A/N: This was inspired by a conversation I had with some friends.
Disclaimer: Nothing of J.K. Rowling's belongs to me.
Warnings: Vulgar jokes.
Surprise!
Severus Snape wrung his hands and walked swiftly up and down the length of his bedroom. He paced worriedly in front of his rather large bed, in which his lover sat precipitously on the edge, his back ramrod straight and a sheet tightly coiled around his naked body. If body language was any hint, Mr. Potter was very upset.
Severus, equally unclothed and more than a bit embarrassed, took a deep breath, stopping his pacing and turning to face his partner. "Look, Harry; I thought it would be welcome."
Harry Potter's expression at that moment could only be described as a mixture of anger, bewilderment, and outrage. "Thought I would like it, did you? You…you violated me!"
Severus had to roll his eyes at this. "It was a game." In an effort to make peace, the potions master knelt before his tousled lover and whispered lovingly, "I'm sorry, darling."
The man's young lover stood, resolutely wrapped his sheet around himself, and strode towards the door. "I'll be staying with Hermione and Ron tonight."
Not wanting Harry to think ill of him, Severus tried in vain to salvage the situation. Instead, he sarcastically replied with, "I didn't violate you. You're my lover."
Harry's answer was the slamming of the door.
Severus sighed. He glanced at the door through which his lover had just departed, and said with a pout, "It's not rape if you yell 'Surprise!'"