The Tanner family had been planning this family camping trip for months. Everyone was going except for DJ, who had taken on a post-grad summer internship out of state. Danny was outside loading the cargo hold of the RV he'd rented just for the occasion.
"Hold up!" Joey called, running toward Danny from the driveway. His arms were loaded with puppets.
Jesse came running out next, carrying an acoustic guitar. "If I'm going to be outdoors and away from beautiful civilization for the next four days, I'm not going without this baby."
Danny loaded the puppets and then reached for Jesse's guitar. Jesse turned away from Danny and dropped his jaw.
"Ah, ah, ah, Danny! This precious girl stays with me."
Danny rolled his eyes and threw Jesse the keys to the main cabin.
Inside, Becky, Michelle, and the twins were eating breakfast.
Seventeen-year-old Stephanie was in the bathroom upstairs, still wearing her striped blue pajama pants and an oversized t-shirt. She winced, bracing herself for a visible change as she looked up at herself in the mirror. She squinted and rubbed her eyes, smudging last night's mascara as she did. But there it was: the same long, blonde hair, a little tousled from a night's sleep; the same high cheek bones; the same green eyes staring back at her.
There was a knock at the door.
Stephanie splashed water on her face and patted it dry. She held the towel just below her jaw. Her skin was tinted pink from the warmth of the water. Black makeup streaked her cheeks. Stephanie clenched her fist around the towel and brought it back up to her face, this time rubbing it up and down against her skin, hard. She rubbed away the eyeliner, except for the faint traces that clouded under her eyes. Her cheeks were bright red and stinging. She could scrub her skin raw, but it wasn't going to erase what had happened.
"Steph?" Danny's voice came from the other side of the door as he knocked again. "Everything else is all loaded up! I just need to grab your bags."
Stephanie exhaled, stealing one last glance in the mirror. She couldn't change what had happened, she couldn't change the feeling welled up in the pit of her stomach, but if she at least couldn't see a change in herself then maybe, just maybe, no one else could either.
She pushed the bathroom door open slowly and faced Danny. "I don't think I'm going, Dad."
"What? Stephanie, we've been planning this trip forever. I thought you were excited about it. You can't just not go."
Stephanie look at her feet, sinking into the carpet. "I know, Dad. I'm just not feeling very well." It wasn't a total lie. Maybe she didn't mean it in the way she knew Danny would take it—she wasn't sick—but she really didn't feel well.
Danny looked her over. "Honey, are you sick? Your face is red. You must be burning up."
Stephanie nodded and silently prayed he wouldn't put his hand to her forehead. She hated lying to her father, but he couldn't know. Not about this. And she couldn't go, either. She needed to be alone. She couldn't face her cheerful family and join in their festivities knowing what she'd done. She didn't deserve to go; she didn't deserve to have fun.
"Maybe we could put off the trip," Danny said.
Stephanie had feared he'd respond this way. She immediately shook her head. "No, Dad. You guys go. I'll be okay."
He looked at her hesitantly. "I don't know, Steph. I would hate to leave you here all alone, especially when you're not feeling well."
"Dad, really, I don't mind. You already rented the RV, everything's already packed up. I can take care of myself for a few days."
Danny shook his head. "Let me think about it for a few minutes, okay? Get back in bed and I'll bring you a glass of water."
Stephanie curled up in her bed and pulled the covers up to her chin. She closed her eyes and willed her plan to work.
When Danny got downstairs, everyone had gathered in the kitchen.
"Where's Steph?" Joey asked.
"Yeah, sheesh, and I got crap for taking too long," Jesse added.
Danny put one hand on his hip and used the other to rub his forehead. "She's sick," he said.
"Oh, no," Becky said.
"She insists that we go without her, but I…I don't know. I can't just leave her here," Danny explained.
The room fell silent for a few moments before Jesse spoke up. "I'll stay with her," he said. When everyone looked at him, he shrugged. "Really, I'd rather stay here where I can shower every day, anyway," he said, half-jokingly.
"Are you sure, Jess?" Danny asked. "You don't have to do that, we could re-schedule the trip."
