I sat quietly by his bed, tears trailing silently down my flushed cheeks. The sterile, antiseptic smell of the room forced its way into my mouth and nose, almost making me gag. The emptiness and solitude of the room was deafening. I could've sworn my ears were starting to ring as I listened to the constant beep by his bedside. Four years. Four years I'd been sitting by Gilbert's bedside, waiting for him to wake up. All the scratches had healed. All the internal wounds were patched and working. He just had to wake up now. It was simple. All he had to do was open his eyes.
"Please Gil… please, just wake up. We need you, all of us," I whispered, taking hold of his warm fingers that lay completely still on the stiff, white sheets of his bed. "I need you." I closed my eyes and whimpered softly. I reached up to his upper arm and traced the outline of burned skin where a tattoo used to be. I reached up behind my ear and fingered the place where my exact same tattoo was imprinted. I tried to even my breathing as I let my mind wander back, so far back to when things were so much simpler. The summer heat, the ridiculously loud music, the intense, burning passion.
Summer after high school when we first met. We make out in your Mustang to Radiohead and on my 18th Birthday, we got matching tattoos.
"Ugh!" I groaned, slamming my hands on the sides of the open hood. I over looked everything twice and I couldn't find anything the matter with it. "Damn it!" I dropped my head and wiped sweat from my forehead. Last day of high school and I couldn't even get out of the freaking parking lot.
"Vhoa. Language frau." I turned around, ready to snap at anyone right about now. My words caught in my throat as I stared at the man though. He had white, almost silvery hair that I immediately wanted to touch. He was pale, paler than any person I'd ever seen. His eyes, however, were a startling, blood red. They held a sparkling mirth as he watched me struggle with my engine.
"I can say whatever I please," I retorted, suddenly not wanting to argue and get on the guy's bad side. The albino snorted and walked up to me.
"Mind if I take a look?" he asked, his thick accent washing over me and making me shudder slightly. I shook my head and motioned for him to go ahead. He twisted and turned trying to look at the engine and everything else before walking to the driver's side and turning the key. After two failed attempts he came back and crossed his arms. "You need a jump start. Vanna use my car?" he asked. I raised an eyebrow but decided not to refuse the offer.
"Sure, thank you," I said, watching him smirk.
"Alvight. Just sit tight und I'll be vight back." He turned tail and took off in what I guess was the direction of his car. I huffed and leaned against the hot side of my car. It didn't take too long and the cocky albino was driving up in a dark, midnight blue mustang. I raised my eyebrows as he jumped out of the car.
"This is your car?" I asked disbelieving. He let out a strange laugh and nodded enthusiastically.
"Ja, sure is," he replied. I rolled my eyes and popped the trunk of my car. I pulled out a pair of jumper cables and hooked them up to my battery. "You know how to jump start a car?" he asked, clearly impressed, taking the other ends of the cables. I nodded and watched him hook up his own battery and engine.
"Okay, go ahead." I said. He leaned over his door into the driver's seat and turned the key, starting my engine. I smiled in relief and turn to look at it. "Yes! Oh my gosh, thank you!" I didn't realize what I was doing until my arms were around his neck. My eyes widened and I jumped back. "Oh… I'm sorry," I muttered, looking down at my fingers. He chuckled and tilted my chin up.
"Kesese, vant to come over zis afternoon?" he asked, raising a thin, silver eyebrow. It was the beginning of summer, I had nothing better to do.
"Sure, why not?" He grinned and jumped on the spot.
"Awesome! Here's my address, be zere at six, 'kay?" he instructed, writing down his street address and cell phone number.
"Bruder!" the silverette spun around and I looked up to see a tall, muscular man walking up to us. "Ve've got to go," he said, opening up the mustang's passenger side and sticking one leg in. The albino rolled his eyes and pulled the clamps off his battery and engine.
"Ja, ja. Vhatever. Oh, ze name's Gilbert, by ze vay. Ze unawesome one in my car is my younger bruder, Ludvig. Okay, I'll see you at six!" He waved and tossed the jumper cables to me before he jumped into his car. I waved back, a stunned look on my face. I shook my head and looked down at the paper in my hand and grinned
"Mmm, Gil," I breathed heavily against the albino's mouth. Radiohead was simply background noise compared to the heavenly moans coming from Gilbert's throat. He captured my lips again, pushing me back down onto the seat. I giggled as he straddled my hips and pressed hot, burning kisses against my throat, jaw and mouth.
