Where Has This Gone?

Chapter One

"Oi, watch it Potter!"

The girl with red hair and green eyes glared at the tall boy. He dipped his head and offered an apologetic smirk.

"Apologies, Evans."

With this, he disappeared around the corner, leaving Lily to huff and continue on her way to Charms class.

"Honestly! The nerve!" Lily exclaimed in hushed tones to her friend Marlene, who grinned in return.

"He likes you, Lily," she quipped, as she had done many a time before. Lily rolled her eyes.

"No, he wants to parade me around to his friends," she replied. It was Marlene's turn to roll her eyes. The two girls turned back to their Charms work after a sharp shh! from the pair in front of them. Lily listened to the scratching of quills on paper, her mind abuzz with thoughts ranging and flittering from James Potter to the Charms paper in front of her to the duo in front of her and Marlene.

Finally, the class was over and they handed in their essays. Lily ran a hand through her hair distractedly, letting out a sigh of relief. She offered a smile to Marlene as she approached to walk to Transfiguration together.

"Was it horrid?" Marlene asked. Lily groaned dramatically.

"Of course! I doubt it could have gone worse!" she cried out, earning stares from first- and second-years. Marlene giggled and rolled her eyes.

"Coming from the girl who likely got highest marks on it," she teased. They laughed and continued their chatter as they hurried along.

An arm appeared around Marlene's shoulders, and Lily drifted to walk in front of the pair, not wanting to deal with that.

She didn't hear specifics, but she heard Sirius Black's deep voice and Marlene's giggles, and rolled her eyes in exasperation. Honestly, the two were gag-worthy. But she didn't complain, because she was sure if she had a boyfriend they would be the same. Finally, they arrived at McGonagall's classroom and Black slipped away with a kiss to Marlene's cheek. Lily quirked an eyebrow at her friend, whose cheeks blushed pink and she shushed Lily. They scurried into the room at the sight of another hoard of students approaching the corridor. Lily teased her friend as they made their way toward their seats. Lily sat in her seat in the back of the room, leaving the seat to her left empty, and Marlene sat in the seat directly in front of her. They continued joking, and Lily poking fun, until the red haired girl caught sight of a certain someone entering the classroom.

"Afternoon, ladies," James Potter greeted as he took his place in the chair next to Lily. The girl rolled her eyes and exchanged a glance with Marlene.

"Hello, Potter," Marlene grinned. The bell rang abruptly and McGonagall called for attention, giving Lily a welcome relief. This was her favorite subject, though it was unfortunately marred by the presence of James Potter sitting next to her. She attempted to listen to McGonagall's instruction, and took notes as diligently as possible- well, as well as she could with the boy next to her flicking small pieces of parchment into her direct line of sight the entire lesson.

"Now, I'd like you to try the spell. Katie will pass out rats for practice. Please do not try to make messes," she directed, with a pointed glance at Potter at her last words. He put on an innocent face before she turned away and he turned to Lily.

"Evans, will you ever read my notes?" Lily rolled her eyes.

"No, Potter, I won't."

"I do believe they're worth reading," he noted. Lily ignored him and thanked Katie as she passed by with a rat for both her and Potter. With a wave of her wand, Lily completed the assignment, even though she'd been somewhat, ahem, distracted during the lesson. Potter stared, mouth agape momentarily, before staring at the rat placed before him and attempting the same. Nothing happened. He frowned, a furrow forming between his eyebrows. He tried again, this time the rat letting out a short squeal before attempting to race away from his wand. Lily giggled at the sight before rolling her lips into her mouth to stop herself from acknowledging the boy beside her. Potter seemed shocked that she'd laughed and she swore she saw him let a small smile slip from the corner of her eye. As she scribbled down another note onto her parchment, another note- larger, she noticed, than the tiny pieces he'd flicked at her throughout the class period- landed in her lap. She glanced up to Potter, who hadn't seemed to have relented on his pursuit of transfiguring his rat. Lily considered ignoring it once more, but eventually decided on taking pity on the poor boy and opened the folded piece of parchment.

Help? Was the single word written on the note. Lily looked back at Potter, who was now looking back at her, and raised her eyebrows.

