I ever quite grasped it. It touches everything, filling it with vitality and a sense of harmony. Even the grey sky seems to absorb it.
I step onto the grass, my heels sinking into the soft ground. I have never been here, but somehow I find his spot as if I was guided there. We always find each other.
He's under an enormous tree, alone as always. His gravestone is simple, his name and an engraved angel, so much like the ones I used to draw on my notebooks surrounded by hearts. I sit down in front of it and draw my knees to my chin, wrapping my arms around my legs. I trace my fingers over the carved stone, stopping only when I have memorized every detail of it.
"Why?..." A sob escapes my lips and the tears begin cascading down my face. "You weren't supposed to do this. This isn't how it works. You promised to protect me…so why does this hurt so much? How come you're the only thing that has ever been able to hurt me? You promised me normality but did you ever consider that that wasn't what I wanted? You thought I needed sunshine, white picket fences, a golden retriever, fat babies, and picnics in the park. But all I ever needed was you. All I ever will need is you. Did you ever think of that? You promised me happiness in this so-called normal life but you're the only thing that has ever made me truly happy. And you promised me forever. You promised me forever and I knew that you could actually give it to me. So who would've thought that you would die before me?"
I wipe my the tears from my face and my eyes drift to the silver band around my finger…the hands represent friendship, the crown represents loyalty, and the heart…well, you know…Wear it with the heart pointing towards you…it means you belong to somebody.
"I can't do this without you." My voice has reduced to a ragged whisper. "You were supposed to get your Shanshu and come to me with the sun shining down on you. We were supposed to have kids and grandkids. We were supposed to have a son that looked just like you and a beautiful daughter who would be her daddy's girl. We were supposed to grow old together and die of old age in each others arms. This isn't right.
"But I'm not here to say goodbye because we don't do that. You didn't tell me you were dying just like I didn't tell you when I knew I was going to die. We will never leave each other. So I'm just here to say that someday I am going to come home to you and I fully expect you to be there waiting for me. We're forever, Angel. Not even death can change."
Some years later…
He's been gone for a while now. I've learned to not expect him to be on the other end when I answer the phone. His shirts still hang in my closet but there is little of his scent left on them. I don't instantly call his name when I see a tall man in a black coat anymore and I don't think he is going to be there watching me when I wake up. But every once in a while he surprises me. I go dancing and feel his hand against the small of my back. When I'm tired, his lips pressed lightly to my temple. And when I fall asleep, his cool arms around my waist. And when I'm outside and the breeze picks up, swirling through my hair like his fingers and the wind whispers always, I know he's with me, just waiting until the day when he will help guide me home.