After a few years of lollygagging—and some months of K-Pop worshipping—I'm finally back with a vengeance! :D But I'm kinda new to the Final Fantasy VII category, so please support me!

DISCLAIMER:

*Oh God, it's been like, forever since I did this!* I am a poor girl who owns nothing but her soul… and this plot. Yeah.

SUMMARY:

Cloud gets dragged to some fancy all-boys academy by his childhood friend Tifa. The blond gets the feeling that something bad is going to happen, but who would've thought that it would be in front of a makeshift altar?

WARNINGS:

Be warned: retarded and overly-flowery writing. Unnecessarily long paragraphs, too—but that's just how I like it. :)) The characters are major OOC here, especially Cloud (but later you'll realize that you can't blame him) and obviously, there is also some shonen-ai loving. Zack Fair x Cloud Strife, baby! Story is AU.

NOTES:

This is actually part of The Sweet Life of Zack and Cloudy (tenth instance). I think you guys are familiar with it if you like Clack. Well, I'm Moonly . Sunkiss (the profile thingy was just something I wrote for the fun of it :)) don't mind it.) but unfortunately, I forgot the email and password I used for that account, so yeah… I can't update it anymore. Boo. Hopefully I can find the password, delete the published work and continue it on this account. DX sorry for the hassle, guys.

This is also inspired by last year's Kabihasnan Fair held at La Salle Green Hills. A friend of mine was caught by the infamous caution boys (basically they're guys that catch you with caution tape. *shrug* It's not an actual term. My friends and I made it up XD) and was led to ten minutes of humiliation as she was "lawfully wedded" to a student there who is now a good friend of ours XD funny how that inspired me to write this grotesquely-long oneshot, right? Riiiight.

OK, let's get started! :) I hope you guys like this! :D Reviews are appreciated!

Marriage Booth by Yamira

After regaining consciousness, Cloud blinked slowly as he stared up at the weird-looking welcome banner looming a few feet above his head.

He stood up—eeck, dirt—and looked around him. He noticed a massive wave of people moving forward where he's facing. He brought his head back forward where an entrance booth of some sort neatly let people in. The people handed in something that looked like tickets, and the booth people accepted them before letting them in.

The young blond man blinked and looked at his hand. He was holding a ticket as well, so he supposed that it was needed to get in. But wait, why did he have a ticket, anyway? He placed a contemplative finger on his chin and closed his eyes to think. Hmm, hmm, why was he holding a ticket? And why was he even here when he could be back home playing video games or catching up on some good sleep? And maybe playing with his pet puppy, too if his little brother wasn't busy smothering him to death.

So why was he there? Cloud Strife was obviously too busy and too lazy to attend such exaggerated and lively events. There must be something he was forgetting. Think, think, think, Strife. What could have possibly happened earlier to result to this? Cloud thought long and hard and even started turning around in his place.

And just when he had his back fully facing the entrance, a wave of "epiphanic" proportions suddenly hit him and he found himself swearing and thinking of one name—

Tifa Lockheart.

An Hour Prior

"Please, Cloud? Pleeeeeeease?" The busty college girl clasped her hands together and gave him the best pout she's ever made—complete with matching teary-eyes and rosy cheeks. "Do it for your best friend?" She shined her pearly whites at him to add more flavor to her pleas. Unfortunately, more isn't always better, and Cloud found himself looking away in distaste.

He sighed at her and gave him his most firm look. He placed his palm on the table to stress his finality—"No."

The girl's smile dropped and a red-headed young man started laughing in the background. She clenched her fists in annoyance but almost immediately calmed herself down.

Breathe, Tifa. Breeeathe. Cloud's always like this; all he needs is a little more pushing—

"I'll do your homework for a week!" Tifa exclaimed at Cloud's back. He faced away when she gritted in irk. The redhead was still laughing, but it's not like anyone cared. "I mean it, I'll do everything including Algebra and Phys—"

"Tifa, I get better grades than you." Came the deadpan response. "It would be detrimental to my academic life if I let you do my assignments for a week."

The girl gestured with her hand over her mouth, shocked. "Wh-What do you mean? How could it be detrimental to your academic life?"