"Really? Another attempt to get me on a date?" she sighed in exasperation. Potter looked confused momentarily before realization dawned on his face.

"Wha-no, no! Honest, I do need help. Do you see this?" At this, he gestured to his rat, who appeared to be nearly glaring at Potter. Lily let a small chuckle slip out before conceding.

"Alright. But it's strictly business, got it?" James nodded eagerly, promising up and down that he wouldn't try anything. Lily rolled her eyes.

"Fine, meet me after dinner in the library. If you're not there by 6, I'm leaving," Lily threatened. James once more nodded, returning to the rat and stopping it from scurrying away.

That evening, after she returned to the common room from dinner, Lily gathered her Transfiguration notes and book and proceeded to say goodbye to her friends and make her way to the library. When she got there, she found James Potter sitting at a table in the back-most corner waiting for her. She approached the table and sat in the seat across from him with caution. He looked up from his parchment with a look of surprise and grinned impishly at her.

"Hello, Evans, fancy seeing you here." Lily rolled her eyes, putting her book on the table with a thump.

"Alright, Potter, let's get to work," she muttered with a small shake of her head. James nodded, retrieving his wand and book as she had done.

A while later, James had his head in his hands, his hair obviously having been pushed back repeatedly, and his glasses sat on the end of his nose. Lily had to admit, now sitting next to him (it was easier to teach him that way, no one could blame her!), that he was rather attractive, though that admittance would be only to herself and never to another living soul.

"Come on, Potter, you know this. You've done it plenty of times!" Lily encouraged. James groaned and slid a hand down his face.

"Evans, that's the point! I've tried plenty of times, and it hasn't yet worked!" Lily rolled her eyes and prodded his side.

"Get on with it, then. Try it!" She prompted. James pointed his wand at the goblet in front of him- the current subject of his attempts at the spell- and waved it, muttering the words. The goblet wobbled before sprouting the tail of a mouse, but otherwise remaining the same. James slumped back into his seat. Lily sighed.

"Well, you're closer, at least!" she tried. James just gave her a look before letting his head loll back onto the back of his seat.

"Evans, I'm not going to get this, just face it."

"Potter, I'm not giving up on you now. You're close!" James looked over at her and sighed.

"C'mon!" Lily tried again. James rolled his eyes and shifted so he was leaning forward once more.

"Fine, but only because it's you, Evans," he muttered. Lily felt her retort catch, and she rolled her lips inward, keeping quiet as he attempted the spell once more. She watched the way he flicked his wand, the way the words rolled from his lips, the intense look of concentration on his face. She didn't notice her lips tug upward into a small smile.

"I did it!" Lily snapped herself out of whatever daze she had sunk into- definitely not admiring James Potter, that was for sure- to see the goblet had, indeed, been transfigured into a rat. She broke out into a grin.

"I told you, Potter! See, that wasn't too awful, was it?" James gave her a pointed look that said, oh-yes-we-didn't-just-spend-over-an-hour-in-the-library-attempting-this. But then he grinned back at her and it occurred to Lily that James Potter wasn't a god-awful human being anymore. He hadn't come on to her the entire time they'd been in the library, and hadn't tortured anyone the entire year- so far, she reminded herself. Add those improvements to him and the fact she'd recently realized his attractiveness, she blushed at the grin, which only made his grin widen.

Lily cleared her throat and gestured to the mouse that was threatening to run off. James quickly caught it and held it in his hand.

"Well, Potter, looks like you don't need my help anymore," Lily pointed out, and began to gather her belongings, which had somehow become scattered around their table.

"Erm- sorry- but I- could you- help me on the essay as well?" Lily quirked an eyebrow at him, but he just grinned sheepishly and she sighed.

"Alright. But honestly, it's not due until the day after tomorrow."

"Which is why you've already finished, right Evans?" he teased. Lily rolled her eyes, but felt a blush creep onto her cheeks.

"Oh hush up, Potter."

Hours later, when Madam Pince snapped at them to get out of her library, the pair headed off to the Gryffindor common room together, chatting rather amiably. Lily laughed at a face James pulled at the mention of cockroach clusters when a voice sounded behind them.

