Author: Uchiha Yumi
Title: Shitsumon ga arimasu!
Genre: Humour, General
Summary: Getting embarrassed can be bad. Getting embarrassed by your own, cheeky Fukutaichou is surely worse [One-shot, slightly MatsuHitsu, Humour
Rating: PG
ParingsSlightly Hitsugaya x Matsumoto. Or better Matsumoto x Hitsugaya. If you squint.
Main Characters: Hitsugaya Toushirou, Matsumoto Rangiku
Special thanks: A special thank to Lilya-chan and FunnyNeko, for reading and correcting all of my nasty stuff.
Disclaimer: I don't own them. But I was allowed to attend the Female Shinigami Association meetings, so I'm a trustworthy source! ;P
Notes:English is not my native tongue. Please tell me about my mistakes!
Aaah – some antidepressant randomness I wrote month ago. Have fun and let me know what you think about it. The title should be roughly translatable as "I have a question" (literally "there's question")
Shitsumon ga arimasu!
As his hands mechanically stamped a few reports, two big, pink…things appeared on his desk, right in front of his eyes. He frowned a little, a terrible sense of deja-vu and incoming threat pervading his body when his eyes realized those two…objects were connected to a chest, that was connected to a neck, on top of which there was a leering, cheerful face that was leaning against a feminine, slender arm.
"Matsumoto…" he wearily stated, sighing deeply.
"Morning, Taichou!" the joyful woman waved her hand "How'ya doing?"
The young Captain resumed his tasks, without even giving her a further glance. Rangiku stayed silent for a few more seconds, just looking at her superior and slightly cocking her head to the side.
"It's past midday, already. You're slacking off again – weren't you supposed to attend a meeting?" Hitsugaya Toushiro reproached her after a short while, not really expecting her to be sorry or whatever.
"I knoooooow!" she chirped and her…luggage slightly bounced. Again in front of the poor boy's eyes. He sighed. "But the reunion was SO DAMN BORING! I could barely resist Iba-san's speech, then I fell asleep on the table!"
She was pouting now, and the ample gestures that always accompanied her most heated considerations just added to her Taichou's arising annoyance. Together with that … continuous "leaping" of certain parts.
"It's not the meeting. Last night you were out to drink again, weren't ya?"
Matsumoto Rangiku tilted her head to the other side "Izuru-chan and Shuuhei-chan asked me out sooooooo kindly, I couldn't say no! And Rukongai's sake is sooooooo much better than the one they serve here!" she concluded, her voice coming in high pitches.
He raised his head for a bare moment, to give her smiling face a doubtful look "Whatever…Go back to work, now. Take half of this pile and sign it"
"I can't"
His gaze travelled back to her face "…why not? It's not like you've got better things to do, since we pay you for this, right?"
Matsumoto-fukutaichou leaned onto his desk, her elbows supporting her weight. Her…abundant bosom was squeezed between her arms "But I've got a question to ask youuuu!"
It looked much like an official declaration. He felt chills run down his spine.
"…a question…?" maybe if he asked, nothing bad would have happened. Maybe…
"Yeshies, Taichou!" she smiled broadly "…are you a virgin? You're always staring at my breasts…" she giggled, knowingly.
If only he wasn't sure that Taichou weren't genetically created to blush, Hitsugaya Toushiro would be more than certain he was turning as red as a red tomato.
"Take half of this pile and sign it"
Nonchalance was the best choice, right?
"Ah-ah! I was right, Taichou's a virgin!"
Wrong. Rangiku pointed his finger at him and started laughing "How cute! Taichou's a virgin! A VIRGIN!"
His subordinates couldn't hear her…his subordinates couldn't hear her…so why was it so damn silent all of a sudden, outside?!
"And here I was already starting to think that with Hinamori-cha-"
"M-M-MATSUMOTOOOOOO!!!!"
Now they would definitely hear.
"What? You two were always alone at hers! So I thought that, since you look like a healthy bo-"
"My healthiness is none of your business!"
"Is too, you're my Taichou! It's my precise duty to take care of you!"
So she did actually know that a "duty" was. Blackmailer.
"It's not!" he firmly repeated
"Is too! And then you stare"
"I don't stare!"
Captains can't blush, Captains can't blush…
"You do!" she chuckled "But it doesn't matter, I don't mind…they're here to be watched, right?"
Okay. Maybe, just maybe, Captains could blush as well. Damn.
"…even if it was, I can assure you I don't sta-"
She came closer, her bosom just a few inches away from his now purple face. He gasped so badly he nearly choked. Matsumoto, on the other hand, looked so amused she started laughing like crazy again.
"TAICHOU'S SO CUTE!"
"…you have the day off…" his anger was raising with the same swiftness his dignity was sinking with.
"But I don't wa-"
"It wasn't a choice. You have the day off"
He needed to be alone. He needed to be alone to think and…deal with a certain, hard-pressing, matter.
"…But I want to help Taichou!" her smile was supposed to be reassuring, but it just looked like one of those you see on evil puppets in horror movies. Toushiro shuddered "…aren't I such a good Fukutaichou?"
Hitsugaya-taichou felt the sudden urge to run. Too bad he felt glued to the chair.
"Please, Matsumoto, I really don't need any help in that sense…"
"But Shuuhei-kun always said I'm SOOOOOOO good in bed, and I'm SOOOOO horny and that with my mou-"
The poor boy's expression was really priceless – mouth hanging open, eyes wide, eyebrows twitching. He didn't even realize his hand had automatically reached for Hyourinmaru as a second, louder scream escaped his lips
"Mats….Ma…M…Matsu….MATSUMOTOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
However, Rangiku luckily seemed to notice. With a swift bow and a wicked chuckle, she rushed to the door.
"Well, Taichou, just call if you need me! I'll take my day off and I'll go shopping!"
And with that she was gone, the door closing behind her shoulders.
Hitsugaya Toushiro gasped before letting out a weary sigh. His head hung down, he bumped a couple of times against his desk. The hardest part of being a child prodigy and Captain of the 10th Division was that he couldn't even act like a normal, hormonal teenager.
OWARI