Jesse shook his head. "Danny. Everything's all ready to go. Much easier to just grab my stuff than to unpack everything. You guys go, have fun. Steph and I will have our own relaxing four-day weekend here."
Finally, Danny seemed to agree. He grabbed a glass, filled it with ice and water, and went upstairs.
He knocked at Stephanie's door. She opened her eyes, hoping to hear the answer she wanted.
"We're going to go," Danny said. Stephanie had to stop herself from smiling in relief. "But," he added, "your Uncle Jesse's going to stay with you. So if you need anything, just yell for him, okay?"
Stephanie almost groaned. She'd wanted the next few days to herself. She had to think. But it could've been worse. As long as she kept playing sick, maybe her uncle would let her be.
Danny set the glass of water on Stephanie's nightstand. He went to kiss her forehead, but she shook her head. "Don't want to get you sick," she mumbled.
Danny smiled and took her hand in his. He kissed the back of her hand. "I love you, sweetheart."
"Love you too, Dad."
After everyone had filed in to say goodbye to Stephanie, they had finally gone. Stephanie could be alone with her thoughts now. And, immediately, they reverted to last night.
Stephanie had convinced Danny to let her spend the day with her two best friends before her family went on their trip. She told him they'd planned to spend the day at the mall and catch a late movie at eleven o'clock. He had been hesitant, at first, to extend her curfew, but Stephanie assured him it was just for the one night. She had even shown him online the listing of the movie they were going to see; it did start at eleven. She'd even gone one step further, picking a movie she'd already seen so that when he asked about it, she'd have something to talk about.
In reality, the girls spent most of the afternoon in the bathroom at Mickey's. Stephanie borrowed Gia's liquid eyeliner to carefully plaster over her top and bottom eyelids, and dabbed some blush over her cheeks. Next, the girls raided Mickey's closet. Stephanie selected a tight black skirt and a bright blue top.
Mickey looked Stephanie over. "You look gorge."
"You think so?" Stephanie asked, her smile brightening.
"Oh, absolutely! Just one thing." Mickey grabbed the waistband of Stephanie's skirt and hiked it up, exposing her thighs. Mickey smiled. "There. Perfect."
Gia opened the mini-fridge in Mickey's bedroom. "Ah, ah! You're forgetting something." She tossed Stephanie a beer and checked her phone for the time. "We only have an hour, girls. Get chugging!"
Mickey hooked her arm around Stephanie's neck. "So glad you finally decided to come out with us, Steph! It's going to be a blast!"
Stephanie tightened her grip around the neck of the beer and forced a smile. "Yeah! Me too."
Stephanie's eyes flew open at the knock on her door. Five minutes. It had taken him five minutes.
"Hey, kiddo. Thanks for saving me from having to spend four days in the same room as Joey," he teased.
Go away, Stephanie willed. Jesse sat beside her. He pushed a strand of hair out of her eyes and frowned. He put his palm against her forehead before she could stop him.
"Sick, huh?" He looked at her with an arched eyebrow. Busted.
Stephanie racked her brain for a quick response. "It's not that kind of sick. I have cramps."
"Ah, I see. Well. You know what helps cramps?"
Stephanie looked at him skeptically. "Do you?" Jesse stood up and yanked her covers down. "Hey!" She yelped.
He smirked. "Up."
She groaned. "But Uncle Jesse—"
"Nope, come on. Out of bed!"
Downstairs, Jesse had covered the couch in blankets and made a bowl of popcorn. Stephanie realized she had no other choice, and plopped down on the couch. She knew now what was going on. Jesse popped a tape in the VCR and sat down next to his niece, pulling the blankets over both of them.
It was their thing. It always had been. Every time Stephanie had stayed home sick with Uncle Jesse, they'd sit on the couch all day eating popcorn and watching Disney movies.
As Jesse hit the 'play' button, Stephanie zoned out.
Fifty-five minutes, three beers, and two tequila shots later, the girls arrived at the party. Luckily the house was in Mickey's neighborhood; Stephanie hadn't had to worry about convincing the girls to walk instead of drive.
As soon as they got in the house, Mickey and Gia waved to people Stephanie didn't recognize, and soon went their separate ways. What was the point of coming out with them if they were just going to ditch her? Stephanie couldn't help but wonder. But maybe that's what people did at parties. She didn't know.
