Hey, so I've been reading some of your awesome reviews and it's great to see you guys post some advice on how I could make my writing better. So I've taken those comments to heart and decide to do this over again with the tips you guys have given me. Sorry for those of you who want me to extend this into a multi chapter fic but I think I'm still going to keep it as a one shot. Sorry :(
Disclaimer: I wish I did but believe or not, I don't own ANY of the Hunger Games. Oh and some of first few paragraphs are taken directly from the novel which of course belongs to the great Suzanne Collins.
I take one of the grass woven mats Finnick had made earlier and let Peeta guide me to a spot on the beach a few feet away from the others. I lay down the mat and Peeta and I sit, facing away from each other, with my right shoulder and hip pressed against his. I watch the water as he watches the jungle, which is better for me. I'm still haunted by the voices of the jabberjays, which unfortunately the insects can't drown out. After a while, I lean back and rest my head on his shoulder. I feel his soft fingers come and undo my braid. His hand caresses my hair, running his fingers through each damp strand. I've learnt that it's become one of Peeta's favourite things to do; it brings me comfort when he does it too. I sigh and relax, closing my eyes as I rest on his shoulder.
"Katniss," he says softly after a while, "It's no use pretending we don't know what the other one is trying to do." No, I guess there isn't but it's no fun discussing it either. We knew each other's intentions the minute we heard Snow's voice announce the opening of the third Quarter Quell. I'm pretty sure the Capitol viewers will be glued to their sets so they won't miss one wretched word. "I don't know what kind of deal you think you've made with Haymitch but you should know he made me promises as well." Of course, I know this too. He told me they could keep me alive so that he wouldn't be suspicious. "So I think we can assume he was lying to one of us."
My eyes snap open as his statement catches my attention. I realise that Haymitch has set us a double deal, a double promise, and only he knows which one is real. I sit up and turn around so I can meet Peeta's eyes. "Why are you saying this now?"
His face morphs into one of sadness and he makes no effort in covering it up. "Because I don't want you forgetting how different our circumstances are, if you die and I live, there's no life for me at all back in District Twelve. You're my whole life," he says. He takes one of my hands and holds it in both of his. "I'll never be happy again." I begin to object, I want to tell him that there are so many better girls out there, and that he can still live his dream of taking over his bakery but he puts a finger to my lips. "It's different for you. I'm not saying it won't be hard but there are other people who'd make your life worth living."
I watch him as he pulls the chain with the gold disk from around his neck. He holds it out in the moonlight and I can clearly see the mockingjay at the back of it. He then uses his thumb and slides along a tiny catch I didn't notice before and the disk pops open. It's not solid, as I had though earlier, but it's in fact a locket and within it, are photos. On the right side, my mother and Prim are shown laughing and on the left, is Gale, actually smiling.
Immediately, I feel my heart pounding, aching because I just miss them so much. There is nothing in the world at this moment that could break me faster than these three faces. Especially after what I heard this afternoon in the forest with the jabberjays, it is the perfect weapon.
"Your family needs you, Katniss," Peeta says.
My family, my mother, my beautiful little sister who I would do anything to protect, and my pretend cousin Gale, these people are my family. But I know why Peeta put in Gale's photo along with my mother's and Prim's, I know him too well after all we've been through. I can see through his selfless heart and know what his intentions are, that Gale really is my family, and that he probably will be one day if Peeta left this place and I lived. He knows that I'll probably marry him, because Peeta can read my heart so clearly as well, as if mine were his own. He's giving up his whole life and Gale's at the same time, to let him know that I shouldn't have any doubts, that I shouldn't be hesitant to turn to Gale to be my husband.
Everything… That's what Peeta wants me to take from him. I look at those crystal blue eyes, ones that I have come to love, even though I don't know what kind it is, only that I care about him, so much, so deeply that I'm willing to exchange my life so that he can live. I know that he's not playing for the cameras, that none of these words are for the Games but only for me alone, that he is telling the truth about what he really feels.
