Teenagers

Summary: We're all sick of the teenage Mary Sue who falls into Middle Earth and invariably falls in love with Legolas. Well, the Mary Sue's dream didn't work out like she hoped.

T.A.R.N.S.: So I was reading someone's profile, and I saw that one of this person's peeves was elves falling in with teenagers. That brought to mind a humorous mental picture. So I decided to write it down.

Disclaimer: I don't own LoTR.

Note: Legolas is OOC. Sorry about that.

Mary Sue Ellen Joan Donna Maria was perfect in every way. She could dance, sing, act, model, ride, draw, and fight orcs. With her elven sword and bow and arrows (that were so not a rip off of Legolas's), she was the perfect fighter. She had nice white skin, red hair, and green eyes.

And she had the perfect boyfriend. Prince Legolas Greenleaf, heir to throne of Mirkwood. When they finally got married, she would get to be queen!

But first, they had an important mission to go on. They had to destroy the Ring.

Today, she was in Imladris with the rest of the Fellowship. Legolas had asked her to take a walk with him. She was so excited. He would finally propose, and then she would get to be queen.

After they were some distance away from Lord Elrond's house, Legolas turned to Mary.

"Mary…" He began.

The girl could hardly contain her excitement. He was finally going to propose!

"I know you've been following me around like a lost puppy since the day you landed in Middle Earth…" Legolas continued.

Mary couldn't contain her excitement. "I accept! I will marry you!!"

Legolas looked confused. "What are you talking about? I wasn't going to propose to you. I was going to tell you that you were going back to Mirkwood while I go on with the Fellowship to destroy the Ring."

"What?!?!" Mary shrieked. "But I can fight! And I thought you loved me!!"

Legolas blinked. "Yes, you can fight, but you can't come with us. And I don't love you. You're what, fifteen? You're too young for me."

"I'm nineteen!" Mary shrieked. "I'm old enough!"

"Maybe in human years, but not in Elf years." Legolas told her. He patted her on the head. "Go back to wherever you came from, and come back in 600 years."

"But I won't be alive in 600 years!" Mary wailed.

Legolas considered this. "You humans do have short life spans. But either way, you're still too young for me."

"But you're not that old." Mary told him.

"I'm 2718 years old. In Eleven years, you're still a child." Legolas told her.

"But I love you!" Mary wailed.

"Sorry." Legolas said with a shrug. He continued walking, leaving Mary behind.

And that is the story of how the Mary Sue got her heart broken. It was nothing personal. But she was too young.

T.A.R.N.S.: I'm sorry. For all I know, this may be a horrible fic. But I was reading the person's profile, and I could see in my mind Legolas patting the Sue on the head and telling her, 'Sorry, you're not old enough." So I decided to write it down, and post it.

Anyway, please review and let me know whether you think this should stay up or not. Constructive criticism is accepted. Flamers are ignored.