Jumping Into Puddles
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If the children don't grow up
Our bodies get bigger but our hearts get torn up
We're just a million little gods causing rainstorms
Turning every good thing to rust
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"Have you ever wondered why the rain was so beautiful?" She asks, her flaxen hair billowing in the wind.
You're sitting in a tree with her and you really don't know why.
You can smell the sweet shampoo she used this morning. Secretly, you suck in a deep breath and memorize the scent, never wanting to let it go.
She looks down at her chipped rainbow toenails and grins, gummy worm dangling between her slightly crooked front teeth.
You watch her smile; you're a flower and her smile is the sunshine. Everywhere it goes, you will follow, and that's how it has always been.
Your eyes travel up to her tiny nose, splashed with pale freckles. Then you look up further, examining the blonde lashes that frame her Tiffany-blue, innocent eyes.
Her translucent skin flushes under your gaze. And you swear it's the prettiest shade of pink you have ever seen.
"I've never looked at the rain," you reply, your voice a harsh whisper.
She doesn't answer right away and you sit in silence, listening to the birds and smelling the cut grass. Summer never seems to last long enough.
"Well," she says suddenly, jumping down from the branch. "The next time it rains, come find me."
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It rains the next week.
You run to her house, umbrella in your right hand, and your thoroughly soaked soccer shoes in your left hand.
Impatiently, you knock on her door and she impatiently answers, five minutes later.
"What?" She groans, rolling her beautiful eyes to the cloudy sky.
"It's raining," you grin. You see a flicker of amusement in her eyes as she walks outside with you. Almost immediately, her shorts and tank top are soaked. You hold your umbrella out for her, but she declines.
"Why did you bring that?" She avoids it as if the umbrella was on fire.
You shrug. "In case we wanted to stay dry."
She laughs, and the sound fills your ears with the purest of joy. Suddenly, all of her previous inhibitions melt away and she's standing in front of you, her hand clutching her stomach because she's laughing too hard.
"You're so silly," she chokes between fits of giggles. "When we watch the rain, we don't need to stay dry. Getting wet is the best part about it."
"Oh." You feel embarrassed and drop the umbrella.
"It's okay," she squats down and carelessly plops onto the wet ground. "Sit with me." She pats the space beside her and you cautiously kneel down.
A loud clap of thunder pierces the air. She jumps and unconsciously, you wrap an arm around her. You feel her shivering and you hold on tighter.
She leans her head on your shoulder and you can almost feel the electricity between your touching bodies. You swear that the head of a summer princess is lying on your shoulder.
"I don't understand this," you whisper into her ear. You're smiling at the absurdity of this all. But you honestly don't mind, because being with her didn't have to make sense.
She looks up at you from behind her rain-covered eyelashes. "Close your eyes and just feel."
"I thought we were supposed to be seeing how beautiful the rain is."
"You don't need eyes to see that something is beautiful."
And once again, she silences you with her words. The way she talks – like she knows everything in the world – makes you feel all right to be sitting in the middle of a storm, soaking from head to toe.
Because being with her was all you need right now. To hear her breathe and feel her presence next to you is all that makes your world turn round. So what if she doesn't know that you are falling head over heels for her?
At least you get to sit here, in the rain, next to her, while you finally notice how beautiful the rain is.
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"Want to jump in the puddles with me?" She's standing on your patio, her ridiculous ladybug rain boots already on her feet. She looks like a five year old, and that only makes you want her more. There's a smear of sunflower yellow paint on her worn shorts. She acts like an artist, but maybe because she is one. Her hair is sloppily thrown into a bun that makes her look even more striking in the late afternoon sunlight.
You still aren't responding because your mind is still whirring over the fact that she's actually here, standing on your patio. And it doesn't matter how she got here. It just matters that she's here.
"That's childish," you finally manage.
She frowns, her perfect lips curving down slightly. "Childish is just another label that people place on things they're too embarrassed or afraid to do. Don't be like those people, Derrick."
You sigh and give in.
You jump in the deep rain puddles with her for hours.
It's the most fun you've had in a while.
And even though it's already rained a lot this summer, you can only hope that it might rain some more.
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Summer eventually fades to fall and you see some drastic changes in her, changes that shouldn't happen to girl who has just started living.
