"It smells like something died."
Sam read my mind. Mom claimed it was the ocean air but I couldn't agree more that it smelled like something was rotting and decaying under the warm California sun. I wanted to roll the window up but Royal was having a good time, big black head out the window and tongue flapping in the wind. I'd always been a sucker for dogs. Sam and I looked nothing alike but one thing we had in common was our love for canines. Mom always said we got that from our father. I wasn't very close to him, having been a mommy's girl my entire life. I was 20, I could be out on my own but instead I chose to move to California with Mom, knowing she would need help with my brothers. The only thing that attached me to my father was my dark curls and deep blue eyes. Michael got it all, too; the dark, thick hair and light eyes. Sam looked just like Mom.
We pulled to a stop at a gas station nearby the boardwalk. Sam decided to let Nanook walk around with him and I decided to do the same. I snapped on Royal's leash and jumped out of the car after him. I walked over to Sam, who smiled at me.
"What do you think so far, Jay?" He asked me. I pursed my lips, thinking for a second. I shrugged, "Seems okay. I'm glad it's at least somewhere sunny. Imagine trying to live in North Dakota or something." Sam made a face at the thought before nodding. I left him alone to walk circles around the car with Royal, not wanting to stray too far from everyone. As I walked towards the back where the U-Haul was connected I noticed Michael getting his bike out. I cleared my throat and Michael looked up, noticing my wide grin.
"You wanna ride, don't you?" He asked, grinning back at me.
"Well, I mean, if you're offering…" I joked, raising my eyebrows. Michael rolled his eyes and nodded in agreement. I let out a whoop before running to the back seat of the car with Royal. I opened the door and snapped my fingers before pointing in. Sam and Nanook were already seated inside. Mom jumped in just as he did and ignited the engine. "I'm riding with Michael, alright?" I said, not waiting for a response. I ran back to Michael where he was waiting for me and got on behind him, holding on to his shoulder for leverage. Mom started driving and we followed behind her.
I always loved the feeling of the wind in my hair and free space around me. There was no car door trapping me in, just fresh air blowing around me as I rode through it. I loved riding, so much that I planned on buying a bike once I got enough money.
Soon enough, we pulled up at Grandpa's house and I was in awe of just how much crap there was. And it was only the front yard! I tapped Michael's shoulder and pointed at the wooden carving of a grizzly bear on its hind legs, a beer bottle placed perfectly in its one paw to make it look like it was drinking from it. We both snickered before getting off and following Mom to the front porch. Grandpa was laying down, not breathing and my heart dropped. If he was dead, who else can we go to?
"Looks like he's dead," Michael said. Mom knelt next to Grandpa, "No, he's just a deep sleeper. Dad?"
"If he's dead can we go back to Phoenix?" Sam asked. I slapped the back of his head, "What the hell, Sammy?!" He rubbed his head, "I'm just asking!"
Grandpa popped up, "Playing dead; and from what I heard, doing a damn good job of it, too."
Mom hugged the old man while the three of us shared a look, all of us thinking the same thing: 'What did we walk into?'
I followed Sam and Michael into our new house with my two briefcases full of clothes and magazines in my hands and Royal at my heels. Just in the living room there was so much stuff to look at. There was a stuffed cougar in one corner and at least five different sets of antlers scattered around the room.
"Would you look at all this?" I breathed, taking in all of it. I was fascinated, in a weird way.
"This is a pretty cool place," Michael joined in, clothes hung off of his weights which sat on his shoulders.
"Yeah, for the Texas Chainsaw Massacre." Sammy, always the optimist. I sighed heavily before I set my briefcases down on the kitchen floor and rested my elbow on Sam.
"Give Mom a break, kid," I said. I ruffled his sandy blonde hair and he gave me an exasperated look.
"Something's wrong with this picture, guys! There's no TV. I haven't seen a TV. Have you seen a TV, Jay? If there's no TV, that means there's no MTV!" Sam cried, looking between Mike and I.
Mike started lifting his weights, "Sammy! We're flat broke." My younger brother sighed, clearly unhappy with the move. I frowned and brought him into a hug, "It'll get better, kid. Don't worry." He wrapped an arm around me and squeezed before letting go.
