It was a relatively quiet day in Storybrooke, Maine as the townsfolk found themselves in their common meeting place, Granny's Bed and Breakfast. The day seemed dull without a monster terrorizing the streets or a twister blowing them into Oz. Which of course meant everyone was beginning to go a little stir crazy.
"No, wait! Hold on!" Emma waved her hand over the tray Ruby was balancing and watched as all of the items went to their respective owners. "BOOM! Look at that!"
"Impressive, Emma. Now who ordered the stack of shortcakes?" Regina snarked, pointing to the dwarves filing in through the door of Granny's diner.
"Watch it, sister."
"Must you dwarves flock everywhere together?" Killian was leaning against the counter as he motioned to the group. "I find it quite unsettling."
"We don't go everywhere together!" Grumpy argued. "I'm my own person!"
Happy tapped Grumpy on the shoulder to whisper, "Hey, I have to go to the bathroom."
"Actually, I have to, too." Grumpy muttered. Slowly, one by one they filed towards the restrooms.
Killian and Emma exchanged a knowing look before Robin stood from one of the tables. "Can I get some pie?"
"Aye. I'll take one, as well." Killian raised his hook regarding his request.
"Oh, actually you guys… there's only one piece left." Ruby placed the piece down on the counter and looked to the both of them. "Who wants it?" They both approached Ruby, looking each other up and down.
"Well, I asked first." Robin stated as he straightened his posture and slid the plate in his direction.
"I'm a Captain. My rank is far more superior than yours." He ran a finger over his hook as he raised a brow in confidence before sliding the plate his way.
"You can't be a Captain without a ship." Robin muttered as he yanked the plate from Killian's fingers.
He gritted his teeth and tore the plate from Robin, "That's a low blow, mate."
"Are you guys really gonna do this over a piece of pie?" Emma asked.
"That's rich coming from a pirate!" Robin argued.
Emma rolled her eyes and took a seat across from Regina, as they continued to quarrel, who then muttered, "I think we're going to have to learn to deal with their idiocy." They turned their attention back to the pointless argument just as Robin pushed Killian backward.
"You take that back!" He yelled.
"I'm not taking back a statement of truth you woodland creature!"
"Oh, burn!" Leroy called out in a chuckle just as the dwarves came filing back in. "What are they fighting about?" he asked Snow who was standing by quietly, alongside David, watching this humorous encounter.
"Pie." David answered simply.
"Seriously? But, Granny's coming out with a new batch right now." he motioned to the kitchen just as the door began to swing open.
"Not if i have anything to do with it." David smiled mischievously as he quickly jogged over to stop Granny as Snow began to protest.
"David! Don't you dare!" Snow whispered angrily, chasing after her husband.
"This is stupid. I'll just-" Regina raised her hands to summon another piece when Emma stopped her.
"No, no. L-let's see how this turns out."
"Oh, yeah? Well I have two hands!" Robin raised them up to make his point.
"And I'm willing to wager that my one hand has done plenty more than your two, mate!"
"You don't even like pie!"
"I do enjoy it on occasion!"
"It's true!" Leroy jumped in, causing the men to look in his direction. "I, uh… I've seen it. Anyway, go on. Continue." he waved a hand to signal for them to go about their business as he slunk back into the dwarf bunch.
"We'll settle this like men." Robin stated.
Killian smirked as he placed his index finger against his lips. "We'll that's fantastical." he splayed his fingers out before him as he stepped closer. "Are we to be merry or-?"
With a roll of his eyes, Robin let out a humorless and sarcastic laugh. "Hysterical."
"If it's a fight you want, you're on."
"Really, guys? Over pie?" Emma asked again.
"Not just any pie, Swan. It's pie that he wants."
"You two are showing the maturity equivocal to that of a flying monkey." Regina rose from the table she was seated at and made her way to the diner door. "I have a feeling this won't end until one of you goes home with their tail between his legs. So let's settle this once and for all, shall we?"
