I wanted to write a Triwizard story starring my Lilly Alice Potter-Slytherin-Black character, so here it is; this will at times be reasonably serious and mature as well as being absolutely insane and humorous. Don't be shocked at the swearing and crude jokes this is a "Harry" who spent the entire summer bar hopping across Europe with a pair of Marauders afterall. Anyway enjoy, this is honestly just a side project so don't worry about it drawing me away from my other stories.

Edit-READ THIS-Right the differences from canon other then being fem!Harry, being a girl the Dursley's didn't abuse her as much, neglect more then anything because they raised Dudley not to hit girls, in doing so she's more confident and studious, trade off she never befriended Ron and attached herself to Hermione and Neville. Since she's more observant she figured out Moony was a werewolf early on and kept reminding him to take his potion, so Snape got himself hexxed by a vindictive Neville in the Shrieking Shack and Pettigrew was captured. Oh and after the whole "Heir of Slytherin" thing everyone stopped taking housepoints from her because she made it a point to try and lose Gryffindor the house cup, bit spiteful.

Thats enough backstory, the rest of it will be inserted organically, enjoy!

There were a few constants in Lillith Potter-Black's life, Hermione and Neville would always have her back, her dad Sirius and Uncle Mooney would always be there to protect her, and if she was cornered by an outside force she'd stab the hell out of it like Auntie 'Droma taught her. Ever since Professor Lupin had dragged the bastard traitor Pettigrew before Amelia Bones Lilly's life had completely turned around and thank Morgana the old Maruader had remembered to take his wolfsbane potion that night.

All that being said, her constants hadn't prepared her for their new batshit insane DADA professor and his lecturing a bunch of fourth years on the unforgivable curses; she was unfortunately rather intimately familiar with them so she along with Hermione and Neville didn't join in the laughter as Professor Moody guided the controlled spider along the room. Honestly she found the entire situation rather crass, Dad had gone into detail about what had happened in the last war with those who had been under the imperius curse and this was just so...tasteless.

Moody noticed her cold stare before bellowing out "POTTER!" Years of dealing with the hook nosed bat colloquially known as Professor Snape kept her from jumping, meeting the unstable DADA's professors single good eye she rose a brow in question.

"What would you do if someone put you under the imperius Potter?" Grimacing at the stares (and silently thanking Auntie 'Droma for cutting her bangs in such a way to hide her curse scare) Lilly rolled her eyes in annoyance.

"I'd probably murder the son of a bitch stupid enough to attempt to screw with my head, professor," unlike what she and the majority of the class expected Moody burst into laughter as he evenly met her gaze,

"And THAT is the response of a warrior witch young Miss Potter, with your permission I'd like to see how you handle the imperius, I admit curiosity has the better of me considering your past history with the unforgivable's." Oddly enough despite her threat Lilly actually didn't mind the idea of testing her mettle so she nodded her assent as most of the room shifted in discomfort, she met the professors gaze evenly as he roared, "IMPERIO!"

For a brief moment she felt complete peace, complete contentment, and the suggestions rolling through her mind felt completely rational, unfortunately for the caster Lillith Potter-Black had never known peace and contentment until recently so she was automatically wary of it. As the voice demanded she jump on her desk and dance she felt an overwhelming surge of disgust as her eyes glowed in rage,

"No. I am no ones puppet," the room remained silent before Moody broke out into more maniacal laughter, god she missed Professor Lupin,

"You are a very strong young woman Miss Potter, I hope to never get on your bad side, now who would like to see if they can shrug off one of these nasty curses like the lovely young lady here? Longbottom, lets see if you have a quarter of the resilience your parents had!" The rest of the class had her classmates suffer under the unforgivable, she was unshocked that Weasley was highly susceptible (going insofar as to still be affected after class, pathetic) and that Hermione too could eventually shrug the spell off after a time, you couldn't have a brain like hers and not be able to outwit something like mind control.

