"It's different with you…"
The words got stuck on the tip of my tongue, and I took a deep breath.
"It's not just about the sex…."
His sapphire eyes, so blue and distracting, are awash with confusion and tears that he's fighting not to shed.
"I love you…"
He stopped shaking his head, I thought he had stopped breathing as I'd said what had terrified my thoughts and dreams. My own eyes start to sting with fresh tears as our gazes lock.
Of course I said that I loved them both, but I was in LOVE with him. I had realised that afternoon that me and Sarah… it really was all just for show. All evening, she was trying to include me in their conversations, but his face during it all, his lips and his pools of blue and his slightly spiked hair just made me want to grab him and kiss him with all the fire and passion I felt in every fibre of my being for him. And I couldn't turn back now.
Laughing and kissing, we made love, love, in his bed, and I'd never felt more content or at peace than ever before.
I'd come over after he'd stormed off from Il Gnosh, fibbing about 'stuff to do', but I knew the truth… he was running from me. And why wouldn't he?
I've been playing these games with him, with Sarah, with myself, and I knew that one of these days it would just blow up around me and shatter my existence. But JP left before my lies would get to him too much, before he knew he would lose it.
I couldn't stop myself from following him. I could physically feel my skin itch to touch him, to kiss him. I left Sarah in the midst of her fake friends and ran for the McQueen house.
I had it all planned out in my head: I'd apologise, we'd kiss and make up, maybe order a pizza or play Bunny Tennis, get some beers and once I was confident, I would tell him I was in love with him.
In love with him.
In love with John Paul.
My best mate. The best I've ever had… ever will have, I think.
But that had failed miserably.
And now here we are, in his bed, basking in our passion, our love, under his gold and blue and white starred duvet.
My head lay on his chest, rising and falling in time with his slow, soothing breaths. I could hear his heartbeat and knew that I couldn't turn away. Earlier, after I told him my feelings, after we'd kissed, I told him… I said to him 'This can't stop… what we have between us…' and I meant every word, every single letter.
My phone rang countless times, always Sarah, but I ignored it… it was background noise to me… I had John Paul… I loved him and he loved me and we were together… what more could I want?
We fell asleep in each others arms and it was the best night of my life. I was terrified of my feelings, but even more terrified of not having him in my life.
When I woke, it was still dark outside, but the breaking light of dawn glowed in the night's sky.
What was the old saying, a red sky in morning – shepherds warning… but not this day… today it was the dawning of a brand new day were Craig Dean was in love with John Paul McQueen and vice versa… today was the day that life for the two of us would be so a part of the other that we would get lost if the other was not near us.
We were interlocked in a tight embrace that was so true to me I never wanted to leave it, let alone be kept apart from my beloved.
We kissed and caressed and giggled and smiled as daylight broke through his curtains.
He rose in search of tea and toast and I basked in my contentedness. He had thrown the blue duvet to the floor so I was bared to the world. Not that I cared… we were going to be together, maybe not straight away, but soon… we were would be a couple and life would be perfect.
He returned moments later with a tray carrying his busy work and I finally noticed he had made the trip downstairs nude. He carefully placed the tray on his mattress, leaving the quilt on the floor, and placed himself beside me.
Instinctively we moved to each other, wrapped in each others limbs. We started feeding each other toast, making silly faces and joking around, and then shared the odd toast-filled kiss.
Once the toast was gone, he lifted the tea, now cold, off the tray and placed it on the floor, shoving the tray beneath his bed in the process, before launching himself at me once more.
We kissed, chastely at first, but given a few seconds, it was like our other kisses, fiery and consuming.
I tossed him over, switching our positions, attacking his lips, now swollen, with as much force as I've shown any. I moved down his throat, licking and biting as I moved, sucking his Adam's apple for a moment, before continuing downwards.
I alternated between biting a nipple, feeling it harden between my teeth, and pinching the other. I kissed and licked his taut chest, feeling each muscle beneath his flesh as he thrashed and shook in anticipation.
I circled his belly button with my tongue, enjoying the shivers that rock his body, before moving to his hardness.
It's pointing skyward, nestled in his blonde bush, and I feel my mouth water to taste it. The tip is wet and oh so inviting and my tongue laps at it. He shakes and pulsates, the air filled with his shallow breaths and sighs.
I move mouth to his dick and swallow half almost instantly, causing him to thrust the rest in.
"Fuck, Craig!" He groans.
I love how my name sounds coming from his lips, all husky and desperate for attention. I hold his cock in my mouth, just tasting it.
He, impatiently, lands a hand in my hair and lifts my head up.
"Oh fuck … Craig, do something!" He insists, crashing his body into the mattress.
Almost teasingly, I drag my tongue up his length and lash at the tip once more.
"Like that?" I ask, my eyes watching his every movement.
He can't reply with anything other than gutteral moans. I return my mouth to his hardness and begin the task of making him shout in pleasure. His hand leaves my hair and grasps at the air, at the mattress, trying to comprehend the feelings he's feeling.
I slid hand up and down his dick as I lick the head. He pants and gasps and I know he's close. I place the tip in my head and continue to stroke him. Within seconds, his back arches and floods my mouth with his heat.
I never thought that I would be doing this, giving a blow job, swallowing cum, and enjoying it this much, but then again, its John Paul… how could I not enjoy it?
His breathing relaxes; his eyes roll back down as he pulls my mouth to his in a searing kiss. I know he can taste himself in my mouth and that drives me wild.
"For a straight boy," He starts, catching his breath once more, "you do that extremely well!"
I blush and smile as he kisses me again before replying.
"Its all you… you've got in my heart, under my skin, in my head… anything to do with you is off the good!"
He kisses me again as his hand snakes down my torso to my throbbing flesh. He grasps it in his hand firmly, stroking the length slowly at first, before building up his speed, slowing down to rub his thumb over the head before continuing again.
I collapse against his chest, breathing in his musky scent as I kiss his shoulder. My heat spills from my cock over his hand and our stomachs. I fall on him, causing us to fall onto the bed.
I cuddled close to his chest, my head resting against his shoulder as we both wrapped ourselves as close as we could.
We hadn't heard the door open, gasp or the sob, but when the porcelain fell to the ground, shattering, we were shocked from our reverie.
Her anguished cry caused me to jump from his arms and grab for me clothes, knocking over the cups of cold tea in the process.
"Wh… were you kissin' him?" She asks, her eyes pleading with me to lie to her, to make it all go away.
I dragged my jeans on, pulled my shirt on and buttoned - my vest and waistcoat forgotten on the floor.
"Sarah, please, it's not how it looks!"
"What does it look like then Craig?" John Paul asks, his chest still bare as he finished dressing.
"You were havin' SEX with him?!" She screeches.
"It's not just sex!" John Paul says, standing at my side, "We love each other."
Sarah sobs, sniffles, her mascara running fast.
"Is that how it looks then Craig?" She wipes her face, her eyes, once filled with tears, are now filled with flames as she strides at me.
"I felt sorry for you feeling ill yesterday, I tried calling you last time for a while, then this morning I went to the Dog and met his sister… she told me you stayed the night with JP… so I thought I'd play the thoughtful girlfriend and come to see how you were today. Now I'm the one that's feeling SICK!"
"We both know our relationship isn't what it was… we're both going in separate directions… and John Paul," I say, glancing at him, before taking his hand in mine before looking at her once more, "I'm in LOVE with him."
I look at him, his eyes glowing with love and adulation and I hear my heart sing. Neither of us notice Sarah run away… we just found each other, why would we look away?
I woke up this morning in the arms of my true love… what more can be right than that?