Hey.
Take this as you wish.
This is my take. These are my perceptions.
Warning: This contains mature content. If you can't handle self-inflicted injuries, don't read this. Press the back button and forget all about this. This isn't for you.
Push harder.
I'm trying.
You've got to be better.
I'm doing my best.
You can do better than this – you're not trying hard enough.
I'll study longer, I swear. I just need some sleep, is all. I haven't been getting very much lately and –
You think that's a valid excuse? Casey, what colleges are going to look at a normally honors level student gone slacker? You have to be better, Casey.
I'm trying! Sometimes it's just – just too much.
Don't you dare cry. Don't even think about it.
I can't help it. I can't – I'm not –
That's weakness. You don't want to be weak, do you? Do you?
…no. But – I –
Good. So, don't cry. Just try a little harder, put a little more effort in. Get it done.
Yes, father.
---
Can't let them know. Can't let anyone find out.
Disaster will reign down if they see. If they pay attention.
Just keep that smile screwed on your face. Don't falter, no, don't let that mask fall off, even for one second.
Too much, too much – can't take the pressure –
Press harder, break the skin, draw the blood.
Suck in the breath, hold back the scream.
Take in the pain and expel the thoughts.
Nothing matters but the blade, the relief.
Don't let anyone find out. No, don't let them know.
They'll take it from you. Won't ever leave you alone.
Send you to a shrink who'll just give you pills and act like he cares, like he understands. Like he ever could.
Watch it trickle down your arm.
Enjoy the feeling of control.
You can't be good enough at anything but this. This is the one thing you're sure you're the best at.
Don't draw too much, no, you don't want to do that. They'll find you and take you away from your one relief.
Just a little at a time. Small gasps of surface air before going back down in the water to drown.
Maybe one day you can stop. Maybe.
But don't hold your breath.
-SNN