Addiction Chapter 1: 阿片(Ahen)
Important Note: This storyline begins during the Three Stories Arc but quickly diverges from canon.
Less Important Note (but still one that should go up top): An excellent choice for music accompaniment would be "Tainted Love" by Soft Cell, so stick it on repeat and read onward.
It was as if Kuroko's heart had been ripped out, thrown on the ground, and then stomped on by a herd of elephants. That was how much it hurt to see her Onee-sama, her one and only love, as she met that spiky haired neanderthal out in front of the dorms, took his hand, and lead him away to go on a date.
The surprise on his face when that had happened could not hope to match the shock that adorned Kuroko's features. She was too stunned even to teleport after them and demand an explanation or to go and kick his stupid face in for daring to touch Kuroko's Onee-sama. She could only watch as they faded into the distance.
The next thing she knew she found herself walking. Not towards them, not away from them, not with any sort of destination in mind or plan of what to do when she got there. her mind desperately tried to process what she had just seen.
She didn't know how long she was walking for or where she was going. She only stopped walking when she collided with a wall and was forced to teleport over it. She was completely lost in thought as she walked all the way into the Gardens of Education, making her way to a park where she numbly sat down upon a bench where she continued to just sit for who knows how long.
After anywhere from a minute to an eternity a persistent presence managed to break through Kuroko's reverie and she was made aware that someone had been sitting next to her, though when they had started sitting next to her she was as unaware of as how long she had been sitting there herself.
Because her gaze was cast downward, the first thing she noticed about the person who had, perhaps unintentionally, been keeping her company were her fairly ordinary, though expensive, brown shoes. Then came the long white stockings that reached all the way up her well shaped legs to her upper thighs with an embroidered pattern near the top. Similar white gloves adorned the hands that were folded in her lap. The skirt and vest were familiar, in fact she was wearing them herself: they were part of the uniform of Tokiwadai Middle School. Unlike her uniform, however, the chest was filled out with a bust size that no middle schooler should have. She found her gaze lingering for just a second out of a mix of both respect and resentment before it finally ascended to the face, framed by golden blond hair and brown eyes that literally twinkled as they gazed at Kuroko, suggesting to the teleporter that the company that was being kept was most likely intentional.
"Shokuhou Misaki..." Kuroko said, instantly recognizing the girl despite never having seen her before. Her tone was measured and cautious, unsure what the girl wanted but knowing that she was not to be trusted.
"Do you always address schoolmates so formally Kuroko-chan?" the girl asked teasingly, raising an eyebrow at the cautious tone as she tilted her head slightly to the side.
"Do you always address strangers so informally Shokuhou-senpai?" Kuroko adjusted, speaking with the respect that she was obliged to show to a senpai without sounding friendly. In her irritation the respectful title of senpai was tinged with bitterness however, reflecting the mocking sort of faux-respect that the title of Onee-sama had once held in regards to another level five of Tokiwadai.
Misaki smirked, "Senpai..." she repeated, as if tasting how the word sounded in her mouth. The Level five was not used to being called senpai. Normally underclassmen would refer to her as The Queen or Shokuhou-sama or something similar. She found she preferred the more modest term, no matter how passive-aggressively it was used.
"Is there something I can help you with," Kuroko asked, more dismissively than with any sort of concern or urge to help. The faster she found out what the other girl wanted the faster she could make her go away. The faster she went away the faster the teleporter could go back to wallowing in self pity.
"Not really," the blond said with a shrug, seemingly being deliberately evasive just to annoy her.
"Then what the hell do you want," the teleporter snapped, all the negative emotions that had been passively bubbling up beneath the surface suddenly exploded like a volcano.
The look on the other girl's face was one of faux concern hiding the underlying mischief that was betrayed by the constant twinkling in her eyes and smugness in her aura. "Why I saw a schoolmate who seemed upset so I thought I'd come over and help them feel better."
Kuroko sighed. The explosion of anger had faded, leaving her with a hollow feeling of depression and despair. "There's nothing you can do..." she mumbled. There was nothing anyone could do about this pain... the pain of her love, her Onee-sama, going on a date with someone else
"You underestimate the power of a level five," the telepath smirked as, out of the corner of her eye, Kuroko saw her pull something out of the purse at her side. When she turned towards her out of curiously, panic bubbled up in her at the sight of a remote control pointed at her.
She was about to say something when the despair and anger lifted away, as if they had never existed to begin with. Kuroko straightened up, confused.
Nothing had changed... she knew that she should still be upset. It wasn't like she had just found out the whole date thing was some sort of miscommunication or anything. Still the emotions had somehow disappeared, as if she had discovered that the great load she had been carrying was nothing more than a hallucination.
"What did you just do to me," she queried, turning to the blond girl. It was the only reasonable assumption as to the source of this odd phenomenon.
