Learning to Fall
She had a guard around her heart her whole life. She was almost impossible to love. For everyone but him. He saw her for what she was, a woman who needed to be loved. To be swept off her feet, to let her know she was the most amazing thing in world, to tell her how much she ment to him, it really was what she needed.
He found her alone that night in the garden. Surrounded by roses and the moonlight. It was nearly ten o'clock and she shouldn't have been alone. But in a way she had always been.
"Clarisse?" She jumped a little when he spoke but quickly calmed down when she knew it was him.
"Are you alright?" He sat down next to her on the bench. Twenty years ago he wouldn't have even stopped but that was twenty years ago, before he loved her.
She looked up to the moon, which she had probably been doing before he got there. She was just so beautiful in the moonlight. It gave her an almost angel like appearance. Her skin was silky smooth. Her eyes glistened in the moonlight, blue crystal pools.
She turned to look and him and smiled.
"Yes I am fine. But you know what, I have been thinking, I have never really properly thanked you Joseph for being my friend for all these years. For always being there for me."
He smiled at her. "No thanks is needed Clarisse, it was after all my duty."
Her smile faltered for a second. It was just his duty.
"Oh your right, she couldn't hide the sadness in her voice, it was your duty." She down casted her eyes to the ground and her smile had vanished.
Joseph heard it in her voice, disappointment. He couldn't leave her like this. It was after all just his duty. He had always thought of it as something more and from the tone of her voice so had she.
She was crying so hard when she heard the news that her son was dead, she tripped as she was walking to the loveseat. He had caught her though. He pulled her toward him and her head collapsed against his chest. She was crying so hard.
It wasn't fair that she had to go through this thought Joseph. He held her until her tears had run out. He wanted to tell her everything was going to be alright but for the first time in his life, he didn't know if it would be.
"Tell me a secret," Clarisse said as she ate her sandwich. She was supposed to be picking out new selections of art for the newly renovated family wing of the palace but Joseph had other ideas. She didn't even knew that it was lunch time until Joseph had brought her down a tray with a sandwich, fruit, and water on it.
"Um... let me think, my favorite color is black," he said with a smile on his face.
She laughed and it echoed through the vaults in the basement. " I would have guessed."
"Tell me a secret," Joseph countered back.
"I am scared of flying in airplanes," she said after a minute. "I know its really dumb but they always make me nervous."
He caught her eye. For 5 years now they had been dancing with their relationship. Late nights in her office discussed security plans, walks in the garden in the morning, stolen looks when no one was watching, her smiling at him a little longer than usual, him brushing his hand against hers.
Clarisse giggled and said, " Tell me a secret."
Joe looked deep into her beautiful eyes. God she was so damn amazing. She had married the prince but never got her fairytale ending.
" I am in love with someone I can never have," he said and looked at her. He didn't miss her sharp intake of breath. She looked down at the ground. It suddenly getting colder in the chamber. He was in love with another woman who wasn't her.
"Hmm. ahh tell me about her," Clarisse lied. She didn't care about this other woman. She hated her and didn't know why. Maybe because she was the luckiest woman in the world.
"She is beautiful, and amazing. And has no idea how wonderful she is. She has the most breathtaking eyes and always holds herself to high standards. She has blonde hair and a perfect nose. She has two sons and a husband. She always chooses duty over her own needs. She was born to wear a tiara and go to balls and marry the prince. But there is also another side to her. She is a simple woman who loves roses and sunsets. She reads poetry and dreams of romance," he finished looking at her.
She drew her breath in her breath, he was talking about her. They both knew it.
"She really does sound like something, she said with a smile."
"She really is."
Just his duty. She looked back up to him.
"So all these years I was dreaming that we were something. I think I must have misread all of the signals, she said with a sad smile on lips and a crushed tone in her voice.
She got up to leave but he quickly grabbed her hand. She looked over her shoulder a tear running down her perfect face.
" Clarisse you were never just my queen. I love you and always will."
She smiled and walked into his arms. He kissed her forehead and looked at his smile. She felt years of guards around her heart finally falling.
" I love you so much Joseph. I learned how to fall with you."