The Gaster brothers were sitting in various spots around the living room, waiting. There was a knock on the back door, causing Papyrus to hop up and rush eagerly out of the room. Wingdings barely looked up from his book. Sans used a bit of magic to grab the remote from where Papyrus had been guarding it and changed the channel. Papyrus returned shortly, followed by a small gaggle of skeletons, their guests for dinner tonight. Wingdings put away his book and stood up to greet them all. Sans just nodded at them.

"DINNER SHOULD BE READY SOON," Papyrus was saying happily. "BUT IN THE MEANTIME: HOW HAVE YOU ALL BEEN?"

There were murmurs from everyone as they all checked their seats before sitting on various pieces of furniture. Sans pretended to not notice as Red flopped onto the couch, squeezing himself between Sans and the arm.

"move over, ya push over."

Sans contemplated just staying where he was and let himself be squished up next to Red's large body, or maybe lay himself across his lap. "fine," Sans said, finally scooting over. Red carefully angled himself so his horns wouldn't snag the couch as he slumped over comfortably, long, thick tail swaying idly where it hung over the edge.

While Sans was distracted with scooting, Papyrus snatched the remote from him and turned off the TV with a particularly aggressive button push. "I'M SO HAPPY TO HEAR YOU'RE ALL DOING SO WELL." Papyrus sat gracefully in one of their high back arm chairs, but quickly yelped in surprise when the beginnings of a rude sound filled the air. He hopped out of his seat and spun around to glare down at it. He picked up a whoopee cushion that had been sitting innocently right in the center and angrily waved it at Sans. "SANS! HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU NOT TO DO THIS EXACT THING?!"

"oh wow, how did that get there? but really, you should look before you sit, never know what could get left sitting around by accident. remember that time you sat on one of wingdings's books?"

Papyrus threw the offensive prank item at his brother, then crossed his arms and sat down. Another rude sound filled the air. Papyrus let it play out this time, glaring at Sans's smugly grinning face the entire time.

Red burst into loud, uncontrollable laughter that had him sliding half off the couch. Stretch and Wingdings joined in with more subdued laughter of their own while Blue looked sympathetic with Papyrus and Edge's brow twitched.

A servant, a collection of bones with a dull gray ghost fire for a head, entered the room with a tray of drinks to hand out to everyone.

"APPLES WILL BE IN SEASON SOON," Blue said as an obvious subject change while he took one of the offered drinks. "I KNOW OF THIS QUAINT LITTLE ORCHARD NEAR OUR HUMAN PROPERTY THAT ALWAYS HAS A VERITABLE APPLE FESTIVAL ALL THROUGH THE HARVEST."

"c'mon, bro," Stretch drawled languidly, "apples are always in season back home. plus they don't have to be digested." The last word was said with no small amount of disgust.

"TRUE, BUT THERE'S JUST SOMETHING ABOUT HUMAN CIDERS AND CANDIED APPLES." Blue sighed wistfully.

"HUMANS DO COME UP WITH FAR MORE FLAVORS OF… WELL… EVERYTHING," Wingdings said contemplatively. "AND THERE'S JUST SOMETHING ABOUT HAVING TO SLOWLY CHEW AND SWALLOW THE FOOD THAT ALLOWS ONE TO REALLY SAVOR IT."

"I WOULD PREFER NOT TO LET HUMAN FOOD SIT AROUND TO ROT INSIDE MY BODY," Edge said tersely.

"or put in the effort to push it back out again," Red added.

"THANK YOU FOR THAT DELIGHTFUL MENTAL IMAGE, BROTHER." Edge rolled his eyes.

Another servant entered the room, it bent over to whisper something to Papyrus.

"OH! DINNER IS SERVED." Papyrus hopped out of his seat to lead their group to the dining room. The table was beautifully set, overflowing with a perfectly cooked meal. The crystal chandelier overhead was left off, instead three silver candelabras with dark blue ghost fires (clearly Wingdings's work) flickering over them lined the center of the table. They gave the room a wonderfully spooky ambiance.

Everyone complimented the table and the food on it as they all took their seats. As the plates filled with food the room filled with idle chatter about the changing weather and everyone's upcoming social plans. Monster meals never last long, soon they were all lingering over empty plates, too invested in their conversations to stand up quite yet.

"WHAT ABOUT YOU THREE?" Blue asked with a glitter in his starry eyes. "DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING BIG PLANNED FOR THE FALL?"

"INDEED WE DO," Papyrus replied eagerly. "IN FACT, WINGDINGS AND I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE AN ANNOUNCEMENT! WE HAVE DECIDED. TOGETHER. THAT IT'S WELL PAST TIME SANS SETTLED DOWN."

Sans choked on his drink and sputtered incoherently while the rest of the table was filled with various approving murmurs.

"ISN'T THAT RIGHT? WINGDINGS?" Papyrus nudged their middle brother, who was seated next to him.

"OF COURSE! SANS, IT'S TIME YOU STOPPED DRAGGING YOUR FEET," Wingdings admonished with a wry smile. "IN FACT, WE HAVE SOMEONE ALL PICKED OUT FOR YOU."