My heart begins to shatter and I can feel tears welling up in my eyes. "No one really needs me," he continues and there's no self-pity in his voice. It's true though, his family doesn't need him and they proved it after he won the Games. They will mourn for him surely, as will a handful of friends, since Peeta was very well liked at school but they will get on. Even Haymitch, who has begun to become an important part of our lives, will get on with the help of some white liquor. But as I think about all this, I realise that only one person will be so damaged, so broken if Peeta dies, that maybe she'll reach a point where her heart will never be able to be repaired. Me.
I grasp onto his hands again. "I do," I say, and my voice comes out strained. "I need you."
He looks even more upset, and he takes a deep breath as if to begin a long argument, and that's no good, no good at all because I know he'll start going on about Prim, my mother and Gale and how I deserve a future with them. But I don't deserve a future; I don't want a future without Peeta by my side. So before he can talk, I lean forward stop his lips with a kiss.
I feel that thing again, the flickering flame that rose within me when I kissed Peeta in the cave, when I was trying to get Haymitch to send me food. Our lips mould into one another's so perfectly but I feel Peeta's hands on my shoulder and he gently pushes me back. "Katniss…"
But I don't let him continue as I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him closer to me. I connect our lips again before he can say another word. Warmth floods through my body as I feel him return the kiss but he pushes me away again sooner than I would've liked. His eyes are watery and I can see the emotions flowing out from them. "Katniss don't make it harder than it already is."
His words finally break me, and I feel the waiting tears run down my face. "Don't Peeta, don't die for me," I whisper shakily in my weeping. He brushes a few loose strands of hair from my forehead and leans forward and gently kisses my cheeks, my nose, the corner of my mouth my eyelids, leaving no stray tears on my face. His sweet gesture only makes me cry even more, I can't let him die; I'll miss him too much. He puts a hand at the back of my head and guides it to his bare shoulder where I sob into.
His heart, his soul, everything about him is so pure, so good, and unselfish. As his arms wrap around my quivering body, I feel his own tears drop onto my hair. I link my arms around his waist and press my head more firmly into his body, the body that has given me so much comfort that I have taken for granted. I realise that no one, no one can comfort me like Peeta can and it's not just because it's because we've experience the Games together but because… it's him. He's the only person that can make me feel beautiful, despite my scarred body. He's the only person that can be patient with me, despite my mood swings and selfishness. He's the only person who can love me so unconditionally, so powerfully, despite the only thing that I give him is my confused emotions.
I lift my head and take his lips in mine again. I pour all my emotions out into this kiss, letting him know that I really will be irreparable if he leaves, that there would be no good enough reason to keep on living and surviving. I don't give him an opportunity to push me back again by tightening my grip around his waist more tightly. Our kisses aren't like the usual gentle timid ones we share in front of the cameras; this one is loving and passionate and has a sense of urgency behind it. It's desperate, as if it'll be the last one we'll ever share, and maybe it will be. We pull our lips apart only to connect them again. The fire in me only grows hotter and I feel as if it is creating a barrier surrounding us, blocking off the sounds of the waves, the moon in the sky and the sleeping tributes who lie only a few feet away from us.
When we finally run out of breath, I open my eyes to meet his. I see a mix of feelings in them, longing, desire, want, and an unending amount of love. Slowly, I lie down on the smooth surface of the mat and I pull him down on top of me. I feel my tears begin to gradually subside and I pull his head down to cover my lips again. I run my fingers through his blonde hair, pushing his head down to deepen the kiss. I open my mouth slightly and his tongue enters mine. He shifts the position of his head slightly, without disconnecting our lips, to gain better access.
I feel his hands explore my body, running them up and down my stomach, thighs and hips. When one of his hands brushes the side of my breast, I shudder at the warm feeling it gives me. I moan in the kiss, it feels so good, so impossibly good and only Peeta can make me feel like this, to make me truly feel like the Girl on Fire. His breathing is ragged and hot against my skin as we pull apart to catch our breaths but our lips lock again instantly after. The feeling of his weight on top of me is nothing short of satisfying, it gives me a sense of security, something that I don't feel a lot of nowadays.