"I made you feel better," she said simply, dropping the mask of concern to reveal the smugness that lay beneath it.
"Why?" she asked, puzzled as to why the level five, who she had rarely heard good things about, had done such a thing.
"I'm a telepath. When someone's feeling so down in the dumps I can feel it. And you were giving off some really bad vibes. It was ruining my little walk in the park," she explained offhandedly. Despite her words trying to paint it as a selfish thing, Kuroko couldn't help but feel that the reason was not entirely self-motivated.
"Thank you," she said, genuinely grateful, though still surprised and a tad bit suspicious.
"Don't think I did it for free or anything," she said with a smirk as she stood up. Kuroko's surprise and gratitude instantly turned to an annoyed distaste. Of course there was a catch, she should have expected as much. She knew of the rivalry between the two level fives of Tokiwadai. She'd probably ask for something to use as blackmail against Misaka or something like that. She knew she should have left as soon as she saw who it was that was sitting next to her. She was about to turn her gaze upward to glare at Misaki when a gloved hand entered her field of vision and reached out to her.
"There's a cafe near here that has the most delicious chocolate cake," Misaki's smirk faded into a smile, "Treat me and we'll call it even."
For the second time in a very short period Kuroko felt her emotions doing a 180 as her confusion returned full force. She glanced up at the older girl's face for any sort of trickery, but the smile was one of genuine kindness, further confusing the teleporter. Kuroko found herself taking the hand which pulled her up off of the bench and lead her out of the park.
The hand that held hers and the person attached still made her feel uncomfortable... but it wasn't unpleasant. The palm was warm and soft even with the smooth fabric covering it, the grip was gentle but sure, tight enough that Kuroko's hand wouldn't slip out of her grasp by accident but loose enough that she could slip out of it if she tried to.
Oddly enough Kuroko didn't try to escape even as the level five lead her through the park. She just stared dumbly ahead at the girl's mane of golden hair. She tried to find some reason for what was happening but was at a loss. She briefly wondered if the telepath was just trying to take advantage of her in some way... but that smile... there had been no ill intent in that smile.
Her knowledge of the nature of this girl screamed that it was all a trap. But she had thought ill of Onee-sama before she had met her hadn't she? The feeling in her gut told her to be careful but it did not seem to yell at her to flee.
Before she knew it they were standing at a table in the cafe and the hand let go of her as the Queen slid into the booth. Kuroko slid into the booth opposite her and picked up the menu. She scanned through it and soon decided on the strawberry shortcake. She had never been here before but the picture really made it look good.
Soon the waitress came. "Hello," she with a polite, friendly air, "I'm Rin and I'll be your waitress today. Is there anything I can get for you."
"Yes," Kuroko said, having collected herself enough at this point to speak in her usual high class fashion, "to drink I'll have the house blend tea and a slice of the strawberry shortcake please."
"Very well," Rin said with a smile as she scrawled it down, then she turned to the other girl, "and for you?"
"I'll have the house blend and a slice of the strawberry shortcake as well. In addition I'd like three slices of chocolate gateau, 2 mont blancs, and an eclair."
Rin's eyes widened and she stopped writing for a second as if expecting the blond to reveal that she had been joking. When no revelation came she wrote down the rest of the order, bowed, thanked them, and went off.
"Nice girl, you should be sure to tip her generously," the level five noted with a small smirk upon her lips.
"Do you normally eat that much or is this some sort of scheme to bankrupt me Shokuhou-senpai?" Kuroko asked, confused again for an entirely different reason.
"Oh it's normal enough for me to eat this much. I really love sweet things Kuroko-chan." She responded casually.
Kuroko's gaze couldn't help but drift to the girl's curvaceous form that betrayed no hint of a love of sweets or at least not the sort of indulgence in that love that was taking place now.
The Queen raised a gloved hand to her mouth and giggled, "such a perverse wandering gaze... are you perhaps trying to work out how I keep this figure with such a sweet tooth?"
Kuroko looked up sharply and frowned, opting not to respond.
"The answer's quite simple you know," Shokuhou continued despite the lack of response as her hand lowered towards her generous chest in a teasing manner, "no matter how much I eat it all seems to go to my breasts." She revealed smugly, wondering if that would succeed in riling up the teleporter like it always tended to affect her electro master roommate.
Kuroko appeared quite calm, however. She gazed at the blond girl with a raised eyebrow. She casually ran a finger through her auburn hair as she spoke, "it's not about what you have... it's about what you do with it."
The telepath giggled again. This time the peal of laughter was more genuine than before, something that made it considerably more pleasant to hear than the infuriatingly smug giggle from before.
"That's true I suppose," the older girl mused, "With the right clothes and makeup anyone can look good. So what's your excuse."
