Bitter Medicine
A/N: So. It's come to this. Homestuck. How this fandom has grabbed ahold of me. How it torments my every waking hour. Now, I'm planning this to be a pretty long piece, so I hope everyone will have patience with me if we march up Mount PBJ in a slow and measured kind of way. Also, we're going to get pretty detailed on moirallegiance here, and it's going to be a major theme throughout, so expect lots of bff shipping. I normally really don't care for college AUs, but I wanted to see if I could challenge myself with one. I feel very uncertain about this premise, so if you're liking it, please to be letting me know. Alright? Alright. Tally ho.
Chapter One
"You're sure about this?"
"As sure as I was yesterday. And the day before that, and the day before that." Tavros offered a bracing smile as he taped up another box, scrawling 'BEDDING' along the side. "Besides, it's a little late not to be sure, isn't it?"
"I guess." Aradia was running her fingers through her hair, something she only did when she was upset. The big, dark curls would frizz up into something she loathed when manhandled, but she never quite managed to stop doing it. "I'm not trying to dissuade you or anything."
Tavros arched his eyebrows and his his friend settled into a sheepish smile.
"Well, okay, maybe I am a tiny bit, but for purely selfish reasons, I promise. What am I supposed to do without you?"
"Sit online and raid every weekend, same as we do now."
The pair laughed. They laughed because it was true, and because it was hard not to laugh at themselves sometimes. It wasn't unheard of for them to pester each other from separate laptops while sitting inches apart. They laughed because they were ridiculous and because they would miss each other, miss being ridiculous. The immediacy of the change laid so heavily on them that evening. The hours were slipping away, and soon it would all be gone. Gone and different. So they laughed, savoring the familiar way their voices mingled. No telling when they might hear it again.
Aradia hopped down from his bed and bent to help him pack. One by one his things disappeared into boxes or suitcases; Tavros' room was looking gutted and unadorned, like his influence on the place was being steadily erased.
"Aw, look," she crooned, "I found Tinkerbull. He going with you?"
Tavros wrinkled his nose, torn. "I guess it's not very... uh, manly, taking an imaginary friend away to college." Aradia waggled the ratty thing in mid-air, waiting patiently. The pause didn't stretch very long before he relented. It received a place of honor, safe in his carry-on. "Then again, nobody needs to know about it," he muttered.
Aradia chuckled and shuffled over to his side. They reclined with their backs against his bed, surveying the little congregation of neatly packed belongings and memories stretching out before them; the veritable end of their childhood, though the sentiment was too melodramatic for either of them to voice.
"I'm gonna miss you," Aradia murmured.
"I'll miss you more," Tavros assured her. Her head lolled onto his shoulder and he adjusted to make her more comfortable. "What do you think it'll be like?"
"Dreadful. Your roommates will have sex all the time, all your classes will be uphill and all your teachers will be demons from the seventh ring of hell, and then you'll see reason and come back to me." Tavros rolled his eyes. If it was anyone else, such a grim prognostication would make him nervous – or, rather, make him more nervous, but he knew when Aradia was joking. She wasn't very good at it. "I dunno. You said the campus is beautiful?"
"So beautiful. It's like it was carved out of solid pristine New England charm. It's big, though. Much bigger than any of the other schools we looked at."
Aradia made a clicking noise against her teeth. "I still don't see why you couldn't just come to New Mex State with me. It's a good school."
"Good for you. You know their pre-med program is hanging by a thread. I wish you could have seen Pickering U's facilities, Aradia. It's a real institution, with research being done and grad students running around and everything. I could do anything there."
Aradia wore a wan smile. "That has nothing to do with it and you know it."
"It has a little to do with it."
"Not much."
She had a point.
Pickering would give him a good shot at med school,Tavros knew that. It really was state of the art and very respectable, but so were lots of schools. The real selling point, the reason he was willing to shell out twenty grand a year (after scholarships) was the simple fact that the campus was located a dizzying two thousand miles from his hometown. The dusty side roads and humble suburban sprawl of No Where, New Mexico was all he had ever known, all blazing summers and desert intensity, but tomorrow he would leave. For the first time, Tavros would discover something new. A new town, a new room, new people and things – even snow. He was really looking forward to snow. And the promise of doing it himself was worth all the terror. It had to be.