"I'm gonna go set my room up," I dismissed myself and walked up the stairs, claiming the room to the left of the bathroom. It wasn't real big or real small, just an average size that was good enough for me. After an hour or two, I had most of my stuff situated and out of my briefcases. Royal was sat in the closet underneath the shelves in his favorite dog bed. I left the closet doors open so he could keep an eye on me. The first thing I did was plug in my radio so I could listen to music as I unpacked. Blondie came on after I finished unpacking all of my bras. I started dancing around in circles, doing dumb dance moves. For whatever reason, Royal hated it when people danced so he started barking at me. Sam walked in to see what the ruckus was and he rolled his eyes at the sight of me dancing. I laughed and then grinned at him.
"Come on, Sammy! Let's dance!" I grabbed his hands and forced him to sway, laughing as he attempted to get away from me. "Spin! Do a spin!" He managed to wrench himself out of my grip but I knew his weakness. I poked his sides as he ran out of the doorway, laughing. Royal was riled up and stared up at me with his brown doggy eyes. I bent over and scratched behind his ears lovingly.
"Chill out, black dog." I pat his head before straightening out. Mike knocked on the doorframe before speaking, "We're gonna head out to the boardwalk soon, you coming?" I nodded in response and shooed him out so I could get ready. I decided quickly, throwing on a pair of denim shorts, my beat-up black high-top converse and my favorite black leather jacket topped with fringe, a black crop top underneath. I touched up on my make-up before walking down the stairs with Royal behind me. Mom and Mike were sitting in the living room, waiting. They looked up at me when I walked down.
"Where's Sammy?" I asked.
"Right here! Let's go!" My little brother bounded down the stairs and stood next to me. Mom smiled at all of her children, that loving mother sparkle in her eyes.
"Yeah, let's go guys." Mom led us to the car.
We split up when we got the boardwalk. Mom went to find a job, and Sam and Michael followed the sound of a concert. I decided to look around by myself, after convincing Mom I would be fine alone. I grabbed a switchblade just in case there were creeps around. I found myself at a carousel, the bright lights and almost haunting music luring me in. I hadn't been on one in so long. Why not? I made my way onto the platform and walked past all the horses before finding a black one near the edge that reminded me of Royal's coat. I sat on it sideways, content with watching the scenery as it passed. The boardwalk was so lively and colorful, I loved it so far.
"Hey." Someone spoke from behind me and I turned around at the sound. He was cute. Real cute. Wild blond hair, bright blue eyes. I gave him a small smile, "Hi." He grinned back.
"You new here?"
"Yeah." I turned back around, my back facing him. He walked around the back of the horse and propped an elbow on the tail, his front facing my side. I could see more of him now. I gave him a side glance. His black mesh shirt didn't leave me disappointed at the sight of his toned body and his tight pants told me everything I needed to know. He was still grinning.
"I'm Paul."
I nodded, "Cool."
I could tell he was looking at me expectantly, waiting for my name. After a few seconds the carousel was stopping and I slid down from the horse.
"Bye, Paul." I faced him, giving him another small smile before I climbed off the platform. He climbed off after me but when I turned around to check, he was walking the opposite way towards the exit of the boardwalk. I caught him looking and he grinned at me again. I turned around and kept walking. A girl with curlier hair than mine brushed by me, a little boy at her side. She was jangling and clinking from all of her jewelry. She earned a second look from me. Just as I turned around, I saw my two brothers following her. Well, at least Michael was. I quickly walked after them, grabbing onto Sam's shoulders from behind. He jumped, spinning around before he realized it was me. I grinned.
"On a mission, Mike?" I teased him but I got no response.
"Why did you leave me alone with him, Jay? I've been at the mercy of his sex glands for almost an hour now." Sam complained. I ignored him, watching the girl climb on the back of a bleach blonde's bike. After studying his bike, I realized there was an entire line of them, about four. At the end, I recognized Paul. He gave me that same grin and mouthed 'hi'. I smirked back, deciding to tease him by blowing a kiss. His friends shifted their gaze from Michael to me, looking me up and down. Paul gave me one last look before driving off loudly. The rest of them followed, the curly-haired girl in the back.
"Why did that one guy say hi to you, huh?" Sam turned his attention on me. I rolled my eyes and pushed his head away.
"He was just some guy who wanted to talk to me. That's not what I'm here for." I said, giving my two younger brothers a silent warning not to mention it again.