Kuroko bristled slightly at the implications of that last part, but she didn't let it show. Instead she shrugged nonchalantly and said "It's not like I don't wish I could wear makeup and clothes of my choosing but what can you do when the school has a uniform that's mandatory to wear even on non-school days."
"It is quite annoying isn't it. It's not like the uniform isn't cute or anything..." the Queen picked at her vest, "but I prefer a little variety you know?" Misaki said with genuine understanding and agreement about the annoyingness of that particular rule.
"If your dorm mistress is anything like ours, Shokuhou-senpai, then it really isn't worth it to break the rules," Kuroko shuddered, "not even level fives are above the rules after all."
A wide grin spread across the telepath's face as she drew another remote control out of her purse, "perhaps we are above the rules, perhaps we are not, either way you don't have to break rules if you have enough power to bend them." She touched a button on the remote and suddenly she was wearing a beautiful red dress that perfectly accentuated her figure and hugged her curves, with a low cut neck to reveal just enough of her generous assets to make a point while not revealing enough to be called trampy. It was sleeveless which just made her long white gloves stand out just that much more, and in this new outfit they were far more appropriate than they had been in her school uniform. Her long hair was now done up in a tight bun though stray strands hung down like golden threads. Her lipstick had gone from a subtle shade of peach to seductive red that matched the dress while newly applied mascara and eyeliner made the already hypnotizing eyes seem completely inescapable.
Had it been on her Onee-sama Kuroko's heart might have stopped right then and there from the sheer magnificence of the image. As it was the teleporter had a far more ordinary reaction to such a sudden and drastic change of appearance. Unfortunately for her dignity the standard reaction was choking on her own saliva as her eyes bugged out and her jaw practically hit the table. A second, slightly more powerful blow to her dignity came as the waitress came to the table exactly as this was happening, staring at her strangely as she placed the pastries and tea in front of the two girls. From the waitress's reaction, or lack thereof, to Shokuhou-senpai's sudden makeover, the teleporter was forced to presume that it was an illusion that the level five had created exclusively for Kuroko.
The last blow to the auburn haired girl's already crumbling dignity came when the level five across from her raised a gloved hand to her mouth once again and giggled with the worst possible combination of genuine amusement and mocking schadenfreuden. "Nice reaction," she noted, "I guess this means you agree that I can use my assets well enough no?"
Not even Kuroko was sure if the deep crimson blush that adorned her face was from the teasing she had just had to endure or from staring at the source of it.
Kuroko belonged, body and soul, to her Onee-sama, so the thoughts that ran through her head upon looking at that dress were not of the one wearing it, but rather how it would look on the one she wished would. The "spell" that blocked off all anger and grief and depression was still in place so she found herself thinking about things that would normally bring tears to her eyes without any emotional attachment at all, like how her Onee-sama would never wear that dress, or anything else, for her, how she would only ever try to look nice for others, such as that neanderthal with the spiky hair that she was currently going on a date with.
Suddenly she found her body moving all by itself as she blocked a fork that was moving onto her plate towards her slice of cake with her own fork. It was an automatic reaction programmed into her after countless identical attempts by Uiharu. This time though it was not a disappointed looking level one with flowers in her hair that was staring back at her from the other end of the fork, but rather a grinning level five with her hair in a(n illusory) bun looking at her with one raised eyebrow. "So you're finally awake. And here I thought you were so enraptured by my beauty you had fallen into a coma," the girl teased, "and with such a distant and perverted look in your eye. Honestly I don't know whether to feel flattered or sullied."
"Don't feel either Shokuhou-senpai," Kuroko told her, her voice tired rather than hostile as she knew it should be, "my thoughts weren't of you."
"Of course they weren't. I know your thoughts only ever go to one place," the Queen said as she stood up, the illusion fading as suddenly as it had appeared, leaving her in her school uniform once again, "but in case you ever find them straying, or in case the thoughts of someone else become a little too much to bear," she trailed off as she took out a pen and a scrap of paper and jotted something down, "just give me a call. I'd be happy to do this again sometime," she said with another genuine smile as she handed the piece of paper to Kuroko and left the cake shop, the bell on the door sounding its little ding-a-ling to announce her exit.
Kuroko found herself looking at that piece of paper several times over the next two weeks, staring at the numbers scrawled on it and the four characters that followed, XXX-XXXX 食蜂操祈(Shokuhou Misaki). Considering the speed and informality that she had written it with Kuroko was impressed by the neatness of the lines that made up all 48 strokes of the level five's complex name. Yet, despite the complexity of having a name made up of more than twice as many strokes as Kuroko's own, the name and number both were written with almost calligraphic style and flair as if to show her position even in an act as simple as writing her name.