Disinterestedly, Cloud flipped the magazine on his lap to the next page. "Well for one—I'd miss out on a week's worth of grading." He smirked when he felt Tifa sputtering appalled nonsense behind him.

"Ouch!" The redhead climbed off the bar stool and approached the two. "That was a little harsh, blondie." He just about cackled when he noticed a withdrawn, broken-hearted Tifa drawing imperfect circles on the floor. Cloud was obviously unaware of this, since he was facing the other way.

But the sly redhead knew that even if he was facing Tifa, the anti-social blond wouldn't care less anyway. Yup. That's Cloud for ya—a real jerk.

Said jerk tilted his head to the side and regarded the laughing redhead with little interest. "Reno, you, of all people, should know that the truth hurts. It's not my fault if Tifa—" He was interrupted by a loud slam on the counter he was leaning on. Startled, he jerked away and started wobbling on the stool till he fell on the floor.

Reno winced and clucked his tongue in pity. "Ooh. Now that's an ouch."

Tifa Lockheart, no longer broken-hearted but now very, very, very pissed off, pointed an accusing finger at the startled blond and started yelling, "Listen here, buttmunch! I've had it up to here with your mean attitude and just-downright-jerky self! You've got to be taught some manners and courtesy, Cloud fucking Strife!"

Cloud, still in a state of shock, just stared at the slender finger just a few centimeters from poking his nose. He looked cross-eyed and a bit funny, but Tifa was too blinded by the fires of soul-consuming rage to notice. But then, the blond would rather face a disgruntled Tifa than a laughing one—especially if she's laughing because of him.

OK, where was he? Oh yeah, he was about to be torn to pieces by his best friend. Commence wincing—

"You want him to learn manners?" The redheaded punk got off the stool and started approaching the "arguing" duo. He casually placed his hands behind his head as he did so. "Pfft, fat chance, Lockheart. I doubt anyone could teach this little minx anything synonymous to being cordial, much less manners."

"What?!" The blond—after hearing an insult directed at him—snapped out of his shocked state and glared at the audacious bastard. "Are you saying I'm illiterate, you bas—"

"Besides," He butted in, basking in the satisfaction of having miffed Cloud. He grinned and turned to face the still-steaming Tifa. "I don't think his manners—if they exist—are really important here. You were saying about some… fancy all-boys' academy fair being held today?"

After hearing that, Tifa sighed and calmed down. She sat on a stool and rested her elbows on the counter behind her. She pouted. "Yeah. Shin-Ra Academy for Boys is having their annual fair this afternoon. I've always wanted to go since I've heard about it two years ago, but never got the chance to. You need tickets to enter the event, ya know?"

Reno looked at her expectantly. "So?"

"So," Tifa began. "Thanks to a very kind and generous soul, I've got us tickets to get into the event!" Magically, she pulled out tickets to the Shin-Ra Academy fair—complete with the embossed logo of the school in the middle of each tag.

Reno leaned in and read the words on it, "Come and feast your eyes on this—Shin-Ra Academy for Boys' Twentieth Fair! Join the fun as we show you what having fun is all about! Admit one only! Valid only on inscribed date…" He stood up straight and raised an eyebrow at it. "What the hell? Sounds corny—"

Without warning, the redhead was sucker-punched to next Tuesday. He fell next to Cloud who decided lying down on the floor was safer. The blond blinked and looked up at the perpetrator and had to stop himself from gasping in horror—

"Y-Yuffie!"

"Fool!" The self-proclaimed ninja girl glared menacingly at the out-cold redhead. "It issoooo not corny! The Shin-Ra fair is the best fair in all of Midgar and you'd be a fool to pass this opportunity up!" She proceeded to stomp on the unconscious corpse, successfully bringing Reno back to life with an 'oof!'

Cloud was so glad he was being ignored now.

"YEEEOUCH—what the fuck, Kisaragi?!" Reno winced as he tried to push away the skinny leg and foot that was currently preventing him from breathing properly.

"You deserve it, Sinclair! That's for insulting the SOLDIER's and their awesome ways. Perish!" She proceeded to stomp on him some more, eliciting a pained cry from Reno and a horrified gasp from Cloud.