The next day we were at the boardwalk again. It was almost seven at night and I didn't see Paul or his friends anywhere. Michael immediately went on his own way, claiming he had stuff to do. Sam and I joked with him that he was actually going off to stalk that girl. I let Sam take me into the comic book store that he said he found yesterday. We walked into the comic book shop and immediately Sam went into geek-mode. He always loved reading, and then that turned into a love for comic books specifically. I never liked them as much as Sam did but I enjoyed the occasional Superman or Avengers comic. Sometimes I would sit in Sam's room and we would read in silence together. Sam stopped to look at a comic and I looked around the dim-lit shop. Two boys around Sam's age walked over to the other side of the rack and gazed at us. Sam looked up at them and put the comic down, leading me further in the shop. They followed us from the other side.
"Notice anything unusual about Santa Carla yet?" It was the one that didn't have a bandana that spoke. His hair was black and he had a deeper tan than his brother.
"No, it's a pretty cool place… if you're a Martian." Sam replied.
The other brother spoke, "Or a vampire." I smiled and giggled, amused. Were they serious? Sam wasn't joking when he told me these two were weird. Sam thought that was funny too.
"You guys sniffing old newsprint or something?" He joked. I looked down at the comics and back up at the boy without a bandana. He was already looking at me and when I caught him he looked back at Sam instantaneously.
"You really think you know what's happening around here, don't you? Well, I'll tell you something: you don't know shit, buddy." The other brother had a tone with my little brother and I wasn't appreciating it. I slapped down the handful of comics I picked up and caught their attention. I didn't say anything but I gave them a nasty look.
"Problem?" One of them asked me. I shook my head, "You guys are whack, that's all."
"You guys think we work at a comic book store for our folks, huh?"
"Actually, I thought it was a bakery," Sam replied sarcastically.
"It's just our cover," He rolled up a comic and pointed it at Sam. I decided to lean my side against the closest rack with a comic in hand, cocking my hip out. From the corner of my eye I could see the same brother looking at me as the other one talked to Sam about some higher purpose. I just wanted to leave at this point.
"Jay," Sam called me. I looked up and quickly tucked the comic away. I walked next to Sam, glad we were finally about to leave. One brother handed a comic to Sam. I glanced at the cover, something about vampires.
"He doesn't like horror comics," I said pointedly.
I walked ahead of Sam, waiting for those two dorks to finish talking to my little brother. I turned around, letting out a sigh when I saw they were still pushing a dumb comic into Sam's hands.
"Let's go Sam! We need to get out of here before the vampires wake up!" I called from the front of the shop, grinning. The brothers gave me an annoyed look before finally leaving Sam alone.
"A lot of weirdos here, huh?" I said.
Sam scoffed, "And a lot of guys that are into you. What's up with that?"
"Oh shut up! I only saw Paul that night. And your friend is too young for me. It'd be like dating a baby. He probably doesn't even know how to kiss." I retorted, laughing when Sam scrunched his face up when I mentioned kissing.
"Where do you think Mike is at?" Sam asked me as we walked down the boardwalk. I gave a hum and decided to look for myself.
"I don't know. I'm gonna go look. You need money?" I asked. Sam shook his head, showing me a 10 that Mom must have given him. I pulled a 5 out of my purse and gave it to him, "Just in case. Moms probably gonna be working at the video store." Sam thanked me with a huge grin before bouncing off, probably to find some clothing shop. I set off to find my other younger brother. If I had any idea, he was probably near the carousel looking for that chick and her biker friends. Once I got towards the entrance of the boardwalk, I was right. He was trying pull that girl on his bike when her friends showed up with their shiny Harleys. I could overhear their conversation.
"You know where Hudson's Bluff is overlooking the point?"
"I can't beat your bike," I could hear Michael. I walked up behind the bleach blond.
"You don't have to beat me, Michael. You just have to try and keep up." He was cocky. I looked up as I walked over and I could see Paul had already turned his charm on, smiling at me.
"Where you trying to go, Mike?" I asked him, using my 'mad older sister' voice. All of Paul's friends were smirking at Michael, challenging him to disrespect me. They knew he wasn't big and bad like he tried to be when he was around them. I liked to think Mike was immune to peer pressure but in a new environment and around guys like this, I knew he would try to fit in.
"For a ride," He tried his best to sound indifferent and irritated.
"Why don't you come with us?" The bleach blond asked me from behind. I turned around and looked at him with a raised eyebrow. I would normally say no. I was old enough to know these guys were trouble. I also knew Michael well enough to know I wouldn't be able to convince him to back down. Men and their pride…
"Yeah, girl, you can ride with me!" I looked at Paul and thought quickly. If I go, I can watch Michael. If I don't go, and he gets hurt or disappears, not only is it my fault he's gone but I also lose my brother. I could tell Michael didn't like Paul's suggestion.