He shifts his body downwards and begins kissing my jaw and then my neck. His hand comes underneath my head and weaves through my long, thick hair and I moan again as he hits a sensitive spot in my neck. Spurred by my sounds of passion, he continues to devour the area on my neck, peppering soft and hard kisses, occasionally running his tongue down my skin. I throw my head back to give him better access. My hands continue to run through his hair and I can't soften my moans even if I tried.
He continues down my neck and starts kissing my collarbones but he stops a bit above my breasts. He looks up at me, silently asking for permission and I nod. Slowly, I reach around my back and unclasp my bra, flinging it to the side. For a moment, Peeta just hovers above me, staring at my face and body but I'm not deterred by this. I trust Peeta; I'd gladly lay my life in his hands, knowing that he'll treat it tenderly, so I only stare into his eyes as his own roam my body.
"Katniss…" his voice is hoarse; his lips are swollen from our intense kissing but he is so mesmerising to look at that I can't tear my eyes away from him. "You're so beautiful." His eyes aren't hungry but instead I only affection in them. "May I?"
I nod, knowing what he wants to do without any more words. We know each so well we know longer need words to communicate; our bodies know what to do. His hands descend until they touch my small breasts which fit perfectly in his hands. I love the feeling of his hands, they are able to paint and bake, but I never knew they were capable of making me feel like this as well. The flames in me become a raging firestorm at his touch. I feel my nipples harden as he continues to knead and massage my breasts. He leans in and kisses me on the lips before sliding down until his head is level with my breasts.
As his mouth connects with my nipple, I can no longer think, my mind throws itself into a state of oblivion. I feel dizzy and light headed but it's not an uncomfortable feeling, far from it actually. My body acts on its own accord and arches up, aching for the feel of his mouth. His other hand rises up and continues to squeeze my other breast, pinching the nipple occasionally. I can hear the sounds of my own loud and ragged breathing, whimpering and moaning out his name over and over. I can feel a pool of wetness and a dull throbbing feeling in between my legs. He comes back up for air and I pull his body up to kiss me on the mouth. We groan and sigh in unison as our tongues dance around in each other's mouths. The feeling of his chest pressed tightly on mine feels natural, as if this was always meant to be, him and me together.
It's only now, that I've been fully exposed to him, that I realise that only he can awaken these mysterious feelings in my heart. Feelings that always left me confused after I kiss him, or sleeping with him but they are bare now. I can see it so clearly I wonder how I missed it before. I realise that it's always been him, my heart knew this but my brain refused to believe it. I've always been one to act on instinct. I remember calling out his name when the Gameamakers announced that we could both live, trying to cure his leg even though I could feel my stomach churning at the sight of all the pus, not even hesitating to go into the feast to find his cure, knowing that I'm putting my life on the line for him. At the time, I thought it was my pride that I decided to go to the feast, to show everyone that I was willing to help out my district partner but as I look back now, I know that it was not the case. Only one thing had kept me going through out the arena, Peeta and my love for him.
I realise that even though Peeta had been a disadvantage to me in the first games on the physical point of view, I would not have won without him. I remember the intense feeling of loneliness after Rue's death, the effects of the instant depression I felt. I didn't want to move, I didn't want to think. But after I found him, I did have a reason to live, to survive and win, because it would be for him.
"What are you thinking?" I look up to see his eyes gazing down on mine. He brushes a bit of hair that has fallen into my eyes.
"Make love to me Peeta," I whisper, caressing his cheek with my hand.
His pupils glance all over my face for a moment before silently lifting himself off me. I remain lying down on the sand as I watch him slowly pull down his underwear and reveal his already erect member. My breath hitches at the sight of it. I'm taken away that it was me who had caused him to feel like this, and it looks so… perfect and beautiful like the rest of him. Usually, the sight of a naked man will cause me to turn away but I can't seem to take his eyes off him. I take in the muscular panes of his chest and arms, his flat and carved stomach and his blonde hair that has been messed up by my hands. He is striking, so radiant, so perfect, Haymitch was right about me not deserving him.
Our eyes are glued to each other as he crouches down and takes off my panties, my last piece of clothing. "Katniss, are y-you sure about this?" he asks shakily. I can tell his nervous, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't as well. I haven't done anything remotely sexual before because the thought of sharing something so intimate with someone had frightened me but I see it differently now. I see it as a way to express my love for Peeta, to show how much he means to me, even if it means giving up my body for him, I'd gladly do it.