The blond stood up—in fear of getting stomped on as well—and unknowingly bumped into Tifa. The girl glared at him with full-force.

She shoved the tickets under his nose and gritted out, "You. Are. Coming. End of story, chocobo-boy!"

Cloud narrowed his eyes and pushed her hand away. "Look, Tifa. I know this is pretty much a big thing for you, but I'm not interested, OK? I've got better things to do than hang out at some alien school and risk being harassed or mauled by some thuggish-looking guys." He ignored the "Thuggish-looking?! KNOW YOUR PLACE, CLOUD!" that came out from both girls and continued, "No! No, no, no, no, no! You can't make me come. Never, ever, ever!"

Yuffie batted her eyelashes cutely. "Never, ever, ever?"

"Never, ever, ever."

"Never, ever, ever, ever?"

"Never, ever, ever, ev—oh what the hell?" Cloud grunted a bit in frustration before assuming his cold-and-apathetic pose—his back facing them, too. "I'm not going to this stupid fair and that's final."

He heard some shuffling in the back but he was too busy being cold and apathetic to care. "Really? That's final?"

Cloud huffed. "Yes, that's fi—"

BAM!

Seconds later, Cloud joined Reno on the cold floor. He heard the girls giggling with delight and high-fiving before everything went black.

Present

'…Ah. So that's how it happened.' Tifa, you are one dead best friend. He'll throw in Yuffie too so she won't get too lonely.

Cloud growled out and turned to face the entrance of the fair. The tarpaulin hanging a few feet above his head screamed its existence as a loud Tadaaaaa! rang in the air.

Moments later, Cloud faced away.

'Screw this. I'm going home.' The young blond man clenched his fists as he marchedaway from the entrance to the school, which he presumed had to be Shin-Ra Academy for Boys. He was now idly waiting for a cab by the sidewalk. He crossed his arms as he thought of how to get home when he didn't even know where the hell Shin-Ra Academy is.

'Well, I'll just tell the driver my address. No big deal,' He sighed. Satisfied with his plan, he proceeded to get his wallet. He pressed his hand against the back of his pants to find—

…what?

His blue eyes widened to a tremendous degree. He felt his right back pocket; it wasn't there. Then he went to the left back pocket; still it wasn't there! Desperate and distraught, the blond started searching for his wallet in every pocket on his pants and even in his shoes. After moments of flailing and grunting and scaring innocent children on the sidewalk, Cloud Strife came to accept an undeniable, inescapable truth:

His wallet was missing.

He placed his hands over his face and started grieving for the loss of his precious wallet.'How could this be?! He thought in despair. He started moving around, freaking the passers-by by an exceptional degree.'I always have my wallet with me! Holy shit, was I robbed while I was passed out?! Holy crap this schoolisfilled with a bunch of thuggish guys! Ho-Ho-Holy shit! I need to find my wallet or else I'll never get out of this place ever—' He stopped moving around when a terrible, terrible possibility crossed his mind:

Was he forever stuck in this forsaken place?

That just about had him flailing some more.

"Mommy…" A terrified young boy hid behind his mother's skirt and pointed at the flailing man. "That chocobo guy's gone crazy."

"Don't mind him, sweetie." The mother consoled and held the boy's head. "He's probably just having a bad day." Despite her sweet words, the mother sent a disturbed look at Cloud's way and proceeded to discreetly walk away as far as possible.

The blond clutched his head in despair. Oh no! He can't spend the rest of his life here in some alien school he's never even heard about till a while ago? Wait, what time was it anyway? How long was he out cold? Cloud scratched his head in frustration; gahh, he didn't have time to panic like this! Besides, it's so unlike him! He's got to find a way to get back home or he'll never escape this place—

His thoughts stopped processing when he accidentally stepped on a piece of paper. The loud crunch noise was kind of hard to ignore.

The fact that he stepped on a piece of paper sent him back to flailing. What's this—littering? Oh, no, no, no, no! Shin-Ra students littered, too? What kind of crazy institution is this? Why, his school may be a public school, but Avalanche University never ever tolerated tomfoolery like this!

Unforgivable.