It was mostly out of confusion that her eyes found themselves fixed upon the 7 number string that was the other girl's phone number. She still did not know what had possessed the blond haired girl to give her this, she did not know what possessed her to take it, she did not know what the telepath had meant by her parting words, she did not know what to do with this scrap of paper, so she looked at it as if expecting it to suddenly burst out in laughter and reveal the whole thing to be a joke, or perhaps thinking that if she stared hard enough the number would vanish, revealing that it had been another of the Queen's illusions.
But it would be a lie to say that those were the only times she found herself retrieving the piece of paper from her pocket and gazing at it and the simple message it held. Sometimes, in a moment of weakness after Onee-sama had been particularly angry at her, returning her loving affection with nothing but rage and violence for the 100th time over in a single day; in a moment of weakness after Onee-sama had been particularly harsh to her, labeling the joy she felt when any sort of affection, real or imagined, was shown by the other girl to be nothing but the teleporter's creepy perversion; in a moment of weakness after Onee-sama had been particular cold towards her, giving attention to those who were less deserving and not nearly as grateful for the electro master's notice while outrightly ignoring Kuroko, the person who would be happiest to receive even the smallest bit of regard; in these moments of weakness she sometimes looked at the piece of paper and thought about whether she should take the blond haired girl up on her offer. Up to this point she had dialed the number into the keypad, even had her thumb hover over the send button that would make the call, but she had always resisted at the last moment. But today was different.
Onee-sama had been angry at her ever since she awoke and found Kuroko in her bed. She had given Kuroko the cold shoulder, talking excitedly with Saten-san and Uiharu, while only sparing Kuroko any acknowledgment whatsoever when she was forced to zap her or hit her for an attempted apology hug. But the last straw had been the harshness shown when they had gone to a store and Onee-sama had fawned over some childish little gekota toy.
In a fit of frustration the auburn haired girl had accused the electro master of caring only about that childish mascot and not about her. She hoped that the older girl would deny the claim, embrace her and tell her that she cared about Kuroko deeply and then the electro master would do this and that to her (though that last part was mostly because that was how all of the teleporter's fantasies involving her roommate ended up).
But Onee-sama hadn't even hesitated in confirming the accusation with a simple and dismissive, "That's right."
Had Kuroko stayed she might have received a "just kidding" or something like that, but she had left immediately, teleporting onto the roof of a building over two hundred feet away while trying to contain her tears.
The words that the Queen had spoken two weeks ago echoed in her ears. She punched in the number, now ingrained in her memory after all those times she had read the numbers in confusion and weakness, and her thumb hovered over the call button for a moment before pressing it for the first time in two weeks. She heard it ring once. Then twice. Her resolve wavered and she considered hanging up and just going back when the line was picked up halfway through the third ring and a familiar voice answered, "Hello."
"Umm... Hey, Shokuhou-senpai, it's Kuroko," she answered, somewhat awkwardly, not too sure how this conversation was supposed to go. Her voice was shaky from unshed tears.
Surprisingly the level five did not tease the other girl for this awkwardness. Instead she sounded almost grateful as she said, "Oh, great. I was just planning on going shopping for some clothes. Take me."
"Given the dent you put in my wallet from going to a simple cake shop I think a shopping trip with you would bankrupt me three times over Shokuhou-senpai," Kuroko retorted, awkwardness vanishing in an instant at the casualness of the older girl's voice. However the shakiness of her own voice was still present.
"Don't worry, you don't have to pay this time. But I could always use a pack mule to carry my bags," the telepath said teasingly.
"Forget this... I don't even know why I called," the younger girl lashed out, frustrated more because of the situation than the fairly harmless barb. She was about to hang up on the level five when she heard the older girl speak.
"You called because you're upset didn't you? Because you're angry and sad and I can make you feel better," Misaki said, "I'll be sitting on the same bench in the same park as before. Don't keep a lady waiting." She hung up then, not giving Kuroko a chance to back out or regret her decision.
Kuroko looked at her phone for a second and sighed before teleporting towards the Gardens of Education, the park, and the level five that was waiting for her there.
She quickly arrived at the park and, after the Queen worked her "magic", the two went to a nearby clothing store to begin the promised shopping trip.
"How about this outfit? Does it look good on me?" a voice asked as its owner stepped out of the changing room. The outfit was of the gothic lolita style that was popular these days, full of lace and black and white ruffles that seemed both hot and inconvenient to lug around. This particular piece seemed to try and counter these issues by covering as little as possible while still trying to cram as much fabric as possible into the areas that were covered.
"Ignoring the fact that I cannot imagine any sort of situation which would call for such attire," Kuroko began as she turned to look at the outfit the other girl had donned, "There's the fact that it clashes with your plain white gloves and stockings. Perhaps with lace stockings and gloves as well as a few accessories it would be somewhat elegant, but it's hardly worth it when a lot less effort could be put into choosing other clothes which would suit Shokuhou-senpai better anyway."