Oddly enough despite the abnormal DADA class Lilly was rather fine with how her day had gone up until she ran into Neville in the stairwell, the poor boy looked shell shocked, after the display of the cruciatus on the spiders along with his foray into the imperius, Lilly wasn't too surprised. Her dad had let her in on the details of what happened to her cousins parents, afterwords she'd offered to always be there to talk to him about it if need be; walking up behind the young man she wrapped him in a tight hug causing him to momentarily start. Realizing who it was he relaxed a bit as he let his head fall back onto her shoulder,

"That was rough Lils...really rough," nodding sadly Lilly began swaying her friend back and forth as they watched the rain scatter on the picture window,

"Always is mate, all we can do is face the storm and prepare ourselves for the next blow, you did good, Aunt Alice and Uncle Frank would have been proud of you." Smiling a bit Nevillle straitened himself out as he broke the embrace, turning around he pecked her on the forehead and pulled her into a hug,

"Thanks cousin, I really appreciate it," grinning she returned the hug and kiss and held him for a moment longer,

"What families for, don't worry, it'll never happen again, next dark bastard comes along we'll AK him so fast that Fudge won't even have a chance to accept the bribe out of Azkaban." Neville snorted in agreement and excused himself leaving her to her thoughts, turning she saw that Professor Moody had been watching the entire exchange,

"You're different young lady I saw a glimmer of what goes on in your head, what you show the world at large isn't who you are to your friends, there's...darkness to you." Lilly actually had to grin at that as she leaned against the wall,

"Is it any surprise professor? I'm not sure what contributed to it, was it the neglected childhood, being the schools resident punching bag for three years, or the blood adoption binding me to the Black family? Dunno, but unlike what the Headmaster preaches I don't believe in absolute forgiveness, if someone attacks you hit them back and make sure they can never do it again, constant vigilance." She shrugged a bit, if he already knew about her hidden ruthlessness why bother lying about it, Moody for his part grinned at the explanation as he took a hit from his flask, she casually wondered if he drank Ogden's like dad did. Placing the container back in his pocket he nodded a bit as he turned to leave,

"You may have been born a Potter but you are most certainly a Black, I'll be keeping my good eye on you young lady, something tells me greatness will be following in your wake."

Truth be told Lilly didn't give a shit about the Triwizard tournament at this point, Dad had early on demanded she give an unbreakable vow to not put her name in the cup knowing perfectly well that his daughter would attempt to do so simply because she'd been told not to. That and he overheard her plans with the Weasley twins, in a very Marauder fashion he was actually proud of that, the old dog had sniffed a little telling her James would have been proud.

It had seemed a bit excessive to threaten her magic but when Ginny had casually mentioned to Luna that her brother was bringing Dragons, fucking DRAGONS for first event she kind of understood his point. All told though she really hadn't cared about the eternal glory only the mischief, after going one on one with a fucking basilisk and killing it with a bloody sword she really had no inadequacy issues to iron out.

So she was absently playing footsie with Hermione (who had the most adorable blush at the moment) while the names were called out, the blonde cutie from France, Fleur something or other was declared Beauxbatons champion. The rather dour and vacant looking Viktor Krum was unsurprisingly chosen as Durmstrang's champion and her friend and fellow seeker Cedric Diggory was Hogwarts, good for him the 'Puffs didn't get enough of the spotlight in her opinion.

As she contemplated how to ask Hermione to Hogsmeade on the next free weekend and how to play it off as not a date to the school at large her attention was drawn to a fourth piece of smoldering parchment spat out by the goblet of fire, the entire room went silent as it landed in the headmasters hand as he shakily read it,

"For...the Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters...Lillith Potter..." as the entire room turned to stare at her she let out an unintentional pulse of magic as her green eyes flared in rage,

"No. In fact, FUCK no, I will not have some dark arsehole try to murder me AGAIN this year! Three times is enough damnit!" As the hall paused to register her rather ...vocal display of anger she hopped up and strode towards the head table, "What. The. Shit. Headmaster, Xavier's is from a fucking comic book from the colonies, someone is setting me up to die and I refuse to participate!" Dumbledore for his part schooled his features into that irritating grandfatherly expression, exchanging glances with his head of houses he stated,

"Please enter the room with your fellow champions as we attempt to figure this out young lady, you're making a rather large scene," The pleading look in his eyes softened her anger a bit, maybe the old codger really had no bloody idea what was going on, she was still pissed but agreed to talk privately. Marching into the room the french hottie looked up at her in confusion as she asked,

