This fic is following on from S2, but attempting to remain true to canon. This is intended for those 18 and above, there will be eventual m/m.

This is my very first attempt at fan fic and fiction in general. The fact that it's readable at all, is due to my lovely beta angels, River and Alenie, who smite me with the Grammar Stick when needed. Massive props to them. Jeff Davis & Co own the characters and stories from Teen Wolf. This fic is my way of coping with the long hiatus between seasons. Enjoy!

"You're late. Wait -Why do you smell of mountain ash?" Derek asked, all tight, dark clothes and stubble. He was just there, leaning against his car and somehow out of place.

"I ah -Just something I was working on back at home. I thought I washed it off," Stiles replied, glancing around, looking at the ground, the broken down Hale House, anything to avoid eye contact.

A half truth is not a lie right? Can he smell that too? Quick, diffuse, distract. Red herring! Herringbone is a fabric pattern, the largest human bone is a femur. Derek looks like he would have a large b-

"What's the computer problem? I didn't even know you owned one. Do you have like an oversized keyboard for your meaty hands? Error, error! Alpha SMASH!" Stiles said, making Hulk-like gestures. "Oh. Riiight. Not funny, Stiles." Stiles let his hands fall to his sides.

Derek glared, then exhaled. "My laptop is broken. Can you fix it?" he said, pulling a battered laptop out of a black bag and putting it on the hood of his car.

"You called me out here on a sunny Saturday, just to fix your crappy laptop? What is this? A porn emergency?"

Derek narrowed his green eyes at Stiles. "Judging by the stench in your room, I've come to the porn expert. Fix it!"

"Okay, okay. Sheesh! No need to pry into my alone time. Give a guy a break! Let's see what you've got here," Stiles said, switching the laptop on. "Windows 98? Really? Dinosaur much? Gawd, it's loading soo sloowwlly. Going to die of old age here. In fact, death would be a kindness. Probably waaay behind on the updates, ah too much on the startup slowing the boot speed. You don't need most of those."

Horrible, slow thing. Why would Derek even want it fixed? Since when does he like computer stuff? He likes being outside in the woods, all sour and surly. And why ask me to help, when he could ask the pack? Where is Scott …and the others? They wouldn't have sent Derek to babysit me…would they? Must have gone to The Council without me?! Bastards! Have to get rid of Derek.

Stiles rapidly tapped keys. "Look, I don't know what you did to this laptop, but it's glitched. Or bugged. Or maybe both. Point is, I can only partially recover whatever was on the hard drive. Probably."

Derek leaned in closer, to view the files listed on the screen. Close enough for Stiles to feel his body heat.

He's too close! Ack!

"I'm gonna need another hard drive to back it up and no, you can't infect my computer. And then we can reinstall Windows. Or get Windows 7. Or just get a whole new laptop. That would fix it! What's this? A video file?! Is it porn? Aha, I knew it!"

Derek grabbed the laptop, snapping it closed.

"Get in the car. We're going shopping."

"Bu-"

"Now, Stiles."

Stiles reluctantly got in the passenger side, watching Derek as he got in, placing the laptop carefully back behind the seat.

"So…" Stiles began, as the car pulled out. "Tell me what's the deal with this laptop?"

"I need the files off it," Derek replied, focusing on the road.

"So you don't care about the actual laptop?"

"No."

"Well just so you know, I'm not the expert with this sort of thing. My friend Danny is the computer whiz."

"Right, so you can get me to strip again? No, no Danny. Ever." Derek sneered.

"Ok okay, point taken. Not one of my finest moments, sure. But you should love the skin you're in! And you have nice ahh…skin."

Derek glared at Stiles.

"What? Haven't you seen the ads?"

Derek's face remained blank.

"Nevermind. You do realize I'm not going to shut up with my endless, annoying babble until you tell me the deal with this laptop. Tell me!" Stiles made jabbing pokes into Derek's solid arm. Which Stiles stopped immediately, when Derek gave him his full focus.

Derek sighed, his attention back on the road.

Silence loomed in the car as the road stretched on.

This is all one big Keep-the-Useless-Human-Away Operation. Distract stupid Stiles with crappy computer mystery. Dammit! Should start planning how to ditch Derek at the shops…maybe framed larceny?…wait, can he smell that too? I'm gonna kill Scott when I save him from the damned Council jerk wads. Today was supposed to be Saints Row Saturday, but nooo, there's always something taking away my gaming time GAH!

Stiles was brought out of his thoughts as Derek pulled into the mall parking lot.

"Today would be good, Stiles," Derek said, exiting the car.

Stiles reluctantly exited the car, following Derek.

"Oh dammit, I left my bag in the car, pass me the keys?" asked Stiles with a hand out.

Derek rolled his eyes but threw the keys over, and continued walking.

Stiles returned to the car, got his bag out and quickly fished out the object he was looking for.

"This seems awfully like a lame excuse to get me alone. Is this some stealth mall date? Because if it involves pie, all is forgiven," Stiles said, trying to catch up to Derek.