The Queen giggled with what Kuroko would term a 6 out of 10 on the genuineness scale and clapped in an only half-mocking manner.
"I'm impressed," Shokuhou said.
Kuroko raised an eyebrow, "What are you impressed by?"
"You're the first person I've ever gone shopping with who has passed my little test."
"Test?" the teleporter repeated, raising the eyebrow higher.
"I put on a bad outfit and see the reaction, simultaneously checking whether the person has taste and if they're being honest with me," Misaki explained, "I have so many people I could go shopping with but they're all nothing but a bunch of yes-men who would tell me a piece of toast would make the perfect outfit for me if I said I thought it did."
Kuroko turned back to the rack, "You seem to me the kind of person who likes that sort of thing Shokuhou-senpai."
"Maybe a bit," The Queen admitted as she wandered back into the dressing room, "but it's not very helpful when you're trying to choose a good wardrobe. I don't want to hear that I look good in anything, I know that I do without being told that by them. What I want to hear is what makes me look even better."
"It's good that you care about such things," Kuroko sighed, "Onee-sama might always be beautiful but wearing the sorts of things that she does really fails to highlight that beauty."
"I suppose for her a mandatory uniform is a good thing; forces a bit of taste on her appearance," Misaki teased. Normally Kuroko would've gotten angry at the slander being directed towards her Onee-sama, but she was too much in agreement with it to process the fact that it was rude. "Hey, mind handing me that other outfit."
"Which one?" Kuroko asked, turning to see the Queen peeking out from the changing room doorway. Her gaze fell to the girl's bust. With the dress from before discarded it was now clad only in a bra. "Provocateur," the auburn-haired girl noted, recognizing the distinctive style of that particular brand of lingerie.
"Oh you know of them?" The blond asked, her eyes twinkling not with mischief, but with genuine interest, "your taste is better than I thought. I assumed your roommate might have corrupted you with her childish preferences."
"Of course not. I am far too refined and mature to wear something like pajamas with gekota print on them," Kuroko defended briefly before moving on, "I am a regular purchaser of that particular brand actually. They have a shop set up nearby."
"Oh believe me I know... in fact... what do you say we move this little shopping trip there hmm?" Without waiting for an answer she retreated back behind the curtain and changed into her school uniform again.
A few hours later Kuroko sat outside with Misaki eating a strawberry crepe that the blond had, surprisingly, paid for herself. Their bags of newly purchased skimpy lingerie sat at their feet as they ate their dessert.
"You're a lot kinder than I expected Shokuhou-senpai," Kuroko said to the other girl with a smile.
"I don't know whether I should be flattered at the compliment or insulted at the implication that you did not expect me to be kind," the Queen teased as she glanced at Kuroko before returning her attention to the sweet in her hand.
"Don't be insulted," Kuroko answered, "My opinion of level fives isn't all that good to begin with. I even thought that Onee-sama was nothing but an arrogant ojou-sama before I met her. I believed that she was the only exception to the rule but... I guess I was wrong about that too, and about you. Thanks for today, and last time as well."
"Don't worry about it, I'd be happy to do it again anytime. Isn't that what friends are for?" was all the level five said in response as she began to dig into her third crepe.
After that it became easier for Kuroko to dial the number. Whereas she had had reservations about using it before, even when she was in pain, now she was using it as an easy way out. She continued her attempts at affection, perhaps even more strongly and persistently than before, and when Misaka lashed out at her with hurtful words or hurtful actions she would call the Queen and be better within the hour. Whenever she saw her precious love with that neanderthal with the spiky hair she would call the Queen and be able to move past the jealousy and hurt.
It wasn't long before she was utterly addicted, to both the pain and the painkiller. And as often happened in the case of such an addiction, the pain got even worse, with smaller and smaller things needing to be numbed and larger hurts able to completely cripple her.
It was perhaps a month later that the greatest pain she had faced since that initial hurt, that first incident with Onee-sama's date with the neanderthal, happened.
"Touma," the electro master's voice pierced the silence of the room as she writhed upon her bed in sleep.
Kuroko, on the other hand, was very much awake. Her eyes were clenched shut but tears still found their way between the lids. 'Onee-sama,' she despaired, 'He's present even in your dreams? Where is Kuroko in them? I love you more than he ever could. So why do you love him?'
Her chest ached, her heart physically hurt, feeling as if it were being slowly torn apart. She sought the oblivion of sleep but in her anguish such a sweet escape was impossible. She sat up and fumbled around for her cell phone. Her shaky fingers sought out the number she was looking for. It was late, past midnight, but she couldn't bear it any longer. Her thumb hardly hesitated over the call button before pushing it and pressing the small device to her ear. She curled up into a ball, tightly hugging her knees as she listened to the ringing of the phone.
"What is it," said the voice on the other end in a tone that sounded as if it wanted to be irate, but was too tired to do so.