"_-_," he groaned softly, running his fingers through my hair. I cupped his face and kissed him deeply. A thought struck me as his lips once again wandered from mine.
"G-Gilbert," I stammered, nervous enough as it was. He hummed against my shoulder and looked up when I didn't say anything.
"Liebe?" he asked, watching my eyes dart from him to my fingers. I finally looked him in the eye and took a deep breath.
"I'm eighteen today," I said quietly. Gilbert nodded, waiting for me to continue. "Can… can we get matching tattoos?" I asked, biting my lip.
"Kesese! Ja! Zat's an awesome idea! Vant to go now?!" he asked excitedly. I smiled and nodded my head. My heart was still pounding in my chest at the prospect of actually getting my skin inked. "Come on Frau!" We drove to the tattoo parlor and waited. We had to think about what we wanted to get before finally coming to a decision. An iron cross. I wanted something that would always remind me of the Prussian and Gilbert was all for something that represented his home country.
"I'm nervous Gil," I muttered as we walked into the back room. He squeezed my hand and grinned.
"You can do zis _(n/n)_, you're ze toughest girl I know. You got zis," he said, pressing a kiss to my forehead. I nodded and took my seat. Gilbert held my hand the entire time and I held his. Soon enough we both had tattoos of the iron cross forever imprinted into our skin./i
Used to steal your parents' liquor and climb to the roof. Talk about our future like we had a clue. Never planned that one day I'd be losing you.
"Shh, c'mon _(n/n)_." I held two beers in my hands as Gilbert walked hurriedly in front of me with two of his own. He handed the bottles to me as he pulled a string attached to a pull down stairway leading up to the attic. "Up zis way," he said, taking the beers back. I followed him up and tugged the steps back into place. He led me over to a window and set his bottles down while he climbed up and out the stuffy, musty room.
"Gil?" I asked, poking my head out and looking up. He was grinning stupidly at me and I rolled my eyes. "Here, take these," I said, handing up the beer. He took them and set them down and turned to help me up. I clambered up and leaned back against the quickly cooling shingles of the roof. "You come up here a lot?" I asked, looking over to the albino. He grinned and nodded his head.
"Ja. I come up here a lot vhen I need to zink," he replied, opening one of the beers with a hiss. I smiled as he passed me the bottle and opened his own. He lay back next to me, taking a long pull from the bottle. "Frau," he said softly as we watched the sun slowly sink below the tree line. I looked up slightly and cocked an eyebrow.
"Yea Gil?" He took a deep breath and looked up at the darkening sky.
"Vhat do vant to do vhen ze summer ends?" he asked curiously, his eyes never leaving the trees above us. I bit my lip as I thought about the question.
"I'd like to be an animation designer. I love art and graphic programs almost more than anything else," I said, resting an arm behind my head and taking a swig of beer. Gilbert finally looked over at me, a confused look on his face.
"Almost?" he asked. I smiled and allowed my face to flush.
"Mhm," I replied nodding, scooting closer to him. "I love you much more. Whatever future I have, I want you in it," I murmured, leaning over him. He smiled and leaned up to kiss me softly.
"I vouldn't vant it any ozer vay, I'll be here for you no matter vhat," he said, pulling me against his side as he downed the rest of his beer. I took another sip, looking up at the sky. "Do you vant kids?" I was caught by surprise at the question but nodded.
"Yea, I'd like to have kids," I said, "especially if they're yours." He snorted and laughed, wrapping an arm around my waist.
"Kesese, zey'll almost be as awesome as me," he stated matter-of-factly. "Ve'll live in a huge house viz a pool und plenty of rooms, and all sorts of stuff." I laughed at the Prussian and he looked down at my. "Vhat?!"
"Nothing Gil. I love you," I crooned, leaning up to press a kiss to his pale lips. He grinned and kissed me sweetly.
"Ich liebe dich auch."
In another life, I would be your girl. We'd keep all our promises, be us against the world. In another life I would make you stay, so I don't have to say you were the one that got away. The one that got away.
