Hi everyone! So this is the first story I've ever published: reviews and critisisms are very welcome(but...don't be too mean ok?;))

I also wanna say that I'm Dutch, so if your native language is english I'd love to hear how I can improve my english(because I'm stubborn as hell I refused to use a dictionairy so maybe there are words I've repeated too many times?XD)

This chapter is NOT rated M, CH 2 will be. Started writing this cuz I just loved Stefan and Rebekah in 4x11. Enjoy!

After Elena leaves, he merely stands there thinking about the conversation they just had. He isn't sure at first, not sure about his words, about the things he said to the girl he was so sure he would love for the rest of his existence. Was it just a spur of the moment thing? Did he tell her he doesn't love her anymore because he wanted to hurt her? But most importantly:

Did he mean it?

He takes a couple of minutes to ponder those questions. He feels confused as he stands in the dim light, alone in the hallway of his house. The shadows dancing on the walls and the color shades of the dark wood and paintings reminds him of something else that happened here with Elena. It's the hallway where he shared such a beautiful moment with her less than two years ago. His mind goes back to that night, the night they first made love, the first time she'd seen his true face. But it doesn't hurt as much as he expected.

Because she isn't that girl anymore.

The girl she's now is not the real Elena, not the girl he fell so hopelessly, undeniably in love with.

That's when he realizes that he really is over her… over the girl she is now at least. Because he didn't fall in love with this girl. Everything he loved about her, her warmth, her strength, her ability to always be accepting and understanding towards people, her devotion to her loved ones, is long gone.

I'm done, Stefan says to himself. He is surprised when he realizes that it's not a lie.

I'm done.

He knows he'll always love that girl, that girl that he knows is the real Elena. The Elena that never wanted to be a vampire, that would've felt disgusted with herself if she'd known that there would be a day that she's feed of humans and not think twice about it. The Elena that would've always stayed with Jeremy to protect him from harm.

He feels strangely calm and confident in his new-found truth. It's scaring him on a certain level, to know that he doesn't really care anymore. He knows that if he stops caring completely he'll probably start drinking human blood again. And then he would end up becoming him again.

The Ripper.

That can't happen, Stefan thinks resolutely and his brow furrows and his jaw locks in silent determination. He doesn't want innocent people to get hurt; it's why he went to save Jeremy tonight. He doesn't ever want to lose touch with his human side, his compassion again.

Besides, he tells himself while a quiet chuckle escapes him, Caroline would slap me silly if I'd start drinking blood again. He then takes a moment to think about the ever happy, chipper, bouncing blonde and suddenly he feels a wave of emotion coming over him. There's gratitude and pride and awe, but most of all there's love.

To him, Caroline is a real hero. She's the only one who's never lost sight of who she is. Even though after everything she has been through, she has every right to go a little crazy, like everyone else did at one point. Stefan makes a mental note to tell Caroline sometime, tell her what she means to those in her life, what she means to him. He wants to tell her that everything she does for him and all her friends is far from ordinary, because it not. It's probably a whole lot more drama than most people could handle. It's going to have to wait until tomorrow though, first he has to finish handling today's developments concerning the search for the cure.

Stefan sighs and looks around. He realizes he is still standing in the same place as when Elena left. He is quiet for a moment as he focuses on the sounds coming from the basement. He can just barely make out Damon's shallow breathing. Stefan closes his eyes in concentration and hears that, although shallow, Damon's breathing is even and light. He's probably sleeping. Admittedly, Stefan kind of got a kick out of snapping Damon's neck'. Where human brothers might throw a punch now and then, breaking your brother's neck or staking him is the vampire equivalent of a sibling fight. Breaking Damon's neck was a good way of channeling his irritation of the past few days. He's glad that Damon is locked up and asleep though, that way he won't have to worry about neither Damon nor Jeremy tonight.

With that thought, Stefan turns around and heads upstairs to his bedroom to fresh up a bit, maybe do some writing about the events of the day. As he steps in to his softly lit room, he goes straight for the table where he knows his journal is lying. The urge to write all the thoughts and ideas this day has put into his head down, is hard to resist. They're practically begging to be unraveled, to be put on paper. Writing has always helped him make sense of his mind. Thoughts and feelings that cloud his judgment by freely spinning and twirling around in his head are captured and put in perspective when he writes them down. His hands go through books and journals but he doesn't find what he is looking for. Frowning because he doesn't find his journal where he was sure he put it last night he…

Rebekah was reading it this morning.

Of course it's not where you put it last night, he mockingly says to himself. Stefan takes a moment to think but quickly remembers that she left it on his bed. He takes the few steps towards his bed, picks up the brown leather book and carries it to his desk. As he sits down and opens the journal to find a new page, he realizes that maybe he shouldn't write down what happened today.

What if anyone else reads about him partnering up with Rebekah? Damon and Elena have read his journals before after all. And it's not like he hides them or locks them in a safe when he leaves his room. Stefan leans back in his desk chair and shakes his head lightly. He stretches his muscular body before sighing deeply and closing his journal without having written a single word. It saddens him, not being able to trust those around him, but for now he just can't. He stands up and goes to his bathroom.

After putting on some more deodorant, he washes his hands and splashes some cold water in his face, which makes him feel pretty fresh again. He reaches for a towel and as he dries his face, his mind starts to wonder of.

Rebekah.

Working together with her seemed like the best option after everything that happened at the school. It was the best of the worst sort of speak. They were sharing the last place in the race for the cure and Stefan had been sure that he could bond with her over the fact that they both had brothers who weren't very trustworthy… and that was being polite especially in her case.

As he stares at himself in the mirror he realizes how wrong he was. It wasn't the least terrible option; it was the unforeseen best option. It's not that I forgot how good we were when we were together in the twenties, Stefan realizes, I have just always attributed our…thing… to the fact that I was a Ripper and not myself. Today taught him that maybe he was a Ripper in the twenties, but that was just a part of himself that he rejected instead of accepting it. Because he now knows that it is in fact a part of him.

But Rebekah, she just gets it. She doesn't tell him that it isn't him. She accepts that his dark side is as real as his good side. She also knows how hard it is to keep those two sides of you balanced, especially after getting hurt over and over by the very people who were supposed to never make you feel pain. Stefan swallows when he realizes that he actually had fun today. For the first time in a long time. She made him laugh a little, made him admit that they had fun in the twenties, they even got high in Shane's office and he had enjoyed just hanging out with her. And then, just before that guy came in looking for the headstone…

He looks up and stares at himself in the mirror again. And as his hands come up to grip the sink as if to brace himself for something, he remembers what Rebekah said.

-'We just did what felt good'.

She was right, he was right.

Being with her had been good. The sex had been good.

Hell scratch that, sex with Rebekah was epic.

Perfect.

Crazy.

-'Stop caring.'

Why DID he still care about whether or not it was a good idea?

Stefan's head drops down and he closes his eyes.

'Just do what feels good,' he murmurs to himself.

It only takes him a few moments to figure out what he wants. He's out of the bathroom, out of his bedroom in a few seconds. Downstairs, Stefan puts on his leather jacket and heads out to see Rebekah.