CHAPTER 1

He slowly took her hand in his and looked her deep in the eyes. He looked so deep he got lost in them. They were like a big warm wave rushing to the shore on a warm summer day. He suddenly felt the warmth of the sun on his face, breaking its way through the clouds. He snapped back to reality and saw Claire in front of him, beautiful as ever. He had always thought she was beautiful but things had changed and during the past couple of months, she had been on his mind every single day. He smiled gently at her, as he stroke the back of her hand. He had no way of knowing how this would turn out but he knew he had to do it, he had everything to lose but it was a risk worth taking, because after all - she was everything he had ever wanted.

"Alex are you okay?" Claire asked with a low voice. She felt out of place, standing so close to him with her hand in his and it was getting to a point where one of them had to let go of the other, but something made her stay in the moment. A voice inside of her begged her to stay like this, so she did, because something made her feel like this was an important moment, a moment that was one of a kind.
"Claire .." he stopped. The words weren't coming to him easily, he wanted to do it right, he wanted to tell her exactly how he felt, how important she was to him, how much he wanted to be with her, how .. how much he loved her. But out of the blue he heard himself blurring out his question.
"We could get married. If you want?". What was wrong with him, he cursed at himself. He had the perfect opportunity to tell her how he really felt and he made it sound like a joke or a service he was offering.
"What?" Claire asked taken by surprise.
"I've done some thinking and I think marriage could solve all of the problems." Alex quickly said. Starting to doubt whether or not it was a good idea telling her how he really felt, she being pregnant and all. "We would stop the gossip, we would keep mum and dad happy and nonetheless - We would keep Peter away" Alex finished and looked at her with hopeful eyes.
"Alex I .." Claire hesitated and pulled her hand out of his. She was taken by surprise and her body and mind were split in two. Her body telling her to retreat as fast as possible and her mind ordering her to stay exactly where she was.
"You know, we get on well so it wouldn't be a total tragedy. I'll even make sure to give you plenty of breathing space and you know, all the other stuff" he said with a cheeky smile, trying to ignore the fact that Claire had just pulled herself away from him and widened the distance between them. He kept his smile but in his head he was cursing himself for making the whole thing sound like a favour. He couldn't just go on about how he really felt about her, what if she didn't feel the same about him? Especially after she pulled her hand back. Claire looked at him with suspicious eyes and leaned her head to the side. "What other stuff?"
"Well you know .. Couple stuff" Alex said and a shy smile crossed his lips.
"Couple stuff?" Claire started to laugh.
"Yeah, helping each other out and all that" he looked at the ground and then back at her. Had he just pulled himself together when he had the chance to tell her how he really felt about her, she could have been pregnant with his child and not Peter's. His heart ached with that thought. This whole thing would be different if it wasn't for Peter. Alex felt the blood boil inside of him. He couldn't understand how someone could throw away something so beautiful as Claire, luckily for Peter, Alex hadn't stumbled across him since the day of the accident, if he had, he wasn't sure Peter would live to tell the tale.
"Hmm .. and where would we live?" Claire asked with a curious tone of voice and brought Alex back from his own thoughts.
"Here! I mean, if you want" Alex said and smiled.
"And .. Where would we sleep?" Claire asked all corky and took a step towards him. She wasn't sure if he was joking or not, but it was Alex Ryan so chances were that he was.
"In your bed"
"What if I snore?" Claire asked and got Alex to let out a laugh
"It's okay. I snore too" he said and gave her a big grin. He was under the impression Claire thought he was joking with her, the whole thing had come out completely different than he would have liked.
"It's very tempting Alex. Believe me it is"
"But?" Alex said and awaited her next sentence.
"But .. We are mates. And mates don't go around marrying each other, do they?" Claire said and looked at him gently. "I mean, we don't love each other, like, really love each other .. do we?" she stopped, as if she herself, wasn't exactly sure about how she felt. Truth be told, she wasn't sure at all and sometimes she thought that Alex had the same mixed feelings about their relationship. They had been friends for so long and they knew each other inside out, they loved each other no doubt about that - but was it more than that? And what if she loved him more than he loved her, and what if it was the other way around. All these what ifs sounded like a broken record in her head. Some days she felt like she couldn't live without him by her side and she got sad when they went too long without talking to each other, she had fantasized about being in a relationship with him, especially at the time Tess went out with him - It was there her feelings told her how she really felt about him but it was also there she built up her barrier, because it was obvious he didn't feel the same way for her. But all of this had gotten her confused and the whole marriage thing. Marriage was a big thing and you need to love one another in a marriage, like really love. But Alex did love her, in his own way, right? And she sure would want to keep Peter away. He was a finished chapter and just by thinking off running into him made it run cold down her spine.

