Bullet-Time Blubber
Final Chapter of
Bullet-Time Banana!
Neo turned his head slowly. A cloud of crows suddenly flew into the air in slow motion as the camera focused on a pair of shiny black shoes.
"Smith." Growled Neo. There was a note of surprise in his voice. He thought he had killed Agent Smith. Smith walked forward ominously, pausing only to wipe a white bird poop from his head.
"Damn crows." He said. Then,
"Mr. Anderson! Surprised to see me?"
"Smith," said Neo, "frankly, you are a gay twat."
"That may be so Mr. Anderson, but."
"What's that?" asked Neo in surprise. An animal that looked like a cross between an overweight seal and a baby whale had lumbered clumsily out from behind Smith.
"It is the porpoise, Mr. Anderson, the porpoise." Smith said solemnly.
"You see, Mr. Anderson, the porpoise is a wonderful creature. But that is beside the point. The porpoise of my being here is."
"The what, sorry?" said Neo, confused.
"The porpoise, Mr. Anderson. The porpoise of my being here."
"That doesn't make sense, ya daft prick!" Neo said.
"But porpoise is what keeps us going, keeps us alive, Mr. Anderson!"
"Oh! You mean purpose!" Neo said finally understanding.
"Of course that's what I mean!" Smith cried, "Porpoise!"
"Man you're weird!"
"Anyway, the porpoise of my presence here is.Aaaah! I forgot what I was going to say now!" roared Smith. "You made me forget what I was going to say Mr. Anderson!" Smith shrieked in a girl's voice, advancing on Neo. "And that makes me very angry, Mr. Anderson. Don't make me angry, you won't like me when I'm angry."
Neo started trembling. "Time to die, Mr. Anderson." Said Smith calmly. Then, to Neo's amazement, hundred's of Agent Smiths came pouring from every corner onto the rooftop. Each wore an identical flowery pink dress and high heels. As a consequence, half of them didn't make it to where Smith and Neo were standing due them tripping over their heels and either falling on their faces or off the roof and onto innocent pedestrians below.
"Hit me baby one more time!" screamed Smith.
"He was a skater boy I said seeya later boy!" shouted Neo.
Then they rushed at each other. However, due to there being one of Neo and almost a hundred of Smith, Neo was quite quickly beaten to a pulp then became the bottom of the biggest pile-on in movie history. But then, just as he was about to give up hope, he smashed up and out, with cry of victory-
"You'll never take my virginity!!!"
Agent Smith cursed quietly to himself. Then he called over to a large crate,
"Twins! C'mon!" Then, as Neo watched to his horror, two evil looking white British ghosts drifted out through the wood. They then morphed back to normal. And stood at the ready in strange combat positions.
"I say! Having a good old barney, eh what?" they said in unison.
"Destroy him!" commanded Smith. The twins ran forward, an evil glint in their eyes, screaming ancient battle cries. There followed a moment of furious fighting in which Neo did his 'one hand behind his back' thing. This was hampered slightly when one of the Smith clones sank his teeth into Neo's hand. This, however, encouraged Neo's rage. He drove the Twins back. They morphed so that he couldn't hit them, and it worked. They flew out of reach, cackling evilly. Then they morphed back again. It was only then that they realised that were standing in a bench.
"Ouch?" they said as their legs were severed from the knees down.
Smith gave a cry of rage and flung himself at Neo, who dodged easily. Smith got up panting at looking very angry and embarrassed.
"You cannot win," he growled with menace. He pointed at the clones. "Look how many friends I have! And who do you have? No one! Not even Mrs. 'I like 3-in-a-bed romps' is here to save you!"
"Her name is Trinity and it does not mean 3-in-a-bed it means, well, 3." Said Neo defensively.
"Ha!" Smith chuckled. "It is over Neo! Face your destiny- DESTRUCTION!"
With that every Smith on the rooftop charged. Then bullet-time decided to show its self and Neo was given some time to think. Then it came to him. The crazed voice of his demented tutor came to him like a dream.
Bullet time deactivated. Neo pulled a jar of chocolate spread from his pocket.
"Nooooooooo!" A hundred Smith's, including the real one, screamed. The clones ran for their lives. "No! Not the chocolate spread! Anything but that!"
"Come back!" Smith screeched, but it was too late. He was on his own. He turned slowly to Neo, defiant to the last.
"Do your worst Mr. Anderson." Neo grabbed Smith's jaw and, after much pulling and tugging, forced it open. Smith was roaring with rage and raining blows down on the back of Neo's head but it made no difference. There was a squawk as the two tussling bodies fell onto and squashed one of the crows. And then.
Another prophecy of the Oracle was fulfilled and the legendary 'force- feeding' took place. Chocolate spread poured down Smith's throat. He gurgled and turned green. Then he began to howl with laughter. Neo watched curiously. Finally, bright red mushrooms sprouted from Smith's head, he grew an extra leg, and his famously strict looking suit changed into a flared '70's disco get-up. Then with a final howl of glee, he was gone at last. Neo fell to the floor, panting.
He looked up. The Oracle was standing there looking puzzled and munching as usual on huge, sickly sweet and 2 year old cookies.
"Hi honey! Sorry I'm late, the traffic was unbelievable. What have I missed?"
Neo put his head in his hands and chuckled to himself, amused. Then he realised that, with Smith gone, he felt happier than he had done ages, and he sucked his toes in joy.
Far away, in the seventh circle of madness, a delirious voice cried hoarsely,
"It isn't over, MR ANDERSON!"
THE END
Please review! Thanks to everyone who has read my series! Herobob.
