Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS. I do not own NCIS. I do not own… well, I think you get the point.
A/N: I was re-watching some old NCIS episodes recently, when I heard a line in Caught on Tape that was simply begging for a fic. As ncisfanwiki's summary of the episode puts it: 'Kate admits to Tony that she may have to agree with him about the sexes. It's Biology 101, he tells her. Kate asks Tony if he thinks she's attractive. Sure he responds. So why hasn't he ever? "Because I know you."'
This fic can either be read as pure friendship or as friendship with romantic subtext; it's your call.
"Just out of curiosity," Kate began casually, "you said that you wouldn't make a move on me because you know me. What is it exactly about me that turns you off? My obvious intellectual superiority? My bossiness? My tidiness?"
Tony's eyebrows rose slightly in surprise, and she quickly added, "Not that I care or anything."
"Well, the bossiness and OCD-ish neatness certainly don't help," he said, shrugging.
When she glared at him, Tony added quickly, "I'm kidding, Kate. Just kidding! You know I'm not that discriminatory about who I sleep with."
Kate simply gave him a look.
"If you must know," he continued, lowering his voice and looking uncomfortable, "It's because I know you. I know what you're looking for in a relationship, and I'm not it. You want a committed, adult relationship, and I like my flings. I respect you too much to do that to you. And then, of course, there are Gibbs' rules."
After a short pause, Kate said, "That's surprisingly mature of you, DiNozzo; I'm impressed."
"Of course, if you ever feel the need for a friend with benefits…" Tony said, grinning.
"And he's back," Kate muttered dryly.
"Hey, anything to help out a friend in need," Tony said, continuing to look smug. "I'm just that kind of guy."
–—– –—– –—–
Kate had just finished packing up to go home for the evening.
"Hey, I'm heading out," she told Tony.
"Big plans?" he asked.
"None of your business," she returned quickly, though not without amusement.
"I have plans," Tony said, an obnoxiously large smile on his face.
"Oh?" Kate asked. "What's her name?"
"Excuse me," Tony said. "I'm offended that you think that's all I do. And a little bit flattered. For your information, I plan on watching The Bridge on the River Kwai. Maybe a little Hitchcock later in the evening."
"Enjoy," Kate said.
"Oh, I will," Tony assured her.
"Oh, and for the record, Tony?" Kate said as she reached the elevator. "You're wrong about what type of guy you are. I think you're the commitment sort."
Tony snorted.
"I suppose all I need is the love of a good woman," he said sarcastically.
Shrugging some, Kate said, "It certainly wouldn't hurt. But no, that's not what I meant."
"Then what, pray tell, did you mean, Katie?" he inquired.
"That you're fiercely loyal," Kate said calmly. "And that one day, you'll meet a woman who you'll want to extend that loyalty to. Because as much as you're an immature jerk at times, you're also the kind of guy who would go to the ends of the earth for someone that you cared about. And that? That's commitment material right there."
And with those words, she let the elevator doors close, shutting out his pensive face.