Title: Even More Tricks & Treats
Rating: R
Category: PWP, Humor
Genre: Het
Pairing: McGee/Ziva, Tony/Abby, other?
Summary: Abby devises a plan that no one can resist.
Spoilers: None.
Disclaimer: These characters belong to DPB, CBS, Paramount, et al. No copyright infringement is intended.
Author's Notes: Sequel to Tricks & Treats, which is post-"Witch Hunt." Gets a bit silly. Yes, I realize the title is lame.
No one made a move to explain what was going on. Ziva let out an annoyed sigh. "Can we at least come inside? It is cold out here."
Tony turned to Abby and she shrugged. "Fine with me." McGee and Ziva began to climb into the back of the hearse, and Abby stuck out a hand to halt them. "But only if you promise to tell us why you were planning to use my hearse as your fornication station." McGee and Tony both attempted to hide a snort of laughter at her term, and she glared at them both. They quieted. "Not to mention, I'd like to know how you even knew I was here." She gave McGee and Ziva a pointed look.
"Well, um, Tony said . . ." McGee started, his face reddening with every word.
Abby shot a glare at Tony. "You said what, Mr. DiNozzo? That we were coming to Timmy's party, so while we're inside, you and Ziva feel free to christen the back of Abby's hearse? Not cool. Especially if you were planning on seducing me tonight."
"You were going to seduce Abby?" McGee asked, as Tony said, "I didn't even know Ziva was with Probie!"
A high-pitched whistle broke them out of their argument, and they turned to look at Ziva, who was standing with her arms crossed over her chest, looking impatient. "Can we not act like adults here?" she asked, sounding less like a Mossad agent and more like a strict schoolmarm.
Abby's glare lessened as she nodded in agreement. "Ziva's right. We just need to explain what's going on . . ."
"Why should we have to explain anything, Abbs?" Tony interrupted her. She turned to look at him. "I mean, sure, it would be nice to know why Ziva and the Probester were planning on using your Deathmobile as their penthouse, but we shouldn't need to tell them about our own plans for it."
She huffed, unable to format at response, then turned back to Ziva and McGee for a word of guidance. "What do you guys think?"
"I think it is freezing out here and you should let us come inside!" Ziva responded, and McGee took that as his cue to place his Elflord cape over her shoulders. She gave him a shy smile in thanks.
Abby moved aside with a sigh, and Tony did the same. Ziva gave them a curt nod of thanks and McGee mimicked the action, allowing her to climb inside before him. They entered and soon the four of them were squeezed into the back of the hearse, silently breathing the heady air.
To say it was an awkward moment would be the understatement of the century.
McGee was attempting to keep his hand off Tony's lap, while Abby squirmed in her dress to prevent exposing herself to her friends. Tony frowned as Ziva slid her hand between herself and McGee, presumably to grasp his hand.
The minutes continued to tick onwards as silence permeated the car. None of them were willing to expose their secret, even if they had already been revealed. There was a reason they were all on Gibbs' team, and it wasn't because they were the best at their jobs. Okay, so that was part of it, but it wasn't the trait showing itself only too well at the moment.
McGee let out a sigh. Of course he'd be the first to crack. "Come on, guys. We can't just sit here sulking all night."
"I can," Tony's voice spoke from his left.
McGee rolled his eyes. "Can't we all just agree to put this behind us? I mean, it doesn't make sense to be mad at each other."
"What did Tony and I do wrong, Tim?" Abby asked, still upset. "All we were doing was . . ." She trailed off, not wanting to expose too much of their plans for the night.
"Was what, Abby?" Ziva asked, hiking up an eyebrow at her friend.
Abby opened her mouth to speak again, but Tony interrupted her. "That's really none of your business, Zee-vah." He shot her a dirty look. "And I agree with McGeek. We should just pack up our feelings and get on with our night. I know that's what I'd like to do." He turned his eyes to Abby, his look melting into a heated gaze in a second. "How about you, Abbs?"
Neither McGee nor Ziva missed the husky tone in Tony's words and gave each other interested looks. Ziva slid her hand further into McGee's, and he laced his fingers through hers. It was clear that Tony and Abby had something going on, so it wouldn't hurt them any to show affection. They looked back to the other two, finding them gazing at each other and apparently having lost track of the conversation at hand.
"So . . ." McGee started, but didn't get any farther than the single syllable, as Ziva elbowed him in the stomach, causing him to let out an, "Oomph!" instead of the question he was proposing.
Tony and Abby looked back over to him. Ziva hadn't been quick enough. They were right back in the thick of things.
"Yeah, Probie?" Tony asked, attempting to mask his lust.
McGee frowned. Ziva obviously didn't want to talk about this anymore. Maybe he should just let her do the talking from here on out. He faced her. "Ziva, what do you propose?"
Her eyes registered confusion. "What do I propose?" she repeated.
