I do not own Death Note. If I did, Misa would no longer be alive; L would be a man-whore and Raito would be his pet prostitute. Just, you know...fyi.

Warnings: Crack and a lot of it. This is a parody. So please, don't take it seriously, cause I wrote it during Mythology. I hate that class. SO DON'T BE A BETCH! LAUGH! RUN! BE FREE!!

Dedication

Sugar...Spice...And Everything Nice...

These were the ingredients chosen to create the perfect little girls...

The detective looked up from his cake, a strawberry dangling from his lips. Did he just hear a deep, alluring voice echoing around the room? Was it talking about little girls? A pedophile, perhaps? Had the sugar gone to his head? Cake induced insanity? Deciding that such a thought could never be important enough to pursue- give up cake for sanity? Are you quite mad?-, he settled himself more comfortably in his crouch and munched away, simpering happily all the while. Still...what a creepy hallucination...

But, Professor Utonium (aka, Ryuk) accidentally added an extra ingredient to the concoction!

Several blocks away, an auburn haired teenager held a thin, black book in his hands, sneering at it contemptuously. 'Death note? How stupid! I think I'll take it home just to see how stupid it is, cause it's stupid!' That being...thought, he headed towards his house, holding the notebook loosely in his hand, unaware of the eyes that followed him, cause they were invisible.

CHEMICAL X! (aka, the Death Note)

A blonde giggled idiotically in the distance. 'Thank you, Kira! I promise, I will serve you forever! I love you, you are like SO totally great! SQUEE!'

Thus, the Justice Freaks were born! Using their ultra super powers-

Raito cackled maniacally to himself as another evil-doer fell before his mighty, gleaming pen of silver. It scratched over the paper with a pleasing rustle, raining down its inky version of justice-y doom. Feel the power...In the distance, a Shinigami looks on with disturbing fascination.

Raito!

Misa watched another victim fall with a demonic grin. 'Yes, Kira! Let them know of your presence! Let them tremble like the dogs they are! We will bring them all down, together!' Another Shinigami kept an eye on the blonde, knowing her tendency to forget to breath when she got too excited. What a shame she couldn't just let her forget, and never remember...

Misa!

L narrowed his black, dark encircled eyes furiously. 'I will stop you, Kira! Justice will prevail, no matter what! I will bring you down, you sick freak! I am justice, and I will win!'

And Lawliet!

Somewhere, elsewhere, far away, a cloaked, dark enshrouded figure peered through the telescope as these scenes unfolded before him. "Yes," he hissed gleefully. "Dance, my little puppets. DANCE!"

Have dedicated their lives to fighting crime and the forces...of...EVIL!

L stood over Raito, glaring wrathfully at him. "YOU ARE KIRA! ADIMIT IT!"

The mysterious figure in the hills beyond raised his arms up triumphantly; a wind sprang up and sent his cape billowing in it's breeze, adding the drama of his stance. "YES!" he cried victoriously. "YES! It is I! MOJO JOJO who really runs things! I, Mojo Jojo, stole Ryuks' Death Note! I gave it to Raito! Mojo Jojo will rule all! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"NO, L! You are wrong! I am not Kira!" Raito stood up and tore his clothes off, much to L's immense- and noticeably so- delight. His face - and other parts of his anatomy- fell when he saw the bright blue and red spandex with the green planet emblem. "I am...CAPTAIN PLANET!" He flew off into the night, his butt whistling in the wind; incidentally, the same dramatic wind that blew about the big-brained, green furred monkey that is Mojo Jojo.

Meanwhile, Misa watched with rapt attention. She too had been very excited when Raito began to strip.

Later, she met up with Matsuda, Mello, Ryuk and Near for a group orgy with a taco.

THE END

Or is it...?

P.s. I love Matsuda. That is all.