Killian and Robin gave her a wary glare before following her lead. Killian pushed Robin out of the way to exit the door first. He retaliated by shoving him out of the door, causing Killian to lose his stepping and tumble forward. The rest of the gang followed suit and when they exited the diner, they were met with 5 targets and Robin's bow and quiver in Regina's hands.
"Now wait just a bloody moment. How is this fair?" Killian asked as he motioned to the weapon.
"What's wrong, mate? Need a hand?" Robin smirked before going to retrieve the weaponry from her grasp.
"Regina, Hook's right. How is this fair on any level? We all know your boyfriend can rock a bow and arrow." Emma stated as she came forward. "Shouldn't there be some sort of… I don't know… sword fight?"
"I second that." Killian added.
"Look, Hook-For-A-Hand. You don't need to do anything but make one arrow onto one of these targets."
"Now, come on!" Robin whined. "How's that fair."
"You two are the ones that started this waste of time, I'm the one ending it…so, shut. It." Regina began to stride in front of the crowd as she continued. "Robin, make 5 bullseyes and you win."
Killian smirked as he nudged Emma's arm. "There's no way he'd be able to pull that off."
"You seem awfully giddy for a guy who's fighting over a piece of pastry." Emma muttered.
"Guyliner, make one arrow onto the board, and you win."
"And if they both make it?" David asked from the back.
"I highly doubt it, but on the off chance they do, then I guess they'll be sharing it."
"With two different forks, I hope." Robin muttered.
"Now, figure out who goes first." Regina ordered.
"Well, that's not a question." Killian stepped forward proudly. "That'd be me."
"Over my dead body!"
"Ah, mate, I can arrange that!" Killian shot back.
"Did you seriously put it up to them to figure it out?" Emma growled in frustration as she stepped between them, pulling out a coin. "Heads or tails?"
"What?" They asked together.
"Just pick one!"
"Heads." They requested at the same time. Their heads snapped to face each other as they stared each other down.
"Oh, for the love of-" Emma rolled her eyes and separated the two men again. "Robin. Heads. Killian. Tails." she tossed the coin in the air, catching it in her right then flipping it over onto the back of her left. She carefully moved her hand away as she looked to the picture. "Tails. Hook's first. Yay, let's get this over with." she grumbled unenthusiastically.
"Like I stated before," he took the bow and arrows from Robin and smirked, "No question about it."
"Fine by me. I'll stand by and watch you falter."
"This is so stupid." Emma muttered under her breath as she pushed Robin to the sidelines.
Killian looked to the items in his hand and tried to decipher how to approach the task. He dropped the bow to the ground before swinging the quiver over his shoulder and then taking the bow back in hand.
"Anytime, Hook." he heard Robin taunt from behind him.
His hook slid around the bowstring as he reached for an arrow. "How am I to manage this?" he asked in irritation as he fought with balancing the arrow, the bow, and fitting the arrow into the bow.
"Hold on." Emma jogged over, taking the arrow in hand while Killian looked to her gratefully. He situated the bow while she worked the arrow into place. "I have no idea how you can pull this off." she whispered.
"Neither do I, love."
"Tell you what," she turned her back to the crowd of onlookers as she 'adjusted' his stance, "If you can get the arrow to release from the bow, I'll take care of the rest."
His brow raised significantly, "That's cheating." he smirked.
"Not if we don't get caught." she smirked back.
"I knew I fell in love with you for a reason."
She gave a smile and a kiss on his cheek before heading back to the small crowd. There was absolutely no way he was going to manage this. Every time he went to move his hook, the arrow fell. He nearly threw the damn bow until Robin interfered. "Can't I just win by default? I mean, he can't even get the bloody thing out of the bow."
"No." Regina stated evenly. "He can take all the time he needs, unless-" she came forward, "You two want to call off this idiotic clash of testosterone."