Those eyes that twinkled with excitement no longer seem to shine like they used to. She doesn't really smile those smiles that reach her eyes and affects everyone around her anymore.
She looks lonely, but you can tell she doesn't want company.
Not even yours.
You try to talk to her, but she just smiles sadly and walks away.
Gone are the days of sitting in that giant oak tree, gone are the days of noticing the rain; gone is the girl that used to be so full of life and magic.
But you carry on with school like nothing is wrong.
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Your summer princess is getting lost in the winter.
You can see her eyes grow cold and her heart freezes. She no longer tells you about her dreams of traveling around the world. All she does is drown herself in the heavy metal music that blares from her Ipod constantly.
Her clothes no longer consist of the beautiful pastel colors that made her robin eyes pop.
Everyday, she comes to school in a different shade of black.
And there's only one shade of that color.
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"What is happening to you?" You gather up the courage to ask her one day. You find her behind the school after class.
A cigarette is dangling from her lips now, the gummy worms are no where to be found. She smirks at you. "People change."
"But you were so different, so happy." It's weird because you can't stop the angry tears that blur your eyes. And you don't know why you're crying over some girl that is ruining her own life.
She shakes her head. "Not all change is good change."
"You don't paint anymore. You don't sit and watch the rain anymore. You don't want to travel anymore. You're not you anymore."
All she does is shrug, and even though you still love her, you want to slap that cigarette right out of her mouth and set her straight.
"You know what, Derrick?" She flicks her cigarette out of her mouth and stomps it out with her Converse covered feet.
"What?" You clench between your teeth.
"Maybe being childish wasn't so good after all."
You scream. You lose it all. You punch the brick wall of the building until your knuckles bleed. And she just stands there, watching you with a blank expression on her face. "What happened to 'childish is just a label'? What has gotten in to you? You're using drugs and drinking alcohol and you've barely started high school!"
She doesn't even flinch at your biting words. She just looks to the ground and taps her feet.
"Answer me!" You tell. You shake her shoulders, flustering the stringy blonde hair that used to be so soft and glossy.
She looks up at you warily. Her blue eyes look gray. "This is what you get when you grow up too fast; you try to drown away your childhood memories."
"You shouldn't have to grow up so quickly." You spit out the words like venom. Only, you're not angry at her. You're angry at yourself for letting her become this stranger that no longer is your sun. She no longer shines for you because she no longer shines.
The child in her, the love, and the life, all of it is disappearing. And you don't know what she did to deserve this. You don't know what she did to change.
"I need to go." She spins around quickly and walks away from you.
You stand there in the emptiness as the sad realization closes in on you.
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She has drunken herself senseless.
Again.
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She is pounding at your front door. Just like the old days, except this time, she's so drunk she can barely stand when you open the door.
You don't want to see her life this; wasting away.
"Derrick," she croaks and crashes into your arms.
And like all the other times, the electricity is still there. Except this time, only one of you feels it.
"Claire, I don't know what to do with you."
"I-I-I don't want to be like this anymore." Her eyes beg you with so much pain that you have to look away.
You nod and swallow, hard. "I know, Claire, I know."
She passes out in your arms and you carry her to the couch.
You've forgotten what it feels like to see her sleeping. Her face is the mask of peace and beauty, rid of all the burdens that are currently weighing down her thin shoulders.
Her eyes are closed and you see a brief flash of the girl that used to dance in the rain in yellow sundresses and absurd rubber rain boots; the girl that used to sneak into your backyard and catch fireflies in jars with you; the girl that whispered about her future travels with you until you both fell asleep under a canopy of stars.
As you sit there by her feet, the sad tears roll down your face, you realize that you'll always love her, no matter if she knows or not.
Only she can make a guy like you cry.
You never cry, not ever.
And the only times that you have cried, was because of her.
She was the one that taught you how to appreciate being young. Although youth does not physically last forever, you can still be a child at heart. You miss that about her. You miss the childhood inside her, the innocence, and the happiness.
You want to hate her, you want to forget her and you want to move on without her.
But you forgive her because even though the youth might have left her, it will be back. It will always come back.
And sooner or later, she will be smiling again.
You close your eyes and picture the rain.
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Here's another no-where-near-perfect one-shot for those clarrington lovers out there. Kind of a sensitive Derrick, but that's how I feel he should be. Actually, that's how I feel all guys should be. Review, please.