"I meant what I said, and I said what I meant, a Sev'rus is faithful, 100% percent!"

Harry stared in complete confusion as Severus Snape snapped the mouse ears over his head, twirled so the purple velvet dress he was wearing rose half way up his thigh and then pranced to the front of the room, long black hair in a slick ponytail. The tiny tap shoes on his feet clicked as he danced around his desk.

Harry looked around the class, aghast, to find everyone else seemed to think this was nothing out of the ordinary. Everyone sat, pens in their hands and nodded, jotting down notes of Snape's effeminate style choice of the day. Draco sat at the very front, in a suit and tie, nodding ferverently and writing in huge loops with a large violet peacock feather. He shot out of his seat suddenly, spun around and shouted at Ronald Weasley, who was sitting next to Harry.

"How DARE you sir!"

Ronald stood suddenly, kicking his chair out from beneath him.

"I DO dare sir!!"

Harry stared stunned at the long crimson victorian style dress draped over Ronald's lanky form, clashing with his hair, the top cut low in a v-neck, revealing ivory pale skin freckled in light brown flecks, skirts blooming out over a wooden frame. Before Harry had time to marvel at Ronald's ability to sit in such a ridiculous contraption, the two fashionably dressed boys dashed across the room and slapped against each other, Draco's legs encircling Ron's gorgeous silk draped waist and his lips slamming onto Ron's with a passionate moan. Harry fought the urge to vomit and twitch, eyes flying from Snape to the now thoroughly entangled boys. Snape, however, did not notice, as he was too busy doing the can-can on top of his desk.

"POTTER!! 500 POINTS TO GRYFFINDOR!! BECAUSE YOU'RE SO PRETTY TODAY!" Severus shouted.

The classroom door slammed open and in stormed a very enraged Lucius.

"Severus! Cease your can-can-ing at once!"

Severus stopped and dropped his skirts, eyes narrowed.

"Damn you... I was just getting good!"

"You know the Dark Lord only approves of the tango. Here! Allow me to show you!"

With that Lucius grabbed Lavender Brown, slammed her to his chest and they began to do a very violent version of a tango.

"Oh Mr. Malfoy! You're so beautiful and sexy and old! Take me!"

"Oh Lavlav..." Lucius whispered, "Ever since I first saw you, seconds ago, I knew I was in love! Marry me?"

Lavender stared at him with teary eyes, until Pavarti Patil rocketed out of her seat, eyes wide with rage.

"Lavender! I thought what we had was special, but I see I was wrong! I see how it is! I'm running away with Nevy and there's NOTHING you can do about it!"

With this profound statement, she heaved Neville over her shoulder and ran out the door. Lucius lifted Lavender bridal style and carried her proudly out of the class room. Suddenly there was a loud crack and Voldemort appeared.

"Severus! What is this I've heard about you can-can-ing! You know I only accept tango!"

Harry screamed like a girl and shot up on top of his desk.

"Voldemort! How did you get in here!"
"I'm part house-elf," Voldemort said with a shrug, "Come, Severus. I must teach you a lesson... IN DANCE!!"

Harry watched in shock as Voldemort attached a leash to a collar on Severus' neck and lead him to the door.

"Oh," Voldemort said as if an after thought, "And Potter?"

"Yeah?" Harry said, happily.

"AVADA KADAVRA~! Owned!"

And then Harry died.

THE END!!