Author's Note (OneHorseShay): Takes place two months after iStart a Fanwar, but before Victorious Crossover; does not take iPity Nevel or unnamed episode into account.
Special Guest Appearance by Joe Flanigan as Colonel Steven Shay.

Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue. For God sake, don't sue.

Chapter 1
Early September 2011

Colonel Steven Shay let out a tired breath as he entered the Bushwell Plaza lobby carrying his backpack and oversized duffle bag slung over his right shoulder. He brushed out some of his damped hair from the slight drizzle he walked through from the taxi to the lobby entrance. He was glad he guessed right about the weather and decided to wear his fatigues instead of his Class A Uniform.

The lobby was empty except for the sleeping doorman. He just shook his head and made his way to the stairs, but his combat boots squeaked loudly on the polished floor.

"Hey I just mopped!" Lewbert screeched out before the poorly dressed doorman completely lifted his head off of his desk.

Shay sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. He dropped his hand from his face and directed a cold stared at the disgusting little man for a moment. "Mr. Lewbert, I have spent the last eleven hours in the air and I am not in the mood or inclination to deal with your nonsense. If you would kindly shut your mouth about your floor, I would appreciate it."

Lewbert chuckled nervously and nodded his head. "Yes, sir."

Shay approached the front desk and stared down the bumbling man. "I'm Colonel Shay; I rent Apartment Eight-C. Do you know if my children are home?"

"I can't keep—"

"It was a yes or no question. You either know or don't know," Shay interrupted in the stern voice he usually reserved to speak to junior officers when on the rare occasion they would slack off. "And don't give me the excuse you do not know who my children are. I am quite well aware that you know my children."

Lewbert cleared his throat and answered meekly, "I don't know."

Shay nearly barked his question at the doorman, "I don't know what?"

"Sir?"

"That's better and you remember to continue to show me that courtesy. I don't pay the outrageous rent so that a doorman can mouth off to me. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm heading up to my apartment. You will not buzz up to see if my children are home; is that clear?"

All Lewbert could do was nod his head in affirmation.

Shay turned away from the desk and approached the bottom step of the stairs. "Mr. Lewbert? You throw falafel balls or anything else at my daughter again and Marta is going to be the least of your worries."

Shay then heard an audible swallowing sound behind him. As Shay started up the stairs, the Colonel allowed himself a smirk. "It is fun Messin' with Lewbert."

Walking up to the eight floors was not an ideal method to reach the apartment, but it did allow for the element of surprise he was hoping to achieve. He knocked three times on the apartment door and heard shouting on the other side of the door. Shay grew concern for a moment and wondered if he should retrieve his sidearm out of his backpack until the door opened to reveal a brunette teenage girl looking over her shoulder into the apartment.

He watched as Carly shouted over her shoulder, "Fine, I got it!" She then turned her head forward to see him standing at the door. She tried speaking, but just mouthed the words she was trying to speak.

He smiled at the brunette and replied with a big grin, "Hi, my little Carlotta."

"Dad? Dad?" she whispered at first then shouted. She grabbed him and pulled him into a hug around his waist. He dropped the duffle bag and hugged her back even lifting her off the floor.

"Missed you too, little one," he whispered then sat her back on her feet. "I assume your brother's home from the shouting?"

Carly stepped away from his grasp and nodded. She turned and shouted back into the apartment, "Spencer!"

"What? Who's at the door?" Spencer asked as Shay noticed that his son was tightening a bolt on some monstrosity made up of scrap metal.

"What is that?" the Colonel asked as he dropped he backpack into the black chair near the door. Carly pulled the duffle bag completely inside of the apartment and shut the door behind them.

"Dad?" Spencer asked as he turned around on the stepladder then slipped and fell to the floor.

Shay whence at the sight for a moment as the tall lanky twenty-something was pulling himself back to his feet and jumped upped.

"Dad?"

"Glad to see you still bounce back," Shay commented with a chuckle. "Sometimes we wondered if you actually had bones to brake." He thought for a moment then commented, "It did make it easier to teach you how to ride a bike."

Spencer pulled his dad in a hug.

"How's my boy doing?" Shay asked him as he patted his son on the back.

Spencer pulled back and held on to each of Shay's shoulders. "Great! I'm doing great."

"I'm glad to hear that." Shay then picked at the front of Spencer's hair. "Why did you cut your hair?"

Spencer ran a hand through his hair and chuckled nervously. "Just wanted a change."

"He needed a haircut," Carly commented.

Shay raised an eyebrow as he looked at his daughter. "Why? I used to have long hair as a teenager."

"He's not a teenager."

"So, you can have long hair as an adult. Besides, his hair looked good; all long and voluminous."

Spencer threw his arms out to the side and his hand out. "That's what I said."

Shay chuckled at his son's overdramatic antics. "So what was the real reason for the haircut?"

"It was for my birthday."

"It was part of my way to try and make her sixteenth birthday the best birthday she ever had."

Shay nodded then glanced at Carly. "That goat is still bugging you?"

"Don't talk about what the goat did!" Carly shouted and threw out a hand in a chopping motion.

Shay shrugged and grinned. "There's no way Spencer could have know what the goat was going to do that! Besides, it's been two years let it go."

Carly took a breath to calm her nerves. "Never mind about the goat, what are you doing here? Not that I'm not happy you're here, because I'm happy you're here it's just-"

He smiled back at his daughter as he replied, "You're rambling sweetie. My joint tour just ended and I got extended leave and I wanted to come home to see my kids."