"Over pie." Emma added.
"No!" They both yelled out.
"I demand a different challenge!" Killian tossed the bow at Robin followed by the quiver of arrows. "One that I can bloody well succeed at."
"Calm down before you get your leather in a bunch." Regina muttered.
"What challenge are you wanting to partake in?" Robin asked.
"Dice."
"I'm not playing pirate's dice with you." he argued.
"Afraid I might win?"
"No. I'm afraid of you cheating."
Emma sighed and threw her arms up. "Dice it is. Everyone back inside." she corralled everyone into with a roll of her eyes.
Regina gave a wave of her hand sending all of the archery equipment away in a huge swirl of purple smoke as she tailed them.
Killian and Robin were seated across from each other with everyone gathered 'round. Ruby had supplied two plastic glasses which both Robin and Killian respectively declined. "I assume you know the rules?" he asked as he pulled dice from the inside of his duster.
"Hold on, now. I'm not trustin' those!"
He gave a smirk in Robin's direction as he handed the dice to Emma, giving her a wink and sly smile. "If you would, love." She gave a deep sigh as she took the 5 dice and shoved them in her leather jacket. "Problem solved." he looked up to Emma and gave a wave of his hand over the table. "Care to test your summoning skills?"
"Yeah, sure. Whatever." she closed her eyes and scrunched her face as she began to focus. "Anything there yet?"
"No." Robin answered.
"How 'bout now?"
"Afraid not, love."
"Sit down, Emma, before you hurt yourself." Regina muttered, waving her hand. "There. Two sets of dice. Best out of 5. Let's get this over with so we can all go home."
Emma had taken her place on Killian's knee, per request, and Regina on Robin's. Why men couldn't bet without a woman next to them was beyond her understanding, but anything to get this pie argument over with. She was given the task of rolling the dice, though he could have done it himself.
The dice hit the table and her hands kept them covered until his hand took her place. "Since you're new, I'll allow you to wager first." Killian ran his tongue over his lower lip as he peeked under his hand at his values: 3,6,3,2,3
Robin took a quick look at his: 5,4,2,2,3, before clearing his throat and sitting back. "3 twos."
A single brow raised as he looked to him with hooded eyes and stone faced features, "3 threes."
Robin gave a tilt of his head as he lifted his hand again, allowing Regina access to the values. "I'll raise 4 threes."
His lower lip raised as he gave a slow nod of his head. "4 twos." Emma leaned over, lifting his hand a bit to see before sitting back.
All eyes were on Robin as he debated his next words. Should he call out the pirate at his own game, or believe him? "Eh…"
Killian sat back in his chair, hand securely covering his dice, as he waited for his move with a raised brow. "Do you want to call out Captain Hook? Very few can. It's alright." he taunted.
Robin gave a chuckle as he lifted his hand. "Challenge."
His single hand raised to reveal his face value. "Good man. One win for you." he passed his dice to Emma for her to roll, "Don't forget to blow. For luck." he gave a wink, she rolled her eyes. It must have been quite the scene to watch a pub full of pirates betting their earnings away. From the looks, it seems as though Hook has won quite a few games in his time, hence his boosted pirate ego at the moment. He covered her hand with his when she dropped it down and gave a look: 4,4,4,2,4
Robin did the same, only after a congratulatory kiss from Regina, and was met with: 4,4,3,5,5
"3 fours." Killian stated evenly as Emma began to play with the hair at the nape of his neck.
"4 fours."
"6 fours." he challenged.
Robin hummed to himself as he thought. "Bollocks!" he pushed his dice to the center of the table and looked to Killian's pile. "Damn it!"
"Looks as though we're evenly matched."
Killian: 6,6,2,1,1
Robin: 2,2,2,1,1
"3 twos." Robin started.
"4 twos."
"2 ones."
Killian gave as smirk as he sat back. "4 ones."
"5 ones."
