A/N:
hey everyone okay so this is my first merlin fic (that im posting) and yeah. (dont worry though i write a lot... not as much recently, but im getting back into it so my writing isnt too crappy. its not my first ever fic. trust me, about a year ago? my fics were terrible. but now they're pretty decent. at least, thats what my friends say). basically though im here to say that ive set a challenge for myself. im gonna write a fanfic every day for the next month (i wrote this yesterday, but im posting it now... so basically there should be another fic up within the next 24 hours) so i can get better at writing and stuff. i think im gonna keep it all in this, so it's just a series of one-shots. im pretty sure its all gonna be merthur, but i might have some phan or destiel or even johnlock, who knows. but no guarantee [shrugs] okay. so yeah. be expecting a new one shot each day, if i can keep up this challenge c: im gonna leave this as "completed" just because every fic i may add will just be another chap. and if i dont finish the 31 day thing then at least ill have a few chaps of fics so yeah. :D oh, and i realized imma have to change the summary to say its a series of one-shots but ill do that after i post the next fic. so yeah. okay im rambling. without further ado, my fanfic :D
Disclaimer: oh man, if only i owned merlin. i mean, if i did, it'd probably just be even more frustrating and would rip out more people's hearts. damn, it'd be heartwrenching. i wish i could say i owned merlin - but nope, sadly, i do not. Merlin is owned by the people who wrote it. the bbc peeps. so yeah. no merlin for me ;-; [cries]
summary: Arthur didn't mean to read Merlin's journal. It just kind of… happened.
He didn't mean to go into Merlin's drawers and find Merlin's journal.
He didn't mean to start flipping through it, considering it looked like an ordinary school notebook.
He didn't mean to start reading at that particular page, where it mentioned how much Merlin liked him.
He didn't mean to freak out and run out of Merlin's house, leaving Merlin confused and baffled as to the sudden outburst.
He really didn't mean to.
Merlin had run outside, calling Arthur's name as Arthur ran down the street.
Arthur didn't hear him, though, and he kept running. He ran about three blocks before coming to a stop, hands on his knees and gasping for breath.
His mind was racing. Arthur and Merlin were best friends, have been since childhood. How could Arthur not realize Merlin's feelings for him? How come Merlin wrote in his journal that Arthur would never notice and if he did he would up and leave him, and that he could never like him back?
That idiot!
Arthur looked around, realizing he was in the nearby park. He walked over to a tree and sat down under it. He felt like he was about to puke from all the things rushing through his mind.
Think normally, Arthur told himself firmly. He tried humming to clear his thoughts, but his mind would not shut up.
Arthur shook his head. Merlin liked him; in more than a best friend kind of way. How did Arthur never realize before?
After a few minutes of thinking about the fact that Merlin actually liked him, Arthur's head shot up.
Merlin!
He left the journal open in the drawer that was also open. Merlin would know that Arthur read it, and that that's the reason he ran out, and think that Arthur hates him now!
Shit!
Arthur stood up unsteadily, and started to run back to Merlin's, but after a few seconds he ended up falling flat on his face.
"God damn it," Arthur muttered to himself as he put a hand to his head, attempting to sit up.
"Arthur? Is that you?" Arthur heard a voice calling. He recognized that voice… Oh. Gwaine. Oh god.
"Arthur! What are you… doing on the ground…?" Gwaine inquired as he walked towards his friend.
Arthur just groaned in response.
"Are you drunk or somethin', mate?" Gwaine laughed, sitting down next to Arthur.
"No," Arthur mumbled, shoving Gwaine.
"Alright, alright," Gwaine grinned. "So, what are you doing?" He asked again, his brow furrowing.
Arthur sighed. Then an idea came to mind.
"Can you drive me to Merlin's?" Arthur asked, finally lifting his head to look at Gwaine.
After a moment's consideration, Gwaine must've realized by the look in Arthur's eye that it was serious because he didn't make some joke about him wanting to be with his crush, and nodded his head as he stood up. "Yeah, sure. Car's over there," Gwaine nodded his head in the direction of his car.
Arthur smiled, standing up also. "Thank you!" He exclaimed, turning on his heel and practically ran to Gwaine's car.
Once they were both in the car, on the way to Merlin's, Gwaine finally asked the question that had been on his mind.
"Soo… what's so important with Merlin right now?"