"IT'S STRETCH!" Blue called excitedly as he bounced up from his seat.

"huh?! bro, i know you said i should think about marriage, but that was just this morning!"

"AND YOU'VE HAD ALL DAY TO THINK ABOUT IT." Blue grinned happily at his brother.

"papyrus, wingdings, you can't just pick out a spouse for me. for starters: i'm the oldest."

"WHICH MEANS YOU HAVE TO GET MARRIED BEFORE EITHER OF US CAN, SANS. CLEARLY, IN THE NAME OF YOUR OWN BROTHERS' HAPPINESS, YOU MUST."

"oh fer the luv of… what is this? the 15th century?!" Red slammed his hands on the table and stood up to glare at the taller Gaster brothers and Blue. "ya can't jus' go 'round arrangin' marriages!"

"DO YOU HAVE A REASON WHY THIS SHOULDN'T HAPPEN?" Wingdings asked with raised brow.

"well fuck you guys too!" Red shoved away from the table and stalked out of the room. An awful silence was left in his wake, everyone left at the table staring awkwardly at each other.

"AHEM, PERHAPS WE SHOULD TAKE THIS TO THE LIVING ROOM?" Papyrus suggested with a nervous grin, sweat dripping down his skull. "OH! WE CAN HAVE DESSERT THERE."

The others all stood and filed out of the dining room, Sans lingering at the back of the crowd with his hands shoved deep into his pockets. He was pulled into a nook, suddenly finding himself staring into a pair of blood red eyelights. "man, this's all bullshit! yer bros only did this 'cause yer seelie an' i'm unseelie, but that shit ain't mattered in like a millennium!"

"more like two centuries at most."

"ya don't want this, right sans?"

"of course not."

"an' yer gonna do somethin', right?"

Sans shrugged, "it's not like they can make me say 'i do' so…"

There was a clack as Red's hand hit his face, then slid down it. "i know ya, sans, i know what yer like. yer bro's gonna run 'round, makin' the perfect weddin', maybe rope wingdings inta helpin', and you. yer gonna take one look at it an' you'll feel so guilty 'bout ruinin' all his hard work ya won't dare say no."

"red, this isn't the same thing as a surprise party." It won't be a surprise for one, even if Sans had known about the party well before hand because Papyrus was terrible at lying or keeping secrets.

… Okay, so maybe Red did have a point.

"no, don't. i'll take care uh this."

"how?"

"shush, you'll spoil th' surprise." Red, on the other hand, was excellent at lying and keeping secrets.

Sans was just a teeny tiny bit worried.

The next day, Sans was lingering in the gardens behind the manor. Red had texted him telling him to do so, Sans wasn't sure why Red needed him out behind the manor but he was sure it had something to do with Red's super secret plan to somehow get him out of an arranged marriage with a monster he was great friends with but had absolutely zero romantic interest in. (He knew better than to get between an unseelie monster and something they wanted.)

Ugh, lingering out here was such a pain though. The property was so large and was too close to the human side of the veil, they had to do things like wearing human glamours and do things without obvious magic (like having to walk. Ugh, too much work) while staying here. It was worth it most of the time, digital technology didn't work so great on the monster side of the veil. Or at all, really. Sans kicked a pebble while he considered whether or not sitting on that bench over there would possibly ruin Red's mysterious plans and what was that noise?

Sans tilted his head, trying to find the direction it was coming from, it was some sort of drumming noise, building as something approached. It sounded vaguely familiar, like something he hadn't heard in a long time. Then there came a muted sound echoing off the other nearby manors, a horn of some kind.

A hunting horn.

Sans recognized the drumming sound now, it was the pounding of hooves and paws along with the whirring of wheels and baying of dogs. He guessed someone got nostalgic and was careening around the wild paths, one of which led directly from their ancestral home to this property. The bench was definitely a good idea, then. It would take him off the path and out of the hunter's way. He shuffled lazily over and was about to turn and sit when the hunter came suddenly around the garden path.

It was Red.

Driving a Roman style chariot.

Drawn by two wild eyed nightmares.

There was also a pack of white, fluffy dogs running alongside the chariot, tails wagging in excitement, tongue lolling out happily. They kind of ruined the effect, honestly. Was that Greater Dog?

Any further musings were cut short as the chariot bore down on Sans and Red dropped his hunting bugle to reach down and hoist Sans up as he passed. Sans had just enough presence of mind to use a boost of gravity magic to help Red pull him safely into the chariot, though with how easily he slid into it Red probably was doing the same.

"what the hell?" Sans hollered over the wind rushing past his skull. He couldn't help laughing, this was so ridiculous! He clung to the front of the chariot and peeked over it only to get an eye socket full of horse rump.

"watch me do a sick u-ey 'round that stupid fountain!" Red hollered in reply.

"what?!"

