Love was always something different for me...I mean; of course I know it's different than anything else, for everyone else... But for me it just wasn't the same as what everyone always said it should be. It didn't fit the stereotypical love. But... I couldn't...
...I shouldn't....
...It's not right for me to love him...
Fallen Tears, a Weiss Kruez Fanfic
(standard disclaimers apply n_n)
It all started the day I saw him with the rose. Yes I know I've seen him with all sorts of flowers, day in and day out. But this time it was different. It was just us two, alone in the flower shop, and surprisingly there were no raving fan girls hanging around. Thankfully it was almost closing time and the silence was a welcome relief.
I was just walking by his room, keys jingling in my hand as I went to lock the doors. Screw waiting till 10, I wanted to close now. His door was open, and I could hear his voice floating out of the room from the open doorway. I stopped just outside of the entrance, my eyes drawn to the lone figure bent over the tiny rose.
He wasn't even really doing anything with it, just standing there, scissors hanging limply in one of his hands. With his other hand, he was running it lovingly over the blood red pedals; his back turned towards the door. He did not see me, and I was not the least bit inclined to inform him of his visitor.
His voice was soft, gentle enough to the point that I was surprised I heard him from outside in the hall, much less this close to him. My eyes widened slightly when I finally made out the words he spoke, and then narrowed in concentration as I focused upon his speech.
"He loves me...he loves me not... he loves me... he loves..." His voice choked off before he finished his words, a sound that sounded suspiciously like a sob emerging from his throat. ::Is he crying?:: The thought seemed so incredulous and yet, any fool could tell, the tears were evident in his voice.
I noticed that during his litany, his hand had continued to caress the petals on the rose. I had thought that it was nothing more than a simple gesture at first, but it had a certain method, as if it was in time with the age old petal plucking of lovers that he so softly spoke. He had killed; he had murdered people in cold blood... seen more than anyone his age had a right to see. And yet, he was still so gentle, so sweet that he could not bear to deprive the rose of its blossoms. So instead he settled himself to the sense of feel, to imagine that each petal, like an infant bird, had left the place where it was birthed, to find solace in one's own will.
My breath caught in my throat as I finally realized what I was seeing. It was not the same boy that I had worked with this long time, nor was it the precise and deadly assassin that I had shared so much with. No, it was something more... like an angel descended from the heavens above, to grace this undeserving world with their presence. This vision that I witnessed...it was love.
The sunlight filtering in through the partially curtained windows played softly upon his deep brown hair, almost giving his body an ethereal glow to it. His hunched back, now starting to shake softly with the force of repressed tears, exuded a sense of helplessness, of complete surrender, that even the most stoic of souls would find themselves drawn to protect him.
A small gasp drew my attention down to the hand that caressed the rose, noticing that it was no longer touching the petals. It had since moved downwards, only to be pricked by the thorns that grew there, the rose's defense against the unworthy. A tiny drop of blood welled up unto the tip of his finger, only to be washed away by a falling tear. My body ached with the need to go to him, to hold him, to make it all better. ::Wow...look at me. I sound like one of those cheesy romance novels that that one guy, what was his name... Yuki Eiri is so famous for.::
It was at that moment that I realized that I wanted nothing more than to have him, for him to be mine. And that I could never realize that want. He was forbidden to me.
I felt my entire body go limp from this revelation, a shock more than anything that I had ever felt before. It was also at this moment that I remembered the keys, which had, up until this point, hung limply in my hand. However, due to my sudden inability to perform even the most menial tasks, my fingers loosened and the keys fell to the floor shattering the peaceful quiet with its harsh jangle.
With a stifled gasp, he turned towards me, his hands automatically rising to shield my gaze from his tear stained face. Quickly wiping away the trails of wetness that had traced their way down his soft cheeks, he cleared his throat once.
"Ke...Ken kun...what are you doing here?" His voice sounded harsh, like it had been unused for a while. He winced slightly, realizing how it must have sounded, and yet accepting at the same time that I must have already come to that conclusion. I continued to stand there, my face fixed into a stupefied expression, my eyes roaming his body, and yet managing to stay focused on his deep eyes. "Ken kun...you're scaring me...what's the matter?" The quiver in his voice finally snapped me out of my reverie and I came to with a start.
