Time is a brutal thing.
But you learn,
My God do you learn.
When you are in love, yes in love, with someone who you know you will never be with, in time you learn to keep it tucked away. To keep Feelings tucked away until you are home alone with yourself. Here you do whatever you can to relieve yourself of the heartache, the pain, and the frustration.
In my case, I lie there for hours on end picturing my fantasy world. Bringing myself to the edge in the darkness of my room, only to orgasm alone breaking out of my dream world with my lover. These nights I cry for hours, though onlookers to my everyday life would see no emotions, just a stone cold face.
When your love is a woman, a straight woman at that and you yourself are closeted in the place where you are together, this love would never be complete.
The thing is, sitting alone in this dingy bar, with women throwing themselves at me I can't help but take one home. A blonde, with crystal blue eyes and a petite frame. Although they will never know my name or see my home, I still feel like my fantasy will become a reality through these experiences.
That was until tonight, usually she will only go out with the team so that her good for nothing husband would not accuse her of cheating. Nevertheless, as I lifted my head from kissing the blonde of the night I locked eye with her.
In a blink, she was gone; but I am not a profiler for nothing. Opening the bathroom door, I flashed my badge to get everyone out rushing over to the one locked stall, removing the usual confidence I possess. Thoughts rushes through my head: why is she in a gay bar; why was she alone; and finally why is she crying...
I called out asking what was wrong.
My only reply was tears...
She was the first that I had let see my home, the first that I had let touch me. She was not a void to for-fill my needs, she was the fantasy, the longing in my shattered life. But, laying beneath my silk sheets an arm trapped beneath her I wonder what will become of us. Will she run in the morning? Back to her husband? Back to her 'simple' life?
Was it just fucking for her? I hope beyond hope that it was not. However, if the sinking feeling in my heart is correct, I know she does not reciprocate the feelings of love I have held since the first time I looked at her.
Once she had finally got out of the toilet she broke down in my arms. Told tails of an unfor-filling life along with non-orgasmic sex. This lead on to her drunkenly revealing how she fucks me with her eyes daily and rushed home to change her underwear before her partner sees the wetness and accuses her of cheating. Obviously this could only have one way of ending.
Once in my apartment we could not wait to arrive into the bedroom, during our path there, our clothes became aquatinted with the floor and our tongues joined in an elegant battle or a fierce dance.
By the time her back hit the bed my lips were on her neck, I moved slowly down her body torturing myself as I knew this would probably be my only chance to devoir the beauty in front of me. I wanted to fill her with the belief that I was some sort of sex god, let her go back to her husband knowing how bad her love life really was. It gave me enough of a chance to build up enough masturbation material to live on a life of hatred love.
Eventually I reached her place of desire. Within minutes, she was on the edge. I pushed her over. Cries and whimpers of "don't stops" along with my drawn out name confirmed her state. I did not stop, although she had finished I had to continue making love to her. I could feel her pressure building up and knew she was yet again close. This time however was different; as she shook over the edge, I pounded three fingers into her throbbing core. She squirted her love all over my fingers, my arm and my lips. I willingly lapped it up knowing that the exquisite taste and aroma would be with me for life.
After we both collapsed on to my bed she reciprocated my actions. If it was because she craved it like I did, or she felt that it was only courteous I am not sure. However, the one thing I am sure of is that her lips were on mine, her lips travelled over every inch of my body and I had never felt more complete.
But will she stay, I am not sure.
As she groans awake I shiver... What will happen now...
JJ moaned in her arousing...
"Emily, I think I love you..."