A/N: So yeah, like it says in the description, this is Finn's reaction to Quinn's accident. It's canon up to on my way, but you can consider it AU from then.
Chapter One - Comatose
I remember exactly how I got here, exactly how it started. I suppose I should really, it's kinda hard to forget. It was on what was supposed to be my wedding day after we won our regionals. Rachel was holding everything up 'cause she wanted Quinn to be there, I was getting sorta pissed off really. I mean what did it matter if Quinn was there or not, I mean I know Quinn was supposed to be over me but how many people want to watch their ex-boyfriend get married? I figured she probably wasn't even planning to turn up anyway.
That's when I started to get that sick feeling, I didn't realise something was wrong though, it was nerves. I shouldn't have started thinking about when I was dating Quinn really, especially since we never had closure, because as soon as I did I started to wonder if what I was doing was right. I was totally freaking out! Anyway I decided to wait outside, clear my head a bit, y'know? I was such an idiot, what sort of asshole thinks they should get married in high school?
So I was out there in the cold, thinking about Quinn and how in a few minutes I would be tied down to Rachel for the rest of my life. I guess my nerves showed because there was a guy outside smoking and he was eying my funny.
"Want one?" he asked me, holding up his cigarettes. "You look like you need one."
"No, I don't smoke." I was telling the truth, I didn't. He didn't believe me, or maybe he just thought I should take it up because he gave me one anyway.
"Just in case." He told me, I didn't really want it but I put it in my pocket anyway. It didn't take long for him to finish smoking; I guess he must have been nervous about something too. I was only by myself for a minute though because Kurt, my stepbrother, came outside and asked if he could talk to me.
"There's something I need to tell you," he said, I wasn't looking at him; I didn't want him to try and talk me out of the wedding.
"Can it wait until after the wedding?" I asked him, when he stepped in front of me so I could see him. He looked like he was about to cry though so I knew something bad had happened. "Does Rachel want to call it off?"
"Not exactly," he told me, and that's when my nerves got even worse. "But I don't think either of you will want to get married right now,"
"What's wrong Kurt?"
"Quinn was in an accident." I swear I felt like my blood turned to ice, I'm still not sure if I couldn't believe it or if I just didn't want to. "We just got a call, she… she was on her way here. She was in a car crash, Finn, she's in hospital."
"Oh…" I must have sounded like a total douchebag, but I didn't know what else to say. A small part of me was convinced Kurt was lying to make some point about how I shouldn't get married since I'm not over Quinn but that's not the sort of person Kurt is. I can still remember that exact moment, the one where I stopped being the old Finn Hudson and started being the new Finn Hudson.
I can't really remember how we got to the hospital, I can just remember sitting there waiting for some sort of news. Eventually a doctor came and told us she was stable but in a coma and we went to see her in groups of 3. Nobody was there long, what can you say to someone in a coma? Eventually me, Kurt and Rachel went in to see her. I'll never, ever forget the first time I saw her in that bed. She looked so peaceful; she was bandaged and bruised and had tubes and wires sticking out of her, but the thing is even with all of that she was still beautiful. It's hard to describe how I felt when I looked at her, all my nerves, all the things I had been thinking, all the heat in my body, it's like they disappeared. I felt hollow, like if someone came along and cut open my chest with a buzz saw it would just be this empty space with a photo of Quinn inside or something, I'm not too great with words but that's the best way I can think to describe it.
Rachel and Kurt had been talking and they both had tears running down their cheeks so I put my hand up to my face, bone dry. I don't know why I wasn't crying, I should have been. I should have been crying my eyes out, barely able to breathe, but all I could do was sit and stare at Quinn. I know it's stupid but it made me angry, why should Kurt and Rachel be crying if I'm not? Kurt and Quinn were friends, but they were never close and Rachel and Quinn had never really been friends, but she was the first person I ever loved. It was about 5 minutes before I decided that was all I could take.
"I can't stay any longer," I said, more to myself than anyone in particular. "Goodbye, Quinn, I'll be back soon." I kissed her on the forehead and left. I took the long way outside to avoid bumping into anyone I knew and ended up just pacing back and forth in front of the entrance. It was like something snapped in me, I was so damn angry. Less than a hundred feet from me, someone I really cared about, someone I loved and to this day still do, was lying in a hospital bed half dead and I didn't even have a single tear in my eyes. I hated myself so much that I did something I don't usually do, I ran away.
My legs were aching by the time I got back to my house, there was a sharp pain in my side and I had a headache. It turned out that running home was pointless; all I did when I got there was pace back and forth in the hall just like I was doing back at the hospital but after about the fiftieth time I turned around I caught sight of the drinks cabinet. I'm not sure what made me do it but I literally ran towards it, I just took out the first thing I got my hands on and took a swig. In the time it took me to get up to my room I had drank half the bottle, it tasted good and every sip sent a burning down my throat. I could tell it was strong because my legs were wobbling and my vision was blurring already.
I put some music on and as soon as the violins started playing I recognised the song, I hadn't heard it in years but somehow I wasn't surprised today would be the day I hear it again, when the guitars kicked in I remembered the song was called comatose.
I hate feeling like this
I'm so tired of trying to fight this
I'm asleep and all I dream of
Is waking to you
Tell me that you will listen
Your touch is what I'm missing
And the more I hide I realize I'm slowly losing you
I didn't turn the music off; each word hurts but I couldn't turn it off. It might have been the shock of what happened or more likely it was the alcohol but I just started throwing punches, at the air at first but eventually my fists found solid objects.
Comatose
I'll never wake up without an overdose of you
I started grabbing things and throwing them across the room. I didn't even know what they were I just threw anything I could pick up.
I don't wanna live
I don't wanna breathe
Unless I feel you next to me
You take the pain I feel
Waking up to you never felt so real
I don't wanna sleep
I don't wanna dream
'Cause my dreams don't comfort me
The way you make me feel
Waking up to you never felt so real
I hate living without you
Dead wrong to ever doubt you
But my demons lay in waiting
Tempting me away
Oh how I adore you
Oh how I thirst for you
Oh how I need you
Comatose
I'll never wake up without an overdose of you
I don't wanna live
I don't wanna breathe
Unless I feel you next to me
You take the pain I feel
Waking up to you never felt so real
I don't wanna sleep
I don't wanna dream
'Cause my dreams don't comfort me
The way you make me feel
Waking up to you never felt so real
Breathing life
Waking up
My eyes open up
Comatose
I'll never wake up without an overdose of you
Oh how I adore you
Waking up to you never felt so real
Oh how I thirst for you
Waking up to you never felt so real
Oh how I adore you, oh
The way you make me feel
Waking up to you never felt so real
When the song ended I finally calmed down and collapsed at the foot of my bed, there was a stain on the wall where I threw the bottle and whatever the alcohol was clung to the wallpaper. There was broken glass and plastic all over the floor, torn posters and a hole in my closet door, I looked at my hands and they were all bloody and gross, with bits of wood stuck in them and that's when it happened. First one tear fell down my face and onto my hands and then more and more, I spent the rest of the night crying into my pillow, occasionally managing to call out Quinn's name.
A/N: So yeah, that's chapter one. Later chapters should be longer and less taken up by lyrics, this is just sort of an introduction. Updates might be slow at first but should hopefully pick up once I get a few chapters in