Tony smirked as McGee sighed and continued. "Yeah. I think we should just get out of here, let Tony and Abby get back to . . . whatever it is they were doing." He made a face at the thought. "You agree?"
She opened her mouth in understanding. "I, ah, yes. That does sound like a good idea." She turned to Tony and Abby. "We are . . . sorry for interrupting your evening." She still had a bit of a baffled look on her face, which only served to make her look younger than she was.
Abby allowed a bit of a smile to cross her made-up face. "Well, at least we're all clear about the status of everyone in the car now."
"Status?" McGee asked, eyebrow raised.
Abby nodded. "Yeah. You two are obviously together, and Tony and I were about to . . . well, I think you guys know what we were about to do." She paused. "You guys aren't drunk, are you?"
Ziva chuckled softly as McGee balked at her words. "Drunk? No! What, you think that's the only way I could get Ziva to sleep with me?"
Tony attempted to hide a grin as Abby's mouth dropped open. "Of course not!" she gasped, amazed that he would even think she was implying that. "I mean, I knew it wouldn't be long before you two were all over each other. I'm not blind. I saw the way you two looked at each other." McGee and Ziva looked at the plush interior of the hearse as they blushed, avoiding Abby's eyes. "I just never expected you to be so . . . frisky."
McGee blushed even harder, his face turning a lovely shade of magenta. "Abby . . ."
Ziva spoke at the same time. "We did not expect you to be here, as we said. If we had, well, then we would have acted differently."
McGee continued to blush wildly, turning his attention to the Israeli. "Ziva . . ."
"It's okay, Timmy," Abby assured him, patting him on the knee. "It's nice to know that you're finally getting some."
Tony let out a barking laugh and Ziva attempted to stifle her own giggles. McGee, well, he just kept on blushing.
Tony noticed the fierce shade of red the younger agent's face had taken on and decided to cut him some slack – well, as much slack as Tony would give McGee. "Alright, ladies, I think that's enough. Probie's gonna spontaneously combust if we don't leave him alone."
McGee shot Tony a grateful look as Ziva laid a hand on his thigh. He looked back to her and saw the smile on her face. He smiled back at her, placing his hand over hers, then turned back to Abby, who had a look of wide-eyed amusement upon her face.
"Guys, this is, like, so freaking cool!" she exclaimed, bouncing slightly in place. "You know what this means?"
"Gibbs is going to have to find an entirely new team rather than just one person?" Tony guessed.
She swatted at him, causing him to reel back in avoidance of her hand. "No, dingbat." She turned to her friends, her eyes gleaming. "Now we can go out on double dates!"
Tony, McGee and Ziva all groaned in reponse to Abby's squeal.
"Abbs, honey," Tony attempted, gathering her close to him, "I don't think Ziva and the geek are up for the group thing."
"Ooh, now there's something I hadn't even thought of yet," Abby mumured, snuggling further into Tony's side.
"Didn't you just say something about double dates?" McGee asked, confused.
Abby rolled her eyes. "Yes, Timmy. But that's not the same as a group date."
McGee's eyes widened at the suggestion as Ziva perked up, suddenly interested. "You mean, like an orgy of sorts?"
Abby giggled in response as Tony let out a excited moan, letting them know exactly how he felt about the situation. "Oh, Abbs, that is so freakin' hot," he muttered, and Ziva chuckled softly, clearly enjoying the idea herself.
"Um, guys, I don't know how to break this to you, but no," McGee spoke up, shaking his head.
"Oh, Tim, come on," Ziva prompted, leaning in to nuzzle on his neck. He blushed at the public display as Ziva continued to talk. "It's not like we haven't discussed it before."
"Oh ho ho, really?" Tony said, amused and intrigued. "We must hear more about this development, Probalicious."
McGee closed his eyes. "This is not happening," he muttered, as Ziva continued to nudge at his neck. He cracked open his eyes a few moments later to find Tony giving him a moronic grin and Abby looking at him innocently. He shifted his gaze to Ziva and found her with a predatory look on her face that said she'd eat him alive if he didn't comply. He gulped.
"Well, I really don't want to know what Ziva's going to do if I don't at least agree to try it, so . . ." he started, letting his words trail off.
Abby let out a high-pitched squeal, causing Tony to cover his ears in pain. "Oh, Timmy, you will not regret this!" she assured him, bouncing around again. Tony placed a hand on her thigh, gently rubbing, to calm her down.
"So how do we do this?" McGee asked, the voice of curiosity.
"Simple," Ziva answered for him. "Four of us, no clothes – the rest is up to your hormones, Timothy." She gave him a seductive smile.
He suddenly looked worried. "Hey, you guys never said anything about sex . . ."
Abby crawled toward him, teasing him. "Oh, Timmy, everything is about sex. You should know that by now."
He gulped again, closing his eyes and starting another mantra he could only hope would come true and stop this charade: "Please let Gibbs show up, please let Gibbs show up, please let Gibbs show up . . ."
THE END!!!