Quick, now while his back is turned.

Stiles deliberately tripped into a very solid Derek, arms flailing around him.

Unbroken circle. Unbroken circle. Unbroken circle.

"Watch it, Stiles!" Derek shoved Stiles off him.

Stiles rolled out of reach. Derek looked down to see what had made him suddenly immobile. At his feet was a circle of black rope .

"Ha! Let me introduce you to mountain ash ROPE! Yes! Mere human for the win!" Stiles shouted, running to Derek's car.

"STILES! GET BACK HERE!" Derek shouted, sounding very pissed off.

"I'm sorry man, but I know Scott is with the Council right now and we both know that's a very bad idea. After that, you'll get your car back," Stiles called out as he started up the car. He looked through the rear view mirror, at Derek's figure disappearing in the distance.

Thank god that worked. Mountain ash rope is the shizz! I am the Awesome Genius of Awesomeness! This is Stiles driving with style! Sweet Ride! Will Derek be ok left there? Pfft, it's Derek, he is always ok. At the end of the world, there will be only cockroaches and Derek left…and Derek eating said cockroaches HA! Derek is probably going to kill me for this, but not before I kill Scott. What was he thinking talking to the Council without me? Those sneaky ass schemers make Peter Hale look like an amateur. Idiot Scott! If I can get there in time, maybe I can stop whatever deal he is about to set up.

Stopping at a red light, Stiles pulled out his phone and quickly dialed Scott.

"Hey Scott, it's Stiles, your awesome friend. Please, please tell me you haven't done something epically stupid like make a deal with the Council?"

"Seriously, Stiles?" Scott replied, sounding annoyed.

"Look I can forgive you for getting Derek to babysit me but-"

"Er, hey Stiles, you're on speaker phone, and we didn't get Derek to babysit you," Isaac's voice cut in.

"What?! Isaac is with you? What the f-"

"Stiles!" Scott interrupted "Why are you always interfering? Why can't you just trust me for once? I'm so sick of it. For once in your life just stay out!"

The line went dead.

"He hung up on me," Stiles said out loud to himself, in disbelief. "I can't believe it."

A car honked behind him. Stiles attempted to call Scott again as he resumed driving.

"Scott, listen -" Stiles began.

"Scott doesn't want to speak to you right now. Chat later," Isaac replied and then ended the call.

What. The. Flipping. Hell. Hung up on AGAIN? Why is Scott so angry? And with Isaac? ISAAC?! Why are they always so buddy buddy? He is seriously pissed at me too. What did he do with the Council? It's something bad, it's always something bad. Why else wouldn't he tell me? I am just going to explode, like spontaneously combust with no remains to bury. But that would be bad…The solution is pie! Pie fixes everything! I shall buy a pie and take it to Scott to make amends. And maybe a pie for Derek too, although there probably isn't enough pie in the world to make Derek happy.

Stiles stopped at the Hot Stuff Bakery to pick up the pies, deciding on caramel pecan, and then made his way over to Scott's.

Scott wasn't home, so Stiles left a pie along with a note saying "I'm sorry" on the balcony. He hopped back into the car, and headed off to Derek's to return the car.

Pulling up outside of Derek's house, Stiles paused for a moment, absently drumming the steering wheel.

Now what? Leave the pie and pray that Derek will eventually cool off?

His eyes flicked from the pie on the passenger seat, to the laptop behind it.

Fixing this should get some brownie points. He can't hate a helper, can he?

Leaving the pie with yet another "I'm sorry" note behind in Derek's car, he climbed back into his beloved old jeep, taking the laptop with him. He decided to head to the police station, figuring it would be safest place to avoid an angry Derek. With a bit of luck, his father, the Sheriff, would be out on a call.

Stiles was a common enough occurrence at the police station, often there with his dad or waiting for him, so the deputies just ignored Stiles, unless he also brought them snacks. When he entered the station, laptop in tow, the deputy manning the front desk just waved Stiles on through, preoccupied with an arguing couple.

Stiles found a vacant desk and set up the battered old laptop. He pulled out a keychain thumb drive that he had conveniently forgotten to tell Derek about, and plugged it in, setting to work on recovering the files.

This is taking forever to load. Like longer than it takes James Cameron to make a movie. Ugh! Derek has seriously bad taste in hardware. Derek should have called by now.

Stiles checked his phone. It was on silent and he had four missed calls and couple of texts, all from Derek. They read;

11: 24, "What the hell was that for? You better come back with my car NOW & ANSWER YOUR GODDAMN PHONE!"

11:40, "Do you know how long it took to persuade someone to help me?! I'll cut off your ballsack and suffocate you with it!"

11:45, "I will chew off your arm and beat you with it until YOU ENJOY IT!"

11:48, "AFTER I'M DONE WITH YOU, YOU'RE GONNA WISH YOU WERE DEAD & I'M GONNA BURY YOU WITH YOUR DAMN PHONE!"