"Shokuhou-senpai... could I... I need..." she broke down into sobbing before she could get out a full sentence. After five seconds of sobbing she simply whispered, "Help me..."
"Come over," the voice on the other end told her. It sounded far more awake and there was a definite hue of concern to it, "You know where the dorms are within School Garden's are, correct? Head towards the eastern wall and then text me that you're there. I'll flicker the light so you know which room."
Kuroko nodded, despite the fact that such a gesture couldn't be seen over the phone, "Thank you." she whispered before hanging up.
She stood up, phone in hand, sparing a single glance towards the other bed, occupied by the love her her life, before her eyes blurred once more with tears as Misaka repeated his name. She disappeared, teleporting outside.
The freezing autumn breeze bit at her skin, barely covered by the see through pink babydoll that she was wearing. Her bare feet were practically frozen by the cold stone of the roofs which she landed on as she teleported towards the Gardens of Education.
By the time she reached the Tokiwadai interior dormitories she felt completely numb, both inside and out. She looked at the phone in her hand and wrote the short text with her frozen digits.
Ten seconds passed until Kuroko saw the lights in one of the room flicker on momentarily before being turned off again. This happened again, and a third time, though by the third time she was already inside the room.
The Queen stood near the door at the lightswitch in a golden yellow transparent negligee that matched her hair. In her hand was a remote pointed at Kuroko. As always the remote took away all the terrible feelings.
But as had been happening the past several times it left behind an odd pit in Kuroko's stomach. Not only that but... she found that her tears didn't stop. She continued to sob quietly, still standing near the window, not moving except for the involuntary shudders from the sobbing and the shivering from the cold.
She soon found herself wrapped in a warm embrace. Though perhaps the warmth was only in comparison to her own temperature. It must be unpleasant to hold her right now... yet the blond girl hugged her tight as she cried.
Kuroko wasn't quite sure when they had moved, but when her tears finally subsided she found that they were on the large bed in the corner of the room. The Queen was sitting up, her back resting on the headboard. Kuroko's head nuzzled in the crook of her left arm as the hand gently stroked her hair. The blonde's attention was fixed onto the large flat screen TV affixed to the opposite wall where a cheesy soap opera was playing on mute with captions.
The telepath spared Kuroko a glance and noted that the tears had stopped by now. Shokuhou reached over with her right hand, which held a handkerchief that she used to dab at the teleporter's eyes, "You're quite a considerate crier you know that? You don't make much noise and you don't sniffle much. You got my negligee a bit wet with tears but nothing worse."
"I'm sorry... I'm being a pretty big inconvenience to you aren't I?' Waking you up in the middle of the night so selfishly..." Kuroko apologized, only now realizing just how inconsiderate and frankly pathetic she had been in asking for this. She would have backed away but the crying had tired her out and the older girl's embrace was so... pleasant. She smelled nice and was so very soft.
"Well, I wasn't exactly happy at being woken up, but it's actually kind of nice to have company. I've never had a friend in my room before. And it's not like tomorrow is a school day or anything."
Kuroko glanced around, "The interior dorms really are different... this must be twice the size of our room... and you have it all to yourself?"
"The idea of roommates never really appealed to me, and with my power it's easy enough to manipulate the Dorm Mistress into acquiescing to my demands. If you want I might be able to make a suggestion or two to your own Dorm Mistress..." she grinned, the offer seen more as an opportunity to show off her superiority in her ability to do things that the Railgun could not than a wish to make the teleporter's life easier.
"Wouldn't work... you can only control humans. Our dorm mistress is a demon..." Kuroko smiled, finally regaining her sense of humor.
The Queen gave one of those cute, genuine giggles.
Kuroko's eyes strayed back towards the TV, "What are you watching."
"Akiya Sora," the Queen told her, "It's one of my favorite soap operas. You see that girl is Tsuki. She just found out that the child she's carrying, who she thought was Riku's, is actually Yuu's. Yuu is Riku's evil twin brother who took over Riku's life after Riku suffered amnesia and left the town."
Kuroko gave her a look that was a cross between, 'You surely must be joking' and 'If you aren't joking how in the world do you enjoy something that stupid sounding.'
"It's not as bad as it sounds," the blonde defended, "and I'm not turning it off so you either stay and watch it or leave if you have a problem with it."
Kuroko sighed, "at least it's better than Onee-sama's obsession with a children's show..." she said as she focused her attention on the screen. The older girl continued to hold the smaller girl to her and stroke her auburn hair almost subconsciously.
The pair watched as Tsuki began her search for the missing and amnesiatic Riku all while dealing with the physical and emotional stress of the situation on her heavily pregnant body.
"You know..." the telepath began, breaking the half hour long silence, "amnesia's always a horrible burden in these kind of things. They always forget important things and happy memories... but... don't you think if someone had something painful in their life that they might want to forget."
