Summary: After Asuma's death, Shikamaru falls apart.
(I know this doesn't really comply with canon but oh welllllll)
Kiba Week, day 2: Friendships/Loyalty, because Kiba knows the importance of the bonds he holds and it merits a day dedicated to such.
NOTE: Day 1 is a playlist so it starts at day 2 on here!
It's night. The air is frigid, icy and cold, piecing Shikamaru's skin. He doesn't have to be outside, but he doesn't want to be home right now. He needs to move, he needs to talk to someone, he needs to be alone, he needs to cry but he has to keep himself composed he needs -
Shikamaru stops, hot tears gushing down his face.
Asuma is dead.
Asuma is dead and Shikamaru can feel himself crumbling. He can feel himself coming undone. Like every stitch of stoicism and calm slowly snapping and there is not a single thing he can do to stop it.
He's not like Asuma, not like Shikaku. He can't seamlessly pull himself together. His whole body is screaming at him, sharp pains searing through every joint. He's not built for this at all.
His cheeks are hot in his freezing hands, catching the flood of tears.
Shinobi don't break. But Shikamaru feels like he has.
The unexpected hand on his shoulder shocks him so much his hand goes straight to the kunai holstered at his thigh. The person is quicker, however, and catches his wrist before Shikamaru can strike.
It takes Shikamaru far too long to register who the person in front of him is, red clan markings adorning Kiba's cheeks is clear this close even in the darkness.
Shikamaru curses, tearing his hand from Kiba's grip. He puts the Kunai back and rubs at his eyes, frantically wiping away the tears as if the action will make Kiba leave and the embarrassment fade.
"Sorry," Kiba says, his voice oddly gruff. "That was stupid, I didn't mean to sneak up on you."
"It's fine," Shikamaru snaps. He can't meet Kiba's gaze and instead focuses on the ground near his feet. Of all people - why Kiba. Hot-headed, loud-mouthed Kiba?
Kiba doesn't move, and neither does Akamaru. He just stands there and Shikamaru hasn't got a clue what to do. Shikamaru is shinobi. He needs to put this away, box away all this shit and deal with it when he knows he's alone. He can't do this in front of a fellow shinobi, and especially not someone like Kiba.
"Hey," Kiba starts, and suddenly there's a hand, surprisingly warm and rough on the back of his neck but embarrassingly comforting. "You'll catch some cold or something if you stay out here." Kiba gently leads him and Akamaru licks his hand.
"Do you wanna go back to yours?" Kiba asks and a part of Shikamaru desperately wants to, but he doesn't want to face his father's subtle concern or his mother's questions. Later, but right now, Shikamaru feels like the slightest wrong push is going to break him apart entirely.
He manages to shake his head, not trusting his voice.
"Ma and Hana are out," Kiba says after a moment of contemplation. "You can stay over if you want?"
Kiba's hand is not a firm hold, but instead a gentle guiding weight on his back and for a moment it seems like such an Asuma thing to do he doesn't realise he's stopped walking until Kiba has him embraced in his arms and the tears a coming once again. Hot and fast, Shikamaru can't breathe, can't think, can't help but hate what happened. Hate the Akatsuki - Hidan - but most of all he hates himself.
Asuma is dead, and no amount of thinking, of strategy, of thought, will bring him back.
Shikamaru isn't sure when he made it to the Inuzuka compound, only that Kiba's place, an extension of the clan head house, is warm, his couch is comfortable, and Akamaru curled up next to him is grounding.
He isn't sure where Kiba has disappeared too, but Akamaru isn't worried, so Shikamaru decides he shouldn't worry either.
He doses off for a few minutes or a few hours, he isn't sure, but it's still mostly dark outside, so it couldn't have been too long. He's jerked back to the living when Akamaru's head jerks up.
Kiba enters the living room, and for the first time, Shikamaru sees Kiba in the light. There are dark bags under his eyes and he's reminded that Kiba would have only returned from his own mission only at least a few hours before finding Shikamaru himself.
There are two steaming mugs in his hand, and Kiba manages a smile that he aborts halfway, the rather alarmingly large bruise on his cheek stopping him.
"Sorry I took so long," Kiba says, approaching the couch and setting Shikamaru's mug on the floor before he sits on the soft looking chair next to Shikamaru's head. "Hope you like hot chocolate," he takes a long sip of his own, savouring the mouthful and closing his eyes.
Not all much is said after that. Kiba doses in the chair, clearly just as exhausted as Shikamaru feels, and he finds himself sleeping on and off. His hand finds a sturdy grip in Akamaru's fur, and thankfully he doesn't seem to mind.
By the time Shikamaru wakes properly, the sun has risen. For a moment there is bliss. He's not sure where he is or why he is here. For a moment, Shikamaru can enjoy the sun. The moment fades when he sees Akamaru and the memories come flooding back.
He doesn't move from the couch, staring out the window and wonders how the hell he's going to handle all of this. His eyes water, tears building up, and he wonders why no one ever told them how to deal with this. He heaves in a shaky breath and wonders how the hell he's going to pull himself together.
There's a cough from the doorway. Kiba stands there looking unnaturally serious. "I know what happened, and I'm sorry," he says. The bags under his eyes are even more prominent in the natural light, and Shikamaru wonders if anyone was told how to handle these things.
"My aunty is good with this kind of stuff," Kiba adds. He's obviously worried and somehow that makes Shikamaru feel worse and it must show on his face because Kiba frowns harder.
"You're hurting. That's okay though. But sometimes, we just need a little help to get through it and there's no shame in that. That's what my Ma taught me," Kiba moves into the room, slowly lowering himself onto the mat in front of the couch, his muscles obviously painfully stiff. "I'll let my aunty know, and whether you show or not is up to you. But the only people who you want to know will know."
Akamaru licks Shikamaru's cheek, gazing up at him with too much understanding in his eyes. Shikamaru tugs on the messy tufts of hair sticking out from where it's pulled back with his hair tie and knows that he needs to think about it, that maybe he shouldn't just quit.
He and Kiba have always been at odds with each other, but, it seems Kiba cares far more than he's ever let on.
"Thanks, Kiba," Shikamaru says, though it hardly seems like enough.
It's only hours later when he's back home and trying to sort through his thoughts that he realises that the Inuzuka compound is in the entirely other direction to where Kiba was heading, as well as the station where Kiba would have been debriefed after his mission.
Kiba was looking for him.
The decision is easy in the end, Shikamaru thinks as he approaches the Inuzuka compound. Even if this arrangement doesn't work out and in the end and Shikamaru doesn't feel like it's helped, to shut down Kiba's genuine attempt to reach out just seems… wrong.
For Asuma, for his team, for Kiba, he has to try to fix himself.