"Ahh...Omi..." I managed to choke out before I found myself almost overcome with tears myself. Looking down at the ground, I tried to keep myself from falling apart. ::My god, what is wrong with me?:: To know, finally that this was the person I wanted. And to be so close to him, to feel his presence, to smell this sweet scent, but not be able to hold him, to stroke that soft hair, to kiss those welcoming lips... that was torture. "I....ahh...gomen. I was just going to go lock the doors seeing as its almost closing time... and I accidentally dropped the keys." I said trying to force my voice to remain upbeat. I was rather proud of myself for it actually.
"Oh... I see." I knew that I was probably imagining it, but was that disappointment in his voice?
"Did you...hurt yourself?" I asked, pointing to his finger where the puncture wound had since welled up with new blood, making it seem much worse than it had been. ::Smooth one there Ken:: A voice in my head leered at me. God I hate that voice. He blinked at me as if he didn't understand what I was saying. "Your finger." I clarified for him, speaking slowly and making motions towards his dripping hand.
"Ah! That!" Quickly, he hid his hand behind his back. Why, I have no idea, but he did it. "Its nothing... I just pricked my finger on the rose thorns." Laughing nervously he grabbed the rose and waved it around valiantly. "Some people curse the rose for its thorns, bitter that such beauty should have thorns, but I am thankful to the thorns for the rose. Guess that makes me an optimist ne?" He was trying to divert my attention away from his hand and what he had been doing before I dropped the keys. Not going to work.
"I agree with you, Omi." I said, taking a step forward. He paled slightly and backed up a step. "The rose is very beautiful. But you have to do something about that finger. It's going to drip everywhere if you don't clean it up soon." In three short strides I was in front of him, looking down into his wide eyes. His back was pressed against the table, leaving him no where to go.
"Ken!" He stammered after a minute or so, his mouth opening and closing in shock. The sound of his voice made me snap out of my trance and I blinked at him. ::What the hell am I doing? I need to control myself:: I mentally berated myself, take a few steps back from him.
"I...I should go close up now...." I said, backing up to the door. He looked at me, a slight dazed look in his eyes.
"Well, have fun...Aya and Youji should be back from their mission any time now." Yeah some mission. We both knew that Youji had faked this mission so that he could get Aya to go out with him. ::The two of them are probably holed up in some hotel room right now, screwing each other's brains out. Ahh ... that sounds pretty damn good right now...:: My eyes immediately flew to Omi, already leading him to that hotel room in my mind. Hell, by the time I had focused on him, he was already naked and squirming on the bed. Stupid dirty mind. No more hanging out with Youji.
Hearing the door crack open downstairs, I quickly excused myself from my spot and rushed down the stairs. Noticing it was only Aya and Youji, both laughing and smirking I figured that at least the screwing part was correct. Then, noticing the wrapped around Youji's neck, bearing the name of some motel, I couldn't stop myself from rolling my eyes. ::Yup, holed up in some motel room, screwing each other's brains out.:: Then my mind started to wander back to the hotel room in my head, along with a naked Omi.
"Hey Ken!" Youji called out, his voice slurred slightly by alcohol. He leaned against Aya, his arm wrapped around the redhead's shoulders. He frowned slightly as he noticed that Ken wasn't paying attention to him, and he tried again, louder this time. "Ken! Hey?" Still no response. "KEN!" Snapping out of it, I blinked at him. He just smiled and waved, him and Aya already moving in the direction of the kitchen. I didn't want to think about what they were going to do in there.
*~*~*~*~*~*
I sighed as I watched Ken leave my room, my shoulders sagging from relief. Being close to him like that. It made me so that I couldn't think, couldn't operate properly. ::I can't believe he saw me crying. I must have looked like a whiny baby.:: Berating myself non stop, I turned around and placed the rose down on the table, not so gently. I noticed the red spots of blood that my finger had left on the table, and immediately popped the injured digit into my mouth, sucking softly at the blood.