Cloud dutifully picked the paper up to throw it away. He gazed at it and noticed that there was something written on it. He looked at it in curiosity and began reading it. His eyes widened and his jaw slacked when he found out that it was actually addressed tohim. Whoopsie.

And it was from Tifa.'OH TIFA WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU—'

'Dear Cloud,' the paper read.'I know you're probably flailing around or panicking or doing some other embarrassing display I'm pretty much glad I'm not there to witness, but you should know that I'm doing this for you. You should get out more! ): And really, I think you'll like the fair! There's a lot of fun games and prizes, and the food's got to be splendid, too! I want you to enjoy today and spend a day not reading or playing video games for a change.

'—and you've probably noticed by now, but I took your wallet. :D :D :D I couldn't risk you getting home by yourself, couldn't I? Heh, heh, heh. If you want your wallet back then come find me inside the fair! I'll give it to you if you've been a good boy (: Love you!

'Tifa.' The letter ended there, and as soon as he finished reading Tifa's message, the teen blitzed his way to the entrance.

"Now, let me see your—" The ticket people almost died of shock when a flash of yellow suddenly appeared before the booth. The unidentifiable being slammed a crumpled-up ticket on the table and just about scared the living daylights out of the people around him.

"Here's my ticket." The blond said as he looked up at the ticket booth person. "I'm here for the fair."

Cloud's never taking Tifa shopping ever again; she didn't deserve it.

"Hmm, now where to start?" Cloud had just passed through the entrance minutes ago and found himself in front of a colorful display of booths, games, rides and happy people. The people in the booths entertained the guests—Shin-Ra students, he presumed—and some chased others with what Cloud thought was yellow caution tape. He blinked at that but he later realized that it wasn't important. What's important nowis finding Tifa and getting his wallet and going back home.

He started walking around a bit, trying not to be intimidated by the overly-friendly booth people and mascots. An intimidating-looking man with long-white hair gave him the coldest stare ever when he accidentally bumped into him. He almost ran away, but he had too much pride to do that—even if he was in front of a monster from hell.

Instead, he decided to briskly walk away while looking at the ground. With dignity, of course.

He missed the part when the silver-haired man's brunet friend laughed and got dutifully sucker-punched.

'Gahh, the people here are so crazy!' Cloud thought to himself as he continued walking away.'This is supposed to be an elite school?!' After he made sure that he was likemiles away from the scary silver-haired monster, he stopped and sighed in relief. He glared at no one in particular and seethed.

Damn that Tifa. He won't talk to her for a month for this! No, no—he'll shave all her hair off! Yeah, she loves her hair. Or maybe burn all her BL manga and doujinshi's and command her to glue them all back together… but that's impossible since all that's left would be ashes! So there wouldn't be anything to glue back together! Oh, so ingenious! Or maybe…

He was too busy planning his revenge against his best friend that he didn't notice a couple of people passing by. There were around five or six of them, and one of them was noisily laughing at some joke one of them apparently told. He also didn't notice one of them bumping into him and giving him an apology.

And of course, he didn't notice a certain spiky-haired raven staring at him with what appeared to be awe and admiration. Nope, not at all.

"Hah, hah, hah! Damn, Kunsel!" The one with spiky, black hair laughed and punched his friend playfully on the shoulder. It resulted in the man stumbling a bit, though. The others had to hold him to keep him from falling. "That joke just about slain me. Where'd you get that shit from?"

The man named Kunsel—wearing a cap over his head that hid his eyes—grinned and chuckled. "Well, let's say I have my source—" Oof. "Oh! Sorry!"

"…" The person he bumped into was too lost in his thoughts to acknowledge his apology. Kunsel looked at him weirdly and they all continued on their merry way. The others waved at them and told them they were going the other direction, and Kunsel and the spiky-haired man waved them goodbye. When they were finally a few feet away, Kunsel turned to look back at the dude.

He blinked in confusion—though no one knew because his cap was over his eyes—and tilted his head to the side. That was kinda weird. Normally people would say "it's okay" if they get bumped. Or if they're the type, yell, "what the fuck" and start beating the crap out of him. Or at least tried to. He watched as the blond man, currently occupied with his thoughts, turned around and still looked like he wasn't planning on doing anything but think.