"She can-" Michael started, but I cut him off sharply.
"Sure. Let's go," I quickly pulled on my denim jacket and slung my purse across my body as I walked to Paul's bike. Paul held out his hand to help me and I took it, quickly sitting down behind him with ease. He didn't let go, instead guiding my hand to his waist. I knew I was in for a good ride. I wrapped my arms around him tightly. He looked back for a second, "Never got your name, girl."
I scooted closer to him and leant forward, "It's July. Call me Jay." I could see the other boys driving ahead. I squeezed his side, "Let's go."
"You got it!" He cheered before lurching forward. We already went so fast we didn't even touch the stairs that lead to the beach. I looked behind me to look for Michael. I could just barely make out his figure from the sand flying out behind us and my hair blowing in the wind. He was still at the stairs, looking hesitant. I turned around. If I knew Michael he would catch up to prove himself. The others were whooping and cackling, clearly enjoying the ride. I was too, though. I was grinning, head tilted back and eyes closed. I lifted my hands from Paul's waist and raised them high, having done this enough on Mike's bike that I was confident I wouldn't fall off. I opened my eyes to see Paul look back, grinning at what he saw. I looked at him and laughed, bringing my arms to wrap around him, my hands resting on his chest. I rested my cheek on his back, in love with the feeling of being on the back of a bike.
The closer we got to the Bluff, the more fog there was. I was starting to get worried. Where was Mike? Just as I started to search for him, he passed Paul and I. He started to disappear through the fog, getting closer to the girl and the blond at the front. We had to be on the cliffs by now and neither of us knew this area. Where did the ground start and end? Looking around Paul I could see Mike pull and swerve, panicked. Paul stopped and jumped off, sprinting as Mike charged at the blonde.
"Michael!" I ran over, glad I decided to wear my converse again. I put an arm across my brother's heaving chest, ready to hold him back in case he tried to start a fight. It was two against four, a fight we didn't need. He pointed at the blond.
"Just you! Come on! Just you."
Even a punch couldn't wipe that stupid, self-serving, cocky smirk off the blonde's face, "How far are you willing to go, Michael?" He glanced at me, taking in how I held my brother, "Or should I say, how far can you really go?" The other boys laughed mockingly.
Michael smoldered, now noticing me. He pushed me away before walking back to his bike. I stumbled back, unprepared. I sighed. Paul grabbed my elbow and led me back to his bike. He helped get on again, doing the same thing as last time and not letting go. He noticed my dejected look, "Aw, chill out, girl."
I looked into his eyes and frowned, "Where are we going now?"
He smirked, "We're going to our place."
It was more of a cave than a 'place' but from what Paul told me they actually lived there. Heading down to the mouth of the cave he held my hand and hadn't let go. He guided me down the steps, forcing me to jump past the last one like a little kid. Still holding my hand, he span me around, "Alright!"
Once the cave was lit up, I could see all the stuff they had accumulated and gathered. There was a couple of couches sitting around a dried out fountain and what looked like a chandelier hanging above it. "Let's get the rock box," Paul said, dragged me behind him. He lifted me onto the fountain by my hips, earning a squeak of surprise from me. He quickly picked up his stereo and set it near my feet. I sat down next to it, watching him sift through a handful of tapes and then drop them in my lap.
"Pick your poison, babe."
I was too focused looking through Paul's selection to listen to David. Paul had quickly introduced them as we made our way to the cave. I could hear his voice faintly but I wasn't very interested. Something about an earthquake or another. Whatever. Laddie, the little kid, sat next to me on the fountain. Paul had walked away and was now back in front of me, lighting up a joint.
"…So check it out, Mikey." At the sound of Paul's jab and the others laughing, I looked up. Michael pissed me off earlier and I almost wanted to leave him here to fend for himself with these guys. Blood was thick, though, and I couldn't bring myself to do that.
"Marko, food." It was a silent command and Marko disappeared out of the cave to get it. "That's what I love about this place-"
Paul let me hit the joint, holding it to my lips. I breathed it in, holding it in for as long as I could. Paul leaned in, mouth parted in a grin. I met him halfway, exhaling the smoke into his mouth, staring into his eyes. They changed just then. His eyes became a bit darker and his grin faded away, mesmerized. He snapped out of it, smirking at me, "I liked that." I smirked back, "I bet you did."
David continued, "You ask, and then you get." Paul pointedly handed the joint to him.