"I-I haven't done t-this before Peeta," I whisper into his ear and I can feel my voice waver in fear and anticipation. I try to keep quiet, keeping in mind that I'm supposed to be experienced since I'm 'pregnant'.
"Neither have I," he says softly. I don't know whether to be relieved or touched by this but I guess it didn't really matter if he had done it or not. What matters is that I'm sharing my first time with him, knowing that he will take care of me. "If there's anything that feels weird, or you feel some sort of pain, just tell me okay?"
I nod and I feel him position himself in between my legs. I've learnt what sex is like at school, so I brace myself for the pain that is about to come. I feel Peeta's tip begin to enter slowly and gradually. His eyes are on me, so he knows when to stop the minute I begin to feel any sort of discomfort. I wait for the pain but it never comes. All I feel is a small burning feeling but it's hardly called pain compared to the other things that Peeta and I have endured through. Once all of him has entered inside me, emotions I've never experience before come running through me. For once in my life, I feel satisfied, full and whole, as if my heart was never complete without him. Everything feels natural, like we were made to be together and I find myself smiling thinking about it.
A look of relief seems to have floods on Peeta's face when I don't flinch when he enters. I wrap my legs around his waist and pull him closer towards me. I take his lips in my mouth again and we lean our foreheads together once we break apart.
He places his hands on my waist and I breathe in deeply when he is fully inside me. I graze my hand over the deep panes of his chest and I nod, signalling that he can start moving. He thrusts slowly into me at first while he moves his hands up and start squeezing my breasts softly again. I cling onto him like a lifeline and whimper into his neck. "Peeta…"
I pull his head down to my lips. Our kiss is jerky as we continue to move in sync with one another. The pleasure, the feeling of his hands on my body, having himself inside me, I realise that I am finally at home. We start to move into a faster pace, and we moan together into the midnight sky as we experience a feeling of ecstasy of having one another in our grasps.
The combination of his hands on my breasts, his lips on mine and his full member inside me forces me over the edge and I groan as we reach our climax together. He gasps my name as he spills his seeds inside me before he pulls himself out. Immediately, I feel as if a part of me is missing but his body wrapped around mine makes up for the absence.
We fall back onto the sandy beach, holding each other, never wanting to let go. I feel the thin layer of sweat enveloping our bodies as we shift into a comfortable position. Peeta lies down on his back and I lay with the side of my head against Peeta's chest. Our legs are intertwined and I can listen to the beautiful sounds of his thumping heartbeat. I wrap my arms around him and I look up to see him smiling back down at me. It's a satisfied and happy smile but I can detect a hint of sadness behind those eyes.
I lean up and kiss him again, gently this time because our activities have left me drained and tired. I bury myself back into his chest. "I love you so much Katniss," Peeta says softly. "You're going to be the best mother a child would ever want."
"And you'd be the best father," I say back at him. I feel him smile when he kisses my hair and not long after, I feel his breathing start to even out, signalling that he is fast asleep.
It is only now that I let my final tears flow. I know why Peeta deliberately climaxed inside of me. He wanted to leave something for me to remember by, a child for me to have as his final gift of goodbye. I cry silently, thinking about his qualities that make him so caring and perfect. "I love you," I whisper to him but I know he won't be able to hear me. It's the only time when I can tell him this, I'm not brave like him, and I don't have the courage to tell him when he's conscious. "I love you so much." I lean up and lightly brush a few strands of hair away from his face.
"You'll be happy one day, with a wife and family who will actually deserve you, who will give you what you want." My heart breaks as I picture him with another woman wrapped around his body with children hanging off his arms but it's what I want for him, for him to be happy even if it costs me my life because he would be worth it. I clutch onto him tighter, treasuring every minute I have with him for the rest of my very limited life.
So that is it! Keep them awesome reviews coming in because they really do improve my writing in my opinion. Sorry again for those who wanted me to extend it. Hope you enjoyed it anyway!