Red only grinned and took the reins in both hands, urging the nightmares faster as they approached the large, round fountain with a large, round area of pebbles around it near the beginning of the gardens. He pulled on the reins hard, causing the nightmares to pull around the fountain, a spray of pebbles assaulting the nearby shrubbery, the dogs hollering in glee, one wheel came up as the chariot swung wide, then with a crash the chariot was on two wheels again and they were dashing madly back the way Red had come. The bugle clattered into Sans, miraculously not lost out the back of the open chariot. Sans grabbed it and pulled himself to his feet with the help of gravity magic, which he also used to keep himself anchored firmly inside the chariot. He put the horn to his teeth and blew one long, loud, clear note before pulling it away and laughing as he slung an arm over Red's shoulders.

"what the hell, man?!"

"what's't look like? 'm kidnappin' ya!"

"wait, what?"

"yer bros can't marry ya off while yer kidnapped!"

"oh my god, are you serious?!" Sans laughed again. That was too ridiculous, and such a short term solution!

"hey, i found an ol' wine skin in 'ere, wanna see if it's still good?"

Sans shrugged. Ah well, may as well go along for now, it'll be fun if nothing else.

Heeled boots clacked loudly as someone, probably Edge, entered the room. "ARE YOU TWO STILL PLAYING THAT RIDICULOUS GAME?"

"something like that," Sans replied without taking his eyes off the screen.

He could feel Edge squinting at them. "IT LOOKS DIFFERENT?"

"that's 'cause this is smash."

"yeah, we're just playing as inklings."

"WHY WOULD YOU SWITCH TO A DIFFERENT GAME JUST TO PLAY AS THE SAME CHARACTERS AGAIN? IS IT A SEQUEL OR SOMETHING?"

"nah, this one's a fightin' game, we don't gotta ink everythin' this way."

"covering the entire arena with ink is too much work."

Edge sighed heavily, Sans was sure he was pinching the bone between his sockets like he always did whenever the two of them hung out. "NEVER MIND THAT, STRETCH IS HERE TO SEE YOU."

"oh cool, smash ultimate. can i get in on the next round?" Stretch ambled in and squeezed himself on the couch next to Red, who grunted and grudgingly scooted closer to Sans. Edge sighed again and walked out of the room.

"so, now that th' party pooper's gone, why're ya really here?" Red didn't take his eyes off the screen as the counter ticked down the last few seconds.

Stretch sighed, "my bro and sans's sent me to say, and i quote, SANS ISN'T ALLOWED TO RETURN HOME UNTIL HE'S AGREED TO MARRY. AND DON'T THINK WE DON'T KNOW HE'S BEEN CAPABLE OF LEAVING WHENEVER HE WANTS THE ENTIRE TIME."

"wow, went all out on that impersonation," Red commented.

"thanks."

"ugh, here." Sans handed his controller over to Stretch, scowling at the screen.

"what? ya don't wanna play no mo'?"

"this whole thing's gotten way out of control!" Sans threw his hands in the air, then slumped down on the couch with his palms over his orbits. "i'd like to go home at some point, i miss my bros and my stuff, and i can't just hide out here forever. but i know papyrus, he really isn't going to let me step foot on any of our properties until i give in."

"i uh… i think i'm banned too?" Stretch said as he kept flipping back and forth between two characters.

"see? completely out of control. maybe i shouldn't have ignored all of papyrus's phone calls."

"i can't help but notice he didn't say who ya had t' be married tuh." Red had both Sans's and Stretch's complete attention. "waddya say?"

"are you asking me to marry you?"

Red shrugged, "sure, why not? we like each other, it'll get yer bros offa yer back, and i'm pretty sure it'll piss everyone off."

Stretch made a choking sound.

Sans tilted his head as he thought it over. "okay, yeah, could be fun. how do you propose we pull this off?"

"vegas is still a thing, ain't it?"

Stretch choked again, his shoulders shaking with presumably repressed laughter.

"all we gotta do is get doll face here," Red jabbed a thumb towards Stretch, "t' stick 'round an' distract mah bro while we scarper off t'… i dunno. gretna green or the palace or wherever and do one uh them quick weddings."

"i don't think the palace is such a great idea, toriel and asgore will want to turn it into some kind of event and get our bros and everyone else invited. which will mean whipping up a feast and decorations and suits and well… you know how quickly things snowball with them."

"i wasn't talkin' 'bout yer palace, pretty sure queen undyne would think it's a riot and jus' go with it."

"works for me." Sans leaned forward to get a good look at Stretch, "you good with keeping edge distracted? my bros'll kill me if he gets to be there and they don't."

stretch shrugged carelessly, though it was belied by the smile quirking at the corners of his mouth and sparkling in his orbits. "yeah, i'm sure i can think of something."

AN: The servants are purely magical constructs, no thoughts in their non-heads. Just wanted that to be clear, the great thing about being made of magic is just how much of it you get to use! Ghost fire is a bit of a misnomer, they look like fire but actually emit an aura of cold. Because... you know... ghost. The boys really earned the name Gaster in this story.

It's less clear but the Fell brothers are of dragon skeleton descent (hence the horns and tails). Mmm… big, bara Red. And it didn't come up at all but Stretch and Blue are the most different: Stretch is a tall, slim elf skeleton and Blue is a short, beefy dwarf skeleton.