[READ PLS!]

Author's note:

I normally don't write xReaders but I felt the need to put this out there. As a grey-ace, I know what it's like to be in a relationship in which you feel frustrated, helpless, and like you really have no control over your partner's sexual tendencies. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy~

~ Vampyreaux

You let out a shaky sigh as you slowly, carefully sat up. Every inch of your body ached; and once again it was his fault and his alone. You knew he would never intentionally hurt you, but every now and again he would get the urge, and you were his matesprit, and obligated to satisfy him.

Honestly, you had known you were asexual for years now. Since before you even became Gamzee's matesprit. You hadn't told him because you felt like it was required of you to keep him happy. It was never a pleasurable experience for you, but you loved the clown and just didn't have the guts to say no.

Sneaking a glance at him over your shoulder, he looked totally content after your previous activities. His arms were folded behind his head and he was slouching in his spot on your bed, eyes half closed. You felt a little guilty for even thinking about how he couldn't satisfy you; he was perfect. His unruly jet-black locks, his tall, curving candy-corn horns, his caring nature, his dopey face and laid-back demeanor... Would he maintain that laid-back outlook if you told him?

Your thoughts were interrupted by an enormous yawn, accompanied by vigorous stretching. You smirked a little. As far as people went... he was cute. Attractive, even.

A common misconception that people got whenever you told them you were asexual was that you didn't find anyone attractive. The best metaphor you could think of for how it felt to be asexual and attracted to someone was, say someone had a gorgeous cat. There would be no denying that the cat IS gorgeous, but hopefully a person wouldn't want to have sex with it. Unless they were a furry or something, in which case they would still more than likely be interested in anthropomorphic cats.

Gamzee must have noticed the expression you didn't know you were wearing, because he snaked an arm around your waist and gently pulled you close to him. "Somethin' up, my miraculous lil mama?" he murmured, nuzzling the tip of his nose against your temple.

"Yeah, I just," you paused, pursing your lips. This was beginning to happen more and more frequently whenever the two of you were intimate. You would finally get up the nerve to tell him you wanted nothing to do with it, but then chicken out and just roll with whatever he was dishing out. You really wished you could be a bit more assertive, but... "No, nevermind, it's nothing."

The look Gamzee was giving you made it clear he wasn't buying it. "(Name.)" he said in a soft but firm tone as he squeezed your shoulder. "If there is shit that I should know then you'd best clue me the hell in. You can tell me anything, y'know... I mean, we're matesprits for fuck's sake. And even before that we were real motherfuckin' tight. Remember? You never used to have a problem tellin' me shit."

"Gamzee, I..." you stopped, taking a moment to wipe away an unbidden tear from your eye. Damn being so sensitive! "I just don't want to hurt your feelings, okay? I love you."

"Aww, don't worry none, I love you too cupcake," Gamzee purred, stroking your hair reassuringly and kissing your cheek. "That's why I want to know if anything's up, y'know, cuz... When you love someone, you wanna take care of 'em. Ya feel me?"

You nodded, taking a breath to try and calm down a little. You looked at Gamzee, into his soft, half-lidded eyes, and he smiled widely.

"Ok, well..." you started, unsure, really, of how to go about saying this. God, why did everything have to be so hard? What was so hard about saying three simple words: 'Gamzee, I'm asexual'? You bit your lip, attempting to make your next sentence sound as tactful as possible. "I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but... I really can't do this anymore..." Wow, smooth, now you sounded like you were breaking up with him. This was going horribly.

Gamzee's smile faded. "...What?"

"Not what you're thinking!" You said quickly. "I just... I'm asexual."

"What's that?"

Oh great, here we go. Now you had to explain to him what exactly the word meant, to the best of your ability, which wasn't great. "It means I don't feel sexual attraction. Not that I don't find you attractive, Gamzee! It's just, I don't want to have sex. I've been going along with it because I wanted to make you happy, but..."

To your surprise, the clown smiled. "Aww, (Name), you should've all up and said something sooner. You don't need to and try and make me happy. Hell, I'm happy just being with you."

"So... You're okay with it? We can still be matesprits?"

"I am all shades of motherfuckin' dope with it, yo. I totally understand. No worries."

You smiled in relief, leaning against Gamzee's shoulder as he kissed your forehead. You had a feeling that opening up would really do wonders for you and your relationship. Miracles were real after all.