This fic will be not only a one shot but also my first attempt at writing a parody. I've enjoyed reading many of the parodic works of my colleague here named LycoX. He really knows how to write humorous and silly fics and one shots and now I'd like to try my hand at it. I hope you'll all like it.
Disclaimer: I don't own "Arrow", though if I did, I would've doubled the focus on Oliver in season 6 keep Oliver and Felicity as friends while reducing her screen time, double the amount of action and fight scenes, make Slade a regular and add him to the team if Manu were willing, give Thea her yellow cape, and ensure that either Canarrow or Assassin Canarrow were endgame. But I don't own it and that is that.
Oliver was shirtless inside of some unknown facility that looked like it had once been some sort of prison, and he was being tortured mercilessly by Adrian Chase, who he and his team had recently discovered was the villainous Prometheus. Currently, Chase had been putting Oliver threw the ringer, firing arrows into his shoulder, waterboarding him, and other stuff while continuously yelling at him to confess something Oliver didn't even know about and frankly, as far as Oliver was concerned, this whole mess was starting to become annoying.
"Confess Oliver, CONFESS!", Chase screamed like a maniac, while poor Oliver screamed back, "WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?! Frankly, Chase was starting to look like an overgrown teenager who wasn't getting his favorite toy and was therefore throwing a tantrum like Joe Mcenroe, the famous tennis player who lost it a lot while playing his matches. As Oliver was going through all of this, he was wishing beyond all wishes that the Fates would take pity upon him and send him a glorious rescue that would end with him in a nice cozy room somewhere, curled up with the woman he loves, and watching Bugs Bunny and the rest of the "Looney Toons". Boy were they a riot. Basically anything but this crapload Chase was putting him.
All of a sudden, as though the heavens had heard his prayer, the ceiling above suddenly came crashing down in a mighty roar, and what followed was a majestic looking winged unicorn flying down from the skies above and riding upon it was none other than Sara Lance herself, wearing her gorgeous White Canary uniform and a sparkling tiara in her hair and brandishing a magical sword. Oliver had never seen a more beautiful and refreshing sight in his life at the sight of the woman he loved literally riding to his rescue. His own knight in shining armor, if you will.
Sara, with an air of confidence, elegantly slid off her unicorn and, in one swift move, pointed her sword and sent two beams of light from her sword, one that slammed into Chase's chest, sending him flying across the room, and the other into the shackles holding the love of her life, freeing him. She then ran to him and gently took his face into her hands.
"Ollie my love, are you alright? What on Earth did that monster do to my darling?" She kept asking him as she fussed and fawned over him, making sure that her man was okay.
"Nothing I couldn't handle. The strange thing is that he kept wanting me to confess to something and for the life of me, I didn't know what it could be".
"Well you shouldn't worry about that now Ollie. Just accept that Chase is a villain and a lunatic and I'm here to rescue you from his mighty clutches, and not a moment too soon I might add. If I hadn't come when I had, he might've had you spewing nonsense such as you liking killing or even that you're a dancing flamingo.
Oliver immediately looked offended upon hearing his girlfriend's words.
"Well I most certainly do NOT like killing and just because, and I ain't no tap dancing flamingo which, by the way, would be a description as insulting as me liking killing. So yes, thank goodness you came when you did or else I would've blabbed out a potentially untrue confession that wouldn't have made any sense."
"And that's why you have me Ollie. To not only rescue you when you're in trouble but to also keep your lovely head in check. And unlike my good friend Carmen Sandiego, you will never have to wonder where in the world I am for I'll always be there for you, always."