"Well, that's strange." Kunsel finally said after his analysis. He looked to his side. "Don't you think so Zack—"

"Hubba, hubba!" Zack, the self-proclaimed most handsome and macho student in Shin-Ra Academy let out an appreciative whistle as he shamelessly ogled someone in his line of sight. If his grin had anything to say about it, Kunsel would think he'd be thinking of perverted things again. Which he, of all people, doesn't doubt is the case.

Zack turned his head and grinned at his friend, pointing at the object of his attention with his thumb. "Hot golden chocobo—twelve 'o clock!"

Kunsel looked around and asked, 'where?' and looked for a plate of crispy golden chocobo. His friend slapped his forehead and turned his head around to face where he had been facing before. Kunsel opened his mouth in shock.

The weird kid?

"…no way." Kunsel turned to look at Zack who was grinning weirdly and gushing so uncharacteristically. "You're not—"

"Oh but I am!" Zack grinned and faced where the blond was and suddenly, sparkles and glitter surrounded him. "Look at him—the docile little thing! With those gorgeous blue orbs and that smooth-looking pale skin! Gah, I wanna touch it so bad!" He yelled it all out as if it wasn't shameful, and Kunsel had to scoot away as to not get hit by the exploding hearts that were shooting out of Zack's person.

Kunsel shook his head. "You're kidding me right?"

"Oh contraire, my friend! That small blond chick just about seduced me." He ignored Kunsel's "But he didn't do anything." and continued to talk about how beautiful the blond was. His friend sighed and shook his head again. Well, this was Zack—he was a fool not to notice that the blond was Zack's type.

Zack liked the small and cute type.

"—so calm, so passive… yet I sense a burning passion within him!" Actually the burning passion is just the blond's rage against his friend, but he didn't know that. He clenched his fists and Kunsel could've sworn he saw spark coming out of his eyes. The black-haired man faced his friend with a determined gleam in his purple eyes. "I've decided! I'm going to introduce myself to him!"

"I was waiting for that," Kunsel said. He sighed and placed his hands on his hips. "Look, dude. I agree with you about him being all cute and stuff—" He paused for a while to look at the blond who was now looking like he was lost. "But that hot piece of ass you so eloquently put might not be… permissible for that kind of thing yet."

Zack tilted his head to the side in confusion. "Huh? Whaddya mean, buddy?"

"I mean, you blockhead—" Kunsel tried to ignore Zack's "A very handsome blockhead, that's for sure!" before continuing, "that that kid may just be a kid. You get my drift?"

Zack backed away in horror—the back of his hand over his mouth. "YOU MEAN HE'S JAILBAIT?" Thunder clapped and lightning just about struck Zack's heart. Oh no, say it isn't so! Zack's currently a college sophomore and he had to admit, the blond beauty didn't look a day over fourteen…oh no!

That just about broke his heart.

Kunsel tried not to laugh as his friend drew imperfect circles on the ground like a dejected idiot. He probably was, anyway. "U-Uh, Zack, you know I might be wrong. I was just being careful, ya know? You wouldn't want to be responsible for—"

"So it was merely an assumption!" The energetic youth shot up suddenly, shocking Kunsel. The handsome young man clasped his fingers together and cracked them for show. He saluted to his friend and started marching forward. "I'll go introduce myself now."

The young man watched as Zack merrily marched towards the confused chocobo. He chuckled in amusement as he watched the young man tap on the blond's shoulder which resulted in eliciting a cry of surprise from the poor guy. Deciding not to meddle in—and get into any probable trouble—Kunsel shook his head for the nth time that day and walked away.

But knowing Zack Fair, there would be a lot of trouble.

Cloud could've sworn he felt someone bump into him. But he quickly dismissed it.

Right now, he had to find Tifa and get his wallet back. It was the only way he'd get away from this hellish place!

The young blond trembled inwardly as he remembered very vividly what happened to him in the last hour he spent in this torture house guised as a school fair. First he was pestered by freaky salespeople, harassed by mascots and other guests, and then stalked and assaulted by guys—usually in pairs—holding caution tape. After observing his surroundings, Cloud found out that the guys with the tape—he'll be calling themcaution boys from now on—incarcerate victims and drag them to a foreboding-looking tent. He didn't know what happened in the tent, but he'd rather not know.