"It's just something I need to do," Tavros finally told her. "I just... I need to know I can. Without you or mom or – or whoever. I have to stand on my own two feet." He peered down at his useless legs with a frown. "I mean – you know what I mean."
"Well, I don't think you need to prove anything, but if you're dead set on having yourself an adventure, you know I'm in your corner." Aradia grinned up at him and Tavros felt braver. His best friend was a little bit odd, but no one gave him strength like she did. No one loved him half as well. And really, that was the hardest part. If he could survive the separation, he could do anything.
"So. Have you got everything?"
"I think so."
"Wrong." Aradia shifted, digging for something in the pocket of her skirt. What she produced was a tiny toy compass, battered from years of play with a needle that swung wildly in all directions. Tavros recognized it instantly. He had clutched it hundreds of times as a child, leading them boldly through perilous lands of their own imagining. They had clutched sticks for swords, fought off the most vicious of pirates and discovered cloud-lined mesas more beautiful than anything on Earth, and this cheap little compass had shown them the way.
"You kept it?" he breathed. "I thought it was lost after the- after Vriska-"
Aradia shrugged. "I went back. I don't know why. I was trying to make sense of it, I guess. It was just sitting there in the middle of the grass, plain as could be. I've been carrying it around ever since."
"Why didn't you ever tell me?"
"I didn't want to upset you. I thought it might bring back bad memories."
Tavros shook his head, struggling to speak around the lump in his throat. "No. Only good ones."
Aradia pressed the toy into his hand. "It belongs to our fearless leader. Try not to get too lost in the wild north, okay?"
Not trusting himself to speak, Tavros pulled her into a hug and buried his face in her hair to hide how wet his eyes had become. Her arms circled his shoulders and they clung tight to each other, as tight as they dared. Long shafts of dusky light poured through his window, setting his room on fire, and as hard as they fought to hang on to the moment, it was a fleeting thing, threatening to evaporate at any moment. But Tavros would not forget it. Never.
Never.
"Kids! Dinner!"
Mrs. Nitram's voice broke the spell and the pair separated, identical misty smiles lingering on their faces. Aradia clambered to her feet and pushed the wheelchair into easy reach. Tavros hauled himself into it with movements fluid from long practice, spun around on the aged carpet and led the way out of his room.
Tavros had never been to the airport before. Their one family trip to Disney Land had been made by car, and he really never had traveled before. It was even busier than he'd imagined it to be. People milled in every direction, fighting through lines and shouting into cell phones, lugging baggage and kissing loved ones good-bye. It didn't feel like he belonged with their number. Trembling, he turned to his family, the first security checkpoint looming just ahead.
"I g-guess this is it," he managed.
His mother sniffed loudly and bent to fuss over her son. "You're sure you have everything? Your phone is charged? Hand sanitizer? Do you-"
"I'm fine, mom," Tavros insisted gently. Gently, but firmly. She smiled a teary smile and pressed a kiss to the crown of his head, flattening his mohawk in a way she knew he hated. "I'll call you as soon as I get in."
"I know you will."
His father, a tall, gruff man, broad-shouldered and usually impassive, was looking at him with something unmistakably close to pride in his eyes. It made something in Tavros' chest swell up. "Have a good trip, okay, kiddo?" He clapped one hand to Tavros' shoulder. "You don't let anyone push you around. You remember that."
"Unless they're pushing you uphill," Aradia chimed in. Tavros' mother squeezed the bridge of her nose while his father groaned aloud. Tavros laughed. It felt good to laugh in such a frightening situation. Aradia bent and they shared one last hug, both offering silent prayers for nothing to change – nothing between them, anyway. "Do you still have it?"
The toy compass was snug in his pocket. Tavros nodded and Aradia smiled.
"Good. Don't change too much, okay?"
"I won't."
"You need to hurry," his mother fretted. She was right. He couldn't afford to cut it much closer than he already was. So they said their final farewells and Tavros wheeled himself around to face security solo. He'd be facing everything solo from now on. He couldn't decide if that thrilled or horrified him.
It was a lengthy process. He had to be searched by hand thanks to the wheelchair, and his hands shook as he emptied his pockets and pulled off his shoes. He knew what to expect, of course. He had extensively researched the ordeal that flying would present to a paraplegic, but the endless preparations didn't ease his anxiety much. The security guard's face was blank as he patted Tavros down. If he felt the awkwardness many able-bodied people felt when dealing with the handicapped, his expression didn't show it. Tavros was grateful for that.