Grabbing a nearby rag, I wiped at the table with my free hand, all the while going over the conversation in my head. ::I am such an idiot:: I was disappointed with myself on how I had acted towards him. Just like one of those screaming girls that always hang out here. I practically drooled on him!
Resisting the urge to bang my head on the table, I picked up the rose again, noticing that one of the pedals had fallen off. Suddenly I froze, my finger dropping out of my mouth. ::Oh no...please tell me he did NOT see me saying that stupid little chant.:: My eyes went wide with fear and I could already feel a blush rising to my cheeks. I racked my brain, trying to figure out how long he had been standing there before I noticed him.
My shoulders slumped in defeat when I realized that I didn't know... I had been too absorbed in what I was doing, not paying attention.
"Baka. Baka. Baka." I cursed at myself. He must have seen me doing it. I was saying it loud enough for the whole world to hear. ::Why didn't he say anything though?:: Of course that was a no-brainer as well, Ken was too polite to mention it. ::He's so perfect:: Looking out the window, I let my thoughts take over, and I could feel my eyes starting to glaze over. 'Ken laughing. Ken smiling. Ken frowning. Ken playing soccer. Ken doing a flower arrangement. Ken lunging at the target, eyes wild. Ken Ken Ken.' Snapping out of my reveire, I realized that it wasn't my subconscious that was repeating the name, but rather, the drunken voice of Youji. ::Seems like he had a good time.::
Looking down I noticed that my finger still continued to bleed. ::Really...it was just a tiny wound. What's with all the bleeding?:: Sighing again, I dumped the rose and the rag back down to the table, and started to make my way out of my room to the downstairs. ::I need a bandaid::
TBC
Author's notes: Heh.....;; sorry that it kinda jumped from serious to um...less serious. I started writing it a long time ago, and just recently found it. I was SO bored...lol, so I decided to finish it... n_n ... I realize its rather...well, very bad. But hey...its my first WK fic ever...and I really like the Ken/Omi pairing... they're so Kawaii! Though I like Omi with just about anyone. ^__^ Please read and review!
...I shouldn't....
...It's not right for me to love him...
Fallen Tears, a Weiss Kruez Fanfic
(standard disclaimers apply n_n)
It all started the day I saw him with the rose. Yes I know I've seen him with all sorts of flowers, day in and day out. But this time it was different. It was just us two, alone in the flower shop, and surprisingly there were no raving fan girls hanging around. Thankfully it was almost closing time and the silence was a welcome relief.
I was just walking by his room, keys jingling in my hand as I went to lock the doors. Screw waiting till 10, I wanted to close now. His door was open, and I could hear his voice floating out of the room from the open doorway. I stopped just outside of the entrance, my eyes drawn to the lone figure bent over the tiny rose.
He wasn't even really doing anything with it, just standing there, scissors hanging limply in one of his hands. With his other hand, he was running it lovingly over the blood red pedals; his back turned towards the door. He did not see me, and I was not the least bit inclined to inform him of his visitor.
His voice was soft, gentle enough to the point that I was surprised I heard him from outside in the hall, much less this close to him. My eyes widened slightly when I finally made out the words he spoke, and then narrowed in concentration as I focused upon his speech.
"He loves me...he loves me not... he loves me... he loves..." His voice choked off before he finished his words, a sound that sounded suspiciously like a sob emerging from his throat. ::Is he crying?:: The thought seemed so incredulous and yet, any fool could tell, the tears were evident in his voice.
I noticed that during his litany, his hand had continued to caress the petals on the rose. I had thought that it was nothing more than a simple gesture at first, but it had a certain method, as if it was in time with the age old petal plucking of lovers that he so softly spoke. He had killed; he had murdered people in cold blood... seen more than anyone his age had a right to see. And yet, he was still so gentle, so sweet that he could not bear to deprive the rose of its blossoms. So instead he settled himself to the sense of feel, to imagine that each petal, like an infant bird, had left the place where it was birthed, to find solace in one's own will.
