So I've been wanting to use this song to write a fic for ages, but I never could find the perfect time. However I got home from a science camp yesterday and watched Mash-Off for the first time so I just had to write something. How good was that ep! I couldn't not write a story for it. About the fic - I don't know if it really flows or even makes sense, but even if you just listen to the song I feel like I would have accomplished something. Song is Death of a Cheerleader by Marcy Playground. It is awesome. Listen to it.
Spoilers: Mash-Off (3x06)
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or Death of a Cheerleader by Marcy Playground.
This was all Finn's fault. If he had just kept his stupid mouth shut none of this would have happened, she could have just kept pretending that she was straight. That she was normal. But no, that stupid oaf just had to blurt out her biggest secret in front of the entire school and now everyone was going to know. When that commercial aired at six o'clock tomorrow night there would be no turning back, no more hiding in her safe little closet. She wouldn't be able to go anywhere without people recognising her as that gay cheerleader from Reggie 'The Sauce' Salazar's campaign ad. No longer was she going to be known as Santana Lopez, head cheerleader. She was just going to be Santana Lopez, lesbian.
She was so pretty, everyone said
The more so the pity
That she was found dead
She couldn't do this. She couldn't deal with the talks, the whispers, the stares. And that was just at school. In a matter of hours they would have spread to the entire state of Ohio, there would never be an escape. And her parents, oh god her parents. She hadn't been kidding when she told Finn that she was raised on insults and that was while she was the seemingly perfect daughter with the boyfriend and straight A's. Matt had always been happy to play the pretend boyfriend, at least until he had moved, and the A's had come easy when she would rather study in the library than go home. But they didn't have to know that. But now, now that she had become part of the minority their religion hated it was only going to get worse.
She remembered when they found out her older brother had kissed another boy on a drunken dare at a party. He had moved out to live with his girlfriend the next day nursing two black eyes and a broken wrist, leaving Santana a folded white piece of paper with his phone number on it. In case you ever need help, he had explained as he shot a knowing glance between her and Brittany, their pinkies intertwined as they hung between them. He was dead now though, killed in a car accident two years ago. Her parents hadn't even gone to the funeral, didn't care that their eldest child had died. She could only imagine how much worse it was going to be for her. That was why she couldn't do this, couldn't find a way to get through it. She unscrewed the lid of the orange bottle she held in one hand and counted out seven of the white tablets, swallowing them all before drifting off into a dreamless sleep.
And now the flag only flies at fifty percent
In the school yard where she once went
It had been a freshman couple that had found her cold body under the bleachers, her face an unnatural shade of white and a limp hand still wrapped around the bottle of prescription sleeping pills. An ambulance had come, but it was too late to force the life back into her. The area had been roped off with yellow tape, students and teachers both milling around to try and find out what had happened. Shocked gasps had run through the crowd as a black body bag was carried away and loaded into a coroners van before several policemen had ushered them back into the school building to start the morning classes. Before lunch the news was all through the school, that the newly outed Santana Lopez had killed herself under the bleachers.
The original glee club had held an emergency meeting at lunch, with the New Directions and Troubletones members both present. Brittany was crying hysterically in one corner of the room, the other girls trying to soothe her as tears ran down their own faces. Finn was standing by himself in the other corner, the others still harbouring resentment towards him outing Santana, believing that he was to blame for a large part of this. Puck had surprised almost everybody by shedding plenty of his own tears over the loss of one of his closest friends since elementary school, the only girl who could truly match him in bad assness. Through the window you could see the school flag flying at half mast as a sign of mourning, the red and white cloth hanging limply against the grey sky. Nobody spoke about the empty seat at the back of the room.
Push 'em back, push 'em back
Way back, way back
B-E A-G-G-R-E-S-S-I-V-E
Cheerio's practice that afternoon had been a sombre affair. Santana had been admired and well respected amongst her fellow teammates, everything she did full of confidence and power. She had directed practices with authority, commanding the attention of every single person until they got every minute detail perfect. Santana had always been a bit of a perfectionist, it was the reason she made such a good captain. Now nobody was sure what do without the prominent figure of their head cheerleader taking charge and Sue seemed quite content with staring towards the bleachers on the far end of the field. At least until Brittany stepped in and suggested that they perform 'Be Aggressive'. Santana had always favoured that one.
And the death of a cheerleader
Takes me by surprise
How the death of a cheerleader
Can open eyes
At school the following day nothing happened. And that was the weird thing, not one single thing had happened. There were no reports of bullying or harassment, no fights breaking out in the hallways. Except for when Brittany had punched one of the hockey players in the nose when she overheard him bad mouthing Santana. But that incident was easy to overlook and all the nearby teachers were willing to testify that he walked into a door. The popular jocks were talking to geeks, the pretty girls hanging with the pimply faced freshman. Even Sue was making peace with Will. It was funny really that such a tragedy had to occur before different social groups could mix. But after all if the most popular girl in school could fall so quickly what hope was there for anyone else?