Soon enough, he was rolling down the terminal in search of his gate. He stopped off for a bagel and a bottle of juice, despite not being hungry in the slightest. He just liked the way it felt, deciding he wanted something and then getting it. Terror and delight were fighting him for dominance and he liked the way his skin sang with uncertainty, even if it made him a little sick. It felt like being alive.
His phone was buzzing. Juggling his uneaten breakfast, Tavros dug in the bag strapped to his chair and pulled it out, flipping the Pesterchum app open.
AA: i miss y0u already.
Tavros laughed out loud. She was probably still in the damn parking lot.
AT: i MISS YOU TOO, }:)
AA: h0w is the airp0rt? did y0u find y0ur gate yet?
AT: uH, nOT YET, bUT i AM WORKING ON THAT PROBLEM, pRESENTLY
AT: iT'S BIGGER THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE
AA: adventure, stage 0ne
She was right about that. It took almost twenty minutes of rolling through the crowds like a salmon swimming upstream before the various guideposts led him to D12. Inwardly, Tavros was cheering. It was such a minor thing, such a tiny victory, but it was all his. He hadn't even asked for directions.
The plane had pulled up to the terminal, and while the rest of the passengers still had plenty of time, he had to hurry. He checked in with the attendant and they got straight to business. An airport issue wheelchair was carried out and he transferred himself over, letting the employee fold his up to be carried off to luggage. The new chair was uncomfortably narrow, and to his chagrin, required him to be strapped in to the point of near immobility. A trace of humiliation stung his cheeks as he was wheeled in, the first to board and making what felt like a spectacle, but Tavros pushed the feeling away. He had to get used to it.
Once free of the blasted thing, he transferred himself over to his seat, stowed his carry-on in front of him, snapped his seat belt into place, and then it was somehow done. He was ready. Other passengers began filing in, none paying him much attention, and it occurred to Tavros that he had made this happen. He had done something right.
It felt nice.
AT: i'M, UM
AT: i'M ON THE PLANE
AT: }:)
AA: i knew y0u'd figure it 0ut
AT: wE'RE TAKING OFF SOON
AT: sO i HAVE TO GO
AT: bUT i'LL TEXT YOU WHEN i GET THERE
AT: uNLESS IT'S SUPER LATE
AA: text me anyway.
AT: bUT, wHAT IF i WAKE YOU UP
AA: i d0n't care. text me anyway.
AT: uH, oKAY
AT: i PROMISE
AT: }:)
AA: 0_0
His phone made a soft electronic sigh as he shut it off and settled back. He thought flying would scare him, but it didn't. The only thing Tavros felt as the plane jolted its way through take-off was some intoxicating mix of incredulity and glee. Seven hours. He'd be there in seven hours.
He slept most of the way.
The campus was even bigger than Tavros remembered it being. Or it seemed that way, at least. The school had arranged a special shuttle to pick him up from the airport and get him settled, for which he was very grateful. He wasn't sure he could have ever found his dorm on his own, let alone drag his luggage with.
They had parked outside a tall, long brick building with foreboding architecture and innumerable windows. He glanced at his directions and back at the building, and yes, they were in the right place. Tables sporting huge stacks of paperwork and huge bunches of balloons – as if to distract you from the paperwork – lined the sidewalk. They were manned by friendly-looking student Tavros supposed must be representatives for campus life or something and divided neatly into alphabetical order. A crowd of students covered them like flies, shoving through to the right tables, shrieking greetings and howling jokes, acquainting and reacquainting themselves. Tavros gulped.
Shyly, he wheeled up to L-N, his escort at his side.
"Last name?" asked the girl assigned to this table. She had bright eyes and a wide smile, and when she moved, Tavros could see how long and full her dark ponytail really was. It reminded him vaguely of his own best friend, and he liked her instantly.
"Nitram."
"Nitram, Nitram..." she flipped through her forms, skimming names until she found his. "Tavros?"
"Y-yeah, that's me."
If it were possible for the girl's eyes to get any brighter, he would have said they lit up just then. "How about that! Looks like you're with me, Tavros." She extended her hand and he took it timidly. "My name's Feferi, and I'll be your RA this year. Welcome to Bode Hall."
Tavros smiled in spite of his nerves. She seemed wonderful. Feferi began piling papers in front of him, things he was to sign and initial, endless disclosures and repetitions of the rules – none of which he intended to break, thank you very much.