"It's hardly worth it to have your entire life wiped just to get rid of one painful thing. It's better to just get over it," Kuroko responded.
"Then what if you could just forget the painful thing? What if someone could just make you forget about whatever was causing you to suffer? No more tear filled nights, no more heartache, no more finding ways to cope with the pain, no more pain at all... Everything else is just the same... all you do is forget that one thing..."
Kuroko turned to the other girl. The implication was clear.
"You... you want to wipe my memories of Onee-sama?"
"Things are just going to continue like this if you don't do anything. Unless I do that I can't offer more than a temporary solution. You'll continue to be hurt and come to me and once you've forgotten the pain you'll go right back to be hurt again. If you want that it's your choice... all I'm offering is a way out of this cycle," her words were serious and full of concern. Even her eyes had stopped their twinkling, as if to stress just how sincere she was being.
"But... I love her," Kuroko countered somewhat weakly.
"I'm not saying that you don't, I'm not even saying that you shouldn't. I'm just saying that you should love yourself too... love yourself enough to know when something is hurting you and love yourself enough to do something to stop it." She turned off the TV and gave the teleporter one last look before sliding under the blankets.
"You can stay here tonight if you want. And you can give me your answer anytime..." She said as she settled in and soon fell asleep again.
Kuroko just sat there, thinking about the offer she had just received.
She loved her Onee-sama, she really did. She wanted more than anything to be loved in return and had thought that, given enough time she might just get the older girl to return her feelings. But...
Was there any point to it? Was there any chance that Misaka could ever love her back? Or was she just fooling herself? Was she just too blinded by her addiction to the electro master's presence to tell that it was a horrible, unbalanced relationship?
Was the pain worth it?
It took her two weeks of consideration to come up with a plan of action. She decided that she would either accept or decline after confronting Misaka herself about it.
So she sat in the dorm room, feeling like she was playing russian roulette without knowing how many barrels were loaded. Her heart raced as she heard a pair of familiar footsteps coming down the hall. She took a deep breath and braced herself as her roommate opened the door and entered the dorm.
She didn't waste any time. She stood up and went over to the older girl. She clasped her hand, looked into her eyes, and said very directly, "I love you Onee-sama.. and I need to know if you love me too."
Needless to say calling this a surprise would be an understatement. Misaka was completely stunned for a second, then a blush overtook her face, "What?!" She screamed, "Of course not you pervert! Why the heck would you ask that?!"
Completely unperturbed by the anger Kuroko simply moved onto her next question, clutching Misaka's hands tighter, "Will you ever love me?"
"N-No!" Misaka continue to shout, her blush deepening as she yanked her hand backwards, out of Kuroko's grip, "Now let go of me and tell me what the heck is going o-" the electromaster stopped suddenly as she noticed that there were tears pooling in the corners of the younger girl's eyes. "Kuroko..." she asked, all harshness dropped from her voice and replaced with concern.
"I... I thought... that would be... your answer... but... I had to... make sure..." the auburn haired girl said, between sniffs and sobs.
"What's going on Kuroko," Misaka asked as she put a hand on the other girl's shoulders.
"I love you," Kuroko repeated, "I love you so much that it hurts... it really really hurts. Whenever I'm away from you it hurts that I'm not near you, and whenever I'm near you it hurts that I can't have you..." the teleporter continued, "I love you so much that I can't stop thinking about you,and whenever I think about you I'm reminded that we're just friends."
The younger girl raised her head, her eyes now pouring tears at a torrential rate, "I'd be willing to wait forever if there was the slightest chance of you returning my love... but now that you've said you won't... I've waited enough... I've suffered enough."
Misaka's eyes widened in surprise. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. "Wha-what are you saying Kuroko?" She asked, making sure she had not misheard or misunderstood.
"I can't bear it anymore... I'm... I can't be your roommate any longer... I can't be just a friend anymore..." She told the love of her life, as she gazed into her brown eyes with her pink ones. She saw confusion and concern and surprise in those chestnut depths, but she could not for the life of her see the love, passion, or affection that she so desperately longed for. "I wanted to ask you first... I wanted to see if you felt anything towards me."
"Of course I feel things towards you. You're my best friend," Misaka insisted.
"But nothing more than that... You said so yourself..."
"Don't you think you're over reacting?"
"I know it seems like I am... but the pain is becoming so unbearable. I'm so sorry," the younger girl pleaded for forgiveness for a crime she didn't really commit.
Some tears found their way into Misaka's eyes as she shook Kuroko gently, "You're talking crazy... again... Just calm down and think about it."
"I have... I've been mulling it over in my head for a week," Kuroko said as she stepped back, freeing herself from the electro master's fairly weak grasp. "This took a lot of thought... but I think this is the only way..."