Gwaine could've sworn that Arthur's face went pink.
"Oh. Um. Something happened. And. I need to go back to his house to talk to him," Arthur explained vaguely. He coughed.
"Something happened? Good or bad?" Gwaine inquired.
"I'm not- kind of, but- I don't know, Gwaine," Arthur put his head in his hands and sighed.
Gwaine patted Arthur on the back. "Hey, well, whatever it is, I'm sure it'll be okay. Also, you know that you can tell me anything, right?" Gwaine encouraged softly.
Arthur nodded his head. Sitting up straight, he took a deep, shuddery breath. "I read – I accidentally read, uh, Merlin's… journal," He finally admitted.
Gwaine's jaw dropped.
"You what?" He asked incredulously, looking over to stare at Arthur in disbelief.
"I didn't mean to!" Arthur exclaimed, putting his hands up in defense.
Gwaine shook his head as he turned back to keep an eye on the road.
"I swear, Gwaine, I didn't mean to read his journal. It just kinda… happened…" Arthur waved his hands around uselessly, trying to get his point across.
"How did it just 'kind of' happen, huh? You saw a journal full of secrets and were like, 'yaaas secrets, time to read this and invade someone's privacy!' But not just someone, it was Merlin! Merlin!" Gwaine was close to yelling. How could Arthur invade his best friend's privacy like that?
"No, Gwaine! I just… I was looking for some clothes in his drawer, and, well… I saw his- his journal. But if I knew it was a journal I wouldn't have read it! It looked like an ordinary school notebook, and I started flipping through it to see what school crap he had in there. I opened to a specific page and started reading it before I realized what it was, and…" Arthur trailed off.
"And?" Gwaine prompted.
"And, it was… Merlin talking about how much he liked me, and that I would never notice and would never like him like that," Arthur finished.
"What happened after that? How did you get to the park?" Gwaine questioned.
"I… I dropped the journal, and ran out of the house, and ran all the way to the park before stopping. And I left the journal sitting there with that page open! I'm so stupid, he's going to think I hate him, Gwaine! I'm so stupid…" He muttered.
"Yeah, you got that right," Gwaine said, laughing as Arthur glared at him. "Well, we're almost at his house, see?" Gwaine pointed down the street. "You're going to go up to his house, knock on the door, wait for him to answer, have him let you inside, and you guys are gonna have a heart to heart conversation. And I swear, if you guys aren't boyfriends by the end of the day, I'm gonna lock you two in a closet until you're ready to admit to dating. Got it?" Gwaine promised, smirking as Arthur's face went bright red.
Arthur just nodded his head, not trusting his voice.
"Good. Now, get out and go get your man!" Gwaine shouted, patting Arthur on the shoulder as he unlocked the doors.
Arthur slowly opened the door, stepping out and taking a deep breath. He looked back at Gwaine who gave him a thumbs up. Arthur laughed a bit, closing the door behind him.
Arthur carefully walked up Merlin's driveway, thinking about what he was going to say over and over. After taking another deep breath, Arthur knocked on the door four times.
Straightening his shoulders, he waited for Merlin to answer.
After a few moments of hearing shuffling around inside, Merlin finally answered the door.
Merlin's eyes were red, his hair was messy, and he just looked like a total mess.
How long had Arthur been gone?
Arthur thought it over in his head, trying to see how long he actually had been gone, and realized it had to at least have been about an hour or so.
Shit.
And he didn't even try to contact Merlin.
Stupid, stupid, stupid!
"A-Arthu-ur?" Merlin asked shakily. He wiped at his eyes, taking in a breath and trying to act tough. He failed.
"Oh, Merlin…" Arthur muttered, shaking his head.
Sucking in a breath, Arthur decided to step up to Merlin, put his hands on Merlin's shoulders, stare him right in the eye, and then pull him in for a tight hug.
It took a few moments for Merlin to realize what was going on before he tentatively lifted his arms to return the hug.
After a few moments, Arthur finally pulled away and looked Merlin in the eye. "Merlin, I am so so so sorry for running out like that! I'm assuming you know what happened…" Merlin nodded. "Well, it's not what you think. Um, could we go in? I think it'd be best for both of us if we were sitting as we have this conversation…" Arthur trailed off.