My breath caught in my throat as I finally realized what I was seeing. It was not the same boy that I had worked with this long time, nor was it the precise and deadly assassin that I had shared so much with. No, it was something more... like an angel descended from the heavens above, to grace this undeserving world with their presence. This vision that I witnessed...it was love.
The sunlight filtering in through the partially curtained windows played softly upon his deep brown hair, almost giving his body an ethereal glow to it. His hunched back, now starting to shake softly with the force of repressed tears, exuded a sense of helplessness, of complete surrender, that even the most stoic of souls would find themselves drawn to protect him.
A small gasp drew my attention down to the hand that caressed the rose, noticing that it was no longer touching the petals. It had since moved downwards, only to be pricked by the thorns that grew there, the rose's defense against the unworthy. A tiny drop of blood welled up unto the tip of his finger, only to be washed away by a falling tear. My body ached with the need to go to him, to hold him, to make it all better. ::Wow...look at me. I sound like one of those cheesy romance novels that that one guy, what was his name... Yuki Eiri is so famous for.::
It was at that moment that I realized that I wanted nothing more than to have him, for him to be mine. And that I could never realize that want. He was forbidden to me.
I felt my entire body go limp from this revelation, a shock more than anything that I had ever felt before. It was also at this moment that I remembered the keys, which had, up until this point, hung limply in my hand. However, due to my sudden inability to perform even the most menial tasks, my fingers loosened and the keys fell to the floor shattering the peaceful quiet with its harsh jangle.
With a stifled gasp, he turned towards me, his hands automatically rising to shield my gaze from his tear stained face. Quickly wiping away the trails of wetness that had traced their way down his soft cheeks, he cleared his throat once.
"Ke...Ken kun...what are you doing here?" His voice sounded harsh, like it had been unused for a while. He winced slightly, realizing how it must have sounded, and yet accepting at the same time that I must have already come to that conclusion. I continued to stand there, my face fixed into a stupefied expression, my eyes roaming his body, and yet managing to stay focused on his deep eyes. "Ken kun...you're scaring me...what's the matter?" The quiver in his voice finally snapped me out of my reverie and I came to with a start.
"Ahh...Omi..." I managed to choke out before I found myself almost overcome with tears myself. Looking down at the ground, I tried to keep myself from falling apart. ::My god, what is wrong with me?:: To know, finally that this was the person I wanted. And to be so close to him, to feel his presence, to smell this sweet scent, but not be able to hold him, to stroke that soft hair, to kiss those welcoming lips... that was torture. "I....ahh...gomen. I was just going to go lock the doors seeing as its almost closing time... and I accidentally dropped the keys." I said trying to force my voice to remain upbeat. I was rather proud of myself for it actually.
"Oh... I see." I knew that I was probably imagining it, but was that disappointment in his voice?
"Did you...hurt yourself?" I asked, pointing to his finger where the puncture wound had since welled up with new blood, making it seem much worse than it had been. ::Smooth one there Ken:: A voice in my head leered at me. God I hate that voice. He blinked at me as if he didn't understand what I was saying. "Your finger." I clarified for him, speaking slowly and making motions towards his dripping hand.
"Ah! That!" Quickly, he hid his hand behind his back. Why, I have no idea, but he did it. "Its nothing... I just pricked my finger on the rose thorns." Laughing nervously he grabbed the rose and waved it around valiantly. "Some people curse the rose for its thorns, bitter that such beauty should have thorns, but I am thankful to the thorns for the rose. Guess that makes me an optimist ne?" He was trying to divert my attention away from his hand and what he had been doing before I dropped the keys. Not going to work.
"I agree with you, Omi." I said, taking a step forward. He paled slightly and backed up a step. "The rose is very beautiful. But you have to do something about that finger. It's going to drip everywhere if you don't clean it up soon." In three short strides I was in front of him, looking down into his wide eyes. His back was pressed against the table, leaving him no where to go.
"Ken!" He stammered after a minute or so, his mouth opening and closing in shock. The sound of his voice made me snap out of my trance and I blinked at him. ::What the hell am I doing? I need to control myself:: I mentally berated myself, take a few steps back from him.