I dropped my head in my hands, trying to control the sobs wanting to escape my throat. I grabbed the locket dangling low around my neck and opened it. I smiled at the old picture. It was that same summer and Gilbert's mother had insisted on a picture for something, I honestly couldn't remember what for the life of me. I'd loved the photo so much I'd cut it and stuck in my locket.
Gilbert's breathe deepened for a moment and I looked up hopefully. His chest continued its normal pattern of up, down, up, down. The heart monitor continued its droning beeping beside me, letting me know his heart was still working. Tears welled in my eyes and I wiped them away roughly. Why couldn't he just wake up? Why had he left us here alone? We needed him. A slow, easy tune played softly in the back of my head as I thought about the music I would listen to at home while I wasn't in the hospital. It helped ease the hurt just a little; kept the pain back for a bit.
I was June and you were my Johnny Cash. Never one without the other, we made a pact. Sometimes when I miss you, I put those records on (Whoa). Someone said you had your tattoo removed; saw you downtown singing the Blues. It's time to face the music, I'm no longer your muse.
"Fine then! Why don't you just leave!?" I shouted, tears threatening to spill from my eyes. Gilbert growled and spun to face me. I almost cowered beneath the furious blood gaze but held my ground.
"Fien (Fine!)! I vill. Und I'm not coming back!" he shouted. He was having to fight back his own tears, but he wouldn't show it. He didn't even bother packing anything; he simply walked out the door and slammed it behind him. I dropped to the ground, my knees unable to hold me up any longer. I sobbed into my hands, my shoulders shaking as I cried.
"Why?" I whimpered, the ache in my chest growing to a full crescendo. "Why!?" I screamed loudly, trying to ease the pain throbbing and gnawing away at my chest. I nearly choked as I continued to cry, keeled over, practically face first in the carpet. I couldn't even drag myself to bed I hurt so much. I don't think I even fell asleep. I passed out on the floor, waking up late the next morning to a cold, empty, uninviting house.
"You know, I noticed that Gilbert got that tattoo of his removed."
"The one on his upper arm? The Iron Cross?"
"Mhm, that's the one. And I even saw him at the bar the other day. The poor guy just looks so lonely and upset." I squeezed my eyes shut as I listened to two women gossiping over the Prussian. I forced back the tears as I grabbed the box off the shelf and walked back to the check-out counter.
"Will this be all then?" the younger girl asked. I looked up tiredly and nodded. She scrunched her eyebrows together for a moment before giving me a small smile. She walked out from behind the counter and pulled me into a hug. My eyes widened for a moment before I hugged back.
"Thank you," I whispered, wiping tears out from under my eyes. She pulled back and walked back to the register.
"You looked like you could use a hug," she replied, scanning the item. I gave an actual smile, small, but still genuine. It almost hurt me to do it; I hadn't used the muscles in so long. "I hope your day gets better hun. I'll be here all week if you need another one." I nodded my head, thanking her as I walked out of the store.
I made my way back home slowly, honestly not wanting to know the answer to the question I had. I entered the small apartment door and walked straight to the bathroom. I had to wait five minutes before I knew my answer even though I was almost positive of the what it was already. I sighed and nodded my head as I looked at the test. Yep, I was pregnant. I glanced at my phone that was sitting on the sink and swallowed.
"You said you'd always be there Gilbert. You promised," I whispered, grabbing my cell phone and dialing his number. I stared at it for a moment before hitting the call button. I honestly wasn't expecting him to pick up, so when I heard his voice on the other line, my heart soared and I realized just how much I'd missed him.
"_?" he asked confusedly, sounding tired and half drunk. I gulped in a deep breath before shakily speaking into the phone.
"Gil… I need you… we need you," I said, placing a hand over my stomach. I could hear the gears turning in the Prussians head.
"Ve?" he inquired curiously. I nodded my head, realizing right after he could see it.
"Yea, we Gil. I'm pregnant." I was met with complete silence for nearly five minutes before I spoke softly into the receiver. "Gilbert?"
"S-schwanger (p-pregnant)?" he asked. I winced and breathed in sharply at his tone. "Are you at ze house?"
"Y-yea." I looked around the small bathroom helpless. I could feel more tears running down my cheeks as I imagined seeing him and having him hold me.
