4/14/10 - Wednesday, April 14th, 2010.

-Suikoden fanfic-

-Luca has problems.-

A brief story.

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My name is Luca Blight, and I'm a recovering serial killer.

No, you'd think I hated Cocoa Puffs, but that was just the surface of my murdeous problem...problemo...problems, plural.

It started with my name. I finally realized my mother's name was not Luca, but Blight. I think she had dyslexia, but she always got her ABCs correct. She just wrote them down backwards. So, technically, my name should've been Blight Luca. I dunno. Some guard of mine kept whooping my head, so I learned not to wear helmets much. I could take the hits, but they couldn't take my sword, if you know what I...

Ahem.

Now, in my defense, I had a whole country of angry people who didn't like my father. I didn't like him neither, but he sure had a good-looking daughter. I was screwed too. Oh, thank heavens I couldn't conceive.

Yeah, laugh now, ****ers...Oh, wait, they died anyways. Moving on...

So, once I got rid of my mother's tormentors, I realized something...I had possible tormentors too!

No wonder I always slept in the daytimes. I HATED daylight! I was pretty sure that KING nut-fool would spot me approaching his quarters with a knife!

Knife, spear, shuriken, broken glass bottle, wooden mace...That man never slept! Well, not around me. I think that's why he had some people who you would call, in laymen's terms, "Friends".

I'd make friends too...if I didn't kill them. I guess I was learning by age 15, one huge fact: Kill the DOGS that bark, not TALK! Now, in my defense, I could always claim I had bad eyes, but nah, they just LOOKED the same!

Though, my dear countrymen were catching on...they needed those DOGS to protect THEM! So, I slaughtered some women I'd think are pigs, and the men would be HAPPY with them! Well, BEFORE they die! But, I would not tolerate it!

Aw, dang...they were catching on! I wasn't chauvinist! I was just a misanthrope. I wanted them ALL to die!

But, then, I was struck by an awkward realization: If ALL of my countrymen DIED, then who would be left to kill? Aw.......................................That would suck.

So, I realized something else when I realized that realization: Some ***holes from some "City-Hates!!!!" would kill me too! I was sooo screwed!

So, I consulted some Windy ***** and she understood my plight. She hated people TOO!

I was soooo blessed! Until I realized she hated me TOO! I should've known...I hated her TOO.......What a bitch!

As if "Prince" Jowy wasn't an addition to my problems. He had some creey vibe going for someone, but I wasn't sure if it were for Riou, or that creepy Luc guy. "Oh, Luc....A!" I'm like, was he uh...happy, or just doped up on some Sindar herbs?

Noticing that I had a lot of problems, I finally consulted my little sister! But, damnit, all she liked was playing doll and drinking tea! WTF, I should've had a younger brother!

But, no, I'm pretty sure he'd want to kill me too. Well, this sucked!

So, "five-hundred twenty-five thousand, six hundred" people later....(Oh, I was thinking of some stupid song from some stupid play...)...

I realized I was running out of troops.

So, to finish this simply, here I am, talking to a tape recorder, discussing what I've been doing...But, where do you think I am now?

*****"King Riou, it's time to wake up! We are ready for King Blight's execution...!"****

"One moment! I have to get dressed!"

O_o