Alright, so I've only ever written fanfiction once before in my life. It was okay. I don't think I've ever been much of a writer, but I try. I'd love feedback, even suggestions of what you want to happen. So telll meeee... :)

Disclaimermabobber: Shoot. The chances of me ever owning Instant Star are higher than the chances of me ever winning the lottery. And my parents buy tickets every day...

...Yeah, right. Chances still low. And you know if I owned Instant Star, Tommy and Jude would already be a couple. I'm gonna stop ranting now. And this disclaimer goes for the whole story. If this superlarge A/N is any insight to the story, I hope it's good news cues. Good news cues. I know I'm really weird. I've got marching band in a few hours so I'm kinda flipping out. I'm also kinda digressing.

(I may do that a lot, by the way. Fair warning.)

PG-13? Sure. The rating may change in the future. May or may not. Keep that in mind.

This is written in Jude's POV. Unless otherwise noted.

---ONWARDS!---

Eighteen. So I'm finally eighteen.

It's crazy, if you think about it. I've been through so much in the past 3 years. Ever since I won Instant Star, my life has been far from that- my own. Between the press, the tours, the talk shows, and everything else that comes with fame and fortune, I've hardly had time to breathe. And here I am, 3 years later. Finally an adult. Finally a woman.

I know I should be getting some sleep. It's a little past midnight, and here I am being all philosophical. I've got a huge birthday bash being thrown for me tonight, and tons of planning for it. But I just can't sleep. Why can't I sleep?

You know why.

Okay, so maybe I do. Maybe in the back corner of my head, where I keep all those feelings locked away. But I'm not gonna think about that now. I'm not gonna think about him now. I just need some sleep.

I spend the rest of my night tossing and turning, trying to keep my head clear. I get a mere 2 or 3 hours of sleep. And the last thing I needed was my mom and Sadie invading my bedroom at 8 in the morning. Granted, they did bring me chocolate chip pancakes. And a stack of presents.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HONEY!" was the greeting I got from my mom. Rise and shine. You're only eighteen once.

"Mom. It would have been nice to have gotten a warning last night that you were gonna come busting in on me this morning."

"Oh come on, Jude! It's your birthday," Sadie said, "And what better way to celebrate than with your favorite pancakes, presents, and of course, your favorite sister."

I groaned. "You're my only sister, first of all. And secondly, my thoughts exactly. It's my birthday. Therefore, I make the decision on when we get to celebrate. And we get to celebrate after I get another good few hours of sleep."

My mom, being the overenthusiastic person that she is, doesn't like my plan. "Honey, look, the pancakes are still hot. And the presents.. just think of the presents..."

...This is a losing battle.

The next half hour is spent unwrapping presents and laughing with my mom and older sister. A new pair of boots, a guitar pick necklace, a couple of CDs, and as a joke, one of those Chinese cat bobbleheads from Sadie.

"For your dashboard on that hot little car of yours," she said with a laugh. I laughed back, remembering our first and last trip to Chinatown. That was one hell of an experience.

After my awesome breakfast-in-bed and present opening ceremony, I get ready for the day. I'm needed at G-Major headquarters to put the finishing touches on my party. I'm not so nervous about it, since I know what's gonna happen. Georgia's gonna explain what there's gonna be to do and get the finished list of who's coming. My producer, Jay, is gonna work with Kwest to figure out what tracks we're spinning. And EJ's gonna pull me away for another one of her "fashion emergencies".

So basically, my job is to pick out an outfit and to stay out of everyone else's way.

I leave the house after plenty of hugs and I-love-you's, and hop into my red Mustang convertible. A gift on my 17th birthday from both of my parents. It's especially important to me because my parents collaborated in getting me the gift, even after their rough times. I peel the cover off of the sticky styrofoam on the bottom of the bobblehead Sadie gave me and stick it to the dash. I think I'll name it later. Or maybe I'll just name it after Kat. She'll love that.

During the drive to G Major, I have plenty of time to think. And I guess I like that, considering I hardly ever get the chance, except today is one of those kinds of days where I don't want to think.

It's my eighteenth birthday. I'm all grown up.

It's like my Mantra for the day. Maybe I'll get through the next 24 hours if I just keep saying that.

Waiting at a stop light, I flick my new cat bobblehead and let my mind wander. Watching the little good luck cat's head, I remember a certain hula-dancer toy much like this bobblehead. And then I'm mad at myself. Because then I remember Tommy.

Tommy.

Not today, I can't think about this or him today. Why today of all days? Well, I know why, but I'd rather not be honest with myself. He's one of those things I keep locked up in the back of my head. I'm not going there, not today.

A car behind me honks it's horn and I could swear someone's shouting obscenities. Shaking my head of the thoughts, I drive the rest of the way to G Major thinking about the party.

As soon as I'm out of the car and in the building, EJ's bombarding me with happy birthday wishes and info. I have to give a speech tonight, say my thank you's and what not.

"Oh, and you have to pick your dress, of course," she says, baring her teeth.

She rushes me off and I barely have a chance to register the speech thing. Of course. A speech. I've always been bad at those.

"So we have a selection of dresses for you again, of course. All your size. Shoes, hair, makeup, handbags, you name it, we got it."

"Wow, EJ. You never cease to amaze me..."

We've entered a room equivilant to a diva's dressing room. Or maybe a department store. There's clothing racks with dresses in every material and color by every famous designer label out there. There's boxes of shoes on display ranging from flats to stilettos. And there really was just about everything in the room that I'd ever need.

"I feel like it's my sweet sixteen all over again." I said, taking in the room.

"This birthday's gonna be good enough to rival your prom. Now start picking!" EJ shoves me a little further into the room.

EJ would be the best person to go shopping with. She really knows what she's doing. I'm not necessarily lacking in the clothing department, or anything, it's just nice to have a little advice. Especially on my big night.

"I love this dress!" I exclaim a half hour later. We've gone through maybe 10 dresses out of a possible 50. I fall in love with a strappy dark blue empire dress with black mesh overlay. It's a winner, and I already know it.

EJ starts picking out shoes. "You'll definately want heels with that dress, to give you a few good inches." She's about to hand me a pair of silver heels when Georgia walks in, knocking on the doorframe.

"Happy birthday Jude. Sorry to interrupt, I hope everything's going well?"

"Thanks, Georgia. Like my dress? I'll definately be wearing this one tonight." I smile, feeling excited and glamorous.

"It's beautiful. You look like a princess," Georgia replied jokingly. But immediately after the comment, her face set into a more serious look. "EJ, can I have a word with you for a minute?"

"You won't miss me, I'll be back in a sec, Jude." EJ said, leaving the room with Georgia.

"But EJ! Who will help me pick my shoes! I'll die if they don't match..."

Georgia shuts the door behind EJ and I'm left to myself again. More time to think.

My fingers run over the different handbags. Do I want a purse? One of these wristlet things? Do I want Jamie to just hold my cell phone again for me like he did last time?

No, I decide. Things are gonna be different this time. This party is going to be great. No flaws. No mistakes or regrets. And just to make sure, I decide to opt for a handbag instead of Jamie's coat pocket. Everything will be different this time. Especially since he won't be there.

Nothing can go wrong this time.