"That's a lie." Killian raised his hand, pushing the dice forward and laughed. "You should do better at remembering your lies. Two, one."
Killian: 2,2,2,2,2
Robin: 2,2,4,4,4
"3 fours." Robin began.
Emma peeked under his hand and raised a brow. Killian looked over to her and smirked. "Care to try?"
She scoffed. "And lose your lead?"
"It's not like I'm unable to get it back."
She debated, but maneuvered herself into his lap as she covered his hand with hers just as he slipped it out. His hand went to her waist, along with his hook as his eyes were met with David's firing glare. Snow placed a hand against her husband's chest and began whispering calming words. Emma leaned over the table as she glared to Robin. "3 twos."
"4 twos."
"6 twos."
His eyes narrowed as Regina straightened her posture. "7 twos." he gave her smirk as Killian leaned forward to whisper into her hair.
"Ummm…" her eyes met Robin's and Regina's as she nervously chewed her lip. "2… threes."
"Lies!" Robin smiled wide, revealing his hand.
"Aaaand… I lost your lead." she muttered, shoving the dice to the center of the table.
"Good! Now get out of his lap!" Her father ordered.
"David!" Snow smacked his chest as Emma rolled her eyes and maneuvered back to his knee.
She took the dice in hand and began to shake them as Regina did the same. Killian looked up through his lashes as he poked her thigh with his hook. She glared over as he looked down to his hand that now held his dice she had confiscated.
It was wrong. It was cheating. It was such a pirate thing to do.
She loved it.
Giving the dice an over exaggerated shake, a few flew out of her hand as she cursed. "Crap! Sorry." Regina gave a suspicious glare in their direction before looking to Robin.
"I got em, sister!" Leroy moved out from behind them allowing her to snatch the dice from Killian and place the others in between the space of her thigh and his.
"Thank you." she smiled warmly to Grumpy as she 'placed them in her hand', and tossed them on the table. Killian immediately covered her hand with his as they took a peek at his dice.
Killian: 5,5,5,5,5
Robin: 4,4,2,2,5
"1 five." he began.
Robin leaned over the table as he pulled his dice to him. "I'll raise you 2."
"3 fives."
"3 fours."
A brow raised as he gave a sighed answer, "4 fives."
The door chimed, signaling Henry's arrival from school. He stopped at the sight of everyone gathered around the center table. "Hey guys!" he greeted, but the tension was too high for anyone to care.
There were three unknown numbers on the table and any possible combination. Regina leaned over to whisper in Robin's ear before a smile appeared on his face. "6 fives."
"Okay?" Henry muttered to himself as he threw off his backpack and sat down at the counter. "Oh, pie!"
His jaw clenched as he looked to Regina, who had her ever present red lipped smirk on her face. She knew. "Bloody hell." There was no winning this game. Not with only two players. He shoved his dice across the table, as everyone cheered Robin on, before pointing a finger to the mayor. "You cheated."
"I did nothing of the sort! I was a valuable good luck charm. You were the ones to switch out the dice."
"Pirate." as if that explained it all.
"And you helped him!" Robin yelled to Emma.
Giving a shrug, she leaned into Killian and stated, "Pirate's girlfriend."
"I still won. I still get the pie!" he smiled widely as he moved to stand and everyone shifted their gaze to the counter.
Henry turned on the stool as he licked the rest of the berry residue off of the fork and gave a wave. "Hey guys!" His smile faded as he looked around to everyone staring at him in disapproval. "Um, what did I do?"
"Oh, kid." Emma's head fell onto Killian's as she giggled.
"My pie!" Robin whined.
Killian's head slowly turned to Robin. He was wearing a shit eating grin, biting down on his lip.
"Cake anyone?" Ruby asked with a clap of her hands.
The two men raised their hands as Ruby sighed with a low groan. "There's only one left."
The whole diner sighed in unison as Killian and Robin began vigorously shaking their dice.