The Quick and the Rainbow
A Very Bizarre Crossover Fic
by Mr. 86
"Hold it right there!"
The BLU Soldier had his rocket launcher propped up and ready to fire. Just one shot would blow any unsuspecting idiot into bite-sized pieces. And that was exactly what he planned to do to the RED Scout who had just worked up the gall to try his hand at swiping the intelligence. Little did he know that luck was not on his side that day.
The RED Scout's eyes darted around the room, searching for something, ANYTHING, that he could take advantage of to escape an explosive fate. In reality, though, he was just stalling for time. His partner would be ready to go soon, and he had to make sure he lived long enough to pull off the briefcase heist successfully.
"Where do you think you're going with that, maggot?" The Soldier shouted at him. Scout grinned and turned on his Boston charm. "I was thinkin' I'd take it home. How's that sound?" Out of the corner of his eye, he could see a blur rapidly approaching.
Three...
"Not on my watch!" said the Soldier in his typical gruff tone.
Two...
"Why don't you come over here and fight me like a man, then, ah?" Scout's plan was working like a charm. Either the Soldier would drop his rocket launcher, or...
One...
"Why don't you eat crit, punk?" The Soldier fired the rocket launcher on his shoulder. An enormous ballistic projectile came careening toward Scout.
Zero.
Scout leaped out of the way of the rocket as it crashed through the window behind him. He jumped back to where he had been, back turned to the open window, and gave a mocking salute to the Soldier. "Later, dumbass!"
Scout jumped backward through the broken window, briefcase in hand, falling down into the chasm below. As the Soldier ran up to the edge, he couldn't believe his eyes: A rainbow-colored blur intercepted Scout in midair and soared back up to make eye contact with the Soldier.
What the-? The dumbfounded Soldier asked himself. Is that a-?
"Better luck next time, jerkwad!" said the winged rainbow pony which Scout was now riding. It and its passenger slapped a high-five. The Soldier dropped his rocket launcher... and his jaw.
"You ready to go?" asked Rainbow Dash.
"You bet I am!" answered Scout, wiping his watering eyes. Rainbows made him cry, but he was working on it. "Let's ditch these losers!"
The speedy pair zoomed off into the sunset with the intelligence, leaving the Soldier completely in disbelief.
How did this happen?