"Well, well, if it isn't the little mudblood with her knight in shining armor," the snide voice said. Lily sucked in a breath, closing her eyes in dread as James stiffened beside her.

"Potter, don't," she warned quietly. The voice's speaker chucked darkly.

"Yes, Potter, don't." She felt James turn beside her, and she did the same, opening her eyes to see one of Severus's friends- Avery, she believed- standing before them.

"Shut up, Avery," James growled lowly, taking a step forward. Lily placed a hand on his arm, nowhere near holding him back, but an attempt to calm him down.

"James," she persisted, tugging on his arm. He shrugged her off, glaring menacingly at Avery.

"Potter, don't want to get into too much trouble, now, do we? Dumbledore might take you off your position as Head Boy, hmm? The mudblood might not like you so much if see has to watch you lose your temper," he sneered. Lily could see James getting both uncomfortable and angrier. Honestly, did the entire school know he liked her?

"Shut your mouth, Avery, before I do it for you," James snarled, his hands clenching into fists.

"James Potter! You'll do no such thing!" Lily exclaimed. The Gryffindor boy seemed to remember Lily was there and looked down at her, the anger dissipating as his gaze met hers.

"Better listen to the mudblood, Potter." James's head snapped back to look at the Slytherin and Lily groaned internally.

"Avery, just fuck off," Lily half-pleaded, half-threatened. James looked at her in surprise, likely at her language. Avery looked almost as surprised.

"I'm surprised, Evans. I expected that sort of thing from Potter, but not you," he chuckled.

"Well then maybe you should get going before Potter does something that I'm sure neither he nor I will regret," she quipped, her hard glare seeming to make him uncomfortable.

"Ah, I highly doubt that will be what our meeting comes to." With this, he turned and disappeared around a corner. Lily let out a sigh of relief. She turned slowly with a "C'mon, Potter," and made for the common room. When she noticed James hadn't tagged along, she turned around to see he had slid down the wall and was now sitting looking rather distressed, with his head in his hands.

"James?" Her voice was soft and uncertain. She'd never seen him look like this before. He was, in general, the arrogant, self-confident boy she had grown used to over the years. He looked up and his face looked just as distressed as the rest of him. She padded softly back over and seated herself next to him.

"James? What's wrong?" He looked down at her and let his legs straighten in front of him and his hands folded in his lap.

"I've tried, Lily. I really have. I straightened out- mostly. I don't torment Snivellus, I don't do pranks anymore- not the injury-inducing ones at any rate, I'm not an ass to you anymore, I just- Honestly, I don't miss it, but I've been trying, Lily. And it's not like I've gotten anywhere. Just tell me, honestly, do I even have a chance? I know you've turned me down countless times over the years- and trust me, I felt all of them- but do I? Any at all?" Lily sat in shock, her eyes widening. She honestly hadn't expected that. Where had that even come from? James seemed to sense her bewilderment, and tried to backtrack.

"I mean- It's just- I just thought- because-" Lily sighed and rested her head against the wall, staring at the ceiling.

"James, I don't know."

"What?"

"I don't know, alright? Honestly, I've never even thought about you as anything more than an annoying prat-" at this, James winced, "but since this year has begun, you aren't… horrible. I mean, today more than anything has changed my mind. You haven't been an arse, at all really. You've made me laugh. I don't know anymore, James." James seemed to brighten up slightly beside her. She turned to look at him.

"I- I didn't mean to, y'know, spring this on you or anything, I just- when Avery was calling you- that- and I was standing up for you, and I've done it time after time, and before, you just didn't seem to notice that I was trying to help, and then just now, you sounded concerned and then after Avery left, I started thinking too much and I-" Lily cut him off by putting her hand over his mouth. It then occurred to her that it was a very intimate thing to do, and she internally squirmed, but didn't remove her hand.

"James?" There was a muffled "Yes?" from behind her hand and she smiled softly.

"Shut up." James mumbled something that sounded like "Yes ma'am."

"James Potter, you do realize you're the most sought after boy at this school, right?" James looked abashed and ducked his head sheepishly.