"Meal times are all down there, but you'll have a mini fridge to share with your roommate so don't worry about starving. Floor meeting's tonight at seven, and it's mandatory, so try not to be late, kay?" She shot him a dazzling smile and handed him keys to his room, his floor and his mailbox, which he cradled like treasures. "I think you're all set."
Tavros thought so, too.
He was on the seventh floor. Which suited him fine, as long as the building didn't catch fire or anything. He forced himself not to think about it. His escort waited patiently as he jimmied his key in the lock to the floor. There was a trick to it; you had to be pressing against the door while you turned the key to pop it open. The hallways were wide, lined with white cinder block and carpeted in something Tavros wasn't entirely sure could legally be called carpet. It had once been a rich indigo, but that was years ago, and it had been so faithfully trod upon that it was now a slick colorless surface his chair rolled neatly over.
His room was at the end of the hall and to the left. Tavros held his breath while he unlocked the door.
It was spacious and wide, clean and symmetrical, lit by a massive window on the east wall and equipped with two identical sets of everything – two beds, two tables, two chairs, two dressers. It would have been perfectly uniform, had it not been for the boy sitting on one of the beds, headphones in, computer open, his belongings already strewn around him.
The boy looked up to inspect the intruder. He was very small, much skinnier than Tavros, pale and dark-haired, with the darkest rings Tavros had ever seen circling his eyes. It was as if he hadn't eaten or slept in a month. He looked Tavros up and down, pursing his lips, before he came to his conclusion on the matter.
"Are you fucking kidding me?" were the first words out of his mouth.
Tavros had no idea how to respond.
"Enjoy, kid," his nameless escort told him, plopping Tavros' luggage down on what was apparently his side of the room. Tavros opened his mouth, wanted to ask him to stay, but what he could he really say? The man disappeared out the door in record time, leaving him to the company of his new roommate. Tavros shifted uncomfortably.
"N-no?" he managed.
"What?"
"I-i'm not kidding you, I-i, um."
The boy groaned, ripping out his ear buds. "What the actual fuck. No, I'm serious. I would just fucking love to know how this shit happens. Is Shit On Karkat Day a national fucking holiday? Tell me you don't also have a goddamn stutter, because I am not going to sit around with my thumb up my ass trying to decipher every fucking word you assail my sensory organs with."
"Uh- I- uh-"
"Well if that isn't just motherfucking magical. You've made me believe in goddamn miracles, kid! My friends will be so fucking thrilled to hear it." He frowned and gestured to the chair. "Is that permanent?"
"My chair?" Tavros was flushed with fear, bruised feelings and the force of his roommate's assault. "Y-yeah, I'm, um, it's, I'm- p-paralyzed."
"Fucking wonderful. You don't need help to get to the fucking can or anything, do you? Because I'm telling you right fucking now, you're not getting shit from me."
Now Tavros was starting to feel a hair indignant as well. "N-no, I can, t-take care of m-myself, just fine, t-thank you."
"Good." Glowering, the boy looked his new companion up and down once more, though it seemed some of the venom had gone out of his eyes. "What's your name?"
"T-t-t-" Tavros had to take a deep breath and remember his speech exercises, force himself to speak through the fear. "T-tavros Nitram."
"Hn." He almost looked appraising now. "Well. Hi, I guess. T-t-tavros. I'm Karkat. Don't fucking bother me." With that, he shoved his headphones back in and his full concentration returned to his computer, sparing Tavros from further conversation.
Letting out a breath he hadn't noticed he was holding, Tavros wheeled around, though it made him nervous to turn his back on the tiny package of explosive rage he was now sharing a bathroom with, and began unpacking for the sake of something to do. Most of his belongings were being shipped in, but he had the basics with him, and he set to making his corner as homey as he possibly could – anything to keep him from having to look across the room to Karkat. When his dresser was full and his suitcases were empty, he crawled out of his chair and onto his bed and pulled out his own laptop. Karkat had the right idea there, he thought.
The connection was excellent. Within moments, he was logging into PesterChum and scanning his list for the familiar initials. Nothing. She must have gotten caught up in something, Tavros thought. Even so.
adiosToreador began pestering apocalypseArisen
AT: i MISS YOU
AT: i MISS YOU SO MUCH
AT: THIS IS GOING TO BE SO HARD
AT: i MISS YOU
He meant every word.