"I'll be vight over, don't go anyvere." He hung up after that and left me sitting there, stunned and wide eyed. He… he was coming. He was coming back… but I should've known it was too good to hope for.
But in another life I would be your girl. We'd keep all our promises; be us against the world. In another life I would make you stay so I don't have to say you were the one that got away. The one that got away. The o-o-o-o-o-one, the o-o-o-o-o-one, the o-o-o-o-o-one
The one that got away.
I sobbed silently, holding Gilbert's warm hand against my forehead as I cried. It brought little comfort as I thought back to that night. The smoke, the metal, the thought of not having seen him one last time. I'd been waiting on him, getting a glass of milk as I waiting for him to show up. I'd heard a loud crash a little bit down the road and hurried out of the house.
I saw smoke and flames a ways down, lighting up the quickly darkening sky. My heart clenched as I ran down the road, faster than any of the others making their way towards the scene. I recognized Gilbert's midnight blue Mustang against the orange flames. I ran down and barely managed to pull him out of the wreckage. I thought he was dead, never to open his eyes again, but the paramedics came and they said he was alive, just unconscious. They were wrong. He was in a coma now, lying practically lifeless in a hospital room.
"Gilbert," I cried, weeping softly into the cool, cotton sheets of the hospital bed. My thoughts kept wandering, never sitting still. I thought about the last thing I'd said to him in person. I wish I could've told him how much I loved. I wish I'd begged him to stay and that I didn't mean it any of it. I loved him… "I love you… Fran loves you… your brother and your friends love you. Why won't you come back?" I pleaded, trying to will his eyes open. "Please Gil… please."
All this money can't buy me a time machine (Nooooo) Can't replace you with a million rings. (Nooooo) I should've told you what you meant to me (Whoa) 'cause now I pay the price. In another life I would be your girl. We'd keep all our promises; be us against the world. In another life I would make you stay, so I don't have to say you were the one that got away. The one that got away. The o-o-o-o-o-one, the o-o-o-o-o-one, the o-o-o-o-o-one.
I looked up as the door to Gilbert's room opened. A tall man with slicked back blonde hair and broad shoulders walked in, carrying a small child on his hip. She had long, hip length white hair that looked almost silver. Sweet, soft _(e/c)_ eyes looked around innocently as she clung to her uncle and her pale white skin stood out against her brown shirt and dark pants.
"Mama," she said softly, pulling away from Ludwig's chest. I wiped my eyes as I walked over to the pair. She held her arms out to me and I took her from the German's arms.
"Thanks Lud," I murmured, nodding to him. He did the same and took a seat close to me. "How was your day sweetie?" I asked Fran softly, playing with her soft hair. She shrugged and moved so she was on her knees.
"It was okay." She cupped my face in her hands, wiping my remaining tears clumsily. "Are you okay?" she asked concernedly. I stifled a whine and nodded.
"Mhm, just a hard day at work," I mumbled, trying to smile up at her. She shook her head and stared at me.
"You miss vatti, don't you?" She may have been four, but she was just as smart as he father. I nodded slowly and she wrapped her thin arms around my neck. "You can cry mutti. It's okay." I broke at those words. I wrapped my arms around my little girl's small form and cried. She simply held onto my as I cried and wept into her shoulder. I shouldn't have been crying onto a little four year old, but I couldn't be the strong woman I wanted to be anymore.
"I'm s-sorry honey," I whispered, pulling back and kissing her nose. Fran smiled up at me and kissed my cheek.
"It's okay mutti. Can I lay next to vatti?" she asked, looking back to Gilbert. I nodded and she crawled off my lap and onto the hospital bed. She curled up next to her father's side and closed her eyes, completely at ease with the man she'd yet to meet.
"_." I looked up and saw Ludwig having to hold back tears of his own. His brother may have been a pain in the butt and a lot to handle sometime, but he still missed him.
"Come here Lud," I said and pulled the strong, bulky German into a hug. He shook silently as he cried. He'd had to go without the cocky albino just as long as I had. I'd had Ludwig there ever minute that Gilbert couldn't be there. He'd helped me through the pregnancy and raising Fran.
He pulled back slowly, wiping his eyes and trying to rub the redness from his cheeks. I sighed softly and rested a hand on his shoulder. He gave a small, shaky grin and kissed my forehead.