It was better not to, in his opinion.

So before he becomes one of those victims, the blue-eyed blond decided to find Tifa as soon as possible. Fast. Like, finding her right now would be great. Cloud squinted his eyes and looked around, trying to look for the busty woman in the crowd. He'll notice her quick. I mean, not one person possesses gozangas like hers—

He was caught off guard when someone placed their hand on his shoulder. "Hey."

He didn't know what else to do—he shrieked.

Well, not shrieked but… OK, he shrieked. As in really, first he was being paranoid about being caught by one of those caution boys, then he was thinking about Tifa's breastsof all things and now this—

He turned around and saw the most gorgeous guy ever.

Cloud's cheeks instantly burned, but he inwardly shook the feeling of embarrassment away. OK, why was he getting all hot because of a guy? A good-looking guy. Gah, why was he even thinking about this stud? He was supposed to be looking for Tifa, and looking for Tifa he shou—

"Oh, sorry!" The dude didn't look sincere in his apology. He looked quite happy, actually. Too happy in his opinion. "I didn't mean to scare you."

"S-Scare me?" Cloud first spoke after an hour of mute searching (except for the occasional gasp and yell, but nobody needed to know that). He shook his head and indignantly twisted his lips in a way that seemed cute to normal people. "Y-You didn't scare me. I was just lost in thought and you suddenly came and startled me." There. That was a logical explanation, wasn't it?

The man was still smiling and he had a happy glint in his eyes. He crossed his arms and referred to Cloud amusingly. "Oh. OK, then. Sorry for startling you, kid." The 'kid' part was somehow stiffly said, and Cloud couldn't help but notice it.

But not because it was stiffly said, but because it was said. The young blond's eyebrows furrowed and he glared at the tall man in front of him. "I'm not a kid. I'm eighteen years old! I'm a college freshman at Avalanche University!" He declared haughtily to increase his haughty points. Oh yeah, he showed him.

The black-haired man in front of him didn't look fazed. Actually, he looked kind of relieved if that sigh had anything to say about it. The man grinned and patted him on the back. "Oh, you're not a kid? Well, that's a relief! Didn't want to be charged for coming onto a youngster, after all."

Coming onto? Youngster? What—

"COMING THROUGH—"Without warning, Cloud was enveloped in a menacing-looking strip of… caution tape?!

Oh no, he was caught! Damn! Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn it! If it weren't for this… this… this muscle-headed asshole's fault then he would still be free! He attracted to much attention, therefore affecting Cloud! Damn him! Cloud was about to yell accusingly at the man before—

Wait. He was caught, too?

He didn't look particularly displeased. In fact, he looked rather thrilled. "Oh no. You caught me, guys!" He grinned and laughed along with the other guys. Cloud wasn't laughing. He didn't think there was anything funny about the situation. Was there? Did he miss something? Cloud was about to ask what was so funny about their current situation when one of the caution boys spoke—

"God, Zack. I thought you said you wouldn't be caught dead. Especially by us."

"And you know what kind of booth we're workin' for." There was a cheeky tone hidden in there, but luckily Cloud was uptight enough to sniff it out. Oh, he didn't like the sound of that. What kind of booth was it?

"Well," The asshole christened 'Zack' laughed. "I told you guys I wouldn't be caught dead 'coz I didn't think I'd be paired with a good-enough… partner." Zack cheekily gazed at Cloud who felt like he should be running away right now. OK, what's with the predatory gleam…?

"Yeah, I'll say." The guy whistled. "You got pretty lucky, dude. You have to walk around campus with this chained to ya."

Chained?

"Yeah. People are gonna stare at you with envy as you walk down the aisle—"

Aisle?

"—then saying your vows—"

VOWS?

"—and then of course, kissing the bride."

asdslmcwelad;laskd;lsakd;lsakda;slkdasdki-ki-ki-KISSING THE BRIDE?

Zack grinned stupidly and scratched the back of his head. "Yeah. Ain't I a lucky bastard?" They laughed at that good-naturedly. "I just can't wait to spend the rest of our lives together… forever."