"Thanks honey. That means a lot", Oliver said in response to his girlfriend's sweet words. Sara then turned her attention to the villain who had dared to bring suffering and torment to her Ollie, and who had also recovered a little bit from being whammied into the wall and was staring at the two lovebirds like he wanted to puke, and, before Chase could react or even say Jack Robinson, Sara, with a scary look on her face and screaming "YEEEEEEEEYAAAAAA", leaped into the air and came downward with her sword, sending another beam right at Chase, a beam that not only changed his clothes into a tutu dress, causing him to scream with rage and hate, but also sent him flying upwards into the sky, his limbs flaying the entire time, and all the way to Timbuktu where he would crash into a jungle and be found by a group of monkeys who would force him to spend the rest of his days getting bananas and coconuts thrown at him since, for some strange reason, the monkeys just couldn't stand the sight of him. Who knew?
Once all of that was said and done, Sara and Oliver hoisted themselves onto Sara's unicorn and, once it started flapping its wings, they flew upward into the air and soared passed all of the beautiful creation below them, and it was a fantastic treat for Oliver and one he hoped would repeat again in the near future, until they managed to return to the foundry where Diggle, Felicity, and Curtis were waiting for them, who were all flabbergasted by the sight of a winged unicorn inside of the Foundry, though Diggle had it worse. Once she and Oliver had arrived, the first thing Sara did was walk up to Felicity and, without preamble, gave her a magically super strong karate kick that sent her flying upwards through the ceiling, over the clouds, and all the way to South America, limbs flaying the entire time just like with Chase, where she would be found by an Amazonian tribe and married off to their chief who would not put up with her selfishness, hypocrisy, and bossiness. It took a whole lot of work, but he eventually turned her into a mature, selfless woman with an impeccable character and a worthy mother for both his own children and the children they would have together.
Meanwhile, back at the Foundry or Arrow Cave, Diggle and Curtis were about to yell about what just happened to dear little Fe Fe when Sara shut them down very fast with just a glare, a glare that could make anyone so scared that they'd soil their pants, causing the two men to do nothing but shut up and gulp. She then told them that she'd kicked her out, quite literally and dramatically I might add, because she'd grown tired of her insubordination within the team and for disrespecting her, as in Sara's, man, and nobody disrespected her man and got away with it as far as Sara was concerned. Oliver didn't really care either way since Fe Fe had driven him to the point that he needed to take aspirin from time to time. So frankly, Sara just did him a huge favor.
Once that was said and done, and after both Sara and Oliver let Dig and Curtis know that Chase would no longer be a problem and that Nyssa was taking care of Talia, the former having dressed the latter in a parrot suit and then banished her to Oz, which was a realm somewhere over the rainbow, the couple got back onto Sara's unicorn and rode far, far away to a beautiful island, an island full of magic and rainbows, really there were actual rainbows that adorned the skies above, and there they spent a month long vacation enjoying life, making love, and curled up together watching "Looney Tunes", and Oliver wouldn't have it any other way, at least until a mariachi band popped up right outside the window and started disturbing the peace until both Oliver and Sara had to run out there and chase them away with sticks and stones, causing the poor band to run away with their tails tucked between their legs, figuratively speaking of course, while Oliver and Sara were yelling like crazy people during the entire chase.
Oliver would privately admit that this was the only exercise he'd ever enjoyed in his life although he'd never admit that to anyone. But despite a mariachi band interrupting his alone time with his lady love, he was still content and as long as Sara Lance was by his side, he'd never have it any other way.
The End
A/N And there you have it. So what did you guys think of my very first attempt at parody ? Good, bad, ridiculous, ridiculous in a good way or a bad way, lame, okay for a beginner ? Please let me know in the reviews. If any of you thought it was bad or lame, I apologize but if any of you thought it was entertaining and had a good laugh, and especially a huge belly laugh depending on how funny you thought it was, if at all, then you're welcome for providing you guys with such a funny little one shot.
Also, I added the parts with Felicity because it was not only funny but I also did it for the anti Felicity fans out of the kindness of my heart. In addition, if you'd ever like to get an idea of how impeccable and well behaved Felicity's character became, after the tribal chief worked on her, please go and watch episodes 1-6 of season 6 and you'll have your answer.
Oh, and I almost forgot, but I got the name Fe Fe from LycoX. That's what he likes to call her from time to time and so I added that since I think it matches the funny tone for this one shot.
