No Such Thing
Chapter One
Gaara couldn't sleep. Since Shukaku was gone, this hadn't really been an issue. Of course, at first it was weird, but even if it was falling coma-like into bed at the end of a long day, one way or another, he always managed it. However recently, it had become an increasing occurrence. Insomnia.
He was lying on his bed with the balcony doors half open. Usually the cool night air proved very soothing. Unfortunately, this wasn't the case tonight. Nothing had been calm since their arrival. Just the thought of them, brought up the bubbling annoyance that, he felt sure, would eventually have to spill over. Flaunting their relationship all over the place. What the hell were they trying to prove? He felt sure it was for someone's benefit. But to whom? It must have some other purpose, because it just had a forced feeling. To him at least. The thought of them actually disgusted him, he realised. He had never given this topic a second thought. It wasn't a part of his life. He didn't know anyone homosexual and if he did, he certainly wasn't aware of it.
Lying there, the soft breeze stirring his hair every so often, the longer he thought about it, the more it became clear that it was just them. He had no strong feelings either way about homosexuality. It was something he had never encountered personally and so he had never had the chance to explore it or reject it or form any other sort of reaction to it. But in essence, it didn't force any strong feelings out. It was them.
They were the most embarrassing, idiotic, over-the-top, irritating fools he had ever had the misfortune of coming across. They brought out an almost uncontrollable feeling from within him. He tried to name it. Was it disgust? He silently pondered it and, being very honest with himself, he was angry. He was angry because some part of him was scared by the way his emotions were stirred up beyond all logic and by passing all his self-imposed boundaries. He had worked hard to become Kazekage and it had taken discipline, patience, control and more.
His mind turned to the one who had influenced him so much; the one who had shown him his possibilities at a time when there had only been darkness and hatred in his heart. What would Naruto say to this? Would he have the same reaction Gaara was experiencing? Images of his friend went through his mind. Blond hair and blue eyes. What a passion Naruto had for the things he felt strongly about. Gaara always had the instinct to control and if not hide, then protect, his inner feelings. He thought carefully before expressing an opinion and made sure he controlled his what he said.
Turning his thoughts back to the two unwanted additions to his life, he tried to further pin point what disturbed him so. It wasn't too hard to understand, that for a person who always suppressed his emotions, to encounter a situation where they sometimes even ran away from him, no wonder he was afraid. Being afraid was also something he didn't often have to deal with.
Even dying, at the end it was just like fading away. He remembered Naruto's awkward goodbye after his return to Suna. A small smile played around his lips. He had suddenly seemed rather shy and unlike his usual boisterous self. Since then they had become friends. They wrote and he had been surprised at how neat Naruto's writing could be when he seemingly put a bit of effort in. He was surprised and glad for all Naruto's efforts on his behalf.
It was a surprise to him, why it would interest Naruto at all, to make time to get to know him. Gaara didn't lack self-esteem. After all, he knew his strengths and weaknesses. You had to if you wanted to make it to the position of Kazekage. But Naruto was someone who he looked up to and recognised as having a wise outlook on life. He was someone with his own goals and ambitions. Hell, he had his own separate hometown. Why would he have made the time like he did, to pursue a friendship, that cost him time and energy, was something Gaara had not expected. He was glad though. Of course he was glad to have had the chance to get to know Naruto more.
The last time Naruto had visited, and they spent time together, it had been different. They had taken up a correspondence and many letters had been shared since that awkward goodbye. Having a new perspective of each other, had forced them to kind of start again. Gaara remembered his initial apprehension that perhaps he had been too candid in sharing his thoughts and feelings. In writing letters, it had been easier to open up, without the person there in front of you.
But his anxiety had been unfounded. Having spent time with Naruto, it became apparent that he accepted his feelings without comment. He shared his own and the time they had spent together was surprisingly calming. There were afternoons where they sat together on the edge of the canyon, the sun slowly setting in front of them. Peacefully and quietly passing hours where they spoke in hushed tones, even though there was no-one around to hear them. That had been his first visit since they had started their correspondence.
It had been with delight that Gaara had discovered a totally unexpected side to Naruto. He wondered how many people really knew that Naruto's boisterous, loud persona was mainly just a front. Of course he did get excited about things. Gaara once again found himself smiling. Ramen, an exciting mission and apparently a visit to Gaara counted among the things that really motivated his friend.
He deliberately chose to not include Sasuke in that list, as it was a can of worms, better left unopened. To him at least. That was something he chose to carefully side step in his relationship thus far with Naruto. It hadn't really come up. He had been mentioned in some of Naruto's letters but not a great deal. He hoped that he might prove a bit of a distraction for Naruto from some of the more troubling aspects of his life.
Having calmed down from his earlier more troubled thoughts, he found himself able to more rationally review his current situation. The two new additions, ambassadors from Otogakure, while deferring to him as they should with all protocol acknowledged, had not really directed, what he could not help but call their little show, towards him. Now that he thought about it, in a clearer frame of mind, he realised, they did not go out of their way to deliberately target him.
Again he pondered for whose benefit it could be and for what goal. Putting that aside as a conversation with Kankuro tomorrow, he realised he need only understand his own feelings more. Damage limitation was easily achieved if only he kept a tighter rein on his feelings. He would come to understand what disturbed his peace about those two and he would do it quietly on his own. He felt that no-one must find out about it.
Perhaps if Naruto were here, he would have ventured to have a conversation with him about it. As it was, he was unwilling to put pen to paper concerning this matter. Somehow it just felt too personal. They had affected him in a way, he had not thought possible and while it was important to get to the bottom of the matter, it was not his priority. This was his problem he realised. The priority had to be in finding out their possible motives and who they were targeting with their ridiculous behaviour. If this was some kind of Sound plot, it certainly wasn't designed with subtlety in mind!
With that decided, Gaara fell slowly into a deep sleep. A few hours later as he lay there, the wind still occasionally moving his hair, a shadow fell across him. Eyes observed the peaceful face of the most powerful man in Suna, as he lay sleeping in his bed. A hand tentatively reached out to touch his face but was jerked back again as it's owner presumably, caught up in the moment, realised what he was about to do.