12:05, "Pie?! Really? I'm gonna feed you that pie till you choke!"

Stiles cackled to himself and quickly sent off a reply.

"Wow, I didn't realise you were capable of flirting or into kink. But that's ok, The Stiles Service can meet all your needs, provided you have placed a booking in advance. PS. maybe if you weren't such a grumpy-pants, it would be easier to find help."

Haha! I wish I could see his face right now. Probably having The Deathstar of Hissy Fits! Ten points for the Stiles. Haha! Wait, this isn't actually flirting with him, is it? Too weird and all kinds of wrong.

Stiles' stomach rumbled. He hadn't had lunch yet and the laptop was taking forever. Time for lunch. He left the police station, crossing the street to a greasy takeaway shop.

I wonder how much spare change I've got on me. Hmn, curly fries or a shake…Holy Moses! Derek is inbound! Geez, even from this distance he is fuming.

Stiles exited the shop in a hurry, narrowly avoiding a collision with a signpost.

Quick, exit, escape! Police station? Too far. Um, the empty street to the left? No, not safe. Shop? No. Think, think! Old couple, no. Tall jogger - wait that's Danny! Derek avoids Danny!

"Danny! Danny!" Stiles called, waving his arms like a madman, but Danny didn't seem to notice. Stiles moved quickly to intercept Danny, blocking the bigger teen's path. Danny was one of those rare individuals that could go for a jog and still look impossibly photogenic.

Danny came to a halt and took out his headphones."Stiles?"

"Danny, just the person I need right now! Man, you're a saviour!" Stiles said rapidly, throwing a glance back at Derek, with a face so furious, that Stiles was surprised the road hadn't started to crack and boil.

"Hello, Stiles?" Danny gave him a weird look. Stiles blinked, trying to get his mind into gear.

"I, ahh, I need your help with something. It's urgent you come with me right now. I can drop you home. Yes, excellent idea. "

"But that's whole point of jogging. To jog home." Danny protested, but Stiles had already started pushing Danny towards his jeep.

"Look I'll let you jog home from my place, that's how nice I am. I just have a massive-" Stiles looked over at Derek, who seemed to be retreating, "Ah, massive computer problem. Yeah."

"Isn't that your cousin, Miguel?" Danny asked, his eyes suddenly wide.

"What?! No, that's crazy talk. Speaking of, have you spoken with Lydia? Great, let's go." Stiles said, bundling a sweaty Danny into the old jeep, not waiting for a reply.

Stiles continued his endless barrage of words, all the way to his house, until he had gotten Danny to his bedroom. Stiles directed Danny to a chair, plonking himself on the bed nearby.

"Stiles, are you going to tell me what's really going on? I know it's not about your computer." Danny asked. He might have a pretty face, but Danny was certainly no fool.

"Well, um, yeah, I have to confess I didn't ask you here because of that," Stiles paused, his mind suddenly blank. Danny waited patiently, all perfect hair and lean muscles. Life could just be so cruel.

"I um, was wondering, does it make you gay to flirt with a guy?" Stiles asked, feeling really awkward.

"No, it doesn't."

"When did you know that you were, you know... gay?" Stiles asked his sleeve, which had become very interesting all of a sudden.

"Oh god, we are not having this conversation right now." Danny said, looking very uncomfortable.

"Why not? It's not like I'm asking for details or an itinerary or how-to-guide with diagrams or even a date. What? Why pull that face?"

"Because. You're not my friend. You only bother to contact me when you want something. I am not your gay sensei or some sex advice column. I don't have an "it gets better speech". I'm just one of the guys, on the same lacrosse team. That's it. " Danny said, standing up.

"Oh come on, I'm not asking you to be like a glee gay friend, and collect chorus books or something. I just want to get past this momentary lapse out of...of...whatever and I'm sure if I just kiss you, I'll come to my senses." Stiles blurted out.

Danny snorted, clearly offended. He moved to exit the room, with Stiles stumbling after him downstairs.

"That came out wrong, I'm sorry. Multitudes of sorry. I'm an asshat with the worst timing for thinking I could just jump right in, blindside you with this crazy kiss experiment talk. Oh crap, Dad?!" Stiles said, out of breath.

Stiles' dad was there, frozen opening the front door.

"Bye Mr Stilinski." Danny called out, as he bolted past the Sheriff.

"Please don't ask Dad, just don't ask." Stiles was curled up in a ball on the couch. His Dad gave him a reassuring pat and kindly left him in the room.

I just offended the nicest guy in school. I am a total asshat. Kiss Danny?! What was I thinking? This is beyond mortification. This is PROFOUND and UTTER mortification! This is ridiculous. You like girls - not guys. NEVER GUYS! You're just letting Derek's stupid scowly-face, with those cheekbones and that scruffy stubble get to you. That body isn't normal, hell, it isn't even human! That body is...Oh crap, I'm gay for Derek Hale.