"Apparently so. You know, when you first asked me out in fourth year, I thought you were the biggest prat. And sometimes I still do. But you're not all bad. And you're possibly even half-attractive," Lily assured him, a faint blush creeping up. Why was she doing this? She hadn't thought any of this through. She never spoke without thinking it through thoroughly. But James Potter made her like that, and always had. He made her furious, self-conscious, irritated beyond belief, and so many other things at so many different times and often at the same time, but the one thing he always did was made her blurt out her words. Lily realized the palm of her hand was still cupped over James's mouth, and so did he, because he poked his tongue at her hand, causing her to pull back her hand abruptly, and wipe her hand on his arm, laughing. James grinned impishly, slinging an arm around her shoulders, seemingly back to his usual confident self, but she could still see the relief etched into his features.

Lily smiled softly at him, laying her head onto his shoulder. She didn't even know that she thought any of that about James Potter, but it was true. Her feelings toward him had become befuddled, the recent thoughts getting mixed around with her memories of his tormenting, taunting younger self. The too-confident, arrogant Potter receded once more, leaving a mix between that and the nervous one she had seen moments before.

"Lily Evans, you know I've been in love with you since we were first years, right?" Lily blushed, lowering her eyes to her lap, where her fingers tangled together.

"No? Well now you do. And for the longest time, I was childish about it. But then I realized it should be up to you what happens, not me. Because if it were up to me, I'd probably kidnap you and never let anyone else see you, in a totally non-creepy way, of course," James added on. Lily laughed a little, but let him continue, choosing to ignore the "in love with you."

"But honest, it sort of just occurred to me that… it's not my decision, I shouldn't be trying to force you. I mean, I'm still going to try to get you to go out with me, but I'm not going to force it on you, y'know?" Lily looked surprised.

"I'm surprised, James, that's actually rather mature of you," she teased. He quirked a grin, and they lapsed into a momentary silence. Lily lay her head back on his shoulder, and felt him rest his cheek on her head cautiously, as though she might dash like a frightened doe if he startled her.

"Thank you, by the way."

"For what?" James seemed genuinely confused.

"For standing up for me to Avery. Severus never would have," she said. James shrugged.

"I couldn't let him call you that," he mumbled. Lily smiled to herself and hummed a "hmmm" in response. They returned to a comfortable silence.

"You know, my birthday is in three days," James reminded her. Lily laughed.

"Your point is?"

"You'd best get me something," he teased. Lily laughed again shaking her head slightly.

"You never cease to amaze, do you?" She felt James grin and squeeze her shoulders. Their chatter continued on, punctuated with Lily's laughter and James's chuckles before Lily seemed to realize something.

"Oh! Curfew must be past! Dammit!" She stood up quickly, pulling James with her, who grumbled and followed somewhat reluctantly. She continued tugging him along until, minutes later, they had successfully evaded any patrolling prefects or teachers, and crawled through the portal behind the portrait. Lily collapsed into an armchair away from the fire, James still trailing along behind her. She noticed the three of James's friends in another corner, and was relieved they had not taken notice of her, nor of James. She allowed herself to sink into the chair, looking up at James, who continued to stand, looking almost… awkward, which was something she had never seen from him. Lily moved to the side, attempting to make space for him in the armchair and patted the seat beside her invitingly. James chuckled, but instead sat at the space near her feet, leaning against the space next to her legs, his arm pressed into them. She smiled amusedly at him, though she knew he did not see it, and reached out to run her fingers through his wild mop of black hair, but pulled back. She did not want to be too forward. She then scolded herself for thinking this, as she knew Potter was basically in love with her anyway and would not thinking anything too forward from her.

Lily extended her fingers nervously once more. She let herself to run her fingers through his hair, and he leaned his head against her knees. She allowed herself to relax into the chair, his warmth emanating through her legs and into her body. She felt his fingers brush against the skin of her ankle as he played with the string bracelet around her ankle. Goosebumps arose where his fingers touched, but she pretended not to notice, though she wasn't sure if he did or not.

That evening, Lily fell asleep for the first time with James Potter by her side, and it would most definitely not be the last.