"WHAT?" Cloud exclaimed after a long period of silence. He tried to wiggle out of the incarcerating tape. "W-W-What do you mean chained? Walk down the aisle? VOWS? BRIDE? FOREVER?!" He was apparently ignored since they were started walking towards the big tent, dragging the uncooperative blond in the process.

"What the hell is going on?!"

"W-What? Cloud?" Tifa's eyes went wide as she saw the now-moping blond being dragged inside the tent. She stood up and approached him. "What're you doing—"

"TIFA!" Cloud gasped in glee as she came into view. He had to admit, he was happy to see her. She can get him out of this mess! Never mind that she was in the forsaken tent itself! He finally had a ticket home and its name is Tifa! Tifa, Tifa, Tifa!

"Oh, Cloud!" A familiar brunette came into view and she popped her head beside Tifa. "You're here! Welcome!" She greeted him good-naturedly and smiled. She noticed the man standing next to him and waved at him as well. "Hello, Zack."

"AERITH, SAVE ME—"

"Hey there, Aer—"

The two spiky-haired males stopped and looked at each other. Realization struck and both of them turned to the pretty brunette with wide, disbelieving eyes. "YOU KNOW HIM?" They pointed at each other and caused Aerith and Tifa to giggle.

"Yes to both of your questions," She replied and exchanged gleeful smiles with the busty brunette beside her.

Cloud looked at her with relief on his face. "Oh good! Since you're acquainted with this jerk, you can tell him to leave me alone and—"

Zack, however, looked at Aerith with what seemed to be hurt. "Oh, Aerith, how could you? You're a horrible woman! Why didn't you introduce the two of us when you know for a fact that—"

Their simultaneous exclamations were caught off by a serious-looking raven who suddenly appeared behind them. He coughed. "If you two would be so kind as to proceed to the "altar", we can begin the ceremony." He nodded his head at Aerith when she waved at him with a 'oh, hi Tseng!'

Cloud blanched. "Ceremony? What ceremony?"

The man sighed and pointed at the makeshift altar at the end of the tent. There was an old guy dressed up like a priest and people holding a black blazer and—from what Cloud could decipher—a veil.

Well, this wasn't looking good.

"We didn't think that the two of you would get to know each other so fast." Tifa said, crossing her arms on her chest. "Much less get married." She coughed the last part, causing Aerith to snicker uncharacteristically.

Zack sniggered as well. "Well, what can I say? We're probably a match made in hea—"

"Wait a minute, wait a minute!" Cloud threw his hands in the air and walked around to get their attention. He was ignored for far too long, and he's just about had it. "Don't Iget a say in this? What if I don't want to participate in this stupid gimmick? I have my rights too, you know!"

Tifa grinned. "Oh? You mean you won't get married to a hot stud like Zachary over here?" Zack gushed and waved his hand with a 'ohh, psshaww…' like he was being modest.

Cloud blushed and shook his head. Well, he can't argue with the jerk being a handsomefellow, but—"I-I don't care! I don't wanna get married! And you can't make me?"

"Aww, but you'll hurt Zack's feeli—"

"I don't care!"

Aerith consoled Zack whilst he nursed an intangible pang in his chest. Poor guy.

The black-haired man named Tseng suddenly materialized beside Cloud, startling him a bit. He cleared his throat and regarded Cloud with seriousness, "If you want to get out of this, then you have to pay a certain amount."

"How much?"

"…1000 Gil."

"WHAT?" Cloud yelled. Zack turned and pumped his fist in the air in victory. The blond sighed and nodded. "All right, I'll pay it. Tifa, give me my wallet—"

"No can do, Cloudy."

"WHAT?" Cloud faced her and she had to stop herself from giggling out loud. Man, Cloud could be a real riot when he wanted to be. "I thought you said you'd give me back my wallet after I find you! Explain yourself!"

"Yeah, I remember writing that on the piece of paper," She said. "But I also mentioned that you had to be a good boy to get it back."

Cloud's spirits fell. "But, but—"

"Now, be a good boy and vow to be Zack's forever!"

"Noooooooo!"