She made her way to the couch. Whoever it belonged to. Again, she didn't know. Someone handed her an orange drink. She looked up to see Todd, and she relaxed a little. She'd had a crush on Todd for months. If he was here, maybe it wasn't such a bad thing that she was. She took a sip and tried not to choke. Her eyes already felt a little funny and she could tell this was more vodka than juice.
"Tanner! Well, well. I haven't seen you on the party scene in…well, ever."
He was making fun of her, but that was just his sense of humor. Another one of the things Stephanie obsessed over.
She shrugged and tried to sound as smooth as he did. "I'm trying something new."
He smiled with those bright teeth that drove her crazy, and sat on the arm of the couch. His shirt brushed against her arm and it sent shivers down her spine. "It just so happens I'm trying new things too."
"Oh?" Stephanie prodded.
He flashed another smile. "Finish your drink and you'll find out."
Stephanie hesitated for only a second before she lifted her glass to her lips and let the drink run down her throat. When she finished with a final gulp, Todd pumped his fist into the air and cheered.
"I'm impressed, Tanner."
He stood, held out his hand, and Stephanie took it, laughing. Todd led her across the room, where she made eye contact with Mickey, whose jaw dropped as she raised her fist to give Stephanie a not-so-discreet thumbs-up as they passed by.
They walked down a hallway and into a bedroom. On the nightstand, there was a photo of Todd and his brother. She was in Todd's house. She was in Todd's bedroom. She felt her head spin and she couldn't tell if it was the alcohol or the nerves.
Todd grabbed her hand again, and the world stopped spinning. He drew her in close and pulled her face toward that beautiful mouth of his. His lips were soft and warm, everything she'd expected them to be. And soon, he drew away from her. She wondered, for a moment, if she'd done something wrong. But his hands reached toward his own body to pull his shirt over his head. Then, he reached toward the bottom of her shirt. Before she knew it, she was standing in her bra and Mickey's skirt, pressed up against Todd's smooth, muscular chest. He kissed her hard and reached for something in his pocket.
A condom.
Even now, sitting on her own couch under her own blankets, she could feel the weight of him pressed against her. In the moment she hadn't questioned it. It had seemed like the natural thing to do. Everyone else was doing it, why shouldn't she?
"Steph, what's wrong?"
She blinked and came back to reality. Jesse was staring at her, and she realized her cheeks were wet.
"Just the movie," she said, pointing at the screen and attempting to explain away the tears she hadn't even known she was crying.
Jesse gave her a look, arching his eyebrows, that said come on. "Steph, it's The Little Mermaid."
Stephanie threw the covers away from her and made a beeline for the bathroom. All she wanted right now was to lock herself away from the world. But before she reached the door, she felt a hand land firmly on her shoulder and she stopped in her tracks.
"Come here, you." Jesse spoke gently and, by reflex, Stephanie found herself turning into his arms. She buried her face in his soft cotton shirt and couldn't hold it back anymore. She started bawling. Jesse's arms tightened around her back and he held her until her breathing slowed.
"I'm sorry," she choked out, "I'm just really emotional right now."
"Talk to me."
"I told you, I'm just on my—"
"Steph. These aren't just 'time-of-the-month' tears. What's really going on?"
Stephanie's heart sank. He knew her too well. And she knew him well, too. Well enough to know he wasn't going to let this go.
"Please don't make me tell you," she whispered.
Jesse turned and plopped back down onto the couch. He pretended to look at his watch. "I can sit here all day. In fact, we've actually got four days."
Reluctantly, she climbed onto the couch next to her favorite uncle. He'd always been her trusty confidante. He was a great listener and was always so understanding. But this? This was different. He was going to hate her, she was sure of it.
Stephanie drew her knees in to her chest. "I did something stupid." She used her sleeve to wipe her eyes and nose. At this point, she didn't care how disgusting that was.
Jesse grabbed the remote from the table in front of them and paused the TV. "Look at me." She met his eyes. "There's nothing you could've done that's going to make me love you less. Spill."
She looked back down at her knees and spoke barely above a whisper. "I lost my virginity."