"Vhat a pair ve make, hm?" he said, a small smirk playing on his lips. I managed a small laugh and nodded.
"You got that right," I replied. I was about to try and say something else when Gilbert's heart rate spiked slightly. I looked over and saw him stirring. "Fran, come here hun." She crawled back over and plopped into my lap. Gilbert groaned and raised an arm weakly to cover his eyes.
"Vhere ze hell am I?" he moaned, lifting his arm and cracking open one eye. My jaw dropped as I watched his restricted movements. He looked around blearily, trying to find what was holding back his movements, and realizing it was his IV tube, he immediately yanked it out.
"Gil!" I cried, handing Fran to Ludwig and landing against my boyfriend. He 'oompfed' with the impact but wrapped his arms around me none the less.
"Hey zere _(n/n)_, you alvight?" he asked, reaching up to cup my cheek. I looked into those bright, ruby red eyes and choked on the sudden flood of tears.
"Yes. Yes I am." And with no further explanation, I kissed him. I heard his heart rate spike and tangled my fingers in his soft, white hair. "Gil," I murmured, pulling back and breathing heavily, "there's someone I want you to meet." The albino cocked an eyebrow and finally looked behind me.
"Vest!" he cried before spotting the little girl in the his brother's lap. "_-_, she looks like me," he stammered, his eyes flitting between me and our child.
"Gil, do you remember the last thing I told you before you crashed?" I asked, running a hand down his pale cheek. His eyes widened a moment before he clutched at his head.
"Mein Gott. Z-ze crash. You. I vas rushing because y-you told me you vere…" he trailed off, letting his eyes wander back towards his little look alike. I turned to look at Fran and saw her smiling shyly at Gilbert. "Is… is she…" I giggled and nodded happily.
"Come here Fran, I think your daddy wants to meet you," I said, holding out my hand. She grinned widely and practically jumped off Ludwig's lap and clambered onto the bed and right into her father's lap.
"Hi vatti!" she excitedly, beaming up at her father. Gilbert's bright red eyes widened even more and he couldn't help the grin that spread across his lips.
"Hi zere little one, and vhat's your name?" he asked, sitting up so he could look at her better. She giggled, something that sounded distinctly like her father's laugh .
"Fran Beilschmidt!" she replied happily, and, unable to contain herself, threw her arms around the albino's neck. The force pushed him back into his pillows and he laughed loudly. Ludwig smiled and stood up, walking over to his older brother.
"Gilbert," he said, smiling widely as he watched his brother and niece finally meet. The Prussian looked up, his eyed glistening with unshed tears.
"Lud," he choked, holding Fran in one arm and reaching out to Ludwig with the other. His younger brother pulled both silverettes into a huge hug, trying not to cry again.
"I missed you bruder," Ludwig mumbled as he pulled back. Gilbert grinned and patted the German on the shoulder.
"Looks like I've got a lot of catching up to do huh?" he said, looking between the three of us. I laughed and hugged Gilbert, once again pressing my lips eagerly to his.
"Gilbert Beilschmidt, I swear if you ever do anything that stupid again I'll kill you myself," I muttered, pulling away and resting my forehead against his. He chuckled and cupped my cheek, rubbing his index finger against the tattoo behind my ear. I smiled and clutched his wrist.
"Yes ma'am," he whispered, bumping noses with me. "I'll have to get zat tattoo vedone," he murmured remorsefully. "Ich hätte nie losgeworden es in den ersten Platz haben (I should never have gotten rid of it in the first place)." I smiled and let a few tears fall.
"I love you Gilbert Beilschmidt. I love you so much," I mumbled, my lips quivering as I looked down to my hands.
"I loved you even after I left, vhich I shouldn't have done. Can you ever forgive me?" I nodded my head, pressing my shaky lips to his.
"I already have," I whispered, looking from him to Fran and running a hand through her hair. "We both have, haven't we?" She nodded vigorously and kissed Gilbert's cheek. He let a single tear fall before he kissed my forehead.
"Ich liebe dich _. Ich liebe dich so sehr (I love you. I love you so much)," he said tenderly and I smiled. I finally had him back. After four long, heart wrenching years… he was back.
In another life I would make you stay so I don't have to say you were the one that got away. The one that got away.