A/N: Hello! Here is a new Smithie one shot! I'm sorry for any errors, it's late and I'm tired but was determined to finish this! I hope you still like it. Please tell me what you think of it! (:
What is love? Is it showing that special someone off to the world? Is it the little private moments that you share together? Is it when he looks you in the eyes, holding you close and whispers that he loves you? What is it?
Mitchie Torres may not know what exactly love is but, she knows what it isn't. It isn't false promises, false hope, meaningless words, and keeping the one you say you love hidden away like a secret you don't want anyone to know about, like it would bring shame to you.
Mitchie's guarded, afraid of letting people in completely, in fear of getting attached and falling apart when they walked away. She wasn't like this just when it comes to relationships, it was also friendships.
It was just what she was used to; people walking away. Sure, she had friends but, only two that she has completely let in and have proven to stick by her through thick and thin. Those two girls are Caitlyn Patterson and Peggy Adams.
She was only fourteen years old when she first thought that she had fallen in love. After a year of nothing but heart ache she realized that what they had was never love, it was destruction. Everyone could see it, they even tried to warn her, but she ignored them all.
Mitchie never thought she was in love again after that. All her relationships went quickly, never lasting more than a few months, or even ending because they would try and tell her they loved her.
Now, Mitchie is seventeen years old and her senior year is nearing the end. It's even been two years since her last relationship and honestly, she was okay with that, until she met Shane Smith. Shane Gray made Mitchie curious. He made it clear to her that he was interested and to be honest, she was a bit interested herself.
After six months of flirting, terribly at that, stupid fights, laughs, crying, and really getting to know each other Shane finally decided to take the next step.
One late, cold, December night, Mitchie and Shane were talking on the phone, like they had almost every night since they first started talking, when Shane broke through their silence.
"Mitchie?" He asked in almost a whisper.
"Hmm?" She mumbled, starting to fall asleep.
"Are you falling asleep on me?" He chuckled.
"Mmm, no." She said, trying her best to sound awake.
"Can I ask you something?"
"What is it?"
"We've been friends for a while now and you know that I've always thought of you as more than that, right?"
"Yeah?" She asked, waking up a bit. "Why are you bringing it up?"
Shane took a deep breath before speaking. "I know that the idea of love scares you and that you run away whenever someone tries to tell you that they do but, please don't run from me, Mitchie,"
Mitchie could feel her heart starting to pound in her chest, her palms starting to sweat and her body starting to shake. She knew what was coming next.
"I love you, okay?"
Still Mitchie stayed silent. What was she supposed to say? That she loves him too? Yes, she cares deeply for him, but love? Did she love him?
"I'm not expecting you to say it back right now. I understand that this is scary for you but I'm not going to give up on you, on what we could have. I just needed to say it before I lost the courage to."
Tears were starting to threaten to fall from her eyes. They both knew she wasn't going to say it then. She wasn't going to let herself run away this time though, maybe it was the fact that they were just friends still and he made this confession, but at the same time that was what puzzled her. In all the time she had known Shane he made it clear to her that he felt for her as more than a friend but never made a move to ask her out.
"Okay," She finally spoke after a long, awkward silence.
The conversation quickly ended after that, both clearly unsure of how they could have kept it going. She got no sleep that night, Shane's words stuck on repeat in her head.
Things were a bit awkward the first few days after Shane's confession and the tension between the two was clear to Caitlyn and Peggy.
"What's going on between you and Shane?" Peggy finally asked, now a week after the incident.
"Nothing." Mitchie muttered, walking past her two friends and continuing to her locker.
Caitlyn and Peggy shared a worried look and followed after their friend. "Tell us what happened. Something is clearly off between you two."
Mitchie groaned, slammed her locker shut and pressed her forehead against it, staying in that position until her friends pulled her off and into a group hug.
"He told me he loved me." She finally said, breaking the silence and hug.
Peggy and Caitlyn sighed in unison rubbing Mitchie's back, now understanding. Honestly, the two girls didn't know what they could say to help their friend.
"Do you love him?" Caitlyn asked later the same day.
The three girls decided to have a girls night at Mitchie's when school was out, knowing that Mitchie needed her friends.