And so, the ceremony began. The Wedding Booth people gave Zack a black blazer and a garter tie and handed the annoyingly-huge veil to Cloud. The blond begrudgingly acquiesced as they put it on his head. Tifa thought he looked cute. Zack thought so too, and he even pinched his cheek to add to Cloud's woe.

But it's not like he didn't like it, so…

Professor Hojo—a chemistry professor at Shin-Ra Academy—smiled creepily as he began to say the infamous matrimony cliché:

"Do you, Zachary Fair, take Cloud Strife as your lawfully wedded husband—to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or worse; for richer or poorer; for sickness and in health; until death do you part?"

The handsome spiky-haired man's grin revealed the brightest of lights—Cloud had to look away to avoid blindness. "Yes, I do!" That was said much too gleefully, the blond decided.

Hojo's smile didn't falter as he turned his head at Cloud. "And do you, Cloud Strif—"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Cloud interjected, earning a displeased scowl from the old man. He blushed and looked away. "Just put on the damn rings already." He ignored Zack's joyful 'hurray!' and shook his head in embarrassment.

Now, if only the guys—Reno and Yuffie came to take pictures—would be so kind as to stop laughing at him in the background, he wouldn't be as embarrassed as he is.

"Hmph," Hojo closed the "bible" in his hands and smiled at the "happy couple". "I know pronounce you man and…ohh, just go away, already." He turned away and left the altar, muttering an 'I'm too busy for this,' as he did.

Zack grinned and faced a blushing Cloud. He lifted the veil and swiftly planted a chaste kiss on the blond boy's lips. He chuckled mirthfully as Cloud kept sputtering and blushing like mad.

"Fuck, that's gro—" Reno stopped when Yuffie gave him a bad look. "I-I mean… cheers for the happy couple!"

Now, they're off to walk around the fair with their hands intertwined, annoying people throwing petals wherever they walked and the guys filming them as they did—"Oh my God, this is sooo fantastic!" "Give me a copy why don'tcha?" "Sure!"

Cloud buried his face in his free hand and blushed uncontrollably. Fuck, this wasn't supposed to happen. He was supposed to be at home playing video games or catching up on some good sleep? And maybe playing with his pet puppy, too if his little brother wasn't busy smothering him to death. He wasn't supposed to be here, in the alien Shin-Ra Academy, getting caught by freaky caution boys, being wed to the hottest guy he's ever seen and, to top it all of, walk around the school holding his hand!

"D'aww, don't be so embarrassed, Spike!" Zack leaned in and rubbed his head. "You should consider yourself lucky—you got married to a hot guy like me!" He wiggled his eyebrows and dodged Cloud's fist.

"Shut up, asshole!" He growled out hotly, still blushing. "And who're you calling Spike, Spike?"

"Oh, okay then." Zack grinned. "You'll call me Spike, and I'll call you Chocobo. Those are our pet names for each other so don't forget!"

"Like hell! I won't be seeing you after this anyway!"

"Like, no? I'll follow you wherever you go, babe!" Zack grinned and winked. "I made a promise, remember?"

Cloud looked at him with a confused look on his face. After a while, he sighed and gave up. He looked around and saw that they were being watched by other guests and students. Some guys were cheering them on—more like Zack, given that they were chanting his name and saying, "Way to go, Zack!"—and the girls were fangirling like crazy. Normally, Cloud wouldn't want to be in a situation like this, but…

Maybe it wasn't so bad.

"Promise, huh?" Cloud snorted and raised an eyebrow at Zack. "I'll hold you to that."

Zack's megawatt grin just about charmed him. "Better believe it, Chocobo."

Cloud elbowed Zack, but he did it to distract the guy so he wouldn't notice Cloud tightening his grip on their entwined hands. He kept his eye on the road and watched as the petals kept falling, the cheering kept ringing, and Zack's smile continued to blind and enchant him.

With a small smile, he said to himself: 'I'm going to take Tifa shopping tomorrow.'

She deserved it.

END

This probably sucked more than I could imagine, but it's my work so I'm somewhat proud of it. :P I hope it didn't suck too bad, though. :) Please tell me what you guys think! I'll be posting a multi-chaptered clack fanfic (independent from the series) soon—I think—so wait for it! :D