Yellow carnations and roses galore
Were sent to the mother and
Placed by the door
The reason why Santana had killed herself was still unclear, there had been no suicide note, no final words to explain what had pushed her over the edge. A hasty 'I love you' had been written on a yellow post-it addressed to Brittany, but that was all. She never told anyone the real reason she took her own life, once again hiding parts of herself to please her parents. Stories had been run in the local newspaper about how the respected Dr Lopez's daughter had killed herself, stealing the prescription drugs from her father's surgery. The town was sympathetic, sending baked goods and flowers to the home in hope to assist with the grief. Yellow, Brittany had told them. Her favourite colour was yellow.
No one had understood when Mrs Lopez had thrown a match onto the flowers at her doorstep. They put it down to her grief, not wanting a reminder that her only daughter had killed herself. They didn't notice that no tears had been shed, that all evidence of Santana had been removed from their home. The boxes containing her personal belongings had been dumped on the Pierce's doorstep, a note explaining that they couldn't bear to have that filth contaminating their home. It was her brother's fault, they had said. No one else had even known she had a brother. It was then that people started to realise that maybe Santana actually did have a reason to kill herself. That maybe her life wasn't so perfect after all.
And in the spot where her daughter had
Taken her life
Was a sweet sixteen photo
On homecoming night
After that they had stopped sending their flowers to the Lopez residence. Instead a memorial was set up under the bleachers, the spot marked with a pine cross that had been hurriedly made in a wood-shop class. The letters of her name had been carved crookedly in loopy handwriting that looked suspiciously like Finn's, her first and last days of living scratched underneath. A daisy chain hung around the top of the cross, bouquets of flowers resting in the dirt underneath. A red and white pom-pom was placed tenderly at the base of the object, leaning against a battered photo frame. Inside the frame was a picture of Santana from their prom, dressed in a red dress and a wide smile, her eyes looking at something past the camera. No one could recall a time where she had smiled that earnestly since.
Push 'em back, push 'em back
Way back, way back
B-E A-G-G-R-E-S-S-I-V-E
The Friday night football game had been dedicated to Santana's memory. All proceeds from the game were going to the local LGBT foundation in the slight chance that maybe they could help someone before they reached Santana's fate. Maybe they would be able to keep them alive, let them reach their happily ever after. Donation boxes had been set up around the stands, her face smiling out from them with care free eyes. By half time the tins had to be emptied with the game attracting twice as many people as normal, all wanting to honour the girl's memory. The seats above the memorial had been left empty as a sign of respect, people choosing to stand on the edge of the field instead, not wanting to disrupt those who were leaving signs of love in the cold dirt.
And the death of a cheerleader
Takes me by surprise
How the death of a cheerleader
Can open eyes
And it's sad that she had to die
To open eyes
It had taken an actual death before a no bullying policy was introduced to McKinley High. Santana had to stop breathing before anything was done to protect the kids who were different, the kids who were relentlessly teased and tortured just because they didn't fit the perfect mould society had designed. It was affectionately nicknamed Bully Whip, after the club Santana had started the year before to try and stop the negative actions. She had finally succeeded in getting what she wanted, a school environment where people were free to be who they wanted to be. It was just horrible that she had to die to make that happen.
Nobody doubted her future was vast
Nobody noticed she grew up so fast
It's a shame that her future's a thing of the past
Santana Lopez was going to go places. She was eligible for scholarships for cheerleading, singing and academics and if she didn't get them she still had a domineering personality that meant she was always going to be noticed by somebody. She was just one of those people who were always going to succeed, no matter what it was she was doing. She had the voice to be a performer, the personality to be a CEO, the athleticism to be a gymnast and the intelligence to be a doctor. But none of that was going to happen anymore.
She had changed so much since she had first joined glee. Originally she was just Quinn's little sidekick, willing to go along with whatever anyone said and occasionally throwing out snide remarks. But something had changed in her since then, she had become stronger, meaner. She no longer had friends, only allies; she was too scared to let anyone in, to let anyone get to close to her secrets. What if someone had called her out on her behaviour then? What if someone had stopped to wonder why she had changed? Would anything be different? Would she still be alive? It was too late to tell.
Tomorrow's the funeral you know
L-E-T-S-G-O
Well you made it this far so that's a good sign right? Anyway I hoped you enjoyed it!