The question had taken both Mitchie and Peggy by surprise. Though, it was also a question that Mitchie was asking herself as well.
"I think so." She finally answered.
"I think you should tell him." Caitlyn smiled, happy to hear that her friend was finally going to open up her heart and let someone in.
Mitchie smiled and hugged her two friends before grabbing a jacket and sprinting out of her house. She needed to tell Shane. She ran the whole two miles it took to get to his house and stopped at his front door.
After she took a moment to catch her breath, she knocked on the door and took a step back, waiting. The second Shane answered the door Mitchie threw her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. She buried her face into the crook of his neck and smiled when she felt him hugging her back, gripping her back.
"What are you doing here?" He finally asked, pulling back only to look down at her, keeping his hands on her waist.
"I love you too." Mitchie grinned.
Shane grinned and lightly pressed their foreheads together. "Do you really mean it?" He asked, slowly sliding his hands down from her waist to her hands, slowing intertwining their fingers.
Mitchie smiled brightly and nodded.
"Will you be mine?"
"Yes."
That was where the story really begins. Mitchie finally opened herself up to love. Love made her smile more, laugh more, live life more to the fullest. She couldn't remember what had made her so afraid of the wonderful feeling.
It was only two months into her relationship with Shane when she started to notice that something wasn't right. She started to notice how when they were together in public he almost treated her as if they were still just friends. It was only when they were alone that Mitchie truly felt like Shane loved her and this was starting to worry her.
She chose to ignore it, thinking it was just her mind trying to trick her. Another three months had passed and slowly she found that she couldn't ignore it anymore. She tried to hold his hand in public but would only get rejected and be told an obvious lie to her face.
Mitchie decided to keep her suspicions to herself, afraid of actually saying it out loud; her own boyfriend, who claimed to love her, was ashamed of her.
One more month passed before she finally spoke up.
"Shane?" She asked quietly one night as he was holding her in his arms, lying in his bed.
"What is it?" He asked looking down at her, noting her tone of voice. "Is something wrong?"
Mitchie lifted herself from his chest and looked into his eyes. "There's something I need to ask you, and I need you to be completely honest with me."
"Of course, what's going on? You're scaring me."
"Are you ashamed of me?" She asked after a moment, pain lacing her voice.
"What? No! Why would you think that?"
"Don't act so surprised, Shane. I know you thought you were being sly but you weren't. I can see the way you treat me when we're in public. You act like I'm just another one of your friends, not the girl you claim that you love. I've tried to ignore it, tell myself that it's just my being paranoid but in reality it isn't me, it really is you."
"You're not just another friend of mine, Mitchie, I love you." He started.
"Stop lying to me, Shane, please. The least I deserve is your honesty. Now, answer my question again, are you ashamed of me?"
Shane sighed, moving away from her slightly. "I'm not ashamed of you, I swear."
"Then what is it?"
"I just don't want people to know." He said in almost a whisper.
Mitchie felt like she had been punched in the stomach. This is why she had been afraid of love. She was nothing more than someone he could fool around with when he was lonely.
She simply nodded and got off of the bed, going to the door.
"Wait, please." Shane begged, grabbing her wrist gently, pulling her back to him. "I know you're upset but please hear me out."
"Why? So I can hear some lame ass excuse? Shane, I truly did love you and I thought you loved me too but now I know that I'm not really worth being with, that I'm not good enough for you. Why did you even bother in the first place?"
"I was scared too, okay? I don't even know what I'm doing. I do love you, Mitchie, so much. I don't want to lose you." He pleaded, gripping onto her waist desperately.
"I can't, I'm sorry. I've listened to too many lies and I can see that you really aren't ready for a real relationship, maybe we both aren't ready. I let this go on for too long." She lightly cupped Shane's cheek. "I can't be you're dirty little secret anymore. Goodbye, Shane."
With one last light kiss to his cheek she removed herself from his grip and left his house, refusing to turn back, despite his cries.
Mitchie could now say that she had in fact been in love. Though she felt like the love wasn't returned, she herself had felt it. Shane did teach her that it is okay to let people in and love and she would forever be grateful.