"Thank you," David said, looking between Paul and me.
"Yeah," said the wild-haired blond shortly, heading back over to stand in front of me. He was almost in a hurry.
"What'd you pick?" He asked me. I held up Guns N' Roses, "Laddie and I came to a decision." Laddie smiled next to me, happy to be included.
Paul nodded, impressed, "A good one."
I raised an eyebrow, "Was I being tested, sir?" Paul grinned.
"You were, miss."
I laughed at the returned sentiment. I let him pull me onto one of the couches, which was surprisingly comfortable. I sat with my back to the arm of the couch, feet in Paul's lap. He didn't seem to mind, fussing with the grey socks peeking out at the top of my high-tops. "Where you from, girl?" he asked, glancing at me and then back to my socks.
"Arizona," I said simply, folding my hands across my bag resting on my stomach.
"Oh, so, like, go big or go home, right?"
"That's Texas."
"Same thing! They're right next to each other, aren't they?" Paul scoffed.
"Close enough. You tried," I shrugged. Paul whipped his head to look at me with a face of mock offense.
"You sayin' I'm dumb over there?"
I shrugged, "If the shoe fits." Paul gasped and I could Dwayne laugh from somewhere behind us.
"You gonna take that, Paul?" Dwayne said. Paul still stared at me and I raised my eyebrows, challenging him with a grin.
He was so quick and sudden I couldn't even react, "No, but she's gonna take this!" Paul threw my legs off his lap and leant over me, poking my sides. Sam and I had the same weakness when it came to tickling; our sides. I let out a scream of surprise that turned into laughter, Paul joining me as he took delight in my reaction.
"Eating time! Come and get it, boys," Marko gracefully walked down the steps with a box of Chinese. The rest of the boys made noises of approval. Paul pulled me up so Dwayne could jump over the back of the couch and sit on my right. Paul sat on the arm so I could have more space, which I appreciated.
Paul passed me a box of rice and a fork before getting his own. How surprisingly gentlemanly. Everyone began eating but at the same time they stared at Michael almost expectantly. What did they want to see?
"How do those maggots taste, Michael?" David asked nonchalantly. Both my brother and I were confused. Michael looked at him questioningly.
David leaned forward in his wheelchair, "Maggots, Michael, you're eating maggots. How do they taste?"
Michael looked down at his rice in disgust, which made me look at my own food. It was just white rice, no squirming disease-ridden larvae. Mike spit out the maggots immediately, coughing. The boys started laughing but I was too confused at what was going on.
"Leave him alone." I could hear Star at the bed. David glanced at her from over his shoulder before turning back to my brother.
"Sorry about that. How about some noodles?" David offered the box of noodles, and Michael looked inside, only to close his eyes in disgust.
"They're worms."
"What do you mean they're worms?!" David shoved some noodles into his mouth.
"Don't-!"
"They're only noodles, Michael."
I set my food on the ground, tired of whatever game they were playing with my brother. Was this hazing? I was over watching my brother get humiliated.
"That's enough," Star said again. I echoed her, "Yeah, it is." The cave grew silent as all of the boys looked at me. I stared into David's cold blue eyes, unrelenting. I could play this game, too. Nobody messed with my family.
Paul nudged me, "Chill out, girl." I stood up, not looking away from David.
"I'm tired of chilling." I spat. I felt a hand on my right elbow. I looked down at Dwayne, surprised it wasn't Paul trying to calm me down. Dwayne pulled me down back in between him and Paul. I looked at Michael, trying to get his attention. We needed to leave. Now. Too bad he was too busy drinking wine from a jeweled bottle. It was like he never learned from Mom. Never take an opened drink from strangers. All of the boys chanted his name. Paul took his jacket off to swing it in circles as they danced around the fountain. I felt like I was in a daze even though I knew I only took one hit from the joint earlier. I felt like I was a Looney Tunes character seeing stars. After a few minutes I snapped out of it and looked around. Star and Laddie were nowhere to be seen and Marko was pushing David around in his stupid wheelchair. I walked over to my brother who was trying to chug this wine like nobody's business. I pulled it from him easily, he was so out of it. I smelled it to see if it really was wine. It was, but it was a weird wine. It smelt coppery and when I watched it slosh around in the bottle it seemed almost too thick to be wine. This wasn't right. I put it on the edge of the fountain when two hands grabbed my hips and spun me around. Paul's blue eyes were brighter than ever. He pulled me close and stared into my eyes.