"Well, there is love" Alex said, trying not to sound too sad. Did she just say no to his proposal that wasn't really a proposal, but was meant to be a real proposal and now was a mix of offering her a service and doing her a favour? He shook his head and took in a light breath of air. "Look Claire. I love you and I want to be there for you and this little cheeky monkey" he said and placed his hand on Claire's stomach. "And If I'm not mistaken, I'm pretty sure you love me too?" he said and looked at her with soft eyes. His words had made her feel warm and smooshy, because he was right - She did love him, she had already come to that conclusion a hundred of times since this conversation started. But the little voice inside of her head kept telling her to put her guard up, they were mates and he only loved her in a matey way. She kept her focus at his blue eyes, they were gorgeous and somehow they just got prettier over time.
"What if .." she stopped. Thinking things over again before putting it out there. "I appreciate your support in this, I do. It's more than I could have ever hoped for and I know we made ourselves quite a mess with all this "fake daddy" role, but every time I think about how you stepped up for me I smile. I'm blessed to know the baby is going to call you dad." she send him a quick smile before continuing.
"There's nothing more in this world I would love than not to see Peter again, ever. And for Harry and Liz - I can't tell them this isn't their grandchild. It will kill them and I can't do that to them. Harry might get under my skin most of the times, but he is just being Harry and Liz, well .. What I'm trying to say is. They have always had my back and my father's back. As for marriage" She stopped and focused her eyes to the ground, making Alex get his hope up again. "I think it might be a good idea afterall. But we don't literally have to get married, do we?" she asked and looked at Alex. "Can't we just pretend?"
"You want to play pretend?" Alex asked a bit surprised.
"Yeah you know. We can tell people we are getting married, but we really aren't. See how it all goes along the way, who knows. You might meet someone special you want to marry and then you are stuck with me" Claire said and tried to joke, but her heart was screaming out to Alex and saying those words hurt a bit more than she had thought it would. Alex went along with the joke and gave her his most sincere laugh but little did she know, that he had already found that special someone.
"Well, if it works for you that way I guess we can do it" he said. This wasn't how he had imagined it at all. He really wanted to be with her and he really meant the whole thing, but maybe she just didn't love him as more than a mate. Well, he hadn't exactly been the best to explain how he really felt. Damn you Alex Ryan, why do you always chicken out when it comes to feelings? he asked himself.
"Alright, you got yourself a deal!" Claire said and put her hand out towards Alex so they could shake on it. They looked at each other with a awkward look.
"Get away, will ya?" Alex said and nudged her hand away with a laugh. He placed his arm around her and squeezed her in for a hug. They looked at each other and started to laugh, this was the craziest idea they had ever gotten.
"Come on wifey. Let's get you and monkey some breaky" Alex said with a cocky smile.
"Don't call me that" Claire said and started to make her way back to the house
"What? .. Wifey?" Alex joked.
"Get out of here" Claire laughed and pushed him away from her. Maybe this was alright after all, pretending to be a couple. Claire had a good feeling about it and who knew - maybe down the line something could happen between them. If he felt the same for her that is.