Alright, who's ready for some revisions? I know I am. My going back and reading my first chapter, I can see how my style of writing improved by nothing. BTW, this was edited on 3/19/17.
Ok, what is up everybody? This is like one of my very first fanfiction. All types of criticism are accepted. I aint no pussy! I have this chapter planned (That's it so far) and if you like it then will I will continue it. et before Gem Drill, so they are still building the drill, and they are building it at the temple so yah bra let's go.
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I was walking to the temple thinking about how I never visit Connie anymore. Maybe I should visit her sometime soon. I mean, the last time I saw her was four months ago, but before I could get in the temple a scream interjected my thoughts.
"Steven, Steven, help me with this stupid drill!"
Well, it's nice that Peridot learned the common names of the power tool, but that doesn't mean she doesn't know how to use them. I got to her before she could do any real damage; turns out she was just holding the trigger down to hard.
"Hey, do you need any help on the drill?"
She looked at me with an angry expression.
"No, I definitely don't need your help. I can do it on my own. Just leave it to ole' Peridot, she can do it with the most basic of tools."
Since she wanted to treat me with sarcasm, she can learn from a few mistakes. I walked up the steps to the temple and stepped inside the house part of it. I leaped on the couch and took a quick nap.
A few hours later, I awoke to a dimly lit room and a burning oil smell. I grabbed an empty glass from the cabinet, and filled with water. I downed the water with one gulp and set it down.
I decided to actually help her this time. I mean, she was being a jerk. Yeah, we should help her more often, but that doesn't call for sarcasm. Does it?
"Hey Peri, sorry about earlier. I wasn't in a great mood."
She stopped hammering and tossed me a drill.
"If you want to say you're sorry, help with this drill."
We began working in the drill, adding support, making it more comfortable, and spacious. All things were well, but Peridot was still having trouble with her drill.
"Woah-oh-oh."
Her noises breaking me from my work, let me see her struggling with the drill once more.
"Stop holding it down so hard."
I was a little too late with my advice, and the deafening crack was heard by both of us. I moved closer to her to get a better look, but she took off towards the temple before I could stop her. She needs to be healed, I know I heard her gem crack.
I ran to the temple in an attempt to heal her, but she decided to hide in the bathroom. I knocked on the door, and got no answer. I tried again. No answer.
"Peridot, please are you okay? If you're not I can help you."
There was a long silence before either of us spoke, but when she did it was with a slur
"I'm fine Seven, I jus tied."
Yeah, this was bad. She's slurring words, and crashing into things. If she doesn't let me heal her now, she could be gone forever. I shuddered at the thought. I may have to trick her.
"Ok then, do you want to go to back to drill, I'll be waiting for you."
I went to the door, and opened and closed it without going out. I heard her scrambling in the bathroom. I took my chance and leaped upstairs, there I would wait for her to come out. It was a while, but I heard the door knob squeak and the door opened.
"Stevon? Are ye tere?"
I held my breath. I wanted her to think that I was at the drill. It seemed to work, as she walked further out of the restroom. She looked around searching for me, but didn't see me. I could see her gem. It was nearly in half! She fell down on her back with a thud.
I jumped down the stairs and pressed her arms to the floor. She was visibly scared, and I can't blame her. She started squirming under my arms. I leant down and kissed her gem. I could see the crack sealing itself. I let a sigh of relief.
"I'm sorry I scared you, but I didn't want see you die."
Tears threatened to fall from my eyes as I chocked on the last word. I kissed her gem again just to make sure. After that I let her arms loose, but she pulled me back into a hug. The tears now falling down my face like a river.
"I'm sorry too. I should've just let you heal me."
I hugged her harder. After a while the hug was getting awkward, so I got up. I pulled her back up off the ground, and hugged one more time. This time though, we started glowing white, and I blacked out.
When I woke up, I was face first towards the ground. I pushed myself upright, and looked around.
Peridot was nowhere to be seen.
"Hey, Peri-"
Whose voice was that; it wasn't mine. Is somebody in her with me
"Who's here."
Wait, that's my voice! I looked at my arms, they were a yellowish tint. I ran to the bathroom. In the mirror was a taller gem, with a star t-shirt with a green gem on my forehead with another on my stomach.
"Am I a fusion?"
I heard the warp pad activate and I saw three gems walk off it. Peridot's fear of the Crystal Gems went into overdrive. I needed to stay hidden.
"Steven, where are you?"
Of course, Pearl would look for Steven. I backed further into the bathroom, but I hit a shampoo bottle. I caught it before it hit the floor, but it shot a, but of shampoo up my nose. Great, because of Steven's humanness, I'm going to sneeze.
"Achoo"
The Crystal Gems stopped in their tracks. They started to approach the bathroom slowly. My new voice made the sneeze sound different. I went to close the door but Garnet grabbed me.
"Who are you, and what are you doing here?"
I tried to get out of her death grip, but it was useless. I can either run or tell the truth.
"Please let me go."
Maybe pleading would work, I mean it has before.
"Not, until you tell us who you are, and maybe."
I can't tell them the truth, they'd kill me. Ok, I'm a Homeworld scout, trying to leave the Diamond's authority.
"My name is Fluorite, and I'm a Homeworld scout, and-"
Before I could finish, Garnet slammed me inti the ground several times before Amethyst wrapped me in her whip.
"That's why you never fight the Crystal Gems."
Amethyst was gloating while eating a sandwich on the counter.
"But I didn't fight. You didn't let me finish. I'm trying to leave the Diamond's reign!"
The gems were shocked, but that was expected. They huddled together in a circle and whispered. When they remerged from the huddle they finally spoke again.
"We don't believe you, you're just saying that so we won't poof you."
God, I hate Pearl's logic. Well, if they poof me they'll see that I'm a fusion, but they'll also bubble me. I've got to tell the truth.
"Okay you caught me, I'm not a scout. I'm also not trying to leave Homeworld. I already have. Well, we already have."
Once again, the gems were completely boggled.
"What do you mean we?"
"Well, if you untie us, we can show you."
Amethyst untied me, and I stood up. I cracked my back, pointed to the gem on my forehead, and then to the one on my stomach. Pearl and Amethyst both gasped, but I guess Garnet saw it coming.
"You're a fusion! I'm so sorry about earlier, the last time someone was here saying they were a Homeworld scout Garnet was poofed."
It was unheard of Amethyst to apologize.
"Well, now that we're all good I should unfuze."
I tried to unfuze, but I couldn't. I'm going to need help.
"You, small one. Can you poof me?"
Pearl and Garnet mouths were wide open. Amethyst, on the other hand, was already getting ready.
"3, 2, 1, GO!"
With one fell swoop, I was poofed.
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So, how was the rewrite? Better, bad? Oh, your eyes fell out of your head at word 109.
Sorry.
Love You.
Your Boo,
Dear Mr. Sandman