This is my first fanfic. I really thought the lyrics reflected House and Stacy's relationship. The lyrics are by Crossfade. And I sadly don't own House.
"Cold"
Looking back at me I see
That I never really got it right
As I look back at my life, I realize all the mistakes I have made. It hurts. It's not just the leg, although I hoped the pain would have gone away after my stay in the hospital. Too bad it was just the beginning of a long, painful, and (although I hate to admit it) lonely life.
I never stopped to think of you
I'm always wrapped up in
Things I cannot win
I pushed her away. I'll admit that. My medical decision was correct. I knew what I was doing. And yet I limp and take pain medication. Those facts always confuse me, but one fact that I will simply never get passed is my feeling of guilt. Yeah, I know I know, I was right and all, but I was wrapped up in the fact that I was right. Since I couldn't get the part of my right leg muscle back, I decided I would have a miserable life and push away the person to blame, forever.
You are the antidote that gets me by
Something strong
Like a drug that gets me high
It's kind of sad actually when I think about it. I rely on drugs now, Vicodin preferably. Before the leg, all I would need to get through the day was an interesting case, a sandwich, a long jog, and kiss when I walked into the apartment. A kiss that could make me forget any stress or problems I had during the day. I would be able to look into her eyes, whisper her name...Stacy..., and the pains of the day were gone, for a while at least. Now look what I have to take away my pain, a pill or pills.
What I really meant to say
Is I'm sorry for the way I am
I never meant to be so cold
I really wanted to say "no stay, I need you." Right, like that was going to happen. I let her walk out the door and out of my life. Why couldn't I just say I'm sorry. I guess I couldn't say it because at that time I blamed her for absolutely everything. I told her, "I hate you." But,... I'm sorry. (Wow, I can say it.)
To you I'm sorry about all the lies
Maybe in a different light
You could see me stand on my own again
I lied when I said I hated her. I was tired of her seeing my vulnerable. If I could only stand and walk like I used to. I would show her then. I would be able to walk up to her, walk not limp, and say" look at me, I'm the same Greg." I don't need help. I don't need someone looking after me.
I never really wanted you to see
The screwed up side of me that I keep
Locked inside of me so deep
It always seems to get to me
You knew I kept a lot of stuff to myself. Even before the leg. I explained briefly about my childhood and things, but what I told you was more than I ever told anyone else. I didn't need you to know more. I could deal by myself. I don't want help. After the leg, at first I didn't tell her I blamed her. I sensed her guilt, but kept the resentment to myself. She says she saved my life, but technically if you look at me, I died anyway. And eventually, the anger became to much to handle.
I never really wanted you to go
So many things you should have known
I regret what happened to my leg and to us. I really just wanted her, Stacy, to know that I'm sorry.
I guess for me there's just no hope
I never meant to be so cold
It's too late now though. The past is gone and here I am lonely in the present. That's how I like it. I push and test people until they have had enough, and they eventually learn not to even bother me. Though I think sometimes how things might have been different. If Stacy would have trusted my judgment or if I could have just told her something before she walked out the door,...I love you.