Mommy was her name, or at least that's what you called her. She never complained or corrected you so you just kept calling her that. She was kind to you and always ruffled you hair and assured you that you were in fact the coolest. Mommy was all you had and you were fine with that in your little home. Mommy was all you needed, and maybe more. You were young, little, hardly even three. She was there, she was mommy, and you loved her.
Mommy is still her name a year later, and you don't even care! As time passes she becomes more restless, her smile isn't as bright as it used to be. Mommy tells you you're going to have a brother soon, and that makes you excited! You think having a lil' bro would be awesome.
You turn five and start heading off to kindergarten. The school isn't very far so you walk all by yourself. Mommy is really fat now; she says your brother is chillen in her stomach just waiting to be born in the next month or so. You think babies are weird now. When you go to school you always wear your pointy shades and tell the teacher your sensitive to light (even though that's kind of a lie, you prefer the security behind the shades though).
After your brother is born, Dave he's called, Mommy starts picking you up. She greets you at the door with the little pink thing in her arms. Kindergarten has turned out to be boring. You love drawing and learning but you think everyone in your class is a stupid jerk. They call you names and say your shades are stupid but you've learned to brush them off. When Mommy picks you up she ruffles your hair and reassures you that you are the coolest. It is you.
At home Mommy is busy taking care of Dave. And when she's not she's usually talking to a really tough looking guy that stops by. You remember him stopping by a lot when you were way smaller. Mommy says he's an asshole, whatever that is, and they fight a lot. You have a feeling he's a brother or something because he looks a lot like you. Which doesn't make sense at all.
Time just seemed to fly past you and you got into grade two with high marks. Everyone avoided you now except for your friend Roxy. Everyone else thinks your scary or weird or a nerd. When Mommy doesn't assure you you're cool Roxy does. And you like he for that! Mommy stopped picking you up from school but that's fine. You're 7, you can walk alone. Plus, you're really tough!
On Dave's second birthday you have a small party with you, Mommy, and that big creepy guy. You think he's creepy now because he tried to talk to you a lot. He always smooth's out your hair which irritates you because its cooler stuck up. He also doesn't get your shades; obviously he's an idiot too.
By the time you got to third grade you started to wonder what Mommy's real name was. It hadn't interested you before but the whole class laughed when you told them her name was Mommy. You don't understand why, that's what she's always been to you, although lately she's more tired and crabby. Sometimes she snaps at you and makes you hide under your covers. She would always apologize later but Mommy is scary when's she's mad at you.
When Dave isn't being a total loser you two hang out. Usually you just draw with crayons and have wrestling matches. You let him win once in a while to boost his confidence. He started wearing shades too, but they aren't awesome like yours. They're more round-ish and have a weird name and the creepy guy gave them to him. Creepy guy really likes Dave, you think, more than you anyways.
You go into grade four and Dave turns four. You think that's kind of ironic. Lately you start eating some of Roxy's lunch. She's happy to split it with you since your mom can't get you anything for lunch. You don't mind though, you know Mommy has to work hard! Usually you eat pizza for dinner but pizza is the shit! Sometimes you ask Roxy what it's like at her house. She says her mom is called 'The Witch' and she drinks a lot. You're not sure what that means but you don't think it's good.
By now you know your mom's real name is 'Dian' but it doesn't sound right to you. You keep calling her Mommy and she does her best to smile at that. Your hardly see her smile any more, just like you hardly see creepy guy. You think those two things might be connected but you're not sure. One day you come home and find Mommy sitting on the kitchen floor with the phone clutched to her chest. She's crying and so is Dave, but Dave has no idea why when you ask him. He said he's scared; he's never seen Mommy cry before. Later you find out creepy guy died in a motorcycle crash or something like that. You're not sure if that's a good thing or not.
School is getting harder as the days go by. You get hungrier because you start saving the lunch Roxy gives you for Dave. Mommy stopped ordering pizza at this point. She rarely leaves her room anymore. You think she's depressed, Roxy agrees with you. Roxy offers to give you some extra money; her mom is a rich author or something. You have to refuse though; you will do this by yourself.
On the last day of school you come home with your bag full of food Roxy forced you to take just in case. Most of it should last you a few days if you're careful. She also gave you her phone number in case anything went wrong. You didn't expect to use it much other than to occasionally chat. When you get home Dave is hovering by the door, his hands twisted in the front of one of your old shirts.
"What's up lil' man?" You ask, throwing your bag off to the side and kicking off your shoes.
"Mommy won't come out of the bathroom," he whines, fidgeting further. "I need to go!"
"Let me go see," you sigh, shuffling past him, you pause long enough to mess up his hair with a fond smile. Dave pouts and slaps at your wrist and you just chuckle.
The bathroom is locked and you knock a few times, calling out gingerly. There's no sound on the other end. No sloshing of water from a bath, no voice, no nothing. You're starting to worry. You decide to sneak into Mommy's room to find the keys to the bathroom. You already know where their hiding place is. Sometimes you like to pretend you're a ninja and you sneak around finding all the hiding spots.
You retrieve the keys and unlock the bathroom door. At first you push it open a tiny bit, calling out again. No answer comes, so you curiously push a little further. The first thing you see is an arm draped over the side of the tub. For a second you're ready to slam the door and tell Dave she's just taking a bath but something's wrong.
Mommy's arm had red on it, and there's quite the puddle of red gathered beneath her limp limb. You push the door open wider, you throat tightening as you see more of her. Her blonde hair is a tangled mess plastered to the wall and you notice she's fully clothed in a bath tub full of red.
Her eyes are wide open.
You slam the door shut and race down the hall for the phone and the first person you call is Roxy.
Something's wrong.
The police and paramedics show up.
Weeks later you and Dave are dressed in itchy black suits provided by Roxy's mom, whom you live with now temporarily, and you stand around a coffin. They tell you she committed suicide and dies within half an hour of the cutting. You no longer call her 'Mommy' because the mom you knew would have never left you like this. You call her exactly what her grave stone says.
"Dian Strider"
Dave asks about her a lot, from time to time. He doesn't remember much except the years you spent in foster homes or visiting Roxy until you could get your own place for you and Dave. Sometimes he'll ask questions like, "Dirk, why don't we have a mom?"
You always have to swallow back the memory of her lying in the tub, or in the bleak coffin. You tell him to go to his room and he frowns like he doesn't quite understand. Eventually he stops asking and instead asks things like, "Did she give us a lot of pizza?" or "Dirk… was she nice?" You try to answer as best as you can and it usually ends up with the both of you crying for different reasons.
Sometimes you wish he would remember, so he'd stop asking. One day you'll have to tell him, Roxy says it would be best. She has her own daughter now and she and Dave are close. Somehow you think Rose knows more about it than Dave does.
On her birthday you pull out a picture of Dian Strider that you had kept with you over the years. You sit Dave down on the futon and demand he take off his shades for this. That means its serious business. When he does, you start telling him about you Mommy.
After a while he asks, "Dirk, what happened to her?" His voice is small and he knows it might be crossing a line. You stare at the picture for a moment before finally answering him. And then you tell Dave why you don't have a mom.
Just a bit of sadstuck for y'all before I go to bed. M'sorry okay, it just came to me. :| I hope you guys at least though some of it was good in some way. "Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me..."
- Sydney.