"Why didn't you call?" Carly asked in an excited tone, but a hint of annoyance under it.

His smile turned into a grin. "I wanted to surprise the both of you and you look surprise to see me."

"So how long are you going to stay?"

"I'm not sure exactly how long, but at least a few weeks, so I'm just not going to just up and go one day. Well, unless World War Three breaks out. I'm going to weigh some career options and opportunities that may be heading my way. I just hope you two can put up with me for that long."

Carly hugged him again. "I think we can do that."

"Thanks cupcake."

The Colonel looked back to Spencer. "So Spence, I heard you battled the great Aspartamay at Webicon this year."

"Yeah," he answered slowly.

"Was it an epic battle as the youngsters would say?"

"Yes," Spencer replied apparently unsure where his father's line of questioning was going.

"Did you win?"

"Well—"

"I won," Carly answered. "I took his silly rock from around his neck and he fell down. Well, after I bit his thumb."

Shay laughed and patted Carly's shoulder with a kiss on top of her head. "That's my girl."

Shay turned his attention back to the ten-foot pieced together metal sculpture. "Still keeping up with your art hobby between law classes I see," Shay commented with a smile.

Spencer shifted his eyes back and forth between Carly and his father, "Yeah, my hobby—between law classes. It's just something I'm doing in my spare time."

Shay wouldn't take that grin off of his face as he asked, "Between classes?"

"Right," Spencer chuckled nervously, "between classes."

Shay's grin subsided to a mere smile and nod. "I think you need to paint it with colors from a RYB color wheel when you're done with it. You can make it all cheerful. Unless it's a tree… is it a tree?"

Carly looked at Shay with a confused expression.

"I remember some of your mom's artist jargon," he replied to her unasked question.

Spencer looked at the sculpture then back at his father. "I don't know if it's a tree yet."

Colonel Shay walked past Spencer to take a closer look at the sculpture. "Well, just do what your mom use to do: just keep going until you know you're done. But if you make it so it plugs up, let me double check your electrical wiring. I don't need you to burn the place down."

He could almost feel his children staring into his back. Without looking back he commented, "You stink at electrical wiring; it's not a secret, it has never been a secret. We all know you have latent pyrokinesis even on nonflammable material."

He then turned back to look at them. The look of uneasiness on Spencer's face and Carly's sympathy directed at her brother was not lost on him. He tried to speak in a cheerful tone, "I am eager to see how your new room turned out, but I need to catch a few hours of sleep. It's now yesterday for me, so could you wake me for dinner?"

"Sure," Spencer replied nervous and Shay noticed.

Shay gave Spencer a soft, friendly punch to the side of the arm. "Spencer, it's alright if you want to make it electrical. We can knock that out with no problems when you're done with the rest of it. I still remember what I learned from my electrical engineering courses from college. We can go by an electrical store and pick heavy duty wiring, resisters, that sort of thing. Worst thing that'll happen is that nasty smell when resisters burn out if it draws too much voltage and I know you have to have some fans to take care of that. Just let me know; it'll be fun. Unless you don't think it's not cool to sculpture with your old man."

Spencer's nervous disposition turned into a cheerful one. "No, that'll be great dad."

He looked to Carly and asked, "I'm sure your Ex knows the best places to pick up what Spencer would need right?"

Carly knotted her eyebrows as she looked at Shay. "My ex?"

"Freddie? The kid that lives across the hall, Marissa's son, you know your tech producer on the show."

"Oh, right… my ex…"

It was Shay's turn to look concern. "Is he still your ex or did you two get back together?"

Carly shook her head. "No we're not together."

"Oh, you just seemed hesitant there. Is something wrong? Because I thought you two were on good terms; that's how you can still do the webshow together. Or are you two just faking it for the camera?"

"Yes, no, I mean we're not faking anything. We're good, terms that is…. We're on good terms. We're on the best of terms. He's one of my best friends."

Shay nodded. "I'm glad to hear it worked out for you two. I mean you were able to stay friends. I know breakups can be rough and a lot of hurts feelings all around."

"We…" she started but just left her sentence hanging.

It looked to Shay that his daughter's mind was drifting to someplace else for a moment.

"…it was a mutual decision," she finally finished.

"Mutual?" Shay asked with a slight nod of his head, but in a tone that left doubts about how much he believed her.

Carly nodded at the statement.

"I remember your email from then. You'll still have to explain the foreign bacon reference to me, but in the mean time I really do need that few hours of shuteye. I'll see you in a while." He kissed Carly's forehead and slapped the side of Spencer's arm before he went to retrieve his duffle bag and head towards the stairs.

He stopped for a moment when he heard a shout for down the stairs. "We have iCarly tonight!"

"I know, just wake me up so I don't miss it!" he shouted back as he reached the top of the stairs.

Author's Note (Snapplelinz): Some of you might remember that I said that I was going to post OneHorseShay's fic on my FF profile a few weeks ago. That was his author's notes above, so I won't supply very long-winded A/N's for his story. I also won't unfortunately do my usual tradition of supplying feedback by replying to reviews since I didn't write this and therefore won't know what went in on OneHorseShay's head :P I'm sure OHS will follow the reviews and I can tell him if any of you have questions. I hate to spoil, but I absolutely love this story and I hope you all will love it just as much as me :D Have a great weekend, cheers!