"Yes, is there something you need to tell us?" Winking at the blonde she turned to face Cedric and addressed him directly,

"Someone's trying to kill me...again," Diggory looked confused for a moment before a look of realization crossed his face, dropping his shoulders in resignation he asked,

"Replacing me or fourth champion?" Snorting Lilly leaned against the wall ignoring the confused Bulgarian and Frenchwoman,

"This is Hogwarts, nothing is simple, fourth champion, I'm sure the Daily Prophet will eat this shit up," Sighing again Cedric walked over to her and threw an arm around her shoulders,

"I'm sorry, after that rather public vow your dad made you take I can only imagine how furious you are right now," leaning into the embrace she nodded as the doors slammed open letting in the various headmasters, the prats Crouch and Bagmen, and oddly enough Snape. Glaring at the greasy git who'd made himself her nemesis due to part time stalking and missing knickers she didn't notice that Igor Karkaroff was eyeing her with a bit of amused calculation, apparently her entire disregard for authority tickled him. Not in the mood to deal with her dead mother's former best friend she snapped out,

"If you have something to say Snivelus get it the fuck out of the way I have no patience to deal with your bullshit or body odor right now, say your snide little bit and get the hell out of here." The adults and foreign champions looked at her in shock while Karkaroff snickered, Cedric being in the know simply kept his peace since even the 'Puffs hated the creepy overblown bat. Madam Maxime glanced about and asked,

"Iz et normal for students to be zo...vulgar to zeir elders at 'Ogwarts?" Cedric spoke up with,

"She spent the entire summer with Sirius Black," there was a chorus of understanding "Ah's" then an uncomfortable silence reigned until Lilly turned to Dumbledore,

"Verdict?" The old man was shaken from his thoughts with a sigh knowing full well she couldn't have submitted her name under the oaths she had taken, but alas rules are rules so he shook his head sadly,

"I'm sorry my dear girl but the contract is binding," nodding slowly Lilly glanced to the ceiling as she muttered a simple,

"Bugger me," glancing to Snape she shuddered a bit, "Never mind...so question? How the hell did my name get submitted and why is it magically binding if I didn't, you know, put the bloody thing in the cup?" Snape sneered a bit (shocker) as he snidely replied,

I'm sure you found some way to bypasse your vows for your grandstanding Black," gods the man had been insufferable since start of term, its like he took personal offense that the blood adoption changed her auburn hair to a rather tasteful raven black. Meeting Cedric's gaze he rolled his eyes more then likely thinking the same thing, Proffesor Moody then stepped in (where the fuck had he come from?) and handed her the goblet parchement. She let out a groan recogonizing the torn slip of yellow paper immediately,

"Morrigan damn it, this is my permission slip to Hogsmeade!" She had to admit it, clever, she'd been really looking forward to the trip so the goblet read that intent...bugger. Sighing she tossed it into the air and rubbed her temples, "Now what, what do we do for this farce?" Ludo Bagman went on a tear about the champions not knowing what their task was until right beforehand to test their skills, like that was going to happen. Eyeing her fellow champions Lilly absently decided she'd let them know what the task was when they were alone, they were teenagers in a contest that had been banned due to too many deaths, they'd need every advantage they could get to survive this. As they were escorted from the room she was intercepted by Hermione who looked terrified,

"What happened?" Staring her best friend in the eye a moment she hooked her arm through hers and began walking back to Gryffindor tower,

"So it ends up we've got a bit of a situation, before we deal with the rest of the house lets call my dad and uncle, something tells me we're going to need a Marauders touch."

I'm mildly curious where I'm taking this myself, that poor dragon has no idea what's going to hit it. If you're all curious this is basically the same Lilly as from my story 'Another Day in the Life of' just in fourth year, so that means foul mouthed, clever, violent, a bit on the darker side and incredibly gay, sooooo have fun? Oh yes, Kakaroff, I read a rather amusing unhinged Harry Triwizard story sometime ago and his rants at Dumbledore made the man laugh on occasion, liking the idea I'm actually going to have Igor be fair since he finds her disrespect for authority endearing. Anywho, REVIEW, I have to go work on the next chapter for 'Black Halloween' and 'Never Alone', goddess I have the attention span of a cat on speed.