"What's the only way? What are you going to do? Move out and just avoid me for the rest of your life?"
The younger girl shook her head, her auburn pigtails flopping around limply at the unenthusiastic motion. "no... that would be impossible. We go to the same school and we have the same friends. It wouldn't work anyway... It hurts just as much to be away from you as to be near you."
"So what the heck?!" the older girl asked, her voice raised again.
"I am moving out," she said as she went over to her closet, picking out a suitcase she had used recently on her trip to Liberal Arts City, "Then... I'm doing the only thing that will take the pain away for good," she plopped the suitcase on her bed and turned towards the older girl, "I'm getting Shokuhou-senpai to wipe my memories of you and moving in with her instead."
At that word powerful anger flared up within the electro master. A flame seemed to burn in her eyes as tendrils of lightning snaked out into the air around her. In a deceptively level voice that one might think held a calm tone if they could not see the person from whom it originated Misaka said a single word, "What?"
"These past couple months... during these past couple months I've been going to her whenever... whenever I've been upset... whenever you've hurt my feelings unintentionally, at least I hope it's been unintentional. She takes the pain away, but it's getting worse," tears continued to fall from the younger girl's eyes as she spoke, "I love you Onee-sama... but this... I can't keep this up."
"Kuroko can't you just see she's using you?" Misaka screamed.
"I thought so too at first but..." the teleporter shook her head, "She takes away the pain. She's been kind to me and doesn't seem to want anything from me."
"She's just manipulating you, can't you see that? You know what she's like."
"I do know what she's like... better than you do. As for being manipulated... either way I'm being controlled by a level 5. Whether it's her ability or my love for you my life, my body, heart, soul, and mind belongs to a level 5. The difference is that Shokuhou-senpai wants them, the difference is that Shokuhou-senpai won't hurt them."
The words weren't meant to be hurtful, which made them sting all the more. "Kuroko," Misaka said weakly, this time her voice more filled with desperation than anger.
"If you ever want me back then just go and ask Shokuhou-senpai to restore my memories. I'll tell her to do it if you ask, but if you do that then you have to be ready to accept me... all of me. I don't want to hurt anymore Onee-sama..." Kuroko's resolve was so shaky as she finished packing that she was sure if she turned to look at the other girl even a single glance would make it break altogether. So she didn't look, she just vanished, leaving only a memory behind.
Within the hour she had left behind all of her memories regarding that room and the girl who lived in it.
Author's Note:First of all a special thanks to ReaperLuca for Beta'ing for me. You really helped make my fic the best it could be.
Next chapter will be from The Queen's point of view, showing her motivation for all of this.
Anyway... if you're wondering why I wrote this... Well I'm an avid KurokoXMikoto shipper and that will never change. Pretty much any time either of those two are paired with anyone else (like KurokoXUiharu or MikotoXTouma) I find myself put off by the prospect. But for some reason I don't seem to mind it when it's KurokoXMisaki or MikotoXMisaki. The former doesn't have many interactions but those few interactions they do have I quite enjoy.
Hence Addiction...
Also... if I may go on a bit of a rant here about KuroMiko and KuroQueen... I am a supporter of it but when I look at it... it's kind of a horrible relationship, on both ends. They both have several signs of being abusive. Kuroko is codependent and clingy to a far greater extent than is healthy and she attempts to control several aspects of Misaka's life and advance their relationship far sooner than is healthy. Misaka is both physically and frankly emotionally abusive towards Kuroko. That scene where Kuroko claims that Misaka cares about Gekota more than her is adapted from an almost identical scene in the Railgun 4-Koma and just like in my story she says that it's true. In the 4-Koma she said she was just kidding then zapped Kuroko when she tried to hug her in the next panel, giving her incredible physical and emotional abuse within 4 panels and less than 5 seconds. She just leads Kuroko along and then punishes her when she gets close.
Kuroko does have an excuse at least. When I looked at the 4-Koma again I realized that her behavior was quite familiar... And then I realized that it's almost an exact match for Borderline Personality Disorder which has symptoms like: Problems with regulating emotions and thoughts, impulsive and reckless behavior, and unstable relationships with other people (look it up and you'll see exactly what I mean).
Even if it is an unhealthy relationship Kuroko won't really break out of it. To Kuroko there really is no one for her but Misaka, which is what all of those people that pair her with others don't understand. She found someone to latch onto and she'll cling to them until she feels that they've abandoned her... after which... well 80% of people with Borderline Personality Disorder attempt to commit suicide so I'm sure you can guess what she'd do next.
But with the Queen this changes. Because the Queen can wipe memories she can replace Misaka in Kuroko's mind in an extremely literal way. Sure if there's a lot of time for her to adapt (and a lot of visits to a therapist) she could theoretically go with someone else, but the Queen provides an easier solution.