"Chill out, Jay. Everything's gonna be fine, babe." Paul whispered to me. I was mesmerized. How could eyes be so bright? I could feel myself relaxing and he pulled me even closer, close enough for our foreheads to touch. I shouldn't have gotten comfortable but I did, I had no choice. It was like Paul himself was in my brain, sending signals to all of my muscles, loosening me up. I slowly put my arms around his neck, gazing up at him. He smiled, brushing his lips against my cheek and then down my neck. He pulled me into his lap and onto the couch. The longer he looked at me the better I felt.
I had no idea what time it was. All I knew was that it was still night time. The stars were shining and the moon hung in the sky, illuminating everything in sight. They led us to some train tracks. I had no idea where we were at but we were too far gone by now. I figured if these guys were going to push us off these track for sadistic delight I would at least be with my brother. We could splat together on the rocks below us. The tides would wash away our blood in no time.
Paul held onto my hand from in front of me, leading me easily onto the tracks. It was a bit scary; one misstep and I could plummet into the ocean below. Good bye July.
"What's going on?" my brother asked. The boys chuckled. I hoped they would answer because I at least wanted to know when I was going to fall to my death.
"Michael wants to know what's going on," David said, "Marko! What's going on?"
"I don't know. What's going on Paul?" Marko played along. Games. These guys play games all day.
Paul pulled me to him, looking at me as he shrugged, "Who wants to know?"
"Michael wants to know!" Dwayne laughed. I hoped they would let us know soon.
David stopped and so did everyone else. He looked at Michael, then me, "Let's tell them what's going on, huh?"
This was it. Paul stood behind me, smirking as he wrapped his arms around me. I felt him nuzzle my dark curls, breathing deeply. I've never felt more terrified. I regretted everything at once in my head. I shouldn't have ridden with Paul. I should've forced Michael away from these guys, never should have given in to his stupid male pride. Somewhere in the back of my head I knew this would have happened either way. I would only prolong it. At least I was here with him now, rather than saving him that one night and leaving him alone to die like this on another.
David looked at Marko pointedly, "Marko?"
Marko looked at us both, before wiggling his fingers in a wave, "Good night guys." With a jump to the side he disappeared. I thought we were dying, why are they committing suicide? I felt Paul let go of me and he walked to the spot Marko stood in a second ago.
"Bottoms up, babe." Paul snapped his fingers before he jumped out of sight. Dwayne looked at me, as though daring me to jump with them all. He jumped, too. I could still hear them below. I looked over and they were all swinging like monkeys on the poles. Paul grinned when he saw me look down.
"Come on, Jay!"
"Come and hang with us, Jay!"
"Jaaaaaay!" They all taunted me, daring me to go down with them. I watched David join them below. Michael looked at me, alarmed. I shook my head. I didn't know what to do. Lights shined on us and the faint sounds of a train came from the tunnel. Michael jumped before I realized it.
"MICHAEL!" I yelled. My head span in circles. I looked at the other side of the track where the boys' bikes were but I knew the train was too fast, I couldn't beat it. My heart was pounding in my chest, trying to find a way out of this besides jumping. I didn't have the arm strength to stay on for very long, I knew myself. Could I inch my way between the tracks and the railing? I didn't have time to judge the distance, the tracks began to rumble and the horn of the train was getting unbearably loud. The lights were so bright. I didn't have time. I blindly grabbed onto the poles and swung down. My arms were already aching from holding on to the shuddering poles. I couldn't do this. I was going to be shark food soon. I closed my eyes, hoping this was a nightmare and I would wake up soon. Fear gripped my heart so tightly I could feel tears slowly coming out. I didn't care about looking weak anymore, I was so scared. I opened my eyes just as Paul let go. My mouth was wide open, these guys were a new type of insane. Marko let go next. The train was still going over us. I locked eyes with Dwayne, who held out a hand to me.
"Take my hand! Let go!" What difference would it make?!
"Jay!" I heard Michael yelling over the train behind me.
I couldn't wait any longer. My arms were screaming at me to just let go, get it over with. With my will deteriorating, so did my strength. My fingers finally slipped off and I could feel myself plummeting down. I could Michael screaming my name even over the train and soon his voice turned into an echo. As I fell, I could hear the roar of the tide beneath me, crashing against the side of the bluff. People say before you die you see flashes of your life before your eyes. I didn't see anything. I didn't see past memories or what was in front of me. I also didn't see anyone grab me seconds before I blacked out, the panic taking over my entire body and shutting it down.