Jesse looked away. Both color and expression drained from his face. Stephanie went numb. The change. What if he was seeing what she couldn't see in the mirror?
"Oh, Steph," he said softly. He rubbed his temples.
"I think I hate myself," she said.
He wrapped an arm around her, pulling her head so it rested below his shoulder. "Don't say that."
"I wasn't in love with him. I'm not even dating him."
"Did he have—I mean, he brought—you used…protection, right?" Jesse stammered.
Stephanie nodded, and he exhaled. Some of the color returned to his face. They sat in silence for a few minutes, her head still buried in his chest, until he could find his voice again. "Steph, you know I'm not mad at you, right?"
"You're not?" She looked him in the eye. "Are you disappointed?"
Jesse looked up at the ceiling and sighed. "I'm disappointed that it didn't turn out to be special for you."
After a moment, he went on. "Steph, look at me." Jesse used his hand to tilt her chin up so they faced each other. "It's…hard. It's hard for me because I can't just tell you we can figure this out. I want to fix this for you, but I can't. And you know we're going to have to tell your father. You're going to be grounded until you're thirty."
Stephanie nodded. Tears welled up again in her eyes, threatening to spill over. "It's not even about that."
"He's not going to look at you any differently," Jesse assured her.
"I just feel so guilty."
"Steph, I know you're disappointed. But you have to forgive yourself. What happened is not okay; you can't ever get your first time back. But because you can't change what happened, you just have to accept that you made a bad choice and you have to learn from it. And I think we both know you have."
Stephanie nodded. She had to admit, it felt good to have this weight off her chest. And he made it seem like maybe the walls of the world wouldn't come crashing down on her because of this.
"You always know how to make me feel better," she said.
"And that's because…" He said, waiting for her to finish his sentence.
"…because you're the best uncle in the world," she recited, rolling her eyes. The corners of her lips turned up to form a tiny smile. It was a start.
Jesse pretended to bow, "Well, only if you say so…" He winked. But he grew serious. "But, Steph, it's also because I've been there."
She'd talked about a lot of things with her uncle, but sex was not one of them. He'd ditched Danny during the whole "Birds and the Bees" conversation. Stephanie didn't know what was weirder – the fact that her uncle wasn't freaked to discuss sex with her, or the fact that she wasn't freaked out about her uncle discussing his sex life with her. This must've been one of those things that change with growing up.
What he'd said surprised her. Sure, Uncle Jesse was the hip "Rock'n'Roll" guy, but he had always been so loving and family-oriented. Stephanie hadn't considered that maybe he hadn't waited until the right person either. She allowed herself to process this. It certainly made her feel better that her uncle had made the same stupid decision she had, and yet he'd still turned out this way. Maybe she didn't have to let this one mistake define her, after all.
"I'm going to tell you a secret, Steph. I know this might be a little awkward coming from me, but I think you need to hear it. Between you and me, though, okay?"
Stephanie nodded.
"Before your Aunt Becky, I didn't exactly take my relationships seriously. I had a lot of short-term girlfriends, and some weren't even that. I dated women for the wrong reasons, let's put it that way. Now, I know that's not what you're doing here. You made one mistake. But I'm just letting you know. Don't make it a habit, okay? It's worth it to wait until the right person. Relationships are about so much more than just sex. And sex will be so much more special when it's with a person you love."
Stephanie nodded again. "I know that now. Thanks Uncle Jesse. It's…it's nice to know I'm not the only one."
"Kid, you're not the first or the last to make that mistake." He kissed the top of her head. "And hey. Don't ever be afraid to talk to me, okay? About anything in the world."
He was right. Stephanie felt silly now for thinking she couldn't talk to him.
"Now, with that being said," Jesse started, "Don't ever let me meet this kid. It's clearly written in the Uncle Code that I'd have to kick his ass."
Stephanie smiled. He was understanding, but he was also protective. She couldn't say she minded that, though.
Jesse stood up and pulled her into a tight hug. "Steph?"
"Yeah?"
"You're turning into a wonderful young woman."
"Thanks Uncle Jesse."
"Steph?" He repeated.
"Yeah?"
"You're still my little girl." He kissed her forehead.
She smiled. "Always."