a/n: this is a repost because FFNET decided to delete my story due to "inaccurate rating". all those reviews lost. so begins the gradual salvaging of my one-shot series.

Let's get one thing straight – the only reason Puck was doing this was to get some action. Otherwise, watching A Walk To Remember with Rachel Berry was making him seriously rethink whether he had unwittingly undergone some kind of estrogen transplant.

'Berry, seriously, I am about to take a spoon and gouge my fucking eyes out.' A beat. 'And then I might-'

'Honestly Noah. This was your idea in the first place. I don't see why you have to ruin-'

Puck gaped at her because really? Was she being fucking serious?

'Berry, I'm here because you said you'd let me touch your boobs,' Puck informed her flatly, crossing his arms. Rachel let out a gasp of outrage.

'I said no such thing!'

'Really? Because I remember you sashaying up to me and shaking that milkshake all up in my yard.'

'Clearly you have taken one too many footballs to the head if you misinterpreted my attempt at forming some kind of friendship as a sexual interlude,' Rachel told him primly, fiddling with the edge of her shorts. Her voice echoed around the empty house and Puck was reminded again of how very much alone they were.

'I don't do the whole friends thing with chicks,' Puck retorted, raising a brow. Rachel looked confused for a moment before smoothing out her features into a serene expression.

That should have been the first sign of warning, a presage of things to come.

'I find that hard to believe. I see you conversing with Quinn and Santana on an otherwise regular basis,' Rachel said, sliding her eyes his way. Puck fixed his gaze on the screen resolutely, watching as Shane West positioned Mandy Moore on the line that divided two states.

'I only talk to girls when I want in their pants.'

'That's despicable,' Rachel wrinkled her nose. 'And also incredibly unhealthy.'

Puck shrugged, not feeling the need to explain the fact that he was a stud. Because really, wasn't it obvious enough? Relationships and shit like that were for pussies like Finn who didn't find anything wrong with handing his balls over to some virginal Cheerio who liked to flash her spanks at Puck and any other guy during practice.

Was it so wrong that Puck liked being on top?

He didn't think so.

'While I suppose I should be flattered that you consider me attractive enough to constitute as one of your sexual conquests,' Rachel started, sucking in a large breath as Puck rolled his eyes. Didn't this girl ever learn the meaning of silence? It was like every time she opened her mouth there was this great big tsunami of words that pulled you under like a fucking tidal wave.

On the flip side, her ability to hold her breath that long presented such interesting possibilities…

'Puck! Are you listening to me?' Rachel's sharp tone made him blink.

'No,' he replied truthfully and watched as her face coloured comically.

'I don't even know why I bothered. This was obviously an extremely ill-advised idea on my part. That ridiculous hairstyle is clearly a foreshadowing of your infantile behaviour,' Rachel said, rising agitatedly to her feet. Puck thought she was going to stomp her foot. She didn't.

Wait a minute…

'Dude, did you just insult my 'hawk?' Puck asked, affronted.

'If you must know Noah,' (okay. There was no fucking way he had thought Berry saying his name that way was hot. At all. Actually, it was maybe sorta turning him on a little), 'the mohawk is a hairstyle favoured by punk rockers and bears a striking resemblance-'

Puck mimicked snoring. Loudly.

This time Rachel did stomp her little, tiny feet.

'Get out!' She hissed between her teeth. Puck settled himself comfortably into her couch, shifting his rear to find the sweet spot. Ah, there it was.

'Are your auditory senses malfunctioning?' Rachel shrieked. Puck smirked.

'Sorry. I forgot my Berry to English dictionary. You mind translating?'

'You,' Rachel said through clenched teeth. She bunched her fists at her side and Puck noticed the way her chest was straining through her thin t-shirt. 'Are insufferable.'

'Buenos nachos.'

'You're unbearable bilingually!' Rachel pointed a finger at him.

'Seriously Berry,' Puck said with a straight face. 'I'm trying to watch some serious romance here. Why don't you save your little bitch fit for later?' He leered. Rachel stood stock still and thinned her lips. Finally, realizing that Puck wasn't going to move, she seated herself on the opposite end of the couch.

Puck inched closer.

Rachel edged away.

They continued this dance until Rachel was pressed up against the side, her ribs digging painfully into the armrest. Puck swung an arm up behind her, letting his fingers graze against her shoulders.

'What are you doing?' Her words were soft but it made Puck pause before he resumed his ministrations.

'Seducing you.'

Rachel sighed but didn't shift away this time.

'And its working,' Puck had to point out, smugly looking down at the goosebumps on her arm. When Rachel kept her trap shut, he started to worry.

He had mentioned the tsunami before.

Shit, was this the calm before the storm?

'Why are you here Puck?'

'To get to second base,' his reply was automatic. Rachel gave him a bittersweet smile.

Well. Fuck me. She knows.

The next thing he knew her lips were pressed against his.

'Huh,' was all he managed to say as Rachel tucked herself against him.

'Please Noah. Why else would you be here on a Saturday night watching a chick flick with me if you didn't like me.' The triumphant smile on her face made him scowl.

'I don't like you,' he protested.

Because he didn't. Just because he might think she was hot, and that maybe her laugh sounded like wind chimes, or that she actually bothered with him…all that was, like, totally passing thoughts. It wasn't like he took the time to study her or contemplate shit about Rachel Berry.

Seriously.

'This movie blows,' Puck felt the need to point out, feeling his knees bump against her coffee table with an audible thud.

'I think it's lovely.'

'Yeah well, you belong in a mental institution.'

She fucking giggled and pressed a kiss to his cheek like he had just given her a compliment.

That was when Puck realized he'd shackled himself to all this crazy.

Dude, she's probably murder in the sack.

So maybe his decision to come here hadn't been a complete failure, Puck thought, ever so slightly leaning his head against Rachel's hair.

It wasn't like this was a relationship.

Right?