Act 1, Courtroom
Characters-Judge, Dogberry, Shakespeare, Jurors 1-6
Judge-Good sirs of the jury, you have now been presented with all of the evidence involving the case, all written down by the court scribe and available for your examination.Turns to Shakespeare
Shakespeare-Nods and hands Much Ado About Nothing to Jurors
Judge- It now lies to you to determine whether the defendant Don John, should be found guilty of foul intentions toward his brother the Prince and the Honorable Lord Claudio, or whether there is a reasonable doubt. If he should be found guilty, then he shall be submitted to a thousand whacks with a large wet noodle, a fitting punishment suggested by Lord Benedick. If, however, there is a reasonable doubt that Don John is a villain, then he shall only be forced to eat the large noodle, as the Prince is still angry at his brother and is technically the head of Government so he can do as he wants. That, and because my wife, the creator of the large noodle, insists that it was hard enough to make and someone had better do something with it.
Aside Though I don't think any jury will find this "plain dealing villain" innocent.
His fate is in your hands gentlemen.
Jurors get up and begin to walk out
Dogberry- Sirs! Do not forget that the resplendent did call me ass! Though it was not before mentioned, I am an ass!
Judge- Order! Order, Constable Dogberry, you speak out of order!
Act 2, Jury Room
Characters- Jurors 1-6, Dogberry
Juror 2- Alright then, it's pretty much an open and shut case, lets all just agree he should be whacked with the noodle and get out of here.
Juror 6- I'll agree to that, he's definitely not a pleasant man, I can see him wanting to ruin such a perfect matching.
Juror 3- In my opinion, he's just a sour man who tricks and lies to people for his own entertainment
Juror 5- He hates his half brother and anyone associated with him, that's the only reason he needed to hurt them all.
Juror 4- Not a speck of goodness in the man, did it all to amuse himself.
Juror 2- And you sir?
Juror 1- And me what?
Juror 2- Will you agree? The sooner we are out of here the sooner everyone is happy.
Juror 1- Agree with what?
Juror 2- That Don John is guilty!
Juror 1- He is?
Juror 1- It was practically spelled out in black and white!
Juror 1-Where'd you hear that?
Juror 2- In the trial! Don John is guilty!
Juror 1- Oh, alri-
Juror 4- No, no, I think I get what he's trying to say. Maybe there's more to this story than we know.
Juror 2- No, you can't change your opinion!
Juror 4- Yes I can. I mean, I just got this idea, maybe he wasn't really the villain, maybe he actually meant well by what he did.
Juror 2- Oh yes? And how would that be exactly?
Juror 4- Well, let's start out generally, what was that that most of you said?
Juror 6- He's an unpleasant man who-
Juror 4- Yeah, he's unpleasant. But let's think about that for a moment.
Juror 2- What's to think about, I'd think that's pretty straight forward.
Juror 4- Yeah, but why? Picks up MAAN and flips to page 27, reads "I cannot hide what I am… I had rather be a canker in a hedge than a rose in his grace… I am trusted with a muzzle and enfranchised with a clog."
Juror 6- So he's not going to hide that he's a jerk, what of it?
Juror 4- My point is that he's saying no one trusts him and he is angry about it, he doesn't like being restrained by niceties. So naturally he's going to be at least a little bitter about it and he's not going to hide it.
Juror 6- Well, hiding when you are upset is what defines nice and polite people.
Juror 4- Or you could say that by not hiding his emotions makes him the only really honest man.
Juror 2- Honest or unkind, he's still guilty.
Juror 6- Yes, he upset a perfect marriage for no reason and caused everyone pain and-
Juror 4- We don't know that there wasn't a reason.
Juror 2- Yes we-
Juror 4- What if, Don John didn't really think it was a perfect marriage? What if he decided their "love" needed to be tested.
Juror 6- How could it not be true love? They are both so beautiful!
Juror 4- Any thing other than beautiful?
Juror 6- pause They are both VERY beautiful!
Juror 4- Yes we heard that.
Juror 6- …they are incredibly beautiful and… I mean, come on, it took an entire, what, three minutes for Claudio to decide he loved her! How could there be a problem?
Juror 4- Well, lets look at Claudio's reaction to Don John's first "deceit". Flips to page 41, reads "Thus answer I in name of Benedick, but hear these ill news with the ears of Claudio…Farewell, therefore Hero." Notice how quickly Claudio was willing to give Hero up. In my opinion he failed the test.
Juror 2- Now honestly, how is he supposed to compete with a prince?
Juror 4- That is where Hero would have been tested as well, if the situation had been as Don John told Claudio. If she truly loved Claudio she would refuse the Prince, after all it takes two to tango.
Juror 1- You mean this is a dance lesson? I think I'm in the wrong room.
Juror 4- Fine, in order to truly be love both people have to feel it.
Juror 6- Yeah, but his second trick was just downright despicable!
Juror 4- Well, lets think about that. Supposing Don John has now decided that Claudio failed the test, he would either decide to give him a second chance, which he also would have failed, or just made sure that Claudio's fickle love wouldn't be given to Hero. Maybe Don John even loved Hero and at least wanted to make sure she was happily married to a good man who would love her, as Don John may have believed Claudio could not, I don't know, and don't pretend to know how his mind works. This just seems like the most plausible reason to me.