Final Chapter of
Bullet-Time Banana!
Neo turned his head slowly. A cloud of crows suddenly flew into the air in slow motion as the camera focused on a pair of shiny black shoes.
"Smith." Growled Neo. There was a note of surprise in his voice. He thought he had killed Agent Smith. Smith walked forward ominously, pausing only to wipe a white bird poop from his head.
"Damn crows." He said. Then,
"Mr. Anderson! Surprised to see me?"
"Smith," said Neo, "frankly, you are a gay twat."
"That may be so Mr. Anderson, but."
"What's that?" asked Neo in surprise. An animal that looked like a cross between an overweight seal and a baby whale had lumbered clumsily out from behind Smith.
"It is the porpoise, Mr. Anderson, the porpoise." Smith said solemnly.
"You see, Mr. Anderson, the porpoise is a wonderful creature. But that is beside the point. The porpoise of my being here is."
"The what, sorry?" said Neo, confused.
"The porpoise, Mr. Anderson. The porpoise of my being here."
"That doesn't make sense, ya daft prick!" Neo said.
"But porpoise is what keeps us going, keeps us alive, Mr. Anderson!"
"Oh! You mean purpose!" Neo said finally understanding.
"Of course that's what I mean!" Smith cried, "Porpoise!"
"Man you're weird!"
"Anyway, the porpoise of my presence here is.Aaaah! I forgot what I was going to say now!" roared Smith. "You made me forget what I was going to say Mr. Anderson!" Smith shrieked in a girl's voice, advancing on Neo. "And that makes me very angry, Mr. Anderson. Don't make me angry, you won't like me when I'm angry."
Neo started trembling. "Time to die, Mr. Anderson." Said Smith calmly. Then, to Neo's amazement, hundred's of Agent Smiths came pouring from every corner onto the rooftop. Each wore an identical flowery pink dress and high heels. As a consequence, half of them didn't make it to where Smith and Neo were standing due them tripping over their heels and either falling on their faces or off the roof and onto innocent pedestrians below.
"Hit me baby one more time!" screamed Smith.
"He was a skater boy I said seeya later boy!" shouted Neo.
Then they rushed at each other. However, due to there being one of Neo and almost a hundred of Smith, Neo was quite quickly beaten to a pulp then became the bottom of the biggest pile-on in movie history. But then, just as he was about to give up hope, he smashed up and out, with cry of victory-
"You'll never take my virginity!!!"
Agent Smith cursed quietly to himself. Then he called over to a large crate,
"Twins! C'mon!" Then, as Neo watched to his horror, two evil looking white British ghosts drifted out through the wood. They then morphed back to normal. And stood at the ready in strange combat positions.
"I say! Having a good old barney, eh what?" they said in unison.
"Destroy him!" commanded Smith. The twins ran forward, an evil glint in their eyes, screaming ancient battle cries. There followed a moment of furious fighting in which Neo did his 'one hand behind his back' thing. This was hampered slightly when one of the Smith clones sank his teeth into Neo's hand. This, however, encouraged Neo's rage. He drove the Twins back. They morphed so that he couldn't hit them, and it worked. They flew out of reach, cackling evilly. Then they morphed back again. It was only then that they realised that were standing in a bench.
"Ouch?" they said as their legs were severed from the knees down.
Smith gave a cry of rage and flung himself at Neo, who dodged easily. Smith got up panting at looking very angry and embarrassed.
"You cannot win," he growled with menace. He pointed at the clones. "Look how many friends I have! And who do you have? No one! Not even Mrs. 'I like 3-in-a-bed romps' is here to save you!"
"Her name is Trinity and it does not mean 3-in-a-bed it means, well, 3." Said Neo defensively.
"Ha!" Smith chuckled. "It is over Neo! Face your destiny- DESTRUCTION!"
With that every Smith on the rooftop charged. Then bullet-time decided to show its self and Neo was given some time to think. Then it came to him. The crazed voice of his demented tutor came to him like a dream.
Bullet time deactivated. Neo pulled a jar of chocolate spread from his pocket.
"Nooooooooo!" A hundred Smith's, including the real one, screamed. The clones ran for their lives. "No! Not the chocolate spread! Anything but that!"
"Come back!" Smith screeched, but it was too late. He was on his own. He turned slowly to Neo, defiant to the last.
"Do your worst Mr. Anderson." Neo grabbed Smith's jaw and, after much pulling and tugging, forced it open. Smith was roaring with rage and raining blows down on the back of Neo's head but it made no difference. There was a squawk as the two tussling bodies fell onto and squashed one of the crows. And then.
Another prophecy of the Oracle was fulfilled and the legendary 'force- feeding' took place. Chocolate spread poured down Smith's throat. He gurgled and turned green. Then he began to howl with laughter. Neo watched curiously. Finally, bright red mushrooms sprouted from Smith's head, he grew an extra leg, and his famously strict looking suit changed into a flared '70's disco get-up. Then with a final howl of glee, he was gone at last. Neo fell to the floor, panting.
He looked up. The Oracle was standing there looking puzzled and munching as usual on huge, sickly sweet and 2 year old cookies.
"Hi honey! Sorry I'm late, the traffic was unbelievable. What have I missed?"
Neo put his head in his hands and chuckled to himself, amused. Then he realised that, with Smith gone, he felt happier than he had done ages, and he sucked his toes in joy.
Far away, in the seventh circle of madness, a delirious voice cried hoarsely,
"It isn't over, MR ANDERSON!"
THE END
Please review! Thanks to everyone who has read my series! Herobob.