"Uh, yeah – of course, sure," Merlin stumbled over his own words, stepping aside to let Arthur in. Closing the door behind them, Arthur and Merlin made their way to Merlin's bedroom. They both sat across from each other on his bed.
After a few uncomfortable minutes of silence, Arthur spoke up. "Okay, so as I was saying… It's not what you think," Arthur nodded in the direction of Merlin's still open drawer. Merlin couldn't make eye contact.
"Well, you were in the bathroom, so I got bored, and decided to look at the clothes you have… I stumbled upon that notebook. Which, since it just looked like an ordinary school notebook, I started flipping through…" Arthur started to trail off. Clearing his throat, he continued. "I swear, Merlin, I didn't know it was your personal journal until after I read that one part in it. If I knew it was your personal journal, I wouldn't have even opened it, I swear! I never meant for this to happen," Arthur looked down at his hands. "I really didn't mean to, Merlin. But, um, anyways… I read the part that said that you… that you – that you liked me…" He stuttered.
Merlin's face went red, but he nodded to show he was listening.
"Okay, well. Yeah. I kind of, freaked out – not in a bad way! – and dropped the journal and ran out. I didn't stop running until I made it to the park. My mind was racing, and if I had just taken a moment to calm down, I wouldn't have freaked out. I'm sorry. I must've made you think that I hate you now… Which I do not!" Arthur exclaimed.
"Okay…" Merlin whispered shakily. "I'm really sorry, Arthur, I know you – I know you don't and never will like me the way I like you, and I'm so sorry that now you know and I'm just really sorry - I wish I didn't like you like that… I probably have ruined our friendship, no matter how many times you say you don't hate me," Merlin rambled, his speaking growing faster and faster until he was on the verge of crying.
"Hey! Hey, Merlin, shhh, it's okay," Arthur comforted, putting a hand on Merlin's knee. "Breathe," He told him.
Merlin nodded, taking a deep breath.
"You did not ruin our friendship. I promise you. And, by the way, you're wrong," Arthur stated, a smirk playing on his lips.
"What?" Merlin asked, looking up at Arthur with teary eyes. A couple tears spilled over and Arthur reached out his hand to wipe them away.
"Would you believe me if I said I liked you like that too?" Arthur inquired, smiling as Merlin's face froze in shock.
"What?!" Merlin exclaimed, almost falling off his bed if it wasn't for Arthur who caught him by the hand. Merlin's face went pink.
"I like you, too," Arthur said louder, more confidently.
Merlin gaped. "No, you don't. That's impossible," He muttered, mostly to himself, shaking his head.
Arthur lifted Merlin's chin so he would look at him. "Yes, I do," He repeated.
Arthur braced himself for what he was about to do next. It might not be the best idea, but how else would he convince Merlin? Slowly, Arthur leaned in and lightly kissed Merlin on the lips.
When he pulled away, Merlin's eyes were still closed and a smile was on his lips.
"See?" Arthur smirked.
Merlin nodded his head feverishly. Arthur laughed, kissing him again.
Merlin leaned into it, but before the kiss could go any longer, Arthur pulled away. Merlin ended up falling over with a squeak.
"Oh my god," Arthur laughed. "You're such a dork!" He grinned.
Merlin blushed, sitting up. "Yeah, and you like it," He pointed out, smirking when Arthur's face also went pink.
"Oh shut up, idiot," Arthur beamed, nudging Merlin's shoulder.
Merlin grinned. "Clot pole," He said fondly.
Arthur shook his head, still smiling.
"So… where does that leave us?" Merlin asked hesitantly.
"Dating?" Arthur asked hopefully, grinning when Merlin's face lit up.
"Definitely," Merlin said.
After a few moments of silence, Arthur remembered something. "Oh, we have to go find Gwaine," Arthur said.
"Gwaine? Why?" Merlin asked, tilting his head.
"He found me at the park and drove me here. He told me that I'd better talk to you about this and he said that if we weren't dating by the end of it, he'd lock us in a closet until we were. So, we have to go tell him the great news," Arthur grinned.
Merlin laughed. "Or, we could pretend that we decided to stay just friends, and have him lock us in a closet together anyway…" Merlin suggested, a devious smirk on his lips.
"Or that. Yes. Hang on, I'm going to call him," Arthur laughed, jumping up and pulling his phone out.
Merlin just shook his head, grinning.