Juror 2- He loved her and he spun a rumor that she was a stale?
Juror 4- Like I said, I don't claim to understand him, just maybe what he did. But after we have been introduced to his rather bitter attitude, it wouldn't be a surprise to me that he would want a little revenge on Hero for not paying attention to him.
Juror 3- No matter the reason, he still accomplished it with the worst trickery I've ever heard of!
Juror 4- But we are determining whether his intention were foul, not his methods. If we were locking people away for tricking other people, should we not have a trial for Don Pedro as well? After all he was the mastermind behind the trick played to bring Beatrice and Benedick together, was he not?
Juror 1- GUILTY! Don Pedro is definitely guilty!
Juror 4- I was just saying hypothetically…
Juror 1- I still think he's guilty.
Juror 2- Dear goodness, just ignore the imbecile.
Dogberry- Bursting in the room Hey! That's my cousin you are calling idiom!
Juror 1- Dogberry!
Juror 3- Was he listening at the door the whole time?
Dogberry- I wanted to make sure justice was properly severed!
Juror 6-Bailiff!
Juror 4- You're not supposed to be here!
Dogberry- His accomplishes did mention Deformed!
Bailiff arrives and begins to pull Dogberry out
They did call me ass! If I were more tedious thou would listen to me, oh if only I were more tedious!
Exit
Juror 1- Bye! Waves
Juror 4- Well that was strange.
Juror 5- I'll say.
Juror 2- God he's stupid!
Juror 3- I'll vote innocent just because I don't trust a thing he says.
Juror 2- Traitor
Juror 4- But back to the discussion.
Juror 5- Yes, now that you have me thinking, why would Don John hate Claudio so specifically?
Juror 2&4- What do you mean?
Juror 5- Takes book from Juror 4 and flips to page 53, reads "Any bar, any cross, any impediment will be medicinable to me: I am sick in displeasure to him, and whatsoever comes athwart his affection ranges evenly with mine." I think what you are saying makes sense, it's just this that still intrigues me.
Juror 4- Hmm, that's a very interesting question. There must be more to the story than we know about, Don John and Claudio must have some history that was never mentioned, and Claudio may have wronged Don John at some point, that may justify Don John's hate and actions towards Claudio and those close to him. That is the only reason I can think of. But you are right, there must be something, he has such a fixation on it that it cannot just be coincidence.
Juror 5- Then I'll agree with you sir.
Juror 4- Shall we have another vote then?
Juror 6- I'm convinced, I'll vote innocent.
Juror 3- I have no idea what Don John was trying to do, but I don't think his intentions were foul at the very least. The case of his sanity, however, is a completely different trial.
Juror 5- I do not believe there is enough evidence to convict him, so I will vote, innocent.
They all turn to Juror 2
Juror 2- You are all weak.
Juror 4- Just tell us how you will vote.
Juror 2- I'll vote innocent if you manage to convince this dunder head. points to Juror 1
Act 3, Courtroom
Characters- Jurors 1-6, Judge, Don John, Borachio, Claudio, Don Pedro
Juror 4- We the jury, find the defendant, Don John, innocent of the crimes he was accused of. We believe that he is not the villain of these events, but he actually meant well and had reasons to do as he did.
Claudio & Don Pedro groan
Judge- Alright, that means you're eating the giant noodle.
Don John- Can I have some spaghetti sauce with it?
Judge- I don't see why not
Borachio- Can I have some too?
Claudio- I would actually like some as well.
Don Pedro- Me too.
Judge- I don't care, but someone had better eat it.
Additional Ending Dark Alley
Characters-Juror 2, Shakespeare
Juror 2- I know, I know, I'm sorry, I tried but I cracked under the pressure.
Shakespeare-Glares and taps foot in displeasure
Juror 2- Well, maybe this would make just as good a story, could I still have the money?
Shakespeare- Shakes head and continues glaring
Juror 2- Come on, I have a family to feed with lots of little children and a cute little pit bull-
Shakespeare-Holds up hand, shakes head, then begins to leave
Juror 2- What if we just hid all evidence of the trial? Then he would still seem like the evil villain, 'cause no one would know any better!
Shakespeare- Pauses a moment then comes back and hands Juror 2 bag of money
Juror 2- Great, I'll get right on it!
Mertle Yuts would like it to be known that after discovering a trap door leading by way of secret tunnel to the innards of a very large and dangerous mountain, traveling through miles of confusing, dark, damp, and smelly mazes, then finally coming to a fierce guard emu who asked a very old and over used riddle that everyone knows the answer to, she was allowed to enter a large room full of booby traps, and treasure that sparkled to a seizure inducing extreme (despite the lack of light) and found at the center off all this, a scrap of paper with instructions to look under Shakespeare's old mattress, under which she found this transcript, which she has carefully typed up and turned in as her persuasive essay.
Key
Intro- ½ Act 1, ½ Act 2
Thesis- First speech by Juror 4
Body- Discussions with Jurors 3, 6, and 5
Persuasion- Juror 4
Other side- Juror 2
Idiot- Juror 1 & Dogberry
Conclusion- Act 3
Extension- Written like 12 Angry Men