"I...I should go close up now...." I said, backing up to the door. He looked at me, a slight dazed look in his eyes.
"Well, have fun...Aya and Youji should be back from their mission any time now." Yeah some mission. We both knew that Youji had faked this mission so that he could get Aya to go out with him. ::The two of them are probably holed up in some hotel room right now, screwing each other's brains out. Ahh ... that sounds pretty damn good right now...:: My eyes immediately flew to Omi, already leading him to that hotel room in my mind. Hell, by the time I had focused on him, he was already naked and squirming on the bed. Stupid dirty mind. No more hanging out with Youji.
Hearing the door crack open downstairs, I quickly excused myself from my spot and rushed down the stairs. Noticing it was only Aya and Youji, both laughing and smirking I figured that at least the screwing part was correct. Then, noticing the wrapped around Youji's neck, bearing the name of some motel, I couldn't stop myself from rolling my eyes. ::Yup, holed up in some motel room, screwing each other's brains out.:: Then my mind started to wander back to the hotel room in my head, along with a naked Omi.
"Hey Ken!" Youji called out, his voice slurred slightly by alcohol. He leaned against Aya, his arm wrapped around the redhead's shoulders. He frowned slightly as he noticed that Ken wasn't paying attention to him, and he tried again, louder this time. "Ken! Hey?" Still no response. "KEN!" Snapping out of it, I blinked at him. He just smiled and waved, him and Aya already moving in the direction of the kitchen. I didn't want to think about what they were going to do in there.
*~*~*~*~*~*
I sighed as I watched Ken leave my room, my shoulders sagging from relief. Being close to him like that. It made me so that I couldn't think, couldn't operate properly. ::I can't believe he saw me crying. I must have looked like a whiny baby.:: Berating myself non stop, I turned around and placed the rose down on the table, not so gently. I noticed the red spots of blood that my finger had left on the table, and immediately popped the injured digit into my mouth, sucking softly at the blood.
Grabbing a nearby rag, I wiped at the table with my free hand, all the while going over the conversation in my head. ::I am such an idiot:: I was disappointed with myself on how I had acted towards him. Just like one of those screaming girls that always hang out here. I practically drooled on him!
Resisting the urge to bang my head on the table, I picked up the rose again, noticing that one of the pedals had fallen off. Suddenly I froze, my finger dropping out of my mouth. ::Oh no...please tell me he did NOT see me saying that stupid little chant.:: My eyes went wide with fear and I could already feel a blush rising to my cheeks. I racked my brain, trying to figure out how long he had been standing there before I noticed him.
My shoulders slumped in defeat when I realized that I didn't know... I had been too absorbed in what I was doing, not paying attention.
"Baka. Baka. Baka." I cursed at myself. He must have seen me doing it. I was saying it loud enough for the whole world to hear. ::Why didn't he say anything though?:: Of course that was a no-brainer as well, Ken was too polite to mention it. ::He's so perfect:: Looking out the window, I let my thoughts take over, and I could feel my eyes starting to glaze over. 'Ken laughing. Ken smiling. Ken frowning. Ken playing soccer. Ken doing a flower arrangement. Ken lunging at the target, eyes wild. Ken Ken Ken.' Snapping out of my reveire, I realized that it wasn't my subconscious that was repeating the name, but rather, the drunken voice of Youji. ::Seems like he had a good time.::
Looking down I noticed that my finger still continued to bleed. ::Really...it was just a tiny wound. What's with all the bleeding?:: Sighing again, I dumped the rose and the rag back down to the table, and started to make my way out of my room to the downstairs. ::I need a bandaid::
TBC
Author's notes: Heh.....;; sorry that it kinda jumped from serious to um...less serious. I started writing it a long time ago, and just recently found it. I was SO bored...lol, so I decided to finish it... n_n ... I realize its rather...well, very bad. But hey...its my first WK fic ever...and I really like the Ken/Omi pairing... they're so Kawaii! Though